Observations from April 25, 2012
Here are some thoughts about some of the events that I happened yesterday that I can think of:
- To start the day at work, I walked into an area to pick up some blood for processing. As I walked in the room, a woman yelled from a like 10 yards away, "Excuse me, sir! Watch out for that puddle!" I sometimes still get read as a male by people, and I am not sure why sometimes. I definitely hurts my confidence in myself.
- About an hour later, someone from another lab that I occasionally work with, she called me Garrett once or twice on the phone before realizing her mistake, which she has been good about calling Brenna before then. That was the first time she slipped I think.
- We met Yumi's family for dinner at the new Olive Garden here. That was the second time that I have met her parents, which the first time I met them well over 6 months ago as a male. I was stressed that they would recognize me. Yumi's mom eventually did ask Nicole about what happened to her boy roommate that she had. She said that he is gone now.
- One of Yumi's mom's first comments to me after seeing her was that I was tall. She said that I should be a model because I am tall. It was a flattering for her to kind of insinuate that I should be a model, even though I know it was just a very kind and extremely generous comment. Still kind of weird for anyone at anytime to put the words of model and me in the same sentence, even though it was more of a comment about my height than my (lack of) good physical features.
- It is difficult to have conversation with someone when neither person can communicate directly with the other one. I normally would talk some with my dinner host (Yumi's mom in this case) if I felt like I could effectively, but admittedly, I felt awkward about it. That, and I was self-conscious and did my best to not be read as a male. Overall, she was pleasant that evening.
- We went to Kohl's after dinner to do some shopping for a bit. Yumi went to Sports Authority before walking over to Kohl's for a bit to check their clearance stuff. Looked like a cute (sleeve-less I think?) golf polo she bought for cheap. Nicole had a coupon that was about to expire, which she seemed to be more interested in finding a skirt and/or a dress.
I will say that a few months ago, I realized that I did not find clothes buying that enjoyable anymore by myself. I realized that I enjoyed going with my friends to help pick and critique their clothing as well as watching them try that cute stuff on. They both look pretty good in almost anything they try on, so it is fun to see how they look in different clothes and help them pick out some cute clothes. I realized that I really needed some opinions on some clothes buying, as well as having friends to share the fun with. The shame is that we have not gone clothes shopping together that often. I do enjoy it almost it every time we do shop though, even when it is short lived.
Nicole ended up picking a nice black skirt to wear for places like work. She said that she liked how flowy it is. Nicole also tried on a couple of dresses and a pretty sparkly top, but the dress that looked best on her was this long, casual blue dress which looked good on her and comfortable too.
- While I was there at Kohl's and looking at clothes with them, I tried to spot a few clothing items that I liked. I have been really wanting to buy a dress lately. I don't really have a dress. I always wanted to own a nice dress that I could occasionally wear. I tried on a few things, which I only spotted 2 dresses that I liked enough in the brief time we were there. One of them was nice, strapless and shoulderless, mid-skirt, light blue dress ( http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/juniors/dresses/PRD~1010867/Weavers+Girl+HiLow+Ruffle+Dress.jsp). The biggest problem was that my broad shoulders looked huge in it and also the upper torso part was pretty loose (it would slip down my chest if I was not careful). It was definitely meant for a girl with bigger boobs to help hold it up it seems. Yumi said jokingly that I looked like a hussy in this dress, heh. The other dress was alright but looked bad on me too (http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/juniors/dresses/PRD~1010864/Mudd+Crochet+HiLow+Maxi+Dress.jsp). I also did not like how it displays the body. Sadly, both dresses did not look very good on me.
I was a little disappointed that I did not get a dress that I looked okay on me while there, especially since I don't get to shop for clothes much with my friends Nicole and Yumi. I felt a little depressed because I wasted that opportunity to shop clothes for myself when I was with my friends while they found nice clothes for themselves. I was feeling a little down about my body as well after trying on those dresses (and some of other stuff that made me dislike myself). It was starting to get a bit late too (we wanted to watch Iron Man again before The Avengers comes out next week), and I didn't want to waste any more of our time together just so I maybe could find something that may look okay on me.
As Yumi said to me as I was trying on one of the dresses, she said that I should try to find a dress that makes me say "Damn!" ( but in a good way) when I see it on me. I agree. I want a dress that makes me feel good about myself. I want to find a dress that helps me feel feminine because I struggle with that a lot. I guess part of my problem is that I still have trouble seeing myself in a positive way too. However, Yumi and I both agreed though that the dresses that I tried on did not fit me well and did not look good on me. Maybe I can find a dress next time we shop together in the future someday.
- To start the day at work, I walked into an area to pick up some blood for processing. As I walked in the room, a woman yelled from a like 10 yards away, "Excuse me, sir! Watch out for that puddle!" I sometimes still get read as a male by people, and I am not sure why sometimes. I definitely hurts my confidence in myself.
- About an hour later, someone from another lab that I occasionally work with, she called me Garrett once or twice on the phone before realizing her mistake, which she has been good about calling Brenna before then. That was the first time she slipped I think.
- We met Yumi's family for dinner at the new Olive Garden here. That was the second time that I have met her parents, which the first time I met them well over 6 months ago as a male. I was stressed that they would recognize me. Yumi's mom eventually did ask Nicole about what happened to her boy roommate that she had. She said that he is gone now.
- One of Yumi's mom's first comments to me after seeing her was that I was tall. She said that I should be a model because I am tall. It was a flattering for her to kind of insinuate that I should be a model, even though I know it was just a very kind and extremely generous comment. Still kind of weird for anyone at anytime to put the words of model and me in the same sentence, even though it was more of a comment about my height than my (lack of) good physical features.
- It is difficult to have conversation with someone when neither person can communicate directly with the other one. I normally would talk some with my dinner host (Yumi's mom in this case) if I felt like I could effectively, but admittedly, I felt awkward about it. That, and I was self-conscious and did my best to not be read as a male. Overall, she was pleasant that evening.
- We went to Kohl's after dinner to do some shopping for a bit. Yumi went to Sports Authority before walking over to Kohl's for a bit to check their clearance stuff. Looked like a cute (sleeve-less I think?) golf polo she bought for cheap. Nicole had a coupon that was about to expire, which she seemed to be more interested in finding a skirt and/or a dress.
I will say that a few months ago, I realized that I did not find clothes buying that enjoyable anymore by myself. I realized that I enjoyed going with my friends to help pick and critique their clothing as well as watching them try that cute stuff on. They both look pretty good in almost anything they try on, so it is fun to see how they look in different clothes and help them pick out some cute clothes. I realized that I really needed some opinions on some clothes buying, as well as having friends to share the fun with. The shame is that we have not gone clothes shopping together that often. I do enjoy it almost it every time we do shop though, even when it is short lived.
Nicole ended up picking a nice black skirt to wear for places like work. She said that she liked how flowy it is. Nicole also tried on a couple of dresses and a pretty sparkly top, but the dress that looked best on her was this long, casual blue dress which looked good on her and comfortable too.
- While I was there at Kohl's and looking at clothes with them, I tried to spot a few clothing items that I liked. I have been really wanting to buy a dress lately. I don't really have a dress. I always wanted to own a nice dress that I could occasionally wear. I tried on a few things, which I only spotted 2 dresses that I liked enough in the brief time we were there. One of them was nice, strapless and shoulderless, mid-skirt, light blue dress ( http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/juniors/dresses/PRD~1010867/Weavers+Girl+HiLow+Ruffle+Dress.jsp). The biggest problem was that my broad shoulders looked huge in it and also the upper torso part was pretty loose (it would slip down my chest if I was not careful). It was definitely meant for a girl with bigger boobs to help hold it up it seems. Yumi said jokingly that I looked like a hussy in this dress, heh. The other dress was alright but looked bad on me too (http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/juniors/dresses/PRD~1010864/Mudd+Crochet+HiLow+Maxi+Dress.jsp). I also did not like how it displays the body. Sadly, both dresses did not look very good on me.
I was a little disappointed that I did not get a dress that I looked okay on me while there, especially since I don't get to shop for clothes much with my friends Nicole and Yumi. I felt a little depressed because I wasted that opportunity to shop clothes for myself when I was with my friends while they found nice clothes for themselves. I was feeling a little down about my body as well after trying on those dresses (and some of other stuff that made me dislike myself). It was starting to get a bit late too (we wanted to watch Iron Man again before The Avengers comes out next week), and I didn't want to waste any more of our time together just so I maybe could find something that may look okay on me.
As Yumi said to me as I was trying on one of the dresses, she said that I should try to find a dress that makes me say "Damn!" ( but in a good way) when I see it on me. I agree. I want a dress that makes me feel good about myself. I want to find a dress that helps me feel feminine because I struggle with that a lot. I guess part of my problem is that I still have trouble seeing myself in a positive way too. However, Yumi and I both agreed though that the dresses that I tried on did not fit me well and did not look good on me. Maybe I can find a dress next time we shop together in the future someday.