(no subject)
Title: I love you, bastard.
Author: Ohimechan
Pairing: Ryouchi
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Notes: First one-shot in the longest time ever. I don't even know why, I'm not so proud of it actually. Haha. No one beta-read this either, sucks. ;( Anyway. I wanted to write something by myself even though I'm not good at it. So yay here it is.
Trying to understand, I try so hard to understand every single word you said. The words that echo in my head and I try over and over to make sense out of it. But no matter how hard I try it just won't work, I just can't for the life of me, make sense out of these words. You do realize you've made me cry a litre of tears, don't you?
You told me a reason, I know you did. Even so I can't remember it and I don't know how to deal with it. You do realize you're my everything, don't you? That since the first moment I saw you, the first words we spoke - ever since then I looked up to you. That no matter what you said I couldn't help but like it. It made me somewhat warm inside. Even if it was just a short hello, at least you took notice in me. You noticed that I was there and that was enough. It was enough for a while, for a while that turned out to be a few years and I thought it would last forever.
When did I do something wrong? Because it surely has to be because of me that you decided to move on, right? I can change! I know I can and if it's for you, you know I'd do it. If I'd talk to any of my other friends they'd call me desperate. I don't think so. I'm crying and I miss you. I miss your words and I want to hear them more often, is that called being desperate? I just love you so much. Why can't you love me like you used to?
Did I hurt you that bad with my mistake? I know I did a mistake, I know I would have to take a hard punishment for it and I know that no matter what happens people will always remember. You will remember too but back then you said it was okay. You said it was okay and that's why I thought it was okay too. That everyone makes mistakes. Even you makes mistakes. I would like to think that this is a mistake too, that you didn't mean to break up with me for real, or did you? Were you just pulling one of your really mean and lame jokes? If so this is enough, I'm fine. I can't take it any longer, please tell me you're joking?
But you're not are you? No you aren't and I don't know how to deal with it. I thought we were happy together, you know. I thought we were happy even though you were all busy and that day when you called me and said that you wanted to see me - I thought you were going to say that you had missed me. I had missed you. I still miss you. You don't miss me do you?
My friend says I should hate you, I want to hate you. People usually hate when they are being dumped don't they? I wish I could hate you. I want to hate you hate you hate you hate you. But every time I tell myself I should do so I end up loving you more. Why don't you want me anymore? Will it change next year? Will it change when I get back to be on stage, when we will have to spend time together, will you come to love me again?
I hope so. I want you to love me. Maybe by then I will have stopped loving you and I can tell you no. I want you to feel this pain I'm feeling right now. At the same time I want nothing more but to have you here next to me. Why am I being so mean? I think you taught me bad.
Bastard.
Author: Ohimechan
Pairing: Ryouchi
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Notes: First one-shot in the longest time ever. I don't even know why, I'm not so proud of it actually. Haha. No one beta-read this either, sucks. ;( Anyway. I wanted to write something by myself even though I'm not good at it. So yay here it is.
Trying to understand, I try so hard to understand every single word you said. The words that echo in my head and I try over and over to make sense out of it. But no matter how hard I try it just won't work, I just can't for the life of me, make sense out of these words. You do realize you've made me cry a litre of tears, don't you?
You told me a reason, I know you did. Even so I can't remember it and I don't know how to deal with it. You do realize you're my everything, don't you? That since the first moment I saw you, the first words we spoke - ever since then I looked up to you. That no matter what you said I couldn't help but like it. It made me somewhat warm inside. Even if it was just a short hello, at least you took notice in me. You noticed that I was there and that was enough. It was enough for a while, for a while that turned out to be a few years and I thought it would last forever.
When did I do something wrong? Because it surely has to be because of me that you decided to move on, right? I can change! I know I can and if it's for you, you know I'd do it. If I'd talk to any of my other friends they'd call me desperate. I don't think so. I'm crying and I miss you. I miss your words and I want to hear them more often, is that called being desperate? I just love you so much. Why can't you love me like you used to?
Did I hurt you that bad with my mistake? I know I did a mistake, I know I would have to take a hard punishment for it and I know that no matter what happens people will always remember. You will remember too but back then you said it was okay. You said it was okay and that's why I thought it was okay too. That everyone makes mistakes. Even you makes mistakes. I would like to think that this is a mistake too, that you didn't mean to break up with me for real, or did you? Were you just pulling one of your really mean and lame jokes? If so this is enough, I'm fine. I can't take it any longer, please tell me you're joking?
But you're not are you? No you aren't and I don't know how to deal with it. I thought we were happy together, you know. I thought we were happy even though you were all busy and that day when you called me and said that you wanted to see me - I thought you were going to say that you had missed me. I had missed you. I still miss you. You don't miss me do you?
My friend says I should hate you, I want to hate you. People usually hate when they are being dumped don't they? I wish I could hate you. I want to hate you hate you hate you hate you. But every time I tell myself I should do so I end up loving you more. Why don't you want me anymore? Will it change next year? Will it change when I get back to be on stage, when we will have to spend time together, will you come to love me again?
I hope so. I want you to love me. Maybe by then I will have stopped loving you and I can tell you no. I want you to feel this pain I'm feeling right now. At the same time I want nothing more but to have you here next to me. Why am I being so mean? I think you taught me bad.
Bastard.