So Mary fell asleep on the couch and I just tried to wake up so she could go to bed. She got really, really pissed/flustered and said "it doesn't affect your ratings! The frequent flier plan doesn't count!" and then proceeded to fall back asleep. lol.
Megan returns Mom's cellphone to her. Mom: Why didn't you plug it in to charge? Megan: Because the only thing on my mind right now is urination. Mom: Is that when Jimmy Urine becomes the president?