april 26th, 2007; 5:25pm
it seems like so long since i've written that i pretty much disgust myself. but really, its only been like ten days...it seems like so much longer.
i guess i need to update on what's happened since i last wrote anything in here.
on tuesday (the 17th) afterschool my mom drove me to urban outfitters to meet up with max there. then we noticed that neither of us had a lighter so we went to gentle ben's and we got their last book of matches. then we walked to this little grassy knoll in front of some college services building and smoked a couple of hits and shared a cigarette until some weird black girls came out of the building and they just stood there while they complained about how their answer documents had been lost or something; we decided to go somewhere else.
we walked for a little bit until we saw the glorious church lawn that looked just way too inviting to pass up. so we sat on the lawn and smoked a whole lot more, i can't really remember how much. there were some really old ladies that were standing around chatting it up but they probably thought we were having a cigarette while playing a silent kazoo since we were using a pipe.
then we were just kind of relaxing on the lawn, kind of taking it all in, when max was like ehhh what do you want to do, do you want to go somewhere, etc. me, being as indecisive and daydreamy as i am, just kind of sat there like a lump, so he was just like "oh fuck it" (in his head) and put his arm around me and pulled me towards him like he later told me had wanted to in the first place. then, well, we were kissing and laying on the grass and it was the most amazing thing ever. then he was like yeeeahh let's find someplace more private.
so then we were walking and holding hands for what seemed like a couple hours. we were walking down university and i swear that i thought everyone walking towards our direction looked just like people that go to my school, but just at the last moment i would discover that i was horribly mistaken and the person really looked nothing like who i thought they were.
we stopped once in front of urban outfitters, just to talk about where we might go. and it was interesting. i could barely stand up and it was nearly impossible for me to take anything seriously. max would be talking to me like two feet away and i'd have to keep convincing myself that he was actually there at all. i felt like i was wearing 3-D glasses in a dream. everybody was walking by us and i couldnt really understand why people took things so seriously, and why i couldnt just run around doing whatever i wanted because these people clearly were part of a dream. plus, i would make a motion to move, without really thinking about it as if it were a reflex, and then it would be about fifteen seconds later that i comprehended that yes, i had indeed moved. i kind of thought about walking right into the road since i figured it wouldnt really matter, but luckily i didnt.
so then somewhere along the line max and i started walking again. eventually i noticed that we were actually on the college campus. he was telling me some story about when he went into the psychology building a while ago and tried to go there again but he said that he couldnt never find it again. i told him about ferris mustafa and that how even though he ooks like a depressed toad, he's actually very cool. we made our way to this college building that resembled the inside of a mall, since it had many levels with halls where you could see the lowest level of the place. we went int he elevator and made out and then we started to walk up and down the stairs looking for somewhere to go. i dont even know how long we were doing that for, it seemed like years even though i cant remember what i was thinking or what we were talking about. eventually at the very top of the stairs there was a little dark landing and a little hatch that lead to the roof. we were just there on the dark landing and were fooling around and eventually ended up going all the way. during this, my mom apparently called me so i called her back later and had her pick me up at american apparel. when we got there we were just having fun; i found these heinous metallic stretchy pants that i put on max like a headdress, and we were playing with the manequins and stuff. then my mom picked me up.
everything was perfectly okay...i dont think she noticed my condition and even if she had, i dont think either of us cared. i really wanted to listen o music but i couldnt remember my intentions long enough to choose a song. so i started talking to my mom about how nice max is and about how he is friends with stefen, and then she didnt respond so i was just looking at her and i was thinking that maybe i hadnt actually said anything to her at all and i was just staring at her like a big retard.
then the next day, it was late start so tiana picked me up to go to school...and i definitely still felt high from the day before. it was a little worrysome, but then i didnt care and just enjoyed it. i talked to john about it and he figured that it couldve been laced with pcp or something, since that happened to him once. also, his friend adriana smoked with max's friend natty that also goes to tucson high...and she also felt high the day afterwards. so it was probably the same stuff. its ok though, i definitely enjoyed it.
well, that friday was 4/20 of course. i stayed home from school, thinking that perry would do the same so i could smoke some with him then he could give me a ride to hang out with max. but of course with my luck, perry actually went to school. by the end of the day i was feeling really nauseaus so i coudlnt really do anything that night. i was supposed to go see the performance of the play that gillian wrote, then have her and tiana sleep over but i felt too sick.
the next day, around 1:30ish in the afternoon, i walked over to azp to hang out with tiana, dan, and gillian for a little bit...it was fun and dan got me cigarettes but it was only for an hour until they had to go leave for dan's band's concert.
then at like 12:00 that night i started to get tired so i took a nap, then tiana and gillian came over at like 2:00 so that was pretty fun. we just sat in my room while tiana and i smoked a little and we all just were talking and it was extremely enjoyable.
then on sunday, my dad dropped me off at the el con mall to see a movie with max. we got our tickets then walked behind this desolate wall near the mall to smoke, and when we got up to talk to the movie he grabbed me by my waist to kiss me from behind and it was very cute.
we saw vacancy, and it was kind of dumb but obviously we werent really there for just the movie, plus since i was high the movie was just like behhh. so we fooled around in the movie and stuff, then when it got out we just walked around and went into other movies. it was just kind of random and chill.
then we went to walk around the mall and there was barely anyone there and lots of stores were empty. we found one really long room that was unlocked and empty so we went in there and we had sex, and a cigarette afterwards which really was as nice as people say it is. we were just sitting there with our pants off smoking and it was all very casual, but in a very natural and comfortable and good way.
after sitting there and talking for a while, we wandered into macy's. we took the elevator to the third floor, where we discovered a group of many huge unused rooms. one was filled with a bunch of sofas, another had tables, and one had a ton of matresses and a big papier mache elephant. since we were tired we called max's friend natty to meet us there (they thought it would be the perfect place to have a party sometime) and we got some blankets and pillows we found and took a nap on one of the matresses. i was resting my head on his chest and we cuddled and kissed and he was like, "you're so cute...i cant get enough of you!"
natty called us and said he couldnt find us, and that's because we accidently told him that we were in jcpenney's. but then my mom called to pick me up so we went to the main store, with an indian drum that max found as a gift for natty, but the store was dark and all the doors were locked since it was pretty late. luckily, the janitor let us out so we didnt get locked in.
on tuesday, olivia and i got picked up from school by her friend adrianna because there was this traffic barricade i wanted but couldnt take it on the bus. then once olivia and i got home we went to the wash to smoke, but we only had like one bowl so it was kind of dumb. then perry called and he was being really nice but then when we walked to his car he was being such a dick to us, and tyler of course was just sitting there giggling the whole time since he's a nice kid.
last-last night, i talked to max about our little situation and basically what he thought of us just to see if we were on the same page. he was like yeeah he's fond of our little thing and then asked if i was looking for a relationship. i said i would eventually want that, and for the time being that a more laid-back thing would be more appropriate. then, we were figuring that we already had our in-between stage and that we both already know what we want, that it would make sense to be "together". i dont know if its official, but we basically are. he said that his brother (he's 21 hrmmm) is coming back from vietnam in a week and wants to meet me since max has talked about me. i am honored.
i guess i need to update on what's happened since i last wrote anything in here.
on tuesday (the 17th) afterschool my mom drove me to urban outfitters to meet up with max there. then we noticed that neither of us had a lighter so we went to gentle ben's and we got their last book of matches. then we walked to this little grassy knoll in front of some college services building and smoked a couple of hits and shared a cigarette until some weird black girls came out of the building and they just stood there while they complained about how their answer documents had been lost or something; we decided to go somewhere else.
we walked for a little bit until we saw the glorious church lawn that looked just way too inviting to pass up. so we sat on the lawn and smoked a whole lot more, i can't really remember how much. there were some really old ladies that were standing around chatting it up but they probably thought we were having a cigarette while playing a silent kazoo since we were using a pipe.
then we were just kind of relaxing on the lawn, kind of taking it all in, when max was like ehhh what do you want to do, do you want to go somewhere, etc. me, being as indecisive and daydreamy as i am, just kind of sat there like a lump, so he was just like "oh fuck it" (in his head) and put his arm around me and pulled me towards him like he later told me had wanted to in the first place. then, well, we were kissing and laying on the grass and it was the most amazing thing ever. then he was like yeeeahh let's find someplace more private.
so then we were walking and holding hands for what seemed like a couple hours. we were walking down university and i swear that i thought everyone walking towards our direction looked just like people that go to my school, but just at the last moment i would discover that i was horribly mistaken and the person really looked nothing like who i thought they were.
we stopped once in front of urban outfitters, just to talk about where we might go. and it was interesting. i could barely stand up and it was nearly impossible for me to take anything seriously. max would be talking to me like two feet away and i'd have to keep convincing myself that he was actually there at all. i felt like i was wearing 3-D glasses in a dream. everybody was walking by us and i couldnt really understand why people took things so seriously, and why i couldnt just run around doing whatever i wanted because these people clearly were part of a dream. plus, i would make a motion to move, without really thinking about it as if it were a reflex, and then it would be about fifteen seconds later that i comprehended that yes, i had indeed moved. i kind of thought about walking right into the road since i figured it wouldnt really matter, but luckily i didnt.
so then somewhere along the line max and i started walking again. eventually i noticed that we were actually on the college campus. he was telling me some story about when he went into the psychology building a while ago and tried to go there again but he said that he couldnt never find it again. i told him about ferris mustafa and that how even though he ooks like a depressed toad, he's actually very cool. we made our way to this college building that resembled the inside of a mall, since it had many levels with halls where you could see the lowest level of the place. we went int he elevator and made out and then we started to walk up and down the stairs looking for somewhere to go. i dont even know how long we were doing that for, it seemed like years even though i cant remember what i was thinking or what we were talking about. eventually at the very top of the stairs there was a little dark landing and a little hatch that lead to the roof. we were just there on the dark landing and were fooling around and eventually ended up going all the way. during this, my mom apparently called me so i called her back later and had her pick me up at american apparel. when we got there we were just having fun; i found these heinous metallic stretchy pants that i put on max like a headdress, and we were playing with the manequins and stuff. then my mom picked me up.
everything was perfectly okay...i dont think she noticed my condition and even if she had, i dont think either of us cared. i really wanted to listen o music but i couldnt remember my intentions long enough to choose a song. so i started talking to my mom about how nice max is and about how he is friends with stefen, and then she didnt respond so i was just looking at her and i was thinking that maybe i hadnt actually said anything to her at all and i was just staring at her like a big retard.
then the next day, it was late start so tiana picked me up to go to school...and i definitely still felt high from the day before. it was a little worrysome, but then i didnt care and just enjoyed it. i talked to john about it and he figured that it couldve been laced with pcp or something, since that happened to him once. also, his friend adriana smoked with max's friend natty that also goes to tucson high...and she also felt high the day afterwards. so it was probably the same stuff. its ok though, i definitely enjoyed it.
well, that friday was 4/20 of course. i stayed home from school, thinking that perry would do the same so i could smoke some with him then he could give me a ride to hang out with max. but of course with my luck, perry actually went to school. by the end of the day i was feeling really nauseaus so i coudlnt really do anything that night. i was supposed to go see the performance of the play that gillian wrote, then have her and tiana sleep over but i felt too sick.
the next day, around 1:30ish in the afternoon, i walked over to azp to hang out with tiana, dan, and gillian for a little bit...it was fun and dan got me cigarettes but it was only for an hour until they had to go leave for dan's band's concert.
then at like 12:00 that night i started to get tired so i took a nap, then tiana and gillian came over at like 2:00 so that was pretty fun. we just sat in my room while tiana and i smoked a little and we all just were talking and it was extremely enjoyable.
then on sunday, my dad dropped me off at the el con mall to see a movie with max. we got our tickets then walked behind this desolate wall near the mall to smoke, and when we got up to talk to the movie he grabbed me by my waist to kiss me from behind and it was very cute.
we saw vacancy, and it was kind of dumb but obviously we werent really there for just the movie, plus since i was high the movie was just like behhh. so we fooled around in the movie and stuff, then when it got out we just walked around and went into other movies. it was just kind of random and chill.
then we went to walk around the mall and there was barely anyone there and lots of stores were empty. we found one really long room that was unlocked and empty so we went in there and we had sex, and a cigarette afterwards which really was as nice as people say it is. we were just sitting there with our pants off smoking and it was all very casual, but in a very natural and comfortable and good way.
after sitting there and talking for a while, we wandered into macy's. we took the elevator to the third floor, where we discovered a group of many huge unused rooms. one was filled with a bunch of sofas, another had tables, and one had a ton of matresses and a big papier mache elephant. since we were tired we called max's friend natty to meet us there (they thought it would be the perfect place to have a party sometime) and we got some blankets and pillows we found and took a nap on one of the matresses. i was resting my head on his chest and we cuddled and kissed and he was like, "you're so cute...i cant get enough of you!"
natty called us and said he couldnt find us, and that's because we accidently told him that we were in jcpenney's. but then my mom called to pick me up so we went to the main store, with an indian drum that max found as a gift for natty, but the store was dark and all the doors were locked since it was pretty late. luckily, the janitor let us out so we didnt get locked in.
on tuesday, olivia and i got picked up from school by her friend adrianna because there was this traffic barricade i wanted but couldnt take it on the bus. then once olivia and i got home we went to the wash to smoke, but we only had like one bowl so it was kind of dumb. then perry called and he was being really nice but then when we walked to his car he was being such a dick to us, and tyler of course was just sitting there giggling the whole time since he's a nice kid.
last-last night, i talked to max about our little situation and basically what he thought of us just to see if we were on the same page. he was like yeeah he's fond of our little thing and then asked if i was looking for a relationship. i said i would eventually want that, and for the time being that a more laid-back thing would be more appropriate. then, we were figuring that we already had our in-between stage and that we both already know what we want, that it would make sense to be "together". i dont know if its official, but we basically are. he said that his brother (he's 21 hrmmm) is coming back from vietnam in a week and wants to meet me since max has talked about me. i am honored.