50 Shades Darker: Chapter 14, 15 and 16
Ana and Christian are now so co-dependent that they may morph into one person soon. Also, the soap opera continues. We're playing bingo with sensitive issues now! You may now cross off attempted non-con from your trigger warning bingo card.
His voice is soft and low. “When I saw Ethan arrive outside, I knew someone had let you into your apartment. Both Taylor and I leapt out of the car. We knew and to see her there like that with you-and armed. I think I died a thousand deaths, Ana. Someone threatening you . . . all my worst fears realized. I was so angry, with her, with you, with Taylor, with myself.” He shakes his head revealing his agony.
Maya: Okay, so: What the fuck actually happened in these three chapters?
Ing: Well, we left Christian kneeling on the floor where he's being all...submissive. To prove a point probably? and they have a ton of asinine conversations about how fucked up he is and how much they looooove each other after 5 weeks
“I thought-” He stops. “This is me, Ana. All of me . . . and I’m all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you.”
“I love you, too, Christian, and to see you like this is . . .” I choke and my tears start afresh. “I thought I’d broken you.”
“Broken? Me? Oh no, Ana. Just the opposite.” He reaches out and takes my hand.
“You’re my lifeline,” he whispers, and he kisses my knuckles before pressing my palm against his.
Maya: OH RIGHT. AND THEN SHE'S ALL "OH MY POOR DAMAGED FIFTY" AND HE'S ALL "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW DAMAGED I REALLY AM" AND SHE'S ALL "TELLL MEEEE" AND HE'S ALL "I LIKE TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE MY DEAD CRACK WHORE MOM...LIKE YOU. MARRY ME?"
Ing: I LEGIT CAN'T. I LEGIT CAN'T HAHAHAH. Worst proposal ever, to be honest
“Ana . . .” He pauses, searching for the words, his expression pained . . . Oh? Where the hell is this going?
He takes a deep breath and swallows. “I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore-my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.”
[...]
“Ana, believe me. After I punished you and you left me, my worldview changed. I wasn’t joking when I said I would avoid ever feeling like that again.” He gazes at me with pained entreaty. “When you said you loved me, it was a revelation. No one’s ever said it to me before, and it was as if I’d laid something to rest-or maybe you’d laid it to rest, I don’t know. Dr. Flynn and I are still in deep discussion about it.”
Oh. Hope flares briefly in my heart. Perhaps we’ll be okay. I want us to be okay. Don’t I?
“What does that all mean?” I whisper.
“It means I don’t need it. Not now.”
[...]
“Don’t leave me,” he whispers.
“Oh, for crying out loud- no! I am not going to go!” I shout and it’s cathartic. There, I’ve said it. I am not leaving.
“Really?” His eyes widen.
“What can I do to make you understand I will not run? What can I say?”
He gazes at me, revealing his fear and anguish again. He swallows. “There is one thing you can do.”
“What?” I snap.
“Marry me,” he whispers.
SO, I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY AND I PICKED YOU OUT CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE THE CRACK WHORE MOTHER WHO ABANDONED ME AND I LIKE TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, SO MARRY ME MAYBE?
Maya: TRUTH. At least Ana's like "HOLD THE DAMN PHONE FOR A SECOND WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER" AND HE'S LIKE "WE CAN LEEEEEEARN" AND THEN SHE'S LIKE "UM, HI, I LOOK LIKE YOUR CRACK WHORE OF A MOTHER AND YOU WANT TO BEAT ME. WE SHOULD WAIT?"
Ing: At least she doesn't say yes, but I imagine she will eventually.
Maya: LOL Of course she will
Ing: And then after all of these amazing conversations they, of course, go to eat, because why wouldn't you. idek. and Ana is ready to sing odes to Christian because he likes ~macaroni and cheese~ like a normal person as if this is some sort of miracle. It literally says her heart MELTS because he likes MACARONI AND CHEESE
“Macaroni and cheese?” He holds up a white bowl lidded with foil. He looks so hopeful and endearing.
“You like macaroni and cheese?” I ask.
He nods enthusiastically, and my heart melts.
Maya: Which she weirdly refers to as nursery food? Bitch, I'm 24 and I still eat mac and cheese. In fact, I may go and make some for dinner tonight BECAUSE I CAN AND IT'S A GROWN UP FOOD FOR GROWN UPS. Anyway, then they have sex
Ing: YOU FORGOT THAT Christian bathed Leila and Ana has a fucking fit about omg and Ana is such a selfish assmonkey. OMG he baaathed her and took care of a person he used to care about because she's mentally ill, omg what about my poor needs. Oedh god, girl, get a grip.
Maya: OMG THEN HIS NIGHTMARE WITH THE PIMP AND THE WHORE AND THE CIGARETTES
Ing: Hahaha I just.... I can't with how they can't just talk about this once and for all, like they keep talking about it in drips and it's like... we all know what this is about, stop trying to reveeeal it as some sort of secret. It's so transparent I can't even. It's like omgggg the crack whore's pimp was terrible, rah rah, I can't be touched, but no it's mroe complicated than that I can't tell youuu. Ugh just stfu. And then she goes to get a glass of orange juice after they sex it up and he has a nightmare because she's out of the bed for 5 minutes
I flip one of the light switches, and Christian’s bedside light comes to life. He’s tossing and turning, writhing in agony. No! He cries out again, and the eerie, devastating sound lances through me anew.
Shit-a nightmare!
“Christian!” I lean over him, grab his shoulders, and shake him awake. He opens his eyes, and they are wild and vacant, scanning quickly round the empty room before coming back to rest on me.
“You left, you left, you must have left,” he mumbles-his wide-eyed stare becoming accusatory-and he looks so lost, it wrenches at my heart. Poor Fifty.
Maya: JFC they have the most codependent relationship ever
Ing: It's ridiculous and honestly, EL James' attempt to make him more vulnerable or whatever is making him seem like a 5 year old and it's not that men can't be sensitive or whatever, this is downright weird. He acts like a toddler
Maya: Well, then she goes to work and proceeds to email Christian CONSTANTLY on her computer while doing bitchwork for her pissy boss and Christian is all USE YOUR BLACKBERRY, BITCH so blah blah she doesn't user her Blackberry and she forgets to eat all day and she's all "Why is Jack so maaaaad" and everyone leaves and she goes into the break room to bring him stuff and he's all FINALLY WE ARE ALOOOOOONE
“Look at you.” He gives me a leering look. “You’re so turned on, I can tell. You’ve really led me on. Deep down you want it. I know.”
Holy fuck. The man is completely delusional. My fear rises to defcon one, threatening to overwhelm me. “No, Jack. I have never led you on.”
“You have, you prick-teasing bitch. I can read the signs.” Reaching up, he gently strokes my face with the back of his knuckles, down to my chin. His index finger strokes my throat, and my heart leaps into my mouth as I fight my gag reflex. He reaches the dip at the base of my neck, where the top button of my black shirt is open, and presses his hand against my chest.
“You want me. Admit it, Ana.”
Ing: It's so ridiculous. Sorry to laugh at an attempted rape but dear God, wouldn't he be a little more subtle about it?! It's in the work place and she's his assistant. You'd think he'd be a bit more cunning about it and not just corner her in a room and grope her breasts. She lets him touch her and then she knees him in the groin because conveniently her step dad is suddenly ex-army and taught her lots of self defense
Maya: Ah, yes, and she runs out and Christian is waiting for her and he calls his business manager and has Jack fired
Ing: Where was all this self defense when she needed Christian to ~save her~ from Jose's kissing and shit? Consistency yay. Also after her attempted rape... she's very fine with it. she's just like yeah I was almost raped by my boss, now let's go home and have sex. or someting like I legit can't.
Maya: Basically she's all horny and wants Christian to tie her up
Maya: so she goes into the Red Room and discovers....I CAN'T. ING, I CAN'T. THE LULZ- THEY ARE TOO STRONG
Ing: OMG she goes in and he finds here there and he's like- or well, she finds a buttplug first? And he's like, I BOUGHT IT FOR YOU and he has a whole drawer full of butt things that he bought for her and I'm just like OMG I caaaaaaaaaaan't with this
Maya: ANAL BEADS AND GENITAL CLAMPS AND NIPPLE CLAMPS, OH MY!
“What’s this?” I hold up the silver bullet thing.
“Always hungry for information, Miss Steele. That’s a butt plug,” he says gently.
“Oh . . .”
“Bought for you.”
What? “For me?”
He nods slowly, his face now serious and wary.
I frown. “You buy new, er . . . toys . . . for each submissive?”
“Some things. Yes.”
“Butt plugs?”
“Yes.”
Ing: OMG THE NIPPLE CLAMPS. We also forgot to mention that they talked about the 'kinky' stuff earlier and he was like I NEEDED THAT BEFORE BUT NOW I DON'T CAUSE YOU LOVE ME. Omgggg he was healed from his kinks by ~the power of love~
Ing: but apparently butt plugs and nipple clamps are still a go
“Genital clamp,” Christian says. He stands up and moves casually around so that he’s beside me. I put it back immediately and choose something more delicate-two small clips on a chain.
“Some of these are for pain, but most are for pleasure,” he murmurs.
“What’s this?”
“Nipple clamps-that’s for both.”
“Both? Nipples?”
Christian smirks at me. “Well, there are two clamps, baby. Yes, both nipples, but that’s not what I meant. These are for both pleasure and pain.”
Maya: LOLOLOLOL right. And Ana was all against it now but now she's feeling it and he's like NO WE MUSN'T NOT NEED IT
Ing: IDK about you but if I like something in bed I'm not gonna go 'no I don't like it anymore cause I have love now'? Like... fuck that shit, I'll take love AND spanking, tyvm
Maya: BUT YOU FORGET- THE SPANKING IS AN ASPECT OF HIS TORTURED PSYCHE. NOW THAT HE'S ALL IN LOVE HE IS CURED OF HIS DEVIANCY
Ing: YEAH I GUESS WE'RE ALL JUST FUCKED IN THE HEAD FOR LIKING THINGS. WE JUST NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON TO CURE US AMIRITE
Maya: AND MAKE US ALL VANILLA AND NORMAL. So yeah, then they have sexy tiems and he fingers her butt and he's all ONE DAY I WILL CLAIM YOUR ASS and EL JAMES IS A COCKTEASE, GIVE ME BUTT SEX
Ing: One day, Maya. One day, you'll wake up and there will be butt sex. and it will surely be gloriously unrealistic and it will be the best day
Maya: I WANT IT SO BAD. I CAN'T. Yes, and she OMG TOUCHES HIS FACE. ~BREAKTHROUGH~
Ing: IDK in general they can't go two seconds without waxing poetic about how much they love each other, which is ridiculous because they've known each other for a month and a half. I can't stop saying this because it's just fucking stupid on so many levels
Maya: UGH RIGHT. And of course now she's considering marrying him. Ugh. I just can't with these two. They are so fucked in the head.
Ing: But this shit is so empowering! Girl power! etc etc
Maya: THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GIRL POWER
Ing: Spice Girls would be horrified
Maya: LOL that they would
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