(no subject)
my birthday is tomorrow.
i'll be 19.
i don't even want to go to canada.
there's too much going on and i just have this awful feeling that something awful WILL happen.
i don't want a birthday.
it feels like an excuse for people who haven't been able to call me or return my calls to pretend to be friends.
or another chance for my dad to not do anything.
or another chance for my mom to make me feel guilty about money even though i told her all i wanted was permission for another tattoo-- nothing else.
and i hate getting excited over something as stupid as a birthday because i always end up dreading it or looking back and telling myself that "wow, i'm fucking stupid."
and i should feel stupid. because i was bouncing around this week going "SATURDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!" and now all i wanna do is just curl up in bed and sleep that day away.
woo-fucking-hoo.
i'll be 19.
i don't even want to go to canada.
there's too much going on and i just have this awful feeling that something awful WILL happen.
i don't want a birthday.
it feels like an excuse for people who haven't been able to call me or return my calls to pretend to be friends.
or another chance for my dad to not do anything.
or another chance for my mom to make me feel guilty about money even though i told her all i wanted was permission for another tattoo-- nothing else.
and i hate getting excited over something as stupid as a birthday because i always end up dreading it or looking back and telling myself that "wow, i'm fucking stupid."
and i should feel stupid. because i was bouncing around this week going "SATURDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!" and now all i wanna do is just curl up in bed and sleep that day away.
woo-fucking-hoo.