Angry
Here’s the new one. As always, the full text is below in case you’d rather read it than watch it, but I encourage you to watch it. First, I have a guest star this week, and second, there’s original music included. I needed something a little spooky, and I didn’t want to risk copyright infringement. Ordinarily I don’t worry about that, because the videos are not commercial and can conceivably be defined as “educational,” meaning that I slip under the Fair Use clause of the DMCA. However, my video “Wisconsin” had so many views so quickly that YouTube offered to let me monetize it, and I couldn’t because of that damned Star Trek clip at the end that wasn’t even important to the video. So, just in case this one takes off, everything in it is original to me. You know, hope springs eternal.
The music is not magnificent; it’s a single line of melody stolen from a song I wrote when I was fifteen, and was recorded on an extremely cheap synthesizer, but it fits the piece, I believe, and I hope you guys dig it.
Click to viewHello, brothers and sisters. I am OgreVI, and I used to be in this relationship.
Like all relationships, it had its ups and downs. One particular down was that my partner in this relationship liked to argue. I do not. I am a very peaceful man. I don’t like yelling, and every time I lose my temper I hate myself a little bit. She, on the other hand, felt that getting angry and yelling was an integral part of a relationship, and should happen every couple of weeks, followed by a bout of frenzied lovemaking. I’m in favor of frenzied lovemaking, of course. I just don’t need a lot of yelling and crying to get me in the mood.
But the woman was clever. The woman was devious. The woman knew how to get what she’d come for, and what she’d come for was an argument.
Here’s how she did it:
SHE: Sweetheart?
ME: Yes, my love?
SHE: Are you okay?
ME: I’m fine.
SHE: (doubtfully) Okay.
[a few moments later]
SHE: Sweetheart, is something wrong?
ME: Nope. Got my book, it’s a beautiful day, everything’s great.
SHE: Are you sure?
ME: I am absolutely sure.
SHE: Only, you seem angry. Are you angry about something?
ME: I am not.
SHE: You’re not angry at me, are you?
ME: Not in the least. Not even a little bit.
SHE: You’d tell me if you were, wouldn’t you?
ME: I would.
SHE: Really?
ME: Yes, if I was angry, which…I’m not.
SHE: (labored sigh) Okay.
[another few moments later]
SHE: Feeling any better?
HE: Honey, I was never feeling bad. I don’t know why you don’t believe me.
SHE: I heard you say it, sure, but I can tell. I know you pretty well.
HE: Apparently not as well as you think.
SHE: (pause) Oh. (bitter) Okay, then. I’ll leave you alone.
HE: Thank you.
[yet a few MORE moments later]
SHE: Okay, honey, seriously, tell me what’s wrong.
ME: (slams book shut) Nothing. There is nothing wrong.
SHE: Obviously something’s bothering you. Why won’t you confide in me?
ME: Because there’s nothing to confide. Seriously, right now the only thing bothering me is that I’m trying to read a book and you keep interrupting me for no reason.
SHE: Don’t snap at me.
ME: I didn’t snap. You asked me what’s wrong, and I told you; you keep asking me what’s wrong when there’s nothing wrong except that you keep asking me what’s wrong.
SHE: Hey, I care, okay? Don’t you dare get angry at me.
ME: I’M NOT FUCKING ANGRY!
SHE: (dripping sarcasm) Oh, no, you’re not angry.
ME: Well…(random sputtering) yeah, I’m angry now. Of course I’m angry now!
SHE: (smug) I knew it.
ME: Why the hell wouldn’t I be angry? I’m minding my own business, trying to enjoy myself and you come ‘round making me crazy.
SHE: Oh, I’m making you crazy. It’s me that’s making you crazy? You know what the trouble with you is, don’t ya?
Et cetera.
After this had happened a few times I knew when it was coming, and so she could trigger it with much less effort:
SHE: (Sweetly) Honey, are you okay?
HE: Of course I’m okay! Stop hassling me, you goddamned lunatic!
To an outsider, it looked like she was taking interest in my welfare, and I was being a dick. To be perfectly fair to her, that was sometimes the case. But often, she was just poking a spot on my psyche that she had already rubbed raw.
And now, at last, the point:
On a recent upload from “The Atheist Experience,” Matt Dillahunty and Russell Glasser were talking about “angry atheists.” You should go watch it; they talk about it at length, better than I can, but I’m gonna toss in my two cents anyways. That’s why I told you this story.
I am an atheist, but I’m not angry. I am, as I said before, a peaceful man. All I want out of life is a comfortable chair, a good book, and a bottle of wine. Most atheists I know are more or less the same way.
So, to any Christian readers I might have, the next time you encounter an atheist who appears angry for no reason, consider whether this might be the reason: not only are we all the time hearing that we’re immoral, close-minded, and anti-social, but we’re also constantly accused of being angry. You know what? That makes us angry.