Nothing nothing tra la la!
An update. Be amazed.
I'm almost done with the 15 month RN phase of the program. I'm amazed at how quickly it's gone, at how less than a year ago I was fumbling with mannequins and unsure which way to face the stethoscope. In a few short months I will be a certified registered nurse (as long as I pass the NCLEX) and hopefully a job will follow not too long after that.
I got into the Midwifery program for the master's phase. I'm excited about it, but sometimes I wonder if it's really what I want to do. True, I felt most confident in my OB clinical, I've always felt more comfortable around women in general, I'll be dealing with a mostly healthy population in what should be the happiest time of their lives, but I'm concerned about the job market. I'm concerned that there are adult NPs out there who can work in midwife settings, or as nurse practitioners in OBGYN clinics, taking the jobs that I could do or perhaps having slightly different qualifications that would prevent me from being employed in such a setting. I can always change my mind, so I have to tell myself to stick with my gut, but I've changed my career and my degree and my future so many times now that changing it again, going back again, seems almost impossible.
I'm stressed. I deal with bouts of depression, though I know it's temporary and related to school. This almost takes the wind of my depressed-mood's sails. As if I don't feel the full force of the sadness because I understand the reasons behind it, and I know in a few weeks with a break and a change of pace I'll feel better, though I still have the apathy, the fatigue, the lack of enjoyment in would-be free time activities. It's an odd feeling. Dysthymic rather than depressed.
My mood could be due to the fact that after Spring break I began the acute phase of my mental health clinical at the local VA hospital. Generally we speak with one or two patients either in the acute in patient area of the hospitals - which is on "lock down"- or in the urgent care, transition unit, or various different groups. Today I was assigned to urgent care, which is really just triage to refer patients based on severity of their situation. We went to see a 25 year old who was making suicide and homicide threats. He talked about stabbing someone in the eye just to feel their pain, among other things. It's heavy stuff. A few weeks ago I spoke to a bipolar woman who resented the fact that I asked if she was admitted for having an "episode". Obviously it wasn't the best way to go about it, but I felt awful. She went on to talk about how she thought the staff was against her and no one listened to her. I worried that it was my mistake that triggered her negative thoughts. Probably not, but it ate at me. Though I'm comforted to see as the weeks go by that the people in my clinical feel the same way. At first I thought it was just me, that I was doing something wrong, but two people have almost come to tears.
My other clinical, Adult II (on the trauma unit) is over, we had our last unit day this week, next week we go to our instructor's house for dinner and evaluations. I ended up liking it in end, though I hated it in the beginning. Lots of patients who were in car accidents (we call them MVAs) and gun shot wounds. One particularly sad one was a 19 year old that had been shot. The bullet grazed his spine and paralyzed him. I also hyad a few patients who were dying of cancer, one recent one that was lined up for chemo, but her health worsened and she chose to switch from aggressive treatment to end-of-life care.
Other than that school is school.
David and I are doing well. He might try to move here before Christmas. I'm excited, but things are so up in the air that I try not to think about it much. I'm excited to see him in a few weeks.
I read the Hunger Games and have since moved onto Catching Fire. They're pretty good
I sock curled my hair last night. Yup.
The end.
I'm almost done with the 15 month RN phase of the program. I'm amazed at how quickly it's gone, at how less than a year ago I was fumbling with mannequins and unsure which way to face the stethoscope. In a few short months I will be a certified registered nurse (as long as I pass the NCLEX) and hopefully a job will follow not too long after that.
I got into the Midwifery program for the master's phase. I'm excited about it, but sometimes I wonder if it's really what I want to do. True, I felt most confident in my OB clinical, I've always felt more comfortable around women in general, I'll be dealing with a mostly healthy population in what should be the happiest time of their lives, but I'm concerned about the job market. I'm concerned that there are adult NPs out there who can work in midwife settings, or as nurse practitioners in OBGYN clinics, taking the jobs that I could do or perhaps having slightly different qualifications that would prevent me from being employed in such a setting. I can always change my mind, so I have to tell myself to stick with my gut, but I've changed my career and my degree and my future so many times now that changing it again, going back again, seems almost impossible.
I'm stressed. I deal with bouts of depression, though I know it's temporary and related to school. This almost takes the wind of my depressed-mood's sails. As if I don't feel the full force of the sadness because I understand the reasons behind it, and I know in a few weeks with a break and a change of pace I'll feel better, though I still have the apathy, the fatigue, the lack of enjoyment in would-be free time activities. It's an odd feeling. Dysthymic rather than depressed.
My mood could be due to the fact that after Spring break I began the acute phase of my mental health clinical at the local VA hospital. Generally we speak with one or two patients either in the acute in patient area of the hospitals - which is on "lock down"- or in the urgent care, transition unit, or various different groups. Today I was assigned to urgent care, which is really just triage to refer patients based on severity of their situation. We went to see a 25 year old who was making suicide and homicide threats. He talked about stabbing someone in the eye just to feel their pain, among other things. It's heavy stuff. A few weeks ago I spoke to a bipolar woman who resented the fact that I asked if she was admitted for having an "episode". Obviously it wasn't the best way to go about it, but I felt awful. She went on to talk about how she thought the staff was against her and no one listened to her. I worried that it was my mistake that triggered her negative thoughts. Probably not, but it ate at me. Though I'm comforted to see as the weeks go by that the people in my clinical feel the same way. At first I thought it was just me, that I was doing something wrong, but two people have almost come to tears.
My other clinical, Adult II (on the trauma unit) is over, we had our last unit day this week, next week we go to our instructor's house for dinner and evaluations. I ended up liking it in end, though I hated it in the beginning. Lots of patients who were in car accidents (we call them MVAs) and gun shot wounds. One particularly sad one was a 19 year old that had been shot. The bullet grazed his spine and paralyzed him. I also hyad a few patients who were dying of cancer, one recent one that was lined up for chemo, but her health worsened and she chose to switch from aggressive treatment to end-of-life care.
Other than that school is school.
David and I are doing well. He might try to move here before Christmas. I'm excited, but things are so up in the air that I try not to think about it much. I'm excited to see him in a few weeks.
I read the Hunger Games and have since moved onto Catching Fire. They're pretty good
I sock curled my hair last night. Yup.
The end.