Fanfic: Mismatched (Siwon/Kyuhyun)
Title: Mismatched
Fandom: Super Junior & DBSK RPF
Characters/Pairing: Siwon/Kyuhyun (with tons of ChangKyu BFF-ness and a tiny bit of HoMin)
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Mostly for curse words. And Kyuhyun's personality.
Word Count: ~5100
Summary: When a nerd and a badass thug fall in love. Inspired by this.
Notes: First fic in 2014! :D Because after the SMTown Week concert, bl4ckm4lice drew that fanart. And then this and this appeared. And I was sold OTL
Anyway, enjoy ^^
“Why are you crying?”
Startled, Kyuhyun whips his head up. Has the lock on his door been broken-no, of course not. Siwon has a key. Kyuhyun gave him the spare a week ago, after finding him waiting for nearly three hours in front of his apartment.
“It’s nothing.” He quickly wipes the humiliating proofs of snot and tears from his face and attempts a smile.
The result is probably tragic, because Siwon strides in with disbelief hanging like dark clouds around him.
“Who made you cry?” he demands, dropping to one knee by the couch where Kyuhyun sits with his arms around his knees.
“No one,” he mutters, putting his glasses back on-then quickly adds when Siwon seizes his wrist in an iron grip, “Really. Today was just a rough day. And the students... I’m not used to them yet.”
Siwon’s scowl deepens. “It’s them, isn’t it?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes widen. “No. No, Siwon, no. It’s not their faults.”
“The hell it isn’t. Those fucking snobs-”
“It’s not like that,” Kyuhyun interrupts him, shaking his head frantically. “I’m still new and-fine, yes-sort of very young for an assistant professor. But they just don’t know me yet. I’m sure it’ll get better with time.”
“Are you sure?” Siwon asks suspiciously.
Kyuhyun hurriedly nods. “Yes. It was just… a moment of weakness. Please ignore it.”
Siwon hasn’t lost his frown, but at least he is loosening his grip around Kyuhyun’s wrist. Bit by bit.
“I don’t like to see you cry.”
A blush spreads over Kyuhyun’s cheeks. Even after eight months, his reaction to Siwon’s random bursts of protectiveness hasn’t changed. “I know,” he replies shyly and places a soft peck on his boyfriend’s lips. “But don’t worry. I’m fine. And I really want to do this. I know I can do this.”
Siwon’s expression softens. “Of course you can,” he mutters, kissing the red marks he has inadvertently left on Kyuhyun’s wrist.
Kyuhyun feels the onset of another uncontrollable blush.
The subject is dropped.
-
He knew it was too easy.
But when Siwon shows up in his 10 o’clock class, there is nothing Kyuhyun can do but gape at him.
The other man is sitting in the last row, sticking out like a sore thumb in his black leather jacket and nail-studded boots among the meekly-dressed college students. Arms folded in front of his chest, he stares at Kyuhyun throughout the duration of lecture while the rest of the class stare at him.
Kyuhyun finishes the lesson in record time, barely knowing what he talks about-something concerning Temporal Logic Constraints or the likes. Then he drags Siwon to a nearby deli.
Which is a bad idea because the place is full of students, some of them his.
Kyuhyun tries to make himself as small as possible as he joins the queue and places their order. Not that it’s anything remotely achievable, considering how so-not-inconspicuous Siwon is. Still, he keeps his head low until they both have settled at a table for two near the window.
And then he bursts.
“Are you out of your mind?”
The only response he gets is a pair of raised eyebrows.
“You can’t just show up in my class!” he continues, still in a high-pitched whisper.
“Why not?” Siwon inquires coolly.
Kyuhyun heaves a deep breath to calm himself. “First of all, you’re not even a student.”
There is a long moment of silence as Siwon takes a bite from his humongous sandwich and chews slowly. His eyes never once leave Kyuhyun’s face.
“Alright then,” he finally says, his tone decisive. “What does it take to be your student?”
Kyuhyun freezes. “Are you- What are you-”
“If the problem is because I’m not your student, then I’ll be your student. I’ll try this education shit.”
Kyuhyun opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again and repeats the process about three times before rising to his feet and leaving the place with a frustrated growl.
He refuses to talk to Siwon for the rest of the day.
-
“I’m touched.”
Kyuhyun glares at his drinking companion. “Fine. Just mock me if that’s all you can do.”
Changmin smirks. “No, really, you have such a nice, caring boyfriend. What else can you ask?”
“I really hate you sometimes.”
“And I really want to say ‘I told you so’, but too bad I happen to be a nice guy.”
“He showed up in MY class,” Kyuhyun says darkly, as if he hasn’t repeated the same sentence multiple times in various intonations for the last two hours or so.
Changmin shrugs. “I did offer to arrest him when he first showed that kind of interest in you,” he points out, using his official tone (as Kyuhyun sometimes calls it). “But did you listen? Noooo, of course not.”
Kyuhyun has the grace to blush.
“He isn’t that bad,” he mutters, looking down at his empty glass. This is probably the eighth or ninth time that his glass has been empty tonight.
“Sure. Stalking you to class is definitely not that bad.”
“That wasn’t stalking,” Kyuhyun retorts with a dignified huff.
Changmin rolls his eyes. “I’m a police officer. I know better. And what did he do for a living again?”
Kyuhyun narrows his eyes. “He’s running a security service.”
“Yeah, that.” Changmin snorts and slams his glass on the table. “More like a group of thugs.”
“An inexpensive security service,” Kyuhyun continues icily. “So what if he doesn’t wear a suit. Or his clients don’t.”
“We’re never going to see eye to eye on this,” Changmin points out pragmatically, “so let’s just agree to disagree.”
Kyuhyun frowns, suddenly upset and disappointed. “You really don’t like him, do you?”
There is a long pause as Changmin stares raptly at the rows of liquor bottles at the bar, studiously avoiding his eyes.
“No,” he finally admits. “But you do, so it doesn’t really matter. Hell, I’ll even hang out with him if you promise to foot the bill.”
Kyuhyun grins and throws his arms around his best friend. Changmin makes a squeak-like sound but suffers the hug for about two seconds before pushing Kyuhyun away with an embarrassed huff.
-
He comes home half drunk-and finds Siwon standing in front of his door.
There is a moment of déjà vu, but then Kyuhyun remembers that this did happen, about two weeks ago. And now it happens again.
Which doesn’t make sense.
“You have a key,” he states, holding to the railing after nearly tripping over a potted plant.
“Yeah.” Siwon shifts, hands thrust deep in his jeans’ pockets. “But I don’t know if I can go in. I mean, it doesn’t feel right if- if you’re still angry with me.” He pauses, then adds, a conflicted expression on his face, “Are you?”
Kyuhyun spends the next few seconds being torn between a really strong urge to hit his boyfriend and an equally strong desire to cry and engulf him in a big hug. In the end, he does neither. He only stands there chewing on his bottom lip and feeling very stupid until Siwon curses under his breath and pulls him into his arms.
“This time it’s me, isn’t it?”
“What?” Only then that he feels the warm press of tears in his eyes.
“The one who makes you... look like this.”
Kyuhyun makes an incoherent sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sniff, and burrows deeper into Siwon’s arms.
Now all is well.
-
No one knows why Kyuhyun is going out with Siwon, or why Siwon is going out with Kyuhyun.
Including Kyuhyun.
They cannot be more different. He’s a brilliant, serious-minded postdoc who dedicates his time to research and teaching. Siwon, on the other hand, did not even graduate from high school.
He is also shy and quiet, finding his pleasure in books and wires and robotic programming.
Siwon finds his pleasure in intimidating people and looking good doing it.
So no one understands why they are dating.
What actually happened was, there was an accident about eight months ago. A slightly drunk Kyuhyun became physically acquainted with Siwon’s motorbike. Then one thing led to another, hospitals and flowers and guitars were involved, and before Kyuhyun knew it, he could no longer think about Siwon without having his stomach do a series of acrobatic feats.
Then one day, Siwon kissed him. And Kyuhyun almost died because they were standing at the top of the stairs and he nearly fell.
It all started from there.
-
To Kyuhyun’s relief, Siwon stops coming to his classes.
He does not, however, stop coming to the university premises.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun hisses at him-because Siwon might not be in the class but he’s sure as hell waiting just outside the class.
There are snickers coming from the direction of his dispersing students. Kyuhyun’s cheeks burn.
“I’m going to take you home,” Siwon answers, not at all perturbed.
Now there are giggles and laughs. Kyuhyun wants to dig a hole and die.
“Something happened,” Siwon says again before Kyuhyun can do anything drastic, like diving into a bin. “I’ll tell you on the way home.”
And he does, while Kyuhyun clings to his waist from the back of his motorbike. Apparently there was a clash between a group of college students and a rival gang called the Skulls and Siwon, being Siwon, is fully capable of being paranoid over the nerdy assistant professor he calls his.
“But you’re following me around campus-” Kyuhyun starts desperately.
“Just for a little while.” Siwon stops at a red light and turns his head, looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes. “You have no idea, do you?”
Kyuhyun stares perplexedly at him. “No idea of… what?”
“How precious you are to me.”
His face explodes in a deep shade of red, right there in the middle of the road in broad daylight. “What- you- how can you-”
“So please,” Siwon takes a deep breath, hand clasping over Kyuhyun’s, “allow me to do this.”
How can he do anything but nod after that.
-
Somehow, Changmin manages to find out.
“I did make an offer to-”
“Shut up,” Kyuhyun hisses into the phone-because Siwon is in the shower and he totally doesn’t need to hear about how Changmin plans to arrest him. They dislike each other enough as it is.
The other man snickers. “All I’m saying is you have a stalker who’s turning into a rabid guard dog.”
“Stop calling him a stalker.”
“Fine. Rabid dog.”
“He was telling the truth.” Another voice comes through the line-Yunho’s, Changmin’s partner and boyfriend of two years. “The gang thing, I mean. There’ve been a lot of reports about fights and stuffs.” A pause. “Although I’m not sure why he feels like he needs to follow you everywhere.”
Changmin sounds like he’s trying to laugh in the most insulting way possible.
Kyuhyun imagines wringing his best friend’s neck and then terminates the line.
“Who was it?”
Looking up, he is confronted with a vision of a half-naked Siwon fresh out of the shower, his tattooed body gleaming with droplets of water. Kyuhyun freezes-then firmly tells himself that he has seen everything that can be seen and there is absolutely no need to overreact.
“Ah, Changmin,” he stutters an answer when Siwon raises his eyebrows at his silence.
The eyebrows morph themselves into a frown. “What did he want?”
“Hm?” Kyuhyun mutters, desperately wondering why Siwon doesn’t seem to be interested in putting on more clothes. Although, of course, the ink work on his skin is kind of gorgeous.
“Your friend. What did he want.”
“Oh.” Kyuhyun forces his eyes to focus on Siwon’s face. “He was just telling me about some fights going on between the gangs and-” His heart drops into his stomach as a frightening thought flashes across his mind. He pulls Siwon down onto the bed. “You’re not… oh my God, are you involved in those? Are you in any danger?”
Siwon’s lips twitch into a smile. “No, you know I’m staying away from all those things now. But thank you for worrying.”
Kyuhyun flushes. “Of course I worry. What do you think I am?”
“For me?” Siwon grins, pulling him closer. “Just the most precious person in the world.”
Kyuhyun cannot even respond anymore. Thankfully, Siwon decides to kiss him.
-
Truth to be told, it isn’t so bad.
It’s still embarrassing and some of his students are still grinning too wide whenever they see him, but Kyuhyun can live with that. After a while, he gets used to seeing Siwon in the campus grounds, hanging around the cafeteria or just roaming the halls. He does wonder why no one hasn’t done anything so far Perhaps the security is too terrified to remove Siwon from the premises. Others, students and staff alike, simply steer clear off his path.
What makes it bad is something else.
Like the stiff, formal-looking envelope he finds on his desk one day, on top of all his jumbled research notes.
It contains a lengthy, wordy memo brimming with overly-complicated nouns and many glittery adjectives to describe the university’s unimpeachable standing. Long paragraphs ensue, dedicated to further descriptions and repetitions. Only at the very end of the missive (his eyes are already watering at this point) does Kyuhyun discover the real message.
There is a passing mention of Siwon-or what they call an unsavory character-and reports of threats received by certain group of student. It is followed by a tiny reminder that this is only Kyuhyun’s second semester and it’ll be unwise to put his position at stake. Oh and didn’t they mention about his research. Such a shame should the program be cancelled. So much wasted hard work.
Kyuhyun crumples the paper into a ball and throws it into a corner.
He doesn’t move from his desk for a very long time.
-
“Why?”
Kyuhyun wraps his fingers around his paper cup. They’re stopping for coffee after dinner-part of his attempt to mellow Siwon down which, sadly, doesn’t seem to be working.
“It’s been two weeks and nothing’s happened,” he points out, leaning against the hood of Siwon’s car. “And I’m sure you have other, more important things to do than just following me around campus.”
Siwon watches him, coffee and all forgotten. It takes Kyuhyun his entire willpower not to fidget under that gaze.
“You don’t know what these people can do,” Siwon finally says, his voice a low growl. “I’ve also heard stories about that frat group from your college. They’re not pretty.”
Kyuhyun shifts in his seat. “But you said you weren’t involved.”
Something ugly passes across Siwon’s face. “It doesn’t matter to an outsider,” he says darkly. “I’m a gang member. People don’t care which gang.”
Kyuhyun opens his mouth to protest, but Siwon beats him to it. “And now everybody knows that you know me.”
“Well, whose fault is that?” he retorts, scowling.
Siwon returns it with a glare. “Fine. It’s my fault, but the point is they already know. So there’s a chance that you’ll be targeted-by both sides. Only because you know me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I don’t give a damn if you think it’s fucking hilarious,” Siwon snaps. “I’m not taking any chances.”
Kyuhyun looks at him in disbelief. “I thought we’re talking about my life.”
Siwon frowns. “You don’t understand,” he starts, but Kyuhyun cuts him off.
“No, you don’t understand.” His voice is shaking with anger. “You don’t even care.”
“That’s not true.”
Kyuhyun ignores him. “The whole campus is talking about us, even the staff and the higher-ups. Do you know what they said to me? If you don’t stop this, I’ll lose everything. My whole life’s work. But you, someone like you have no idea how that feels, do you?”
Siwon stares at him long and hard, the paper cup crushed in his hand and spilling coffee everywhere.
“It’s not,” he begins, then stops, then tries again, “I don’t know what else to-”
“Just leave me alone,” Kyuhyun snaps, turning away and walking off.
Siwon doesn’t run after him.
-
So, he didn’t mean to say that.
He really didn’t.
Siwon is just being his meddlesome, paranoid self. Sure, he’s probably crossed some lines too, but Kyuhyun already regrets half the things he said when he gets home.
He opens the door to his apartment hopefully, half-expecting that it won’t to be empty. But it is. Dark and cold and silent.
Condemning him.
Kyuhyun spends the night hugging a jacket that smells like Siwon.
-
“Who died?”
-are the first words coming from Changmin’s mouth, as soon as he sits down. They’re meeting for dinner because, well, because Kyuhyun doesn’t really want to go back to eating alone so soon.
“What are you talking about?” he mutters, flipping through the menu dispiritedly.
Changmin peers suspiciously at his face. “You have that kind of look.”
“I don’t have any kind of look.”
“Like your pet died,” Changmin continues, stealing a gulp of mint tea from Kyuhyun’s glass. And promptly chokes. “Fuck. You had a fight, didn’t you?”
Kyuhyun gapes. “What?”
“With him.”
“How… you… but…” He stares helplessly at Changmin for a few seconds, and then slumps in his seat. “Never mind.”
Changmin frowns. He doesn’t say anything else until their hotpot arrives.
“So. I’m guessing this is your first big fight.”
“Not really,” Kyuhyun lies.
“Everybody fights,” Changmin declares sagely, dumping all the meats in at once. “Me and Yunho, we fight all the time.”
Kyuhyun makes a face. Yunho and Changmin argue on every point that can possibly be argued upon. He has never seen a couple who gets on each other’s nerve more-and for some unfathomable reasons, they seem to enjoy all the drama and screaming and whatnots.
He never really fights with Siwon. Not like this.
“It will get better,” Changmin says again, staring pensively at the boiling heaps in front of them.
“You don’t know that,” Kyuhyun murmurs desolately.
“I mean, it’s normal for couples to fight.” Changmin cringes. “I sound like a marriage shrink.”
That, at least, pricks a smile on Kyuhyun’s lips. And maybe Changmin is right. Things will get better. It’s only a day after all.
When he comes home, he finds a paper bag on his doorstep. Inside are books and a flash disk he left last night in Siwon’s car.
And at the very bottom of the bag is the spare key.
-
He doesn’t call Siwon.
Or, more precisely, he refuses to call first.
Because Siwon is clearly overreacting. They had a fight (which Changmin says is normal) and suddenly Kyuhyun has all his stuffs returned to him (including the key) as if-as if they are breaking up.
His stomach makes a painful clench. He reaches for his phone.
Then he remembers the spare key-given back without so much as a note or a message damn it-and puts it down again with a scowl. He spends the rest of the day hissing and snapping at his students.
Siwon still doesn’t call him.
-
Three days pass and Kyuhyun keeps telling himself that this is just a phase.
After all, they’re both busy. After all, they both need some space. After all… they belong to different spheres of life.
Kyuhyun frowns. The last thought doesn’t settle well with him. It’s almost as if he and Siwon don’t belong together.
Maybe you don’t, an evil voice whispers silkily in his head.
On the way home, he stops at a bookstore and purchases a magazine about tattoos.
-
It’s been a week and Siwon still doesn’t call him.
The magazine is all crumpled now. He’s considering a guitar. Or maybe a motorbike.
-
Two weeks. Kyuhyun starts asking about a good tattoo parlour in the neighbourhood.
He also carries his phone to the bathroom. Just in case.
-
Three. He’s really considering the bike.
-
“Don’t mope.”
Kyuhyun sniffs. “I’m not.”
“That would be more believable if you weren’t losing like every five minutes,” Changmin accuses, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. It’s one of their game nights and Kyuhyun’s performance so far can only be labelled as ‘atrocious’.
“I’m just not feeling well,” Kyuhyun grabs the first excuse that wanders into his brain.
Changmin gives him a pitying look. “You’re wearing his jacket.”
Kyuhyun pulls the jacket tighter around his shoulders. “It’s cold.”
“It’s 90 degrees in here,” Changmin is ruthless. “Face it, you miss him.”
Kyuhyun only stares at the TV screen with dead eyes, so Changmin huffs and continues, “Fine. Be that way. Although to be honest I still don’t understand what you see in him. He’s just a gangbanger. A low-life. The kind of-”
“Don’t call him that,” Kyuhyun snaps, his eyes suddenly not so dead anymore; in fact, they’re shooting flames.
Changmin’s sudden grin is triumphant. “See? And you try to act like you don’t care.”
Kyuhyun sinks deeper into his beanbag chair. Of course he misses Siwon. He’s been missing Siwon for a month now.
And right now he misses him so much he feels like he can cry.
“Shit,” Changmin swears, sounding panicked. “Kyu, I didn’t mean anything by that. Fuck. Okay. Here.” He grabs Kyuhyun’s phone and shoves it at him.
Kyuhyun blinks up in confusion.
Changmin jumps to his feet. “Call him,” he orders. “Talk. Apologise. Cry. Phone sex. Anything. I’ll be gone for a while so… bye.”
He’s already out of the door before Kyuhyun can form the ‘b’ in ‘but’.
Ten minutes later, pride battered and half-dead, Kyuhyun finally attempts a call.
And discovers that Siwon’s number is no longer in use.
-
After much crying and bawling into a pillow, he arrives to the conclusion that Siwon takes his words literally.
Kyuhyun told him to leave him alone, so he’s leaving him. Just like that.
“But don’t you have-”
“No.”
“Any of his friends’-”
“No.”
“HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE LIVES,” Changmin screeches at him.
Kyuhyun just hugs the pillow. He doesn’t even know how to answer that.
-
Thankfully, the universe doesn’t end or anything dramatic like that.
He just has a broken heart.
Still, it’s a really painful broken heart and Changmin has been calling him every day to make sure he’s eating and stuff-which would be annoying and embarrassing if Kyuhyun weren’t too busy being miserable to notice. He also crowds their chat message window with tons of links to internet articles about stages of loss or dealing with grief.
Kyuhyun doesn’t start reading them until his overwhelming sadness morphs into overwhelming anger.
“That’s good,” Changmin commends after Kyuhyun told him that he had just burned Siwon’s jacket. “Now you’re ready for the next stage. Do something to prove that you’re over him.”
Kyuhyun gets himself a tattoo.
-
It’s been three weeks.
Kyuhyun does everything recommended in every how-to-deal-with-loss website under the sun. He goes out. He eats a lot. He tries new hobbies. He haunts the gym. He shuns negative thoughts. He makes new friends. (In fact, one of his colleagues has asked him out for coffee and Kyuhyun almost says yes before realising that he has Siwon’s eyebrows.)
And still he’s stuck in the depression stage.
He also misses the jacket. He regrets burning the jacket now.
He misses Siwon, period.
So Kyuhyun gets himself another tattoo.
-
“You’re not celebrating New Year’s Eve alone.”
“I’m not celebrating it with you.”
Changmin’s voice turns menacing. “Why not.”
“Because we’re just going to watch some stupid Christmas movies, and you and Yunho are going to eat each other on the couch, and things are going to be awkward when-”
“The hell?” Changmin is clearly torn between amusement and indignation. “As if we’re going to do anything in front of your prudish little self. So calm your prudish little tits and come over here.”
“No.” Kyuhyun is firm. “Look, I’ll be okay. I’m… going out with someone.”
There is a long silence from the other side of the line.
Then: “Send me his photo.”
Kyuhyun sputters. “I don’t have his photo! What the- don’t you believe me?”
Another silence, shorter this time. “No.”
“Someone really asked me out,” Kyuhyun says miserably. “I’m not so uninteresting that-”
“Of course you’re not,” Changmin hurriedly speaks. “Fine. Go out. Have fun. But get a selca with this person tonight-if he isn’t hypothetical-and send me the photo because I’m going to have to vet him thoroughly this time-”
Kyuhyun scowls. “I’m hanging up.”
-
Obviously he isn’t going out with anyone.
Kyuhyun’s plan for New Year’s Eve is to stay at home with pizza and beer and watch crappy action movies filled with testosterones and absolutely no romantic scene.
And then he discovers that there is no beer left in the fridge. So he runs to the nearest convenience store.
And runs into Siwon.
“Oh.”
He stares and Siwon stares and Kyuhyun’s fingers are clenching so hard they must have dented the cans.
It’s unfair. He’s starting to get over the breakup-but one second with Siwon there standing in front of him and he’s back to stage one. Just like that.
Siwon opens his mouth-and Kyuhyun can practically feel the first syllable of his name curling on Siwon’s tongue-so he turns around and dashes toward the cashier, paying quickly.
Then he’s out of the store, into a street teeming with people. There’s safety here, of some sort. He’s still hyperventilating, but at least he’s breathing.
And mostly intact. Not completely broken.
“Hey!”
His feet lurch into a stop, as if anchored to that voice. A hand yanks his shoulder and he comes face-to-face with a furious Siwon.
“Look, I know you told me to stay away, but don’t treat me like I’m fucking contagious or something. You can look down on me all you want. And maybe I’m just some kind of trash compared to you and your high breeding and your shiny titles, but don’t fucking treat me like that.”
Kyuhyun stares, frozen. You're wrong, he wants to say, but Siwon throws him such a hateful look that no sound comes out of his throat.
“Why the fuck do I bother.”
Then Siwon turns around and walks away, disappearing into a throng of people.
Panic and pain burst in Kyuhyun’s chest. His feet stagger forward a few steps. His lips are mouthing Siwon’s name repeatedly, soundless and pathetic. Siwon is leaving him-for the second time. And he’s not going to come back.
Then there is a loud sound, like a gunshot. Like multiple gunshots. Kyuhyun jerks, looking up as colours splash across the sky. Above his head, fireworks explode in red, yellow, and green. Everyone around him is busy clapping and shouting, big smiles on their faces.
Suddenly heartsick, Kyuhyun looks around helplessly, wishing for... something. Anything.
And there, amidst the sea of strangers, is Siwon, looking at him the way he never looked at him before. But he's still there, within his reach again somehow. Heart throbbing painfully, Kyuhyun forces his feet to move, wading through the celebrating crowd and choruses of happy new year ’s, until he’s close enough to see the festive sky in Siwon’s eyes.
“I…” Kyuhyun gasps, desperately clinging to whatever frail threads of voice he manages to produce. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. I didn’t mean to say that. Or do that. I didn’t mean to run. I didn’t mean any of it. Please, please don’t go.”
A long moment passes, filled with noises that aren’t theirs. Kyuhyun knows that ugly tears are ruining his face, but Siwon doesn’t pull him into his arms like he usually does- did.
Of course he doesn’t do that anymore. They’re no longer anything.
“You mean, you still want me?”
The words are faint, almost drowned in the booms of fireworks-but they come from Siwon’s mouth, spoken by his voice.
Kyuhyun looks up, astonished. “What?”
“You really still want me?” Siwon looks unsure-terrified even. “Like, for real?”
Kyuhyun can feel hysteria creeping up on him. “What do you think?” he demands, voice cracking.
Siwon casts his eyes down. “I thought you’re ashamed of me.”
Kyuhyun really cannot manage another ‘what’ and simply stares at the taller man, dumbfounded.
“We’re totally different,” Siwon says again, all defensive now. “I don’t… I know I’m not good enough for you. You’re smart and you come from a good family and you have all those impressive letters after your name. I’m a high school dropout. When you talk about your job, or your research, I don’t even understand two words of what you’re saying. It’s just… I’m so below you that-”
Kyuhyun throws the plastic bag he is carrying, hitting a surprised Siwon. It falls, spewing beer cans to the pavement.
“If you dare mention that one more time,” he threatens, “if you dare think of yourself in that way again, I’m going to... I don’t know but I’ll make you sorry, you-”
Then Siwon’s reaching for his face and kissing him hard in the middle of some curse word he barely knows what. He has to stop a second later because the glasses get in the way and Kyuhyun is now simply a sobbing mess.
This time, Siwon puts his arms around him.
“Don’t.” The whisper is close to his ear-just as it should be. “Please. I don’t want to be the reason you cry.”
“Too late,” he mutters, pressing his face into the crook of Siwon’s neck.
Siwon chokes a laugh, his lips all over Kyuhyun’s face.
Now all is well again.
-
“I burned your jacket.”
Siwon only grins stupidly at him. He’s too busy caressing Kyuhyun’s new tattoos to care about anything else at the moment, including the tragic demise of his jacket.
“Why a guitar and a bike?”
Kyuhyun’s face heats up. There are about ten million reasons to be embarrassed right now-what with his lying all naked and sweaty after an intense round of sex and Siwon’s staring, kissing, worshipping every inch of his skin, especially the tattoos-but the question takes the cake.
“You know why.”
Siwon’s grin stretches to a positively unhealthy breadth. “I want to hear you say it.”
“No.”
“Just once.”
After a long, embarrassed silence, Kyuhyun finally says, “Only if you agree to my request.”
Siwon’s smile turns indulgent. “Anything.”
“I want to see your place.”
The indulgence vanishes without a trace. “You won’t like it,” Siwon says uneasily, like he’s ashamed-which, Kyuhyun realises, he is. “It’s not like this place and I-”
“I want to see your place,” Kyuhyun repeats, softer, firmer. “I want to… see you.”
Siwon stares at him. Then smiles the most beautiful smile Kyuhyun has ever seen.
“Alright.”
-
Get the guy’s address this time.
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes after reading the message.
He sends Changmin a picture of Siwon’s new jacket instead, crumpled at the feet of his bed.
End
This fic has been translated into French by @siwondrous here ♥
Also into Persian by forogh here~ ♥
Fandom: Super Junior & DBSK RPF
Characters/Pairing: Siwon/Kyuhyun (with tons of ChangKyu BFF-ness and a tiny bit of HoMin)
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Mostly for curse words. And Kyuhyun's personality.
Word Count: ~5100
Summary: When a nerd and a badass thug fall in love. Inspired by this.
Notes: First fic in 2014! :D Because after the SMTown Week concert, bl4ckm4lice drew that fanart. And then this and this appeared. And I was sold OTL
Anyway, enjoy ^^
“Why are you crying?”
Startled, Kyuhyun whips his head up. Has the lock on his door been broken-no, of course not. Siwon has a key. Kyuhyun gave him the spare a week ago, after finding him waiting for nearly three hours in front of his apartment.
“It’s nothing.” He quickly wipes the humiliating proofs of snot and tears from his face and attempts a smile.
The result is probably tragic, because Siwon strides in with disbelief hanging like dark clouds around him.
“Who made you cry?” he demands, dropping to one knee by the couch where Kyuhyun sits with his arms around his knees.
“No one,” he mutters, putting his glasses back on-then quickly adds when Siwon seizes his wrist in an iron grip, “Really. Today was just a rough day. And the students... I’m not used to them yet.”
Siwon’s scowl deepens. “It’s them, isn’t it?”
Kyuhyun’s eyes widen. “No. No, Siwon, no. It’s not their faults.”
“The hell it isn’t. Those fucking snobs-”
“It’s not like that,” Kyuhyun interrupts him, shaking his head frantically. “I’m still new and-fine, yes-sort of very young for an assistant professor. But they just don’t know me yet. I’m sure it’ll get better with time.”
“Are you sure?” Siwon asks suspiciously.
Kyuhyun hurriedly nods. “Yes. It was just… a moment of weakness. Please ignore it.”
Siwon hasn’t lost his frown, but at least he is loosening his grip around Kyuhyun’s wrist. Bit by bit.
“I don’t like to see you cry.”
A blush spreads over Kyuhyun’s cheeks. Even after eight months, his reaction to Siwon’s random bursts of protectiveness hasn’t changed. “I know,” he replies shyly and places a soft peck on his boyfriend’s lips. “But don’t worry. I’m fine. And I really want to do this. I know I can do this.”
Siwon’s expression softens. “Of course you can,” he mutters, kissing the red marks he has inadvertently left on Kyuhyun’s wrist.
Kyuhyun feels the onset of another uncontrollable blush.
The subject is dropped.
-
He knew it was too easy.
But when Siwon shows up in his 10 o’clock class, there is nothing Kyuhyun can do but gape at him.
The other man is sitting in the last row, sticking out like a sore thumb in his black leather jacket and nail-studded boots among the meekly-dressed college students. Arms folded in front of his chest, he stares at Kyuhyun throughout the duration of lecture while the rest of the class stare at him.
Kyuhyun finishes the lesson in record time, barely knowing what he talks about-something concerning Temporal Logic Constraints or the likes. Then he drags Siwon to a nearby deli.
Which is a bad idea because the place is full of students, some of them his.
Kyuhyun tries to make himself as small as possible as he joins the queue and places their order. Not that it’s anything remotely achievable, considering how so-not-inconspicuous Siwon is. Still, he keeps his head low until they both have settled at a table for two near the window.
And then he bursts.
“Are you out of your mind?”
The only response he gets is a pair of raised eyebrows.
“You can’t just show up in my class!” he continues, still in a high-pitched whisper.
“Why not?” Siwon inquires coolly.
Kyuhyun heaves a deep breath to calm himself. “First of all, you’re not even a student.”
There is a long moment of silence as Siwon takes a bite from his humongous sandwich and chews slowly. His eyes never once leave Kyuhyun’s face.
“Alright then,” he finally says, his tone decisive. “What does it take to be your student?”
Kyuhyun freezes. “Are you- What are you-”
“If the problem is because I’m not your student, then I’ll be your student. I’ll try this education shit.”
Kyuhyun opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again and repeats the process about three times before rising to his feet and leaving the place with a frustrated growl.
He refuses to talk to Siwon for the rest of the day.
-
“I’m touched.”
Kyuhyun glares at his drinking companion. “Fine. Just mock me if that’s all you can do.”
Changmin smirks. “No, really, you have such a nice, caring boyfriend. What else can you ask?”
“I really hate you sometimes.”
“And I really want to say ‘I told you so’, but too bad I happen to be a nice guy.”
“He showed up in MY class,” Kyuhyun says darkly, as if he hasn’t repeated the same sentence multiple times in various intonations for the last two hours or so.
Changmin shrugs. “I did offer to arrest him when he first showed that kind of interest in you,” he points out, using his official tone (as Kyuhyun sometimes calls it). “But did you listen? Noooo, of course not.”
Kyuhyun has the grace to blush.
“He isn’t that bad,” he mutters, looking down at his empty glass. This is probably the eighth or ninth time that his glass has been empty tonight.
“Sure. Stalking you to class is definitely not that bad.”
“That wasn’t stalking,” Kyuhyun retorts with a dignified huff.
Changmin rolls his eyes. “I’m a police officer. I know better. And what did he do for a living again?”
Kyuhyun narrows his eyes. “He’s running a security service.”
“Yeah, that.” Changmin snorts and slams his glass on the table. “More like a group of thugs.”
“An inexpensive security service,” Kyuhyun continues icily. “So what if he doesn’t wear a suit. Or his clients don’t.”
“We’re never going to see eye to eye on this,” Changmin points out pragmatically, “so let’s just agree to disagree.”
Kyuhyun frowns, suddenly upset and disappointed. “You really don’t like him, do you?”
There is a long pause as Changmin stares raptly at the rows of liquor bottles at the bar, studiously avoiding his eyes.
“No,” he finally admits. “But you do, so it doesn’t really matter. Hell, I’ll even hang out with him if you promise to foot the bill.”
Kyuhyun grins and throws his arms around his best friend. Changmin makes a squeak-like sound but suffers the hug for about two seconds before pushing Kyuhyun away with an embarrassed huff.
-
He comes home half drunk-and finds Siwon standing in front of his door.
There is a moment of déjà vu, but then Kyuhyun remembers that this did happen, about two weeks ago. And now it happens again.
Which doesn’t make sense.
“You have a key,” he states, holding to the railing after nearly tripping over a potted plant.
“Yeah.” Siwon shifts, hands thrust deep in his jeans’ pockets. “But I don’t know if I can go in. I mean, it doesn’t feel right if- if you’re still angry with me.” He pauses, then adds, a conflicted expression on his face, “Are you?”
Kyuhyun spends the next few seconds being torn between a really strong urge to hit his boyfriend and an equally strong desire to cry and engulf him in a big hug. In the end, he does neither. He only stands there chewing on his bottom lip and feeling very stupid until Siwon curses under his breath and pulls him into his arms.
“This time it’s me, isn’t it?”
“What?” Only then that he feels the warm press of tears in his eyes.
“The one who makes you... look like this.”
Kyuhyun makes an incoherent sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sniff, and burrows deeper into Siwon’s arms.
Now all is well.
-
No one knows why Kyuhyun is going out with Siwon, or why Siwon is going out with Kyuhyun.
Including Kyuhyun.
They cannot be more different. He’s a brilliant, serious-minded postdoc who dedicates his time to research and teaching. Siwon, on the other hand, did not even graduate from high school.
He is also shy and quiet, finding his pleasure in books and wires and robotic programming.
Siwon finds his pleasure in intimidating people and looking good doing it.
So no one understands why they are dating.
What actually happened was, there was an accident about eight months ago. A slightly drunk Kyuhyun became physically acquainted with Siwon’s motorbike. Then one thing led to another, hospitals and flowers and guitars were involved, and before Kyuhyun knew it, he could no longer think about Siwon without having his stomach do a series of acrobatic feats.
Then one day, Siwon kissed him. And Kyuhyun almost died because they were standing at the top of the stairs and he nearly fell.
It all started from there.
-
To Kyuhyun’s relief, Siwon stops coming to his classes.
He does not, however, stop coming to the university premises.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun hisses at him-because Siwon might not be in the class but he’s sure as hell waiting just outside the class.
There are snickers coming from the direction of his dispersing students. Kyuhyun’s cheeks burn.
“I’m going to take you home,” Siwon answers, not at all perturbed.
Now there are giggles and laughs. Kyuhyun wants to dig a hole and die.
“Something happened,” Siwon says again before Kyuhyun can do anything drastic, like diving into a bin. “I’ll tell you on the way home.”
And he does, while Kyuhyun clings to his waist from the back of his motorbike. Apparently there was a clash between a group of college students and a rival gang called the Skulls and Siwon, being Siwon, is fully capable of being paranoid over the nerdy assistant professor he calls his.
“But you’re following me around campus-” Kyuhyun starts desperately.
“Just for a little while.” Siwon stops at a red light and turns his head, looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes. “You have no idea, do you?”
Kyuhyun stares perplexedly at him. “No idea of… what?”
“How precious you are to me.”
His face explodes in a deep shade of red, right there in the middle of the road in broad daylight. “What- you- how can you-”
“So please,” Siwon takes a deep breath, hand clasping over Kyuhyun’s, “allow me to do this.”
How can he do anything but nod after that.
-
Somehow, Changmin manages to find out.
“I did make an offer to-”
“Shut up,” Kyuhyun hisses into the phone-because Siwon is in the shower and he totally doesn’t need to hear about how Changmin plans to arrest him. They dislike each other enough as it is.
The other man snickers. “All I’m saying is you have a stalker who’s turning into a rabid guard dog.”
“Stop calling him a stalker.”
“Fine. Rabid dog.”
“He was telling the truth.” Another voice comes through the line-Yunho’s, Changmin’s partner and boyfriend of two years. “The gang thing, I mean. There’ve been a lot of reports about fights and stuffs.” A pause. “Although I’m not sure why he feels like he needs to follow you everywhere.”
Changmin sounds like he’s trying to laugh in the most insulting way possible.
Kyuhyun imagines wringing his best friend’s neck and then terminates the line.
“Who was it?”
Looking up, he is confronted with a vision of a half-naked Siwon fresh out of the shower, his tattooed body gleaming with droplets of water. Kyuhyun freezes-then firmly tells himself that he has seen everything that can be seen and there is absolutely no need to overreact.
“Ah, Changmin,” he stutters an answer when Siwon raises his eyebrows at his silence.
The eyebrows morph themselves into a frown. “What did he want?”
“Hm?” Kyuhyun mutters, desperately wondering why Siwon doesn’t seem to be interested in putting on more clothes. Although, of course, the ink work on his skin is kind of gorgeous.
“Your friend. What did he want.”
“Oh.” Kyuhyun forces his eyes to focus on Siwon’s face. “He was just telling me about some fights going on between the gangs and-” His heart drops into his stomach as a frightening thought flashes across his mind. He pulls Siwon down onto the bed. “You’re not… oh my God, are you involved in those? Are you in any danger?”
Siwon’s lips twitch into a smile. “No, you know I’m staying away from all those things now. But thank you for worrying.”
Kyuhyun flushes. “Of course I worry. What do you think I am?”
“For me?” Siwon grins, pulling him closer. “Just the most precious person in the world.”
Kyuhyun cannot even respond anymore. Thankfully, Siwon decides to kiss him.
-
Truth to be told, it isn’t so bad.
It’s still embarrassing and some of his students are still grinning too wide whenever they see him, but Kyuhyun can live with that. After a while, he gets used to seeing Siwon in the campus grounds, hanging around the cafeteria or just roaming the halls. He does wonder why no one hasn’t done anything so far Perhaps the security is too terrified to remove Siwon from the premises. Others, students and staff alike, simply steer clear off his path.
What makes it bad is something else.
Like the stiff, formal-looking envelope he finds on his desk one day, on top of all his jumbled research notes.
It contains a lengthy, wordy memo brimming with overly-complicated nouns and many glittery adjectives to describe the university’s unimpeachable standing. Long paragraphs ensue, dedicated to further descriptions and repetitions. Only at the very end of the missive (his eyes are already watering at this point) does Kyuhyun discover the real message.
There is a passing mention of Siwon-or what they call an unsavory character-and reports of threats received by certain group of student. It is followed by a tiny reminder that this is only Kyuhyun’s second semester and it’ll be unwise to put his position at stake. Oh and didn’t they mention about his research. Such a shame should the program be cancelled. So much wasted hard work.
Kyuhyun crumples the paper into a ball and throws it into a corner.
He doesn’t move from his desk for a very long time.
-
“Why?”
Kyuhyun wraps his fingers around his paper cup. They’re stopping for coffee after dinner-part of his attempt to mellow Siwon down which, sadly, doesn’t seem to be working.
“It’s been two weeks and nothing’s happened,” he points out, leaning against the hood of Siwon’s car. “And I’m sure you have other, more important things to do than just following me around campus.”
Siwon watches him, coffee and all forgotten. It takes Kyuhyun his entire willpower not to fidget under that gaze.
“You don’t know what these people can do,” Siwon finally says, his voice a low growl. “I’ve also heard stories about that frat group from your college. They’re not pretty.”
Kyuhyun shifts in his seat. “But you said you weren’t involved.”
Something ugly passes across Siwon’s face. “It doesn’t matter to an outsider,” he says darkly. “I’m a gang member. People don’t care which gang.”
Kyuhyun opens his mouth to protest, but Siwon beats him to it. “And now everybody knows that you know me.”
“Well, whose fault is that?” he retorts, scowling.
Siwon returns it with a glare. “Fine. It’s my fault, but the point is they already know. So there’s a chance that you’ll be targeted-by both sides. Only because you know me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I don’t give a damn if you think it’s fucking hilarious,” Siwon snaps. “I’m not taking any chances.”
Kyuhyun looks at him in disbelief. “I thought we’re talking about my life.”
Siwon frowns. “You don’t understand,” he starts, but Kyuhyun cuts him off.
“No, you don’t understand.” His voice is shaking with anger. “You don’t even care.”
“That’s not true.”
Kyuhyun ignores him. “The whole campus is talking about us, even the staff and the higher-ups. Do you know what they said to me? If you don’t stop this, I’ll lose everything. My whole life’s work. But you, someone like you have no idea how that feels, do you?”
Siwon stares at him long and hard, the paper cup crushed in his hand and spilling coffee everywhere.
“It’s not,” he begins, then stops, then tries again, “I don’t know what else to-”
“Just leave me alone,” Kyuhyun snaps, turning away and walking off.
Siwon doesn’t run after him.
-
So, he didn’t mean to say that.
He really didn’t.
Siwon is just being his meddlesome, paranoid self. Sure, he’s probably crossed some lines too, but Kyuhyun already regrets half the things he said when he gets home.
He opens the door to his apartment hopefully, half-expecting that it won’t to be empty. But it is. Dark and cold and silent.
Condemning him.
Kyuhyun spends the night hugging a jacket that smells like Siwon.
-
“Who died?”
-are the first words coming from Changmin’s mouth, as soon as he sits down. They’re meeting for dinner because, well, because Kyuhyun doesn’t really want to go back to eating alone so soon.
“What are you talking about?” he mutters, flipping through the menu dispiritedly.
Changmin peers suspiciously at his face. “You have that kind of look.”
“I don’t have any kind of look.”
“Like your pet died,” Changmin continues, stealing a gulp of mint tea from Kyuhyun’s glass. And promptly chokes. “Fuck. You had a fight, didn’t you?”
Kyuhyun gapes. “What?”
“With him.”
“How… you… but…” He stares helplessly at Changmin for a few seconds, and then slumps in his seat. “Never mind.”
Changmin frowns. He doesn’t say anything else until their hotpot arrives.
“So. I’m guessing this is your first big fight.”
“Not really,” Kyuhyun lies.
“Everybody fights,” Changmin declares sagely, dumping all the meats in at once. “Me and Yunho, we fight all the time.”
Kyuhyun makes a face. Yunho and Changmin argue on every point that can possibly be argued upon. He has never seen a couple who gets on each other’s nerve more-and for some unfathomable reasons, they seem to enjoy all the drama and screaming and whatnots.
He never really fights with Siwon. Not like this.
“It will get better,” Changmin says again, staring pensively at the boiling heaps in front of them.
“You don’t know that,” Kyuhyun murmurs desolately.
“I mean, it’s normal for couples to fight.” Changmin cringes. “I sound like a marriage shrink.”
That, at least, pricks a smile on Kyuhyun’s lips. And maybe Changmin is right. Things will get better. It’s only a day after all.
When he comes home, he finds a paper bag on his doorstep. Inside are books and a flash disk he left last night in Siwon’s car.
And at the very bottom of the bag is the spare key.
-
He doesn’t call Siwon.
Or, more precisely, he refuses to call first.
Because Siwon is clearly overreacting. They had a fight (which Changmin says is normal) and suddenly Kyuhyun has all his stuffs returned to him (including the key) as if-as if they are breaking up.
His stomach makes a painful clench. He reaches for his phone.
Then he remembers the spare key-given back without so much as a note or a message damn it-and puts it down again with a scowl. He spends the rest of the day hissing and snapping at his students.
Siwon still doesn’t call him.
-
Three days pass and Kyuhyun keeps telling himself that this is just a phase.
After all, they’re both busy. After all, they both need some space. After all… they belong to different spheres of life.
Kyuhyun frowns. The last thought doesn’t settle well with him. It’s almost as if he and Siwon don’t belong together.
Maybe you don’t, an evil voice whispers silkily in his head.
On the way home, he stops at a bookstore and purchases a magazine about tattoos.
-
It’s been a week and Siwon still doesn’t call him.
The magazine is all crumpled now. He’s considering a guitar. Or maybe a motorbike.
-
Two weeks. Kyuhyun starts asking about a good tattoo parlour in the neighbourhood.
He also carries his phone to the bathroom. Just in case.
-
Three. He’s really considering the bike.
-
“Don’t mope.”
Kyuhyun sniffs. “I’m not.”
“That would be more believable if you weren’t losing like every five minutes,” Changmin accuses, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. It’s one of their game nights and Kyuhyun’s performance so far can only be labelled as ‘atrocious’.
“I’m just not feeling well,” Kyuhyun grabs the first excuse that wanders into his brain.
Changmin gives him a pitying look. “You’re wearing his jacket.”
Kyuhyun pulls the jacket tighter around his shoulders. “It’s cold.”
“It’s 90 degrees in here,” Changmin is ruthless. “Face it, you miss him.”
Kyuhyun only stares at the TV screen with dead eyes, so Changmin huffs and continues, “Fine. Be that way. Although to be honest I still don’t understand what you see in him. He’s just a gangbanger. A low-life. The kind of-”
“Don’t call him that,” Kyuhyun snaps, his eyes suddenly not so dead anymore; in fact, they’re shooting flames.
Changmin’s sudden grin is triumphant. “See? And you try to act like you don’t care.”
Kyuhyun sinks deeper into his beanbag chair. Of course he misses Siwon. He’s been missing Siwon for a month now.
And right now he misses him so much he feels like he can cry.
“Shit,” Changmin swears, sounding panicked. “Kyu, I didn’t mean anything by that. Fuck. Okay. Here.” He grabs Kyuhyun’s phone and shoves it at him.
Kyuhyun blinks up in confusion.
Changmin jumps to his feet. “Call him,” he orders. “Talk. Apologise. Cry. Phone sex. Anything. I’ll be gone for a while so… bye.”
He’s already out of the door before Kyuhyun can form the ‘b’ in ‘but’.
Ten minutes later, pride battered and half-dead, Kyuhyun finally attempts a call.
And discovers that Siwon’s number is no longer in use.
-
After much crying and bawling into a pillow, he arrives to the conclusion that Siwon takes his words literally.
Kyuhyun told him to leave him alone, so he’s leaving him. Just like that.
“But don’t you have-”
“No.”
“Any of his friends’-”
“No.”
“HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE LIVES,” Changmin screeches at him.
Kyuhyun just hugs the pillow. He doesn’t even know how to answer that.
-
Thankfully, the universe doesn’t end or anything dramatic like that.
He just has a broken heart.
Still, it’s a really painful broken heart and Changmin has been calling him every day to make sure he’s eating and stuff-which would be annoying and embarrassing if Kyuhyun weren’t too busy being miserable to notice. He also crowds their chat message window with tons of links to internet articles about stages of loss or dealing with grief.
Kyuhyun doesn’t start reading them until his overwhelming sadness morphs into overwhelming anger.
“That’s good,” Changmin commends after Kyuhyun told him that he had just burned Siwon’s jacket. “Now you’re ready for the next stage. Do something to prove that you’re over him.”
Kyuhyun gets himself a tattoo.
-
It’s been three weeks.
Kyuhyun does everything recommended in every how-to-deal-with-loss website under the sun. He goes out. He eats a lot. He tries new hobbies. He haunts the gym. He shuns negative thoughts. He makes new friends. (In fact, one of his colleagues has asked him out for coffee and Kyuhyun almost says yes before realising that he has Siwon’s eyebrows.)
And still he’s stuck in the depression stage.
He also misses the jacket. He regrets burning the jacket now.
He misses Siwon, period.
So Kyuhyun gets himself another tattoo.
-
“You’re not celebrating New Year’s Eve alone.”
“I’m not celebrating it with you.”
Changmin’s voice turns menacing. “Why not.”
“Because we’re just going to watch some stupid Christmas movies, and you and Yunho are going to eat each other on the couch, and things are going to be awkward when-”
“The hell?” Changmin is clearly torn between amusement and indignation. “As if we’re going to do anything in front of your prudish little self. So calm your prudish little tits and come over here.”
“No.” Kyuhyun is firm. “Look, I’ll be okay. I’m… going out with someone.”
There is a long silence from the other side of the line.
Then: “Send me his photo.”
Kyuhyun sputters. “I don’t have his photo! What the- don’t you believe me?”
Another silence, shorter this time. “No.”
“Someone really asked me out,” Kyuhyun says miserably. “I’m not so uninteresting that-”
“Of course you’re not,” Changmin hurriedly speaks. “Fine. Go out. Have fun. But get a selca with this person tonight-if he isn’t hypothetical-and send me the photo because I’m going to have to vet him thoroughly this time-”
Kyuhyun scowls. “I’m hanging up.”
-
Obviously he isn’t going out with anyone.
Kyuhyun’s plan for New Year’s Eve is to stay at home with pizza and beer and watch crappy action movies filled with testosterones and absolutely no romantic scene.
And then he discovers that there is no beer left in the fridge. So he runs to the nearest convenience store.
And runs into Siwon.
“Oh.”
He stares and Siwon stares and Kyuhyun’s fingers are clenching so hard they must have dented the cans.
It’s unfair. He’s starting to get over the breakup-but one second with Siwon there standing in front of him and he’s back to stage one. Just like that.
Siwon opens his mouth-and Kyuhyun can practically feel the first syllable of his name curling on Siwon’s tongue-so he turns around and dashes toward the cashier, paying quickly.
Then he’s out of the store, into a street teeming with people. There’s safety here, of some sort. He’s still hyperventilating, but at least he’s breathing.
And mostly intact. Not completely broken.
“Hey!”
His feet lurch into a stop, as if anchored to that voice. A hand yanks his shoulder and he comes face-to-face with a furious Siwon.
“Look, I know you told me to stay away, but don’t treat me like I’m fucking contagious or something. You can look down on me all you want. And maybe I’m just some kind of trash compared to you and your high breeding and your shiny titles, but don’t fucking treat me like that.”
Kyuhyun stares, frozen. You're wrong, he wants to say, but Siwon throws him such a hateful look that no sound comes out of his throat.
“Why the fuck do I bother.”
Then Siwon turns around and walks away, disappearing into a throng of people.
Panic and pain burst in Kyuhyun’s chest. His feet stagger forward a few steps. His lips are mouthing Siwon’s name repeatedly, soundless and pathetic. Siwon is leaving him-for the second time. And he’s not going to come back.
Then there is a loud sound, like a gunshot. Like multiple gunshots. Kyuhyun jerks, looking up as colours splash across the sky. Above his head, fireworks explode in red, yellow, and green. Everyone around him is busy clapping and shouting, big smiles on their faces.
Suddenly heartsick, Kyuhyun looks around helplessly, wishing for... something. Anything.
And there, amidst the sea of strangers, is Siwon, looking at him the way he never looked at him before. But he's still there, within his reach again somehow. Heart throbbing painfully, Kyuhyun forces his feet to move, wading through the celebrating crowd and choruses of happy new year ’s, until he’s close enough to see the festive sky in Siwon’s eyes.
“I…” Kyuhyun gasps, desperately clinging to whatever frail threads of voice he manages to produce. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. I didn’t mean to say that. Or do that. I didn’t mean to run. I didn’t mean any of it. Please, please don’t go.”
A long moment passes, filled with noises that aren’t theirs. Kyuhyun knows that ugly tears are ruining his face, but Siwon doesn’t pull him into his arms like he usually does- did.
Of course he doesn’t do that anymore. They’re no longer anything.
“You mean, you still want me?”
The words are faint, almost drowned in the booms of fireworks-but they come from Siwon’s mouth, spoken by his voice.
Kyuhyun looks up, astonished. “What?”
“You really still want me?” Siwon looks unsure-terrified even. “Like, for real?”
Kyuhyun can feel hysteria creeping up on him. “What do you think?” he demands, voice cracking.
Siwon casts his eyes down. “I thought you’re ashamed of me.”
Kyuhyun really cannot manage another ‘what’ and simply stares at the taller man, dumbfounded.
“We’re totally different,” Siwon says again, all defensive now. “I don’t… I know I’m not good enough for you. You’re smart and you come from a good family and you have all those impressive letters after your name. I’m a high school dropout. When you talk about your job, or your research, I don’t even understand two words of what you’re saying. It’s just… I’m so below you that-”
Kyuhyun throws the plastic bag he is carrying, hitting a surprised Siwon. It falls, spewing beer cans to the pavement.
“If you dare mention that one more time,” he threatens, “if you dare think of yourself in that way again, I’m going to... I don’t know but I’ll make you sorry, you-”
Then Siwon’s reaching for his face and kissing him hard in the middle of some curse word he barely knows what. He has to stop a second later because the glasses get in the way and Kyuhyun is now simply a sobbing mess.
This time, Siwon puts his arms around him.
“Don’t.” The whisper is close to his ear-just as it should be. “Please. I don’t want to be the reason you cry.”
“Too late,” he mutters, pressing his face into the crook of Siwon’s neck.
Siwon chokes a laugh, his lips all over Kyuhyun’s face.
Now all is well again.
-
“I burned your jacket.”
Siwon only grins stupidly at him. He’s too busy caressing Kyuhyun’s new tattoos to care about anything else at the moment, including the tragic demise of his jacket.
“Why a guitar and a bike?”
Kyuhyun’s face heats up. There are about ten million reasons to be embarrassed right now-what with his lying all naked and sweaty after an intense round of sex and Siwon’s staring, kissing, worshipping every inch of his skin, especially the tattoos-but the question takes the cake.
“You know why.”
Siwon’s grin stretches to a positively unhealthy breadth. “I want to hear you say it.”
“No.”
“Just once.”
After a long, embarrassed silence, Kyuhyun finally says, “Only if you agree to my request.”
Siwon’s smile turns indulgent. “Anything.”
“I want to see your place.”
The indulgence vanishes without a trace. “You won’t like it,” Siwon says uneasily, like he’s ashamed-which, Kyuhyun realises, he is. “It’s not like this place and I-”
“I want to see your place,” Kyuhyun repeats, softer, firmer. “I want to… see you.”
Siwon stares at him. Then smiles the most beautiful smile Kyuhyun has ever seen.
“Alright.”
-
Get the guy’s address this time.
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes after reading the message.
He sends Changmin a picture of Siwon’s new jacket instead, crumpled at the feet of his bed.
End
This fic has been translated into French by @siwondrous here ♥
Also into Persian by forogh here~ ♥