nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy.

Dec 13, 2008 20:32

 we spend so much time telling ourselves that "it's going to be okay" that we never actually get the chance to make it okay.

i'm trying to remember the last time i felt okay. instead i just remember all the times i thought would make it better. it's okay. you'll be okay this summer. you'll be okay when school starts. you'll be okay after the trip. you'll be okay, obama won! you'll be okay, he went to rehab. you'll be okay- tomorrow is the fob concert! folie a deux! look at that!
and then there's all the things you can do that will make it go all away- you'd feel better if you lost weight. you'd feel better if you did more. you'd feel better if you made more friends. you'd feel better if you wrote better concepts. you'd feel better if you just got the fuck over it.
then, of course, there's the breakdowns. do you remember a time when you didn't have one at least once a week? my favorite was this last week. i've been dropped off in the same place for all of high school. and then i forgot. i can't even fucking function anymore.

but tonight has been the worst night in a very long time. all the friends i've lost and how alienated i've become cannot even compare. i have never felt more alone in my life.

"i will never believe in anything again"
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