Grrrrrrrrr.
Dear Angry Client #1:
If you start ranting about an issue before giving me your information, I can't help you.
If you won't shut up from your rant long enough to even give me your name, I can't help you.
If you're only going to tell me a teensy part of the problem, with vague details, and it's something that doesn't even go through my company, I can't help you.
If you tell me you're going to start writing letters, I really can't say anything to placate you, because you haven't given me a chance to even figure out what the problem is.
If you're going to ask me what the hell you need to do, then hang up on me because I say I honestly don't know, since you're asking a marshmallow maker how to build a ship, you have no one to blame but yourself for the problem.
If you'd calm down and give me a few basic details, I'd have been happy to help.
I really hope you call back and ask for a manager. He's been informed, and is probably going to tell you to stuff it.
No love, Me.
Dear Angry Client #2.
I'm really very sorry you're too stupid to ask for something, before demanding. Your ex-husband called me a month ago, said please, paid the minor archive fee, and got his hands on copies of your file. He's a very nice, calm, ingratiating man. Oh and he got it the day after he called. Had you bothered to call and simply ask the same favor, it would have been free, since he had already requested copies and paid the bill. We still had it in the office. I'm not sure why you thought you would have to subpoena us for the same information, but the fact that you spent all that time (a month) and money getting the subpoena, paying your lawyer, and then having it delivered to us by Certified Mail seems a little... excessive and stupid.
So you can shove your righteous attitude about how long it took to get this up your ... ahem. I had your copies ready before your damn even subpoena arrived, bitch. No wonder your husband divorced you. I hope he wins the house in court, since he said please instead of threatening my company with lawyers out of the gate.
Toodles!
Me.
If you start ranting about an issue before giving me your information, I can't help you.
If you won't shut up from your rant long enough to even give me your name, I can't help you.
If you're only going to tell me a teensy part of the problem, with vague details, and it's something that doesn't even go through my company, I can't help you.
If you tell me you're going to start writing letters, I really can't say anything to placate you, because you haven't given me a chance to even figure out what the problem is.
If you're going to ask me what the hell you need to do, then hang up on me because I say I honestly don't know, since you're asking a marshmallow maker how to build a ship, you have no one to blame but yourself for the problem.
If you'd calm down and give me a few basic details, I'd have been happy to help.
I really hope you call back and ask for a manager. He's been informed, and is probably going to tell you to stuff it.
No love, Me.
Dear Angry Client #2.
I'm really very sorry you're too stupid to ask for something, before demanding. Your ex-husband called me a month ago, said please, paid the minor archive fee, and got his hands on copies of your file. He's a very nice, calm, ingratiating man. Oh and he got it the day after he called. Had you bothered to call and simply ask the same favor, it would have been free, since he had already requested copies and paid the bill. We still had it in the office. I'm not sure why you thought you would have to subpoena us for the same information, but the fact that you spent all that time (a month) and money getting the subpoena, paying your lawyer, and then having it delivered to us by Certified Mail seems a little... excessive and stupid.
So you can shove your righteous attitude about how long it took to get this up your ... ahem. I had your copies ready before your damn even subpoena arrived, bitch. No wonder your husband divorced you. I hope he wins the house in court, since he said please instead of threatening my company with lawyers out of the gate.
Toodles!
Me.