(Untitled)

[off_the_hookah]

Gabe and I returned late last night. Somebody once told me that for as many time zones you've crossed, that's how many days your body takes to recover from jet lag. In any case, I'm doing well. My meetings with the BBC didn't turn out as fruitful as I'd hoped, but I was told there might be some opportunities opening up in 2009. Nothing definite

Comments

[pappybear]

One of the many reasons I'm glad I'm not a famous face.

[off_the_hookah]

What? Don't tell me you wouldn't want people photoshopping your face on the naked bodies of other men?

[pappybear]

[off_the_hookah]

Oh! Did you like your gift(s) then? Have you used it yet?

I'm just glad I'm not famous enough to have paparazzi chasing after me, recording every move.

It was when Gabe and I left, although I imagine it'll fall apart without our presence holding it up.

[pappybear]

[off_the_hookah]

Emily? I don't think you've told me about her.

If I started going on about Scientology, May might disown me. How about Buddhism? If I shaved my head and wore orange robes? Went on YouTube?

[Private to David]

I had some realizations while there. In an unrelated decision, I've decided to [...] quit smoking.

It was hard just to write that.

[pappybear]

[off_the_hookah]

Is she prrrrretty? She must be, if she's a temptress. Have you asked her on a date, yet?

Very perceptive there, but then I'd have to stand in airports and distribute books, and I don't know if I'm up for doing that. There must be a cult out there that's right for me. I got it! I'll start my own!

[Private to David]

Yes, it was. And I got very close. We all did, I think. [...] I met myself. You can't get any closer than that.

The deciding factor is the fact that I'm going to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars next season, and if I don't get myself into shape now, Monica and I will be eliminated in the first round.

[pappybear]

Yes I did, about a week ago. She stood me up. I went home, ate a pint of chocolate ice cream and watched Sleepless in Seattle while Martin did my nails.

I thought we already discussed this?

[Private to Neil]
No, you can't.

Damn, I thought your reason for quitting was going to be more otherworldly or metaphysical than appearing on television.

[off_the_hookah]

What color did he paint your nails?

Did you speak to her after that, or ignoring her? You should try again. You must be interested.

Oh yes, my polygamy cult, that's right! Then it must be fate. Although, polygamy sounds great in theory but difficult to put into practice. I think I'd like to add elements of Space Aliens. Those are always fun.

[Private to David]

I did. I saw him. We spoke. We shared a hookah.

David... my Tale is a hookah smoking caterpillar who sits upon a mushroom and has been associated with taking drugs forever. It's 'otherwordly' and 'metaphysical' for me to do these things, and quitting goes against the very nature and essence of my Tale. It's not an addiction, it's my being.

But the Caterpillar never had to dance the rumba.

[pappybear]

Private to David

[off_the_hookah]

It is NOT a crutch.

Private to Neil.

[pappybear]

Re: Private to David

[off_the_hookah]

[marks on the page that indicate several starts at a reply]

I told you before, my smoking is part of my Tale, what defines me as who I am. My drug taking has always been an aid for meditation, sometimes for relaxation. I don't need it as a crutch.

Private to Neil.

[pappybear]

Re: Private to David

[off_the_hookah]

You don't know what you're talking about.