The End of The Beginning V
Title: The End Of The Beginning
Part: V
Title: Knowing is only half
Pairing: Xander/Spike (eventually)
Overall Rating: NC17
Chapter Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Not mine, they just run around in my head.
AN: This time it's a thank you to mulder200for all the lovely comments and encouragement.
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It didn't take long for Xander's happiness to infect the small witch as they talked about the quickly forming plan. Once the idea was in the open they were both surprised they hadn't thought of it before. By the time he was off the phone to the redhead they'd decided not to tell anyone else until they knew whether it had a chance of working or not.
Willow was almost embarrassed that she didn't know enough off the top of her head to say yes or no definitively, but was more than a little determined to find out everything she could, promising to give Xander an update every day until they knew for certain.
Making his way back downstairs he met two pairs of curious eyes with his patented "Don't ask me I'm donut boy" grin. He could see Dawn roll her eyes, muttering something about Xander's mood swings, but a pair of blue eyes met his shrewdly, saying without words that once the teen went to bed he was demanding an explanation. Meeting those eyes with one of innocent confusion he smiled and flopped down on the couch beside the other brunette, his gaze fixed determinedly on the TV screen.
His nap had obviously done more good than he realized, because at 1am when Dawn finally fell asleep he still felt remarkably fresh. Running careful fingers through long hair he smiled, surprised by just how much he viewed the teen lying against him as a surrogate daughter. He'd never wanted children, his own disastrous upbringing had taught him better than that, but he couldn't imagine his life without Dawn's constant laughter and surprising insights.
Picking up the teen wasn't an easy feat, he may work in construction but he wasn't superman, and 15 years of growth was a lot for one man to carry. Making his way up the stairs with his cargo he smiled down at her, surprised at how much of a child she still looked like when she was sleeping. The smile slipped from his face when he realized what was different about her, when she was dreaming that cynical, no-longer-naïve, look faded, left her looking closer to her real age. Settling her on her bed he kissed her forehead like he always wished his own parents had done for him and just looked at her for a moment.
"I'm sorry Dawnie, for everything you've learnt that I wish you didn't have to know." Getting the blanket out from under her was a little difficult but he managed with light touches and gentle tugs.
He accepted the Hellmouth, knew it took the innocence out of people before they could walk, but it still hurt him somewhere deeper than his heart to see that knowing look on the teen's face. He knew he'd had to learn about the things that went bump in the night around her age, but he wished he could have spared her that, left her living in blissful denial for just a little bit longer.
"She's better off knowing it, mate. Much as it hurts her sometimes, at least if she knows, then she knows what to look for. She may have grown up too fast, but she'll also live longer for it." And how strange must his life have become when those words of comfort were coming from someone he once would have counted as an enemy but was now the closest thing he had to a friend left in this backwards town.
Xander didn't say anything, didn't know what he could say that wouldn't sound like a five year old railing against life and screaming "it's not fair". Because he knew what the blonde would say, knew he would tell him no, it's not fair, it never would be, because life will screw you when it can and you have to hold onto every smile as hard as you can because it'll leave you otherwise.
Making his way downstairs again he grabbed two beers from the fridge, passing one to the vampire and taking a long pull of his. He knew it was coming, could feel it standing between them like the proverbial pink elephant. But he left it to fester, he wasn't going to tell unless he was asked, and the question was going to come soon enough.
"What was that all about with phoning the witch?" There it was, right on queue.
"Realized I'd forgotten to tell her there's a new season of Stargate coming out soon." He didn't think the trademark joke was going to avoid the conversation, but it didn't stop the retort from leaving his lips anyway.
"Funny, pillock. Very funny." And he knew the blonde wouldn't ask him again, just worry at it like a dog, dancing around and around until Xander was so dizzy he couldn't help the truth from spilling out.
This time he didn't try, didn't let the dance continue until he thought he'd be sea sick. He knew he'd promised Willow his silence, but there was no way they'd get anything done if they had to try and avoid the nosy vampire. So instead of playing the game he knew the demon in Spike enjoyed, he decided on blunt honesty.
"I think we've found a way to deactivate your chip."
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