(no subject)
Sometimes I miss people too much, even the assholes. I think I'm just lonely. I miss what it was like to have someone just hold me and tell me how cool I am even though I'm not. Ha. I guess I use to enjoy being lied to. But I'm not into that anymore. I want someone to realize that I'm not the prettiest girl in the world to say the least but I have an amazing ability to be the most loyal person you've ever known. I've heard I'm easy to talk to, but I just like getting to know really cool people. I miss having someone I could tell the most private things about my life and hear theirs and know it won't go any farther than the distance of my lips to his ears. I miss holding hands with someone I really care about. I miss having someone to do nice things for just because I want to make them smile. I can't really say I miss someone doing the same for me because no one ever has. I'm not an overly cheesie romantic, and I don't want someone doing something too extreme, just something to make me smile. Like make me something, I've always wanted something like that. I'm tired of being led on. I'm tired of realizing I'm a fling. I want to knock someone's socks off as gay as that sounds. I think if someone really got to know me and if we just meshed maybe I wouldn't be so hard to love. I fall too fast, so lately I've found myself building walls around myself that are really doing the trick, so I guess I'm just looking for someone to tear those down. I'm not a typical girl. I'm the type of girl who can be one of the guys. I'm not bitchy about stupid things. I think farts are funny, not gross....okay so they are a little when they smell. Haha. Your dirty jokes will make me pee my pants. And at the end of the day I can be your girl, the one you talk to kiss, etc. Maybe some day someone worth the time will realize that. There have been a few guys I think have that potential, but I've never been the one with a enough confidence to help put things into to motion. I confine myself so deep inside that I never let what I really could be out because I'm just scared. I'm scared of myself. My mom says I have an intimidating personality because I'm just different, she also thinks that's why I'm so scared of myself. I don't know. I just want someone to make me smile like I've never smiled before, and I miss saying I love you, because I only say it when I mean it.