Sigh
I wonder if my mind is starting to go... Starting with earlier when I was in the bathroom.
So, lately I've been peeing in my dreams when I really need to go and when I do, part of my mind worries that I actually did just pee. When I was in the bathroom earlier, I had the sudden fear of "... Am I supposed to be peeing here? Is this right?"
I don't know if I'm starting to go nuts. Maybe I just need to get out more and read more books rather than looking at prettypretty pictures and lights that go all sparkly.
But seriously, I am worried about my state of mind. My boyfriend would just tell me that I'm being silly, that nothing's wrong with me... It wouldn't help, I know it wouldn't. It could just be the stress of living here, I dunno...
I just don't want to go crazy yet. I'm 21. I shouldn't be worrying about things like this. I should be happy, carefree... Not worrying that life is going to end... It's most likely just stress... but I don't know...
I had a dream this morning that my boyfriend suddenly went missing... I could find only his shoes on the bus we were supposed to be on, and I couldn't find him on there anywhere. So I went up and sat down next to the door, being depressed and trying not to cry. One of my old friends from school pulled up in his car, with an utterly bewildered look on his face. He mouthed the words "He's not with you?" and then took me to go find him on foot. Another friend of ours met up with us somewhere and helped to look for him and we wandered through this mall... I ran into one lady at a phone that asked if I had lost someone or something like that. She said that by calling a number, he could be found and returned. I wanted to take her up on it, but I said no anyway... We got through the mall and were in some low valley meadow with lots of fog. I looked around, my two companions out looking as well away from me. Noticing my first friend, I went over to him and found him behind a small, tall hill. I couldn't see very well at this part of the dream, so everything was fuzzy. I knew that he was here though. I dropped to my knees in the mud, feeling it squish under me, and felt around. As soon as my hands touched the body and it lept into my lap, I knew I'd found him... but it wasn't the way I was expecting. He was a little, skinny brown pig with a strange metal object sticking out from his chin. I knew it was him though... I told him that we could change him back, and that he could come back with us, but he rejected it... He said that he wanted to stay with the turkey, that she was all alone... I looked over and saw a turtle in the corner of the little shelter next to us, hiding. "The yellow softshell turtle? Japanese softshell turtle?" And he said no, the yellow turkey. Then I noticed the bird, it's head looked more like the yellow knee of a chicken rather than a turkey's head. I was heartbroken that he wanted to stay and not come back with me... Soon after that, I woke up and started crying... Sadly, he'd not come to bed so I couldn't snuggle with him and dismiss it... But I fell back asleep and had a slightly more comforting dream, being a pet again, or, more accurately, trying to be a pet so I didn't get killed. When I told him about it, he just laughed. I doubt it was because of sleep deprivation... I'm going to have to get over this communication issue... I keep everything bottled up and forgotten or I just let it out here, not that it always helps...
He says he understands me more than I think he does. If he really does, then why does he do things like that?
So, lately I've been peeing in my dreams when I really need to go and when I do, part of my mind worries that I actually did just pee. When I was in the bathroom earlier, I had the sudden fear of "... Am I supposed to be peeing here? Is this right?"
I don't know if I'm starting to go nuts. Maybe I just need to get out more and read more books rather than looking at prettypretty pictures and lights that go all sparkly.
But seriously, I am worried about my state of mind. My boyfriend would just tell me that I'm being silly, that nothing's wrong with me... It wouldn't help, I know it wouldn't. It could just be the stress of living here, I dunno...
I just don't want to go crazy yet. I'm 21. I shouldn't be worrying about things like this. I should be happy, carefree... Not worrying that life is going to end... It's most likely just stress... but I don't know...
I had a dream this morning that my boyfriend suddenly went missing... I could find only his shoes on the bus we were supposed to be on, and I couldn't find him on there anywhere. So I went up and sat down next to the door, being depressed and trying not to cry. One of my old friends from school pulled up in his car, with an utterly bewildered look on his face. He mouthed the words "He's not with you?" and then took me to go find him on foot. Another friend of ours met up with us somewhere and helped to look for him and we wandered through this mall... I ran into one lady at a phone that asked if I had lost someone or something like that. She said that by calling a number, he could be found and returned. I wanted to take her up on it, but I said no anyway... We got through the mall and were in some low valley meadow with lots of fog. I looked around, my two companions out looking as well away from me. Noticing my first friend, I went over to him and found him behind a small, tall hill. I couldn't see very well at this part of the dream, so everything was fuzzy. I knew that he was here though. I dropped to my knees in the mud, feeling it squish under me, and felt around. As soon as my hands touched the body and it lept into my lap, I knew I'd found him... but it wasn't the way I was expecting. He was a little, skinny brown pig with a strange metal object sticking out from his chin. I knew it was him though... I told him that we could change him back, and that he could come back with us, but he rejected it... He said that he wanted to stay with the turkey, that she was all alone... I looked over and saw a turtle in the corner of the little shelter next to us, hiding. "The yellow softshell turtle? Japanese softshell turtle?" And he said no, the yellow turkey. Then I noticed the bird, it's head looked more like the yellow knee of a chicken rather than a turkey's head. I was heartbroken that he wanted to stay and not come back with me... Soon after that, I woke up and started crying... Sadly, he'd not come to bed so I couldn't snuggle with him and dismiss it... But I fell back asleep and had a slightly more comforting dream, being a pet again, or, more accurately, trying to be a pet so I didn't get killed. When I told him about it, he just laughed. I doubt it was because of sleep deprivation... I'm going to have to get over this communication issue... I keep everything bottled up and forgotten or I just let it out here, not that it always helps...
He says he understands me more than I think he does. If he really does, then why does he do things like that?