Hmm..
Well, day two at work went better than day one. Goes by so... slowly? stressfully? that it seems more like three or four. I really, really want out, lol.
But today I felt something odd. Almost like my gender identity is shifting.
So occasionally I have dreams where I get to bone the chick. Pretty awesome in my opinion because it's all like "Hey! Cool! I has a penis!" though not really because I've only got sex going in my head. Doesn't last very long though, LOL, I'm usually done after like... five. Or about as done as my body reacts. I'm considering asking my boyfriend if he wants to take me up on my agreement of his fucking me while I'm asleep, just to see what happens. I've had some dreams that go opposite of how you'd think they'd go when he comes to bed with me; one I got seriously pissed the fuck off at this guy that just randomly either started hugging me or laying on me because my boyfriend actually shifted to lay on me. I was growing at the guy in my dream, yet my boyfriend said I was all "Mmmm..." That could have been a not-fully formed "Rrrr..." instead, though, lol. Anyway, yeah... It might make me have a stressful chase-and-attempted-rape dream, or it might not. A little nervous as to how it'd happen...
But I was checking out a woman's outfit as she was walking into Dierberg's. A really cute black outfit with a silver/gray top that could have been an overshirt or a vest-thingie, as well as silk. But as I was doing so, I wound up slipping into actually checking her out, causing me to feel the gender identity of a male slipping in and settling over mine, I think. I dunno what to make of it yet... And I really, really hope I'm not slipping into gender fluid instead of boobs-only bi. *Sighs.* I've got enough stress on myself about my relationship... I wish I would finally fucking get over it and heal properly. I'm still scared to let him in. Almost terrified to lose him if I do. *Sighs.* I wish I could fucking shank that bastard in the gut. He's no use to anyone.
Yeah, I've got a lot of issues about it still.
But today I felt something odd. Almost like my gender identity is shifting.
So occasionally I have dreams where I get to bone the chick. Pretty awesome in my opinion because it's all like "Hey! Cool! I has a penis!" though not really because I've only got sex going in my head. Doesn't last very long though, LOL, I'm usually done after like... five. Or about as done as my body reacts. I'm considering asking my boyfriend if he wants to take me up on my agreement of his fucking me while I'm asleep, just to see what happens. I've had some dreams that go opposite of how you'd think they'd go when he comes to bed with me; one I got seriously pissed the fuck off at this guy that just randomly either started hugging me or laying on me because my boyfriend actually shifted to lay on me. I was growing at the guy in my dream, yet my boyfriend said I was all "Mmmm..." That could have been a not-fully formed "Rrrr..." instead, though, lol. Anyway, yeah... It might make me have a stressful chase-and-attempted-rape dream, or it might not. A little nervous as to how it'd happen...
But I was checking out a woman's outfit as she was walking into Dierberg's. A really cute black outfit with a silver/gray top that could have been an overshirt or a vest-thingie, as well as silk. But as I was doing so, I wound up slipping into actually checking her out, causing me to feel the gender identity of a male slipping in and settling over mine, I think. I dunno what to make of it yet... And I really, really hope I'm not slipping into gender fluid instead of boobs-only bi. *Sighs.* I've got enough stress on myself about my relationship... I wish I would finally fucking get over it and heal properly. I'm still scared to let him in. Almost terrified to lose him if I do. *Sighs.* I wish I could fucking shank that bastard in the gut. He's no use to anyone.
Yeah, I've got a lot of issues about it still.