Dreams
I've been having nightmares every night for the last couple weeks. Most apocalypse and post-apocalypse stuff, my usual stress dreams, but the sharks have also been making a few reappearances as well. (For those who don't know or have forgotten, I have recurring dreams of sharks and the zombie apocalypse.)
Brandon told me (jokingly) this morning that he suspects me to be a witch like Morgana in "Merlin", and my dreams are actually visions of the future. My over-active imagination of course loved this idea, but I suspect that it's just my subconscious dealing with Jaimee's death. Sure is making sleepytime a far more stressful experience than usual, though. I wake up feeling upset about whatever disturbing dream I've had that night, and still tired. I go to sleep dreading what new horrifying scenario awaits me that night.
Last night was very complex, involving trying to hide in a spaceship from what I assume were alien invaders? At some point I switched to being on earth in some kind of refugee camp, running from roving gangs of human looters. Generally, Brandon is there as well as my ally, which makes me feel slightly less frightened in the dream. Unusually, I was aware that I was dreaming last night. As I ran from the gang, I told myself to picture myself somewhere happy, and was able to change the subject of the dream to my being in Disneyland! Which was fun for a while, and made me feel very powerful, but eventually the dream changed back to the post-apocalypse wasteland. At that point, I remember staring in the chaos and telling myself to "Wake up. Wake up!" but I couldn't do it. I was very afraid that maybe I wasn't asleep after all, and this was my new reality. I was extremely relieved once I actually woke up.
Perhaps I should make myself some kind of token, a la Inception? Apparently my dreams are getting progressively more complicated as I deal with my grief.
Brandon told me (jokingly) this morning that he suspects me to be a witch like Morgana in "Merlin", and my dreams are actually visions of the future. My over-active imagination of course loved this idea, but I suspect that it's just my subconscious dealing with Jaimee's death. Sure is making sleepytime a far more stressful experience than usual, though. I wake up feeling upset about whatever disturbing dream I've had that night, and still tired. I go to sleep dreading what new horrifying scenario awaits me that night.
Last night was very complex, involving trying to hide in a spaceship from what I assume were alien invaders? At some point I switched to being on earth in some kind of refugee camp, running from roving gangs of human looters. Generally, Brandon is there as well as my ally, which makes me feel slightly less frightened in the dream. Unusually, I was aware that I was dreaming last night. As I ran from the gang, I told myself to picture myself somewhere happy, and was able to change the subject of the dream to my being in Disneyland! Which was fun for a while, and made me feel very powerful, but eventually the dream changed back to the post-apocalypse wasteland. At that point, I remember staring in the chaos and telling myself to "Wake up. Wake up!" but I couldn't do it. I was very afraid that maybe I wasn't asleep after all, and this was my new reality. I was extremely relieved once I actually woke up.
Perhaps I should make myself some kind of token, a la Inception? Apparently my dreams are getting progressively more complicated as I deal with my grief.