New Years.
My 2010 new year's resolutions:
1. Get into shape for Thailand.
2. Move out.
3. Make toadstool stool.
4. Make myself into who I want to be.
5. Protect my heart.
Well, isn't this something. In retrospect I feel like my new year resolutions were kind of pathetic/unambitious but I suppose at the time they were essential. Maybe because time in itself provided my success for those I did achieve-- except for maybe get into shape for Thailand. I feel like I could have been in more shape for Thailand than I was, but in actuality I was more fit and more willing to work than some of the others, so I feel like I did achieve it. I remember one day on my Thailand trip where we harvested this whole corn field for elephant food. It was rumored to be one of the worse and hardest "chore" at ENP. We used machetes to chop the stalk close to the ground. That was the fun part, because those knifes cut right through a handful of stalks (if you knew how to do it right). As we gazed over our felled piles at the empty field, we were all so proud that we cut all of that down so fast and we somehow cheated one of the hardest job our leaders made us do. Little did we realize that cutting the stalks wasn't the hard part of the job, it was carrying all of them back to the truck. Each bunch weighed approximately 30lbs each, and we had to carry them over the full length of the field over the clingy mud which made each foot heavier with every step and we had to avoid the stumps. Not to mention that these were freshly cut plants, with potential spiders and bugs crawling everywhere. With the humidity, water was just pouring down our faces. I remember some of the other ISV girls huddling together complaining about the work and the sweat fountain on our faces. One girl (who is probably the most spoiled girl I have ever met, btw, but that's said out of love) just drifted between groups of work trying to find the easiest job, which didn't exist. Things got even worse when it started to rain. You might think, "hey that would cool you down while you work", but no. It just made everything slick and we had to cross this little bamboo bridge to get to the truck. Pretty terrifying. So yeah, I feel pretty proud for the effort I put into my volunteer work for Thailand. I have since kind of let myself go, and haven't been working out as dedicated as I should be, but I hope to rectify this as soon as possible. So, first new years resolution,
1. Try to work out as much as possible/get healthy. In reality I want this goal to be, 'work out every single day', but I am trying to being realistic. Paul and I made this resolution together. For a few months we were working out everyday. Jogging and weight lifting and we both noticed weight loss and definition of our muscles. We were both feeling better about ourselves and had more energy, but eventually working out on the days when Paul worked the previous night never really worked with our semi-conflicting schedule. What we have planned for ourselves is that we will get a calendar and check off everyday that we do work out. Maybe at the end of the year I will count up the total. x amount of days/365. Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome and something that if I get good at will be a good future habit. I'll probably wavier in my commitment, but here's hoping. Oh yeah, I did also sign up for dance every week day-- that'll help.
Okay. Back to the fulfillment chat; 2. Move out. Check, but at the same time I feel sorta cheated, since I live with Paul. I could afford to live on my own if I were ever forced to, but since Paul and I are in a relationship and Paul works full-time, I definitely have a much more plushy life here. Paul and I feel like we keep things pretty even relatively, but I do feel sorta guilty about it all. Paul and I realize that while we might not ever be rich, I'll probably ultimately end up making more money than him. So, I guess I try to put my pride, or whatever this guilt is from, behind me.
3. Make toadstool stool. Well, that never happened. I was trying to find the right stump to begin with, and I never found that. Without the stump I thought it would be ridiculous to buy all the parts for the cap, so kaboom. There goes that resolution. I guess I still would really dig a toadstool stump, but I guess it was mostly out of whimsy for me. Maybe I'll do it someday. Out of all fairness, I did seem to think at the time that if there was any resolution to not fulfill, it was this one.
4. Make myself into who I want to be. Check, well sorta. I can gladly say that through a full year+ of dr appointments and therapy sessions that I feel I did achieve what I intended the resolution to achieve but, probably not literally. Yes, I know that sounds confusing and slightly contradictory, but let me explain. I still feel like there are more I can do to improve on with myself, such as the weight, etc. but I did make myself happy again. I did make myself into someone who tries to be witty, someone who is openly accepting and kind, someone with courage. More over, I feel more patient and less irritable. I don't make snide comments, like to my Mom, but instead of tell her every time I see her how much she means to me. The past has made me realize how much I love my family, to value a constant stream of love. I didn't fully appreciate it, or understand the extent. Something I regret terribly.
5. Protect my heart. I am positive that I have found someone who will take care of my heart. I did fall in love, and I was terrified at first, but totally worth it.
So, I'm eager to end this journal so next year resolutions:
2. Make a budget and stick to it. I made this resolution sort of belatedly. My friend Kat was talking about how she made a budget with mint.com and I looked the site over and I decided to put about a certain amount of money away, saving up, and mint.com directs you and helps you. I made two goals, such as my wedding and with a minimal amount of money tucked away each month I could potentially get married in 3 years and that's a projection that doesn't make me in debt.
3. Return to nature. I haven't been hiking as much as I would want this last year. I haven't been wandering in the hills and I miss it.
I've had this entry written for over a week, but I haven't posted it because I can't think of any different resolutions. So, I guess those 3 will have to do until I think of anymore... or until next year.
1. Get into shape for Thailand.
2. Move out.
3. Make toadstool stool.
4. Make myself into who I want to be.
5. Protect my heart.
Well, isn't this something. In retrospect I feel like my new year resolutions were kind of pathetic/unambitious but I suppose at the time they were essential. Maybe because time in itself provided my success for those I did achieve-- except for maybe get into shape for Thailand. I feel like I could have been in more shape for Thailand than I was, but in actuality I was more fit and more willing to work than some of the others, so I feel like I did achieve it. I remember one day on my Thailand trip where we harvested this whole corn field for elephant food. It was rumored to be one of the worse and hardest "chore" at ENP. We used machetes to chop the stalk close to the ground. That was the fun part, because those knifes cut right through a handful of stalks (if you knew how to do it right). As we gazed over our felled piles at the empty field, we were all so proud that we cut all of that down so fast and we somehow cheated one of the hardest job our leaders made us do. Little did we realize that cutting the stalks wasn't the hard part of the job, it was carrying all of them back to the truck. Each bunch weighed approximately 30lbs each, and we had to carry them over the full length of the field over the clingy mud which made each foot heavier with every step and we had to avoid the stumps. Not to mention that these were freshly cut plants, with potential spiders and bugs crawling everywhere. With the humidity, water was just pouring down our faces. I remember some of the other ISV girls huddling together complaining about the work and the sweat fountain on our faces. One girl (who is probably the most spoiled girl I have ever met, btw, but that's said out of love) just drifted between groups of work trying to find the easiest job, which didn't exist. Things got even worse when it started to rain. You might think, "hey that would cool you down while you work", but no. It just made everything slick and we had to cross this little bamboo bridge to get to the truck. Pretty terrifying. So yeah, I feel pretty proud for the effort I put into my volunteer work for Thailand. I have since kind of let myself go, and haven't been working out as dedicated as I should be, but I hope to rectify this as soon as possible. So, first new years resolution,
1. Try to work out as much as possible/get healthy. In reality I want this goal to be, 'work out every single day', but I am trying to being realistic. Paul and I made this resolution together. For a few months we were working out everyday. Jogging and weight lifting and we both noticed weight loss and definition of our muscles. We were both feeling better about ourselves and had more energy, but eventually working out on the days when Paul worked the previous night never really worked with our semi-conflicting schedule. What we have planned for ourselves is that we will get a calendar and check off everyday that we do work out. Maybe at the end of the year I will count up the total. x amount of days/365. Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome and something that if I get good at will be a good future habit. I'll probably wavier in my commitment, but here's hoping. Oh yeah, I did also sign up for dance every week day-- that'll help.
Okay. Back to the fulfillment chat; 2. Move out. Check, but at the same time I feel sorta cheated, since I live with Paul. I could afford to live on my own if I were ever forced to, but since Paul and I are in a relationship and Paul works full-time, I definitely have a much more plushy life here. Paul and I feel like we keep things pretty even relatively, but I do feel sorta guilty about it all. Paul and I realize that while we might not ever be rich, I'll probably ultimately end up making more money than him. So, I guess I try to put my pride, or whatever this guilt is from, behind me.
3. Make toadstool stool. Well, that never happened. I was trying to find the right stump to begin with, and I never found that. Without the stump I thought it would be ridiculous to buy all the parts for the cap, so kaboom. There goes that resolution. I guess I still would really dig a toadstool stump, but I guess it was mostly out of whimsy for me. Maybe I'll do it someday. Out of all fairness, I did seem to think at the time that if there was any resolution to not fulfill, it was this one.
4. Make myself into who I want to be. Check, well sorta. I can gladly say that through a full year+ of dr appointments and therapy sessions that I feel I did achieve what I intended the resolution to achieve but, probably not literally. Yes, I know that sounds confusing and slightly contradictory, but let me explain. I still feel like there are more I can do to improve on with myself, such as the weight, etc. but I did make myself happy again. I did make myself into someone who tries to be witty, someone who is openly accepting and kind, someone with courage. More over, I feel more patient and less irritable. I don't make snide comments, like to my Mom, but instead of tell her every time I see her how much she means to me. The past has made me realize how much I love my family, to value a constant stream of love. I didn't fully appreciate it, or understand the extent. Something I regret terribly.
5. Protect my heart. I am positive that I have found someone who will take care of my heart. I did fall in love, and I was terrified at first, but totally worth it.
So, I'm eager to end this journal so next year resolutions:
2. Make a budget and stick to it. I made this resolution sort of belatedly. My friend Kat was talking about how she made a budget with mint.com and I looked the site over and I decided to put about a certain amount of money away, saving up, and mint.com directs you and helps you. I made two goals, such as my wedding and with a minimal amount of money tucked away each month I could potentially get married in 3 years and that's a projection that doesn't make me in debt.
3. Return to nature. I haven't been hiking as much as I would want this last year. I haven't been wandering in the hills and I miss it.
I've had this entry written for over a week, but I haven't posted it because I can't think of any different resolutions. So, I guess those 3 will have to do until I think of anymore... or until next year.