EPISODE PLAY BY PLAY
All righty.
Play by Play for Episode 2: Sheriff Got Your Tongue?
This is the third of 13...so I've got 10 more to do. Christ. And I really must get into the frame of mind that "longer does not mean better" because this is the worst of the three...not to mention the longest. Fuckity fuck fuck.
I did have fun thought. :D
So, this one clocks in at 3,238 words so I hope you're nice and comfy!
Okay. So, we start with a huge fanfare and riding horses into Locksley on behalf of the Sheriff and Guy. It looks all exciting and such. Cool, yus? Well not for the people of Locksley. Because after the whole shoot down of condemned men in episode one, it seems Robin has put himself in the Sheriff’s bad books. That was apparently some quality rope that Robin dispatched. Okay, so of course Robin’s villagers are going to know exactly where Robin is. Of course, why wouldn’t they? And Ol’ Sheriff wants some informations. He’s been calm as a kitten in a basket about all of this…but Guy? “LOOSEN YOUR TONGUES OR LOSE THEM! OMGHULKSMASH!” Jesus! That’s not helping, Guy face kthx. So, true to their words, Guy and the Sheriff unleash tongue removal time for all! Well, just the smartarse who thought he’d be funny by pretending to bow. Good job, fella. One tongue an hour until someone says where Robin is. Good deal, yo.
OPENING CREDITS! (In the Commentary Lucy Griffiths says this is the most exciting bit. Ha!)
CUT TO:
Apparently, it’s customary for Outlaws to tie people to trees with no clothes on. Well, there isn’t complete nakedness as Robin is allowed to keep his pants and his under shirt, Much is allowed to keep his shorts and his undershirt and Allan is…HOLYSHITNOSHIRT! Allan is allowed to keep his pants, but apparently his shirts are valuable? What? Okay, no complaints from me, no shirt offers some lovely fangirling opportunities. No worries. The Dudes from the end of episode One are just dead guys who steal “Willy Nilly” but they don’t got any ideas what that means. By the way, in case you missed it: Allan is not wearing a shirt. Much is all “Dudes! We’re like all together on the same side and shit.” And the Outlaws who steal clothes are all “Pssh. Whatevs.” And one of them decides a great idea would be to smell these guys. Robin and Much smell lovely. Apparently, they smell like Lavender. Aww. Much thinks it’s a great idea to plead their case by saying it is, in fact, Rose Petals. I’m sure that’s the main point, Much. There is no comment on how Allan smells. But he’s not wearing a shirt…soo, yeah. Fun stuff.
And where is Will in all this? He’s using a tree to cunningly hide himself. Whilst in hiding, he shows Robin his little hatchet (that is NOT a euphemism, kthx), but I don’t think Robin is really into prezzies when he’s tied to a tree. Sniffing Man moves on to Allan (who is shirtless) and begins to search him. Why he didn’t search Robin and Much, I don’t know. Perhaps he’s put off by lovely smells. Allan’s carrying a ha’penny which of course is taken from him. Poor Allan looks dreadfully sad at this. Although, that could also be the lack of shirt. I’m not complaining. Robin proves what a great dude he is by telling John and his pack of Dudes that the horses are theirs...how’s about leaving Allan with at least something? But no. There will be none of that. Allan shall remain both shirtless and ha’pennyless. Although Robin does refer to Allan as “his friend” Awww. Bonding over shirtlessness being tied to trees. Also known in certain circles as “Tree!Porn”
Then…all at once these OutlawDudez leave. Because John whistles at them likes dogs. Sophisticated. (“Ooh. Big words. Scary.”)
Once OutlawDudez have wandered off, Will comes out of the woodwork (lol!) and sets about being the almighty hero by untying Much. Robin has SUPA SPESHUL POWAS of rope get outtery and doesn’t need a hatchet for such triviality. Both Much and Allan are shocked by this. Much is all “The Fuck Robs? Y u not take dem fuckas owt?” Apparently the word “Odds” does not enter into it. One dude, no weapons versus 4 dudes with an abundance of weapons…not quite a good match up. I’m not counting Will because he was way off in the distance and Robin would get his arse handed to him well before Willy boy rocked on into the game.
Anyway, Robin then sets about throwing sticks at his dudes. With the cunning use of sticks, there is going to be a great smackdown.
Because Sticks > Swords. Duh! Much is not dressed for arsekickery.
Allan remains shirtless.
BACK AT LOCKSLEY:
Guy is totally bored and The Sheriff pours out some wine. That’s all I got out of this scene. This is wasting Allan shirtless airtime, guys. Come on! All this time…Allan is being shirtless and I have to listen to shit about wine? Christ!
SOME RANDOMARSE CAMP IN THE FOREST:
OutlawDudez are hanging out by the fire, laughing at Much’s crazy jumper and laughing about silly things that Much said. These guys totally are in love with Much. Then, some sinister birds take flight then: DUN DUN DUN! Robin has SUPA SPESHUL POWAZ of Bow Recovery and has his SUPA SPESHUL bow in hand while his band of Dudes have sticks. (And shirtlessness. Hey, I’d be defeated if I were met with such a sight.)
In a totally, completely, not gay way Robin tells the OutlawDudez to kindly remove their clothing. 100% Not Gay. Thank you. Much looks like Much. Will looks menacing. Allan looks shirtless.
THEN:
OutlawDudez are getting tied up. As I said. 100% Not Gay. John gets free and tries to rush Robin. But Robin is far too well endowed with SUPA SPESHUL POWAS and easily takes this huge dude down and makes him scream. (Again…not a euphemism) Robin totally loves this shit.
AT LOCKLEY:
Some woman is pissy at some guards who are ransacking the place. The guards just lol at her and start making up stupid names for Robin. Guy would apparently like the name “Robin Wood” (bow chicka bow wow) But then again…he might not like it.
HOGTIE IN THE FOREST:
Much is trying to give the OutlawDudez what for, but he just can’t quite string the words together. Aww. Much, you silly. I do note well, that one of the OutlawDudez is shirtless. An eye for an eye, shirt for a shirt in these woods. Then, completely 100% Not Gay strikes again and Robin wants a dance from OutlawDudez. When they refuse, Robin shoots their feet. It’s like the whole cowboy thing…but with arrows. It’s funny to Much and Allan (who now has his clothes back on. As much as I love his clothes…the shirtlessness was a nice touch. Anyway…) I can only assume that Will is doing absolutely fuck all since he’s not shown to be reacting. Then, Robin starts yelling at the OutlawDudez. For some reason, he focuses on the fact that they stole Allan’s Ha’penny rather than ALL THEIR STUFF!
It is at this point we get the central point of the show. When Robin is asked “whatcha gon’ do ‘bout it?” He comes up with the brilliant plan to fuck about with the Sheriff for like 11 and a half more episodes. And don’t I love him for that? Yus. You can tell this, because the music kicks in. Even Much thinks this idea is bucks o’ batshit crazy.
BUT this lovely idea is brought to a close with the introduction of a bajillion other OutlawDudez (who you never, EVER see again. Bzuh?) and so Robin totally surrenders.
(Holyshit. I’m not even 10 minutes in and I’m already at over 1000 words.)
THEN:
Someone whispers to Little John that this upstart punk is The Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntingdon. Sooo, what does he do? PUNCH FIESTA!
TONGUECUT TOWN:
Another hour has passed and Guy tries to reason with HIS villages. (Now Robin’s an outlaw, the place is Guy’s) Worst. Persuasion techniques. Ever! Shouting “TALK!” is not nessisarily going to make people do so, especially if they don’t know anything. Good job Guy! You rock at this.
Robin lols at the fact that OutlawDudez have brought him back to his home, buuut they’re not just being nice. Oh no. There’s a reward for Robin’s capture as we the viewers know. Little John decides that, as outlaws, it’s a cool idea to turn in other outlaws for cashes. Good plan! (cough)
Let’s cut out some Lady tongue, shall we? Plot Point: let’s make it John’s Woman! Glee! Sooo, John’s woman (whom Will knows since he also is a Locksley resident.) is about to get the ol’ snip snip when Robin is all “DUDEZ, I can totally shoot gud ‘n’ shit. How’s ‘bout it?” and Much is all “He shot at your feet, remember!” How is this a good time to remind them of that? Good job Muchy!
So, John is cool with the idea, ignoring the fact that if Robin totally sucks at shooting shit at a long distance, his wife could cop an arrow to the head, Robin totally takes out the tongue clippers and the world is happy. As good a time as any to run away into the woods and never come back.
But, as we know Robin is made of decency and decides to turn himself in rather than have more people lose their tongues. Cools. No one has any problems with this, except Much since he’s SOOOO IN LOVE Robin’s main dude. But Robin’s all “Shut up, ya pansy. I’m out! Bye!” Then wanders off towards the Sheriff. (Oh, and Guy. But he does so much of nothing that I’m not even counting him.)
Robin has one of my favourite lines this episode: “I wonder. If I tell you where I am, can I claim the 20 pounds?” Guy tells Robin that he is “Guy of Gisborne.” As I said…so much nothing. And again: Robin loves this kind of shit. Robin is then tied to Guy’s horse and lead off towards Nottingham. The OutlawDudez have some new recruits, and everything is cool.
The End.
Apparently, I was wrong.
NOTTINGHAM:
Marian is unimpressed by Guy’s photo opportunity and calls Robin a foo’ yo. That’s all. Nothing more to see.
BACK IN THE FOREST!:
The OutlawDude who stayed behind is all “We get money?” No. No money for you, you lazy tit.
Anyway, he laughs about the title of the episode, but apparently no one else is as gleeful about the whole thing. Not even his own dues. He just got hung out to dry on his joke. Burn dude. Burn.
Much wants to go save Robin. Understandable since they love each other. (in a 100% Not Gay way.) Will wonders how. Also understandable since really: How indeed. Allan is all “No point, anyway.” Then my absolute FAVOURITE exchange ever:
Much: No point? You would be dead if Robin had not…
Allan: That’s true.
Much: You would be dead.
Allan: Mind you, I weren’t s’posed to hang in the first place. That was just a confusion.
Oh, how I adore Allan.
Anyway, Much storms off in a huff after his not allowed to take a horsie and John gets all intimidation factor 10 on wee little Will, demanding to know where Alice lives so he can drag her out into the woods. “Dude, she can’t come out here. She got boobs and also this other thing…” “Whut other thing?” “Oh. Shitz, man. You so behind the times!”
IN THE DUNGEONS!:
Robin smirks at the Jailer and gets punched for his troubles. But then, since Robin loves this shit he laughs about it.
KNIGHTON:
Much wants to enlist the help of Marian and her Daddykins in the quest to save Robin. But, Much has obviously forgotten Daddykin’s shit hot advice from Episode One (not Star Wars...kaythanks). For those of you who have also forgotten, the advice is “Don’t do anything. Even if they are your dudes. Don’t do anything. Just kind of...sit by and do nothing. Kay? Good plan, yus?” Again, Much does not think it is a good plan. Marian thinks Robin is crap at being an outlaw. “But the tongues, woman! The TONGUES!” “Wut tongues is them?” “Just the ones Robin saved by being caught. How’s about you get some facts before being a bitch?” Then Much gives them the ultimate smackdown and says that he hates them. Oooh. Ouch. I’ll bet that hurt.
LOCKSLEY:
Little John bonds with his little devil spawn. For some reason, this kids shits me. He’s a little jerk. He complains that his Mum is “Always tired, always sewing.” Fuck off kid. So, Little John has a little John. Awesome.
THE SHERIFF AND ROBIN HAVE A HEART TO HEART:
Bottom line: The Sheriff loves Robin, Robin loves everyone and the Sheriff is cancer. Robin would rather save some people’s tongues than his own life. Sexy. Then for some reason, Robin does some chin-ups. Hardcore!
CAMP OF THE OUTLAWDUDEZ: (at night, romantic!)
There is a general feeling of lethargy in the camp. There are only 2 of Robin’s dudes left and 3 of the OutlawDudez. Will is having some second thoughts about helping Much and Allan thinks at least a horse should have gone to keep Much company. Will gets a little pissy at Roy. I’m guessing because of guilties. And it’s really the first time you see Will anything but completely neutral. Good on him. He’s got a cause! Glee!
Then in a beautiful piece of…something literary or something…”we don’t go 2 nottinham, kay?” “Hold up…yus we do” Because John heard his woman humming, he’s decided yus we WILL save Robin since he saved my woman’s tongue. French kiss still in play! Hells yeah!
GUY HAS ISSUES:
Guy is sniffing around Marian by visiting her at night. Good plan Guy face. A little earlier and you would have caught Much. Guy feeds Marian some sob story about how crap he is since he’s got no Gisborne to be Guy of. He totally wants some sexy time. Why else would he throw an invittion at Marian to visit him and then show how effin’ sensitive he can be? Marian will have none of it. Clever girl. As we find out in later episodes: Guy’s a fuckin’ sleeze and the worst friend EVER! Then, Marian and Guy have a lovers tiff about Robin being hung without trial. Daddykins comes in, completely crap, and then Guyface leaves. Good job, Daddykins and Guyface. You win today!
MUCH IS KINDA PATHETIC AT DOING STUFF:
He tries to climb the outside wall of the castle with a convenient ladder…and gets trapped up on the ladder with the cunning use of a dog. Great Job! He has great balance apparently since he can fall asleep up a ladder, guarded by dog, and not fall down.
His sleep is awakened by Allan who is completely awesome with dogs. Aww! This is better than him being sans shirt. Allan with Dog.
Little John has a rather ironic name, as I’m sure you’ve guessed and he can totally lift a ladder so people can climb up him and said ladder to get over the wall. How does John then get over the wall? Best not think about it. Don’t want to fall in a plot hole.
MARIAN DISREGARDS HER DAD’S ADVICE:
And comes to get Robin out of prison with the cunning use of lying. Woo! But not before she gives Robin crap about being honourable and getting caught and going to the Holy Lands rather than sexing her up. She totally still loves him though because everyone bloody loves Robin. Robin just laughs at her, because that’s what Robin does. He laughs, because he loves this shit. We hear Marian's catch phrase here too: “Grow Up”
Marian gives Robin something to bash the Jailer’s head in and then run to the east gate. He can totally get away without being seen. But Robin needs to be seen because of all the people who love Robin, Robin loves Robin the most. Although, he still manages to flirt shamelessly with Marian. Now there’s a pro.
This lovely scene is brought to a close with dramatic irony! In crashes Much, proclaiming he, Allan and Will are undetected. IMMEDIATELY we hear: “TOTALLY DETECTED SOME DUDES!” Who would have guessed something like that would happen?
OUT IN THE BREAK OF DAY:
“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” That is an excellent plan. But no. Robin won’t have it. He needs 5 minutes. What for? (Ever heard of a quickie? Hell yeah! Bow chicka bow wow!) Here is where Robin strikes me as somewhat of a cock. He tells his dudes to wait. Allan, being the voice of reason here is all “WTF man?” And then Robin says: “If I’m longer than that, leave without me.” After they busted their arses to get him out? What the hell? So, of course Robin puts all his dudes in harms way because he needs to let the Sheriff know something. Okay. Fine. Whatever. We get a kick arse battle sequence. And do these kids ever know how to use their swords. (NOT a euphemism.)
Robin dashes off with Roy, but not before some confessions of Love are made. Much gets all jealous because Robin totally chose Roy. And then: FULL ON BATTLE WOO!!
IN THE SHERIFF’S BEDROOM:
The Sheriff and Robin have another heart to heart. Basically, Robin doesn’t want anyone hurt because the Sheriff wants to get to him and the Sheriff thinks Robin is a sissy. Robin proves how hardcore he is by TOTALLY KILLING A GUARD! OMGSHOCK! And the Sheriff, who thought Robin was a bit of a pussy now he’s come back from war, gets the shit scared through him. Outside: The battle rages.
Robin totally makes fool out of the Sheriff by making it sound like he’s talking to himself and that he’s sorry for all the bad shit he’s done and blah blah blah. Robin also takes some monies.
The guard is,…wait for it…NOT DEAD! That’s what he needed Roy for! It was Roy, with some metal plate shit under his chainmail. Oh, the ingenuity.
ZIPLINES ARE FUN!:
Little John is batshit crazy strong and can totally hold a rope while someone is sliding down it. Granted, Robin is rather scrawny…but still, that’s nothing to be sneezed at. The battle is over, sealed with a kiss and Robin and his gang of Dudes take off for another whirlwind adventure of Robbing from the Rich and Giving to the Poor. The Sheriff is understandably angry, demonstrating this by whacking someone’s hat off…and Guy is buckets of uselessness, seeing as how he’s not even there.
ROBBING THE RICH TO GIVE TO THE POOR:
Everyone’s families get some shit out of the Riches that have been stolen. And by everyone, I mean that Sniffing Man, Roy and Little John and that’s it. Good job. Sniffing Man has a completely hot wife. Why would he leave her? Christ. Maybe that’s why we never see him again. He saw the light and went back to his woman. Good call. Have a bath, while you’re at it Sniffing man.
LOVE IN DA FOREST:
The newly founded Gang of Dudes is chillin’ by a fire, having a nice old chat. Apparently the dudes from earlier aren’t cool enough to join in. Much has got no one to love and that totally does not bother him. Not at all. So, of course to remedy this: He get the piss taken out of him and everyone ROFLs at him. Even Robin. What a jerk. But, oh it’s all fun and games in the Gang of Dudes.
THE END!
In other news: I need some new icons. I've got 88 or 105 spots filled. Sooo, yeah. I'm going to have to go on the icon hunt soon.
Play by Play for Episode 2: Sheriff Got Your Tongue?
This is the third of 13...so I've got 10 more to do. Christ. And I really must get into the frame of mind that "longer does not mean better" because this is the worst of the three...not to mention the longest. Fuckity fuck fuck.
I did have fun thought. :D
So, this one clocks in at 3,238 words so I hope you're nice and comfy!
Okay. So, we start with a huge fanfare and riding horses into Locksley on behalf of the Sheriff and Guy. It looks all exciting and such. Cool, yus? Well not for the people of Locksley. Because after the whole shoot down of condemned men in episode one, it seems Robin has put himself in the Sheriff’s bad books. That was apparently some quality rope that Robin dispatched. Okay, so of course Robin’s villagers are going to know exactly where Robin is. Of course, why wouldn’t they? And Ol’ Sheriff wants some informations. He’s been calm as a kitten in a basket about all of this…but Guy? “LOOSEN YOUR TONGUES OR LOSE THEM! OMGHULKSMASH!” Jesus! That’s not helping, Guy face kthx. So, true to their words, Guy and the Sheriff unleash tongue removal time for all! Well, just the smartarse who thought he’d be funny by pretending to bow. Good job, fella. One tongue an hour until someone says where Robin is. Good deal, yo.
OPENING CREDITS! (In the Commentary Lucy Griffiths says this is the most exciting bit. Ha!)
CUT TO:
Apparently, it’s customary for Outlaws to tie people to trees with no clothes on. Well, there isn’t complete nakedness as Robin is allowed to keep his pants and his under shirt, Much is allowed to keep his shorts and his undershirt and Allan is…HOLYSHITNOSHIRT! Allan is allowed to keep his pants, but apparently his shirts are valuable? What? Okay, no complaints from me, no shirt offers some lovely fangirling opportunities. No worries. The Dudes from the end of episode One are just dead guys who steal “Willy Nilly” but they don’t got any ideas what that means. By the way, in case you missed it: Allan is not wearing a shirt. Much is all “Dudes! We’re like all together on the same side and shit.” And the Outlaws who steal clothes are all “Pssh. Whatevs.” And one of them decides a great idea would be to smell these guys. Robin and Much smell lovely. Apparently, they smell like Lavender. Aww. Much thinks it’s a great idea to plead their case by saying it is, in fact, Rose Petals. I’m sure that’s the main point, Much. There is no comment on how Allan smells. But he’s not wearing a shirt…soo, yeah. Fun stuff.
And where is Will in all this? He’s using a tree to cunningly hide himself. Whilst in hiding, he shows Robin his little hatchet (that is NOT a euphemism, kthx), but I don’t think Robin is really into prezzies when he’s tied to a tree. Sniffing Man moves on to Allan (who is shirtless) and begins to search him. Why he didn’t search Robin and Much, I don’t know. Perhaps he’s put off by lovely smells. Allan’s carrying a ha’penny which of course is taken from him. Poor Allan looks dreadfully sad at this. Although, that could also be the lack of shirt. I’m not complaining. Robin proves what a great dude he is by telling John and his pack of Dudes that the horses are theirs...how’s about leaving Allan with at least something? But no. There will be none of that. Allan shall remain both shirtless and ha’pennyless. Although Robin does refer to Allan as “his friend” Awww. Bonding over shirtlessness being tied to trees. Also known in certain circles as “Tree!Porn”
Then…all at once these OutlawDudez leave. Because John whistles at them likes dogs. Sophisticated. (“Ooh. Big words. Scary.”)
Once OutlawDudez have wandered off, Will comes out of the woodwork (lol!) and sets about being the almighty hero by untying Much. Robin has SUPA SPESHUL POWAS of rope get outtery and doesn’t need a hatchet for such triviality. Both Much and Allan are shocked by this. Much is all “The Fuck Robs? Y u not take dem fuckas owt?” Apparently the word “Odds” does not enter into it. One dude, no weapons versus 4 dudes with an abundance of weapons…not quite a good match up. I’m not counting Will because he was way off in the distance and Robin would get his arse handed to him well before Willy boy rocked on into the game.
Anyway, Robin then sets about throwing sticks at his dudes. With the cunning use of sticks, there is going to be a great smackdown.
Because Sticks > Swords. Duh! Much is not dressed for arsekickery.
Allan remains shirtless.
BACK AT LOCKSLEY:
Guy is totally bored and The Sheriff pours out some wine. That’s all I got out of this scene. This is wasting Allan shirtless airtime, guys. Come on! All this time…Allan is being shirtless and I have to listen to shit about wine? Christ!
SOME RANDOMARSE CAMP IN THE FOREST:
OutlawDudez are hanging out by the fire, laughing at Much’s crazy jumper and laughing about silly things that Much said. These guys totally are in love with Much. Then, some sinister birds take flight then: DUN DUN DUN! Robin has SUPA SPESHUL POWAZ of Bow Recovery and has his SUPA SPESHUL bow in hand while his band of Dudes have sticks. (And shirtlessness. Hey, I’d be defeated if I were met with such a sight.)
In a totally, completely, not gay way Robin tells the OutlawDudez to kindly remove their clothing. 100% Not Gay. Thank you. Much looks like Much. Will looks menacing. Allan looks shirtless.
THEN:
OutlawDudez are getting tied up. As I said. 100% Not Gay. John gets free and tries to rush Robin. But Robin is far too well endowed with SUPA SPESHUL POWAS and easily takes this huge dude down and makes him scream. (Again…not a euphemism) Robin totally loves this shit.
AT LOCKLEY:
Some woman is pissy at some guards who are ransacking the place. The guards just lol at her and start making up stupid names for Robin. Guy would apparently like the name “Robin Wood” (bow chicka bow wow) But then again…he might not like it.
HOGTIE IN THE FOREST:
Much is trying to give the OutlawDudez what for, but he just can’t quite string the words together. Aww. Much, you silly. I do note well, that one of the OutlawDudez is shirtless. An eye for an eye, shirt for a shirt in these woods. Then, completely 100% Not Gay strikes again and Robin wants a dance from OutlawDudez. When they refuse, Robin shoots their feet. It’s like the whole cowboy thing…but with arrows. It’s funny to Much and Allan (who now has his clothes back on. As much as I love his clothes…the shirtlessness was a nice touch. Anyway…) I can only assume that Will is doing absolutely fuck all since he’s not shown to be reacting. Then, Robin starts yelling at the OutlawDudez. For some reason, he focuses on the fact that they stole Allan’s Ha’penny rather than ALL THEIR STUFF!
It is at this point we get the central point of the show. When Robin is asked “whatcha gon’ do ‘bout it?” He comes up with the brilliant plan to fuck about with the Sheriff for like 11 and a half more episodes. And don’t I love him for that? Yus. You can tell this, because the music kicks in. Even Much thinks this idea is bucks o’ batshit crazy.
BUT this lovely idea is brought to a close with the introduction of a bajillion other OutlawDudez (who you never, EVER see again. Bzuh?) and so Robin totally surrenders.
(Holyshit. I’m not even 10 minutes in and I’m already at over 1000 words.)
THEN:
Someone whispers to Little John that this upstart punk is The Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntingdon. Sooo, what does he do? PUNCH FIESTA!
TONGUECUT TOWN:
Another hour has passed and Guy tries to reason with HIS villages. (Now Robin’s an outlaw, the place is Guy’s) Worst. Persuasion techniques. Ever! Shouting “TALK!” is not nessisarily going to make people do so, especially if they don’t know anything. Good job Guy! You rock at this.
Robin lols at the fact that OutlawDudez have brought him back to his home, buuut they’re not just being nice. Oh no. There’s a reward for Robin’s capture as we the viewers know. Little John decides that, as outlaws, it’s a cool idea to turn in other outlaws for cashes. Good plan! (cough)
Let’s cut out some Lady tongue, shall we? Plot Point: let’s make it John’s Woman! Glee! Sooo, John’s woman (whom Will knows since he also is a Locksley resident.) is about to get the ol’ snip snip when Robin is all “DUDEZ, I can totally shoot gud ‘n’ shit. How’s ‘bout it?” and Much is all “He shot at your feet, remember!” How is this a good time to remind them of that? Good job Muchy!
So, John is cool with the idea, ignoring the fact that if Robin totally sucks at shooting shit at a long distance, his wife could cop an arrow to the head, Robin totally takes out the tongue clippers and the world is happy. As good a time as any to run away into the woods and never come back.
But, as we know Robin is made of decency and decides to turn himself in rather than have more people lose their tongues. Cools. No one has any problems with this, except Much since he’s SOOOO IN LOVE Robin’s main dude. But Robin’s all “Shut up, ya pansy. I’m out! Bye!” Then wanders off towards the Sheriff. (Oh, and Guy. But he does so much of nothing that I’m not even counting him.)
Robin has one of my favourite lines this episode: “I wonder. If I tell you where I am, can I claim the 20 pounds?” Guy tells Robin that he is “Guy of Gisborne.” As I said…so much nothing. And again: Robin loves this kind of shit. Robin is then tied to Guy’s horse and lead off towards Nottingham. The OutlawDudez have some new recruits, and everything is cool.
The End.
Apparently, I was wrong.
NOTTINGHAM:
Marian is unimpressed by Guy’s photo opportunity and calls Robin a foo’ yo. That’s all. Nothing more to see.
BACK IN THE FOREST!:
The OutlawDude who stayed behind is all “We get money?” No. No money for you, you lazy tit.
Anyway, he laughs about the title of the episode, but apparently no one else is as gleeful about the whole thing. Not even his own dues. He just got hung out to dry on his joke. Burn dude. Burn.
Much wants to go save Robin. Understandable since they love each other. (in a 100% Not Gay way.) Will wonders how. Also understandable since really: How indeed. Allan is all “No point, anyway.” Then my absolute FAVOURITE exchange ever:
Much: No point? You would be dead if Robin had not…
Allan: That’s true.
Much: You would be dead.
Allan: Mind you, I weren’t s’posed to hang in the first place. That was just a confusion.
Oh, how I adore Allan.
Anyway, Much storms off in a huff after his not allowed to take a horsie and John gets all intimidation factor 10 on wee little Will, demanding to know where Alice lives so he can drag her out into the woods. “Dude, she can’t come out here. She got boobs and also this other thing…” “Whut other thing?” “Oh. Shitz, man. You so behind the times!”
IN THE DUNGEONS!:
Robin smirks at the Jailer and gets punched for his troubles. But then, since Robin loves this shit he laughs about it.
KNIGHTON:
Much wants to enlist the help of Marian and her Daddykins in the quest to save Robin. But, Much has obviously forgotten Daddykin’s shit hot advice from Episode One (not Star Wars...kaythanks). For those of you who have also forgotten, the advice is “Don’t do anything. Even if they are your dudes. Don’t do anything. Just kind of...sit by and do nothing. Kay? Good plan, yus?” Again, Much does not think it is a good plan. Marian thinks Robin is crap at being an outlaw. “But the tongues, woman! The TONGUES!” “Wut tongues is them?” “Just the ones Robin saved by being caught. How’s about you get some facts before being a bitch?” Then Much gives them the ultimate smackdown and says that he hates them. Oooh. Ouch. I’ll bet that hurt.
LOCKSLEY:
Little John bonds with his little devil spawn. For some reason, this kids shits me. He’s a little jerk. He complains that his Mum is “Always tired, always sewing.” Fuck off kid. So, Little John has a little John. Awesome.
THE SHERIFF AND ROBIN HAVE A HEART TO HEART:
Bottom line: The Sheriff loves Robin, Robin loves everyone and the Sheriff is cancer. Robin would rather save some people’s tongues than his own life. Sexy. Then for some reason, Robin does some chin-ups. Hardcore!
CAMP OF THE OUTLAWDUDEZ: (at night, romantic!)
There is a general feeling of lethargy in the camp. There are only 2 of Robin’s dudes left and 3 of the OutlawDudez. Will is having some second thoughts about helping Much and Allan thinks at least a horse should have gone to keep Much company. Will gets a little pissy at Roy. I’m guessing because of guilties. And it’s really the first time you see Will anything but completely neutral. Good on him. He’s got a cause! Glee!
Then in a beautiful piece of…something literary or something…”we don’t go 2 nottinham, kay?” “Hold up…yus we do” Because John heard his woman humming, he’s decided yus we WILL save Robin since he saved my woman’s tongue. French kiss still in play! Hells yeah!
GUY HAS ISSUES:
Guy is sniffing around Marian by visiting her at night. Good plan Guy face. A little earlier and you would have caught Much. Guy feeds Marian some sob story about how crap he is since he’s got no Gisborne to be Guy of. He totally wants some sexy time. Why else would he throw an invittion at Marian to visit him and then show how effin’ sensitive he can be? Marian will have none of it. Clever girl. As we find out in later episodes: Guy’s a fuckin’ sleeze and the worst friend EVER! Then, Marian and Guy have a lovers tiff about Robin being hung without trial. Daddykins comes in, completely crap, and then Guyface leaves. Good job, Daddykins and Guyface. You win today!
MUCH IS KINDA PATHETIC AT DOING STUFF:
He tries to climb the outside wall of the castle with a convenient ladder…and gets trapped up on the ladder with the cunning use of a dog. Great Job! He has great balance apparently since he can fall asleep up a ladder, guarded by dog, and not fall down.
His sleep is awakened by Allan who is completely awesome with dogs. Aww! This is better than him being sans shirt. Allan with Dog.
Little John has a rather ironic name, as I’m sure you’ve guessed and he can totally lift a ladder so people can climb up him and said ladder to get over the wall. How does John then get over the wall? Best not think about it. Don’t want to fall in a plot hole.
MARIAN DISREGARDS HER DAD’S ADVICE:
And comes to get Robin out of prison with the cunning use of lying. Woo! But not before she gives Robin crap about being honourable and getting caught and going to the Holy Lands rather than sexing her up. She totally still loves him though because everyone bloody loves Robin. Robin just laughs at her, because that’s what Robin does. He laughs, because he loves this shit. We hear Marian's catch phrase here too: “Grow Up”
Marian gives Robin something to bash the Jailer’s head in and then run to the east gate. He can totally get away without being seen. But Robin needs to be seen because of all the people who love Robin, Robin loves Robin the most. Although, he still manages to flirt shamelessly with Marian. Now there’s a pro.
This lovely scene is brought to a close with dramatic irony! In crashes Much, proclaiming he, Allan and Will are undetected. IMMEDIATELY we hear: “TOTALLY DETECTED SOME DUDES!” Who would have guessed something like that would happen?
OUT IN THE BREAK OF DAY:
“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” That is an excellent plan. But no. Robin won’t have it. He needs 5 minutes. What for? (Ever heard of a quickie? Hell yeah! Bow chicka bow wow!) Here is where Robin strikes me as somewhat of a cock. He tells his dudes to wait. Allan, being the voice of reason here is all “WTF man?” And then Robin says: “If I’m longer than that, leave without me.” After they busted their arses to get him out? What the hell? So, of course Robin puts all his dudes in harms way because he needs to let the Sheriff know something. Okay. Fine. Whatever. We get a kick arse battle sequence. And do these kids ever know how to use their swords. (NOT a euphemism.)
Robin dashes off with Roy, but not before some confessions of Love are made. Much gets all jealous because Robin totally chose Roy. And then: FULL ON BATTLE WOO!!
IN THE SHERIFF’S BEDROOM:
The Sheriff and Robin have another heart to heart. Basically, Robin doesn’t want anyone hurt because the Sheriff wants to get to him and the Sheriff thinks Robin is a sissy. Robin proves how hardcore he is by TOTALLY KILLING A GUARD! OMGSHOCK! And the Sheriff, who thought Robin was a bit of a pussy now he’s come back from war, gets the shit scared through him. Outside: The battle rages.
Robin totally makes fool out of the Sheriff by making it sound like he’s talking to himself and that he’s sorry for all the bad shit he’s done and blah blah blah. Robin also takes some monies.
The guard is,…wait for it…NOT DEAD! That’s what he needed Roy for! It was Roy, with some metal plate shit under his chainmail. Oh, the ingenuity.
ZIPLINES ARE FUN!:
Little John is batshit crazy strong and can totally hold a rope while someone is sliding down it. Granted, Robin is rather scrawny…but still, that’s nothing to be sneezed at. The battle is over, sealed with a kiss and Robin and his gang of Dudes take off for another whirlwind adventure of Robbing from the Rich and Giving to the Poor. The Sheriff is understandably angry, demonstrating this by whacking someone’s hat off…and Guy is buckets of uselessness, seeing as how he’s not even there.
ROBBING THE RICH TO GIVE TO THE POOR:
Everyone’s families get some shit out of the Riches that have been stolen. And by everyone, I mean that Sniffing Man, Roy and Little John and that’s it. Good job. Sniffing Man has a completely hot wife. Why would he leave her? Christ. Maybe that’s why we never see him again. He saw the light and went back to his woman. Good call. Have a bath, while you’re at it Sniffing man.
LOVE IN DA FOREST:
The newly founded Gang of Dudes is chillin’ by a fire, having a nice old chat. Apparently the dudes from earlier aren’t cool enough to join in. Much has got no one to love and that totally does not bother him. Not at all. So, of course to remedy this: He get the piss taken out of him and everyone ROFLs at him. Even Robin. What a jerk. But, oh it’s all fun and games in the Gang of Dudes.
THE END!
In other news: I need some new icons. I've got 88 or 105 spots filled. Sooo, yeah. I'm going to have to go on the icon hunt soon.