Pointless Holiday Fic
It's 3am. What do you people expect from me?!
fandom: Firefly
characters: a shipful
"plot": Inara teaches the crew about the ancient and mystical ritual of Halloween.
"So you're supposed to be... a bed sheet?" asked Kaylee. She was working it out slowly, with a tentative smile on her face.
"Not quite, you see," Inara said, tipping her head as she explained. "That's simply the material being utilized for the purpose of -- "
"I guess that'd get the motor running if'n you're not wearing any clothes under there," said Jayne. "But hey, here's an idea: how bout you just don't wear anything?"
"Yet again, something you'll never see -- for the purpose of," she continued without even glancing at the Serenity's repeat offender of polite conversation, "the exact opposite of literal interpretation of appearance." Inara's lips curved just a bit in satisfaction. No one could see it, because of the very nature of that appearance, but the woman was a master of tone. Her smugness got across. "It's a timeless celebration of mystery and intrigue, a tradition from Earth-That-Was which still has great significance today."
Mal simply stood in the doorway, staring.
"Trick or treat," River half-sang, a reedy sound from the corner of the mess room.
"Exactly!" said Inara with approval, muttered Mal with sarcasm, slurred Jayne with vulgarity. The latter two were treated to a glare from the former, quite a trick, once again, due to her choice methods of honoring mystery and intrigue.
"I just didn't know you had white sheets," said Mal defensively and insultingly, waving his hands in front of him.
"Did someone take the bed sheets from the lab?" asked Simon, entering the room. He really looked a mess, with a couple tendrils of his coiffure slightly out of place. "Honestly, I know stealing for a living's the thing to do around here," he said looking at Jayne (and Mal, and Zoe, and Kaylee...) but taking from the sick is just tawdry and I -- Oh, Inara, I didn't recognize you there. What are you doing wearing white?"
"I'm a ghost!" said Inara crossly. "It's an age-old ritual. I don't expect you people to understand!"
"Trick or treat," supplied River once again.
Inara spared her a tired smile. "Except River," she amended.
"Smell my feet, give me something good to eat!"
"I understand. It's like you said, the beauty is in the shoddiness of the thing. Right, Inara?" asked Kaylee sweetly.
"That's simplicity, Kaylee, and the rhyme actually goes 'Trick or treat, I'm dressed in a sheet, so give me a bright orange plastic pumpkin-full of metallic-wrapped candy to horde and then eat,' the many elements of which are mysterious, and therefore emphasize the mysterious nature -- "
"Inara?" said Mal, "We are so done," and walked out.
"So, are you wearing anything under there?" pressed Jayne.
"I'm sorry, what I meant was, it's past Labor Day, which honestly, I don't know what that refers to exactly, but I suppose it's yet another one of those mysterious phrases. But I know it's also timeless in that it continues to be the thing to say to people you simply don't expect to own white sheets -- I don't actually own white sheets myself," said Simon, making amends, "at the moment. They were taken, and -- "
Inara bundled the folds of her traditional ghost costume about herself, slitted her eyes through the cut-out eye circles, huffed a breath through where she wished she'd thought to cut a mouth circle, and whisked away to her shuttle, where she would soon have an audience happy to show monetary appreciation for mystical ritual featuring awkward swaying and the word "boo."
Or at least bed sheets with cut-out holes.
End.
fandom: Firefly
characters: a shipful
"plot": Inara teaches the crew about the ancient and mystical ritual of Halloween.
"So you're supposed to be... a bed sheet?" asked Kaylee. She was working it out slowly, with a tentative smile on her face.
"Not quite, you see," Inara said, tipping her head as she explained. "That's simply the material being utilized for the purpose of -- "
"I guess that'd get the motor running if'n you're not wearing any clothes under there," said Jayne. "But hey, here's an idea: how bout you just don't wear anything?"
"Yet again, something you'll never see -- for the purpose of," she continued without even glancing at the Serenity's repeat offender of polite conversation, "the exact opposite of literal interpretation of appearance." Inara's lips curved just a bit in satisfaction. No one could see it, because of the very nature of that appearance, but the woman was a master of tone. Her smugness got across. "It's a timeless celebration of mystery and intrigue, a tradition from Earth-That-Was which still has great significance today."
Mal simply stood in the doorway, staring.
"Trick or treat," River half-sang, a reedy sound from the corner of the mess room.
"Exactly!" said Inara with approval, muttered Mal with sarcasm, slurred Jayne with vulgarity. The latter two were treated to a glare from the former, quite a trick, once again, due to her choice methods of honoring mystery and intrigue.
"I just didn't know you had white sheets," said Mal defensively and insultingly, waving his hands in front of him.
"Did someone take the bed sheets from the lab?" asked Simon, entering the room. He really looked a mess, with a couple tendrils of his coiffure slightly out of place. "Honestly, I know stealing for a living's the thing to do around here," he said looking at Jayne (and Mal, and Zoe, and Kaylee...) but taking from the sick is just tawdry and I -- Oh, Inara, I didn't recognize you there. What are you doing wearing white?"
"I'm a ghost!" said Inara crossly. "It's an age-old ritual. I don't expect you people to understand!"
"Trick or treat," supplied River once again.
Inara spared her a tired smile. "Except River," she amended.
"Smell my feet, give me something good to eat!"
"I understand. It's like you said, the beauty is in the shoddiness of the thing. Right, Inara?" asked Kaylee sweetly.
"That's simplicity, Kaylee, and the rhyme actually goes 'Trick or treat, I'm dressed in a sheet, so give me a bright orange plastic pumpkin-full of metallic-wrapped candy to horde and then eat,' the many elements of which are mysterious, and therefore emphasize the mysterious nature -- "
"Inara?" said Mal, "We are so done," and walked out.
"So, are you wearing anything under there?" pressed Jayne.
"I'm sorry, what I meant was, it's past Labor Day, which honestly, I don't know what that refers to exactly, but I suppose it's yet another one of those mysterious phrases. But I know it's also timeless in that it continues to be the thing to say to people you simply don't expect to own white sheets -- I don't actually own white sheets myself," said Simon, making amends, "at the moment. They were taken, and -- "
Inara bundled the folds of her traditional ghost costume about herself, slitted her eyes through the cut-out eye circles, huffed a breath through where she wished she'd thought to cut a mouth circle, and whisked away to her shuttle, where she would soon have an audience happy to show monetary appreciation for mystical ritual featuring awkward swaying and the word "boo."
Or at least bed sheets with cut-out holes.
End.