Lost Sundance Footage From Last Year...
Phew. I've only been in Park City, Utah for four full days (that was a lot f's!) and I'm exhausted. I missed my screening of Blue Valentine because I wasn't seated in my seat 15 minutes before the film (despite possessing a ticket). What sucks it that I don't think I'm entitled to a refund even though they oversold the fucking theater. Ryan is laying next to me on his bed. And boy are these beds small. Even smaller than a twin-sized bed. We both want to steal the corduroy blankets and pillowcases. A few hours ago I spilled an entire cup of tea on the carpet after hanging up the phone with Kelly Hubbard. Ooops. So Ryan and I are both on our MacBooks. I'm listening to Anoorak, he is on the phone dealing with stresses back home. No one is showing enough compassion and love for his dog Trina. She's been in prison all day. We just saw a movie called happythankyoumoreplease and though it was a bit too cute and had a lot of cheesy dialogue, I kind of liked it. I can watch Zoe Kazan knit and I would find it endearing. I wasn't familiar with Josh Radnor but he is foxy. Ryan dropped me off in town so I could replace the cup of tea that spilled on the floor and we are here now waiting for friends to take showers, get back from screenings and looking for lost phones. I want dinner. We have no more movies tonight. This morning we saw The Romantics which starred Katie Holmes. To quote myself from Twitter. "I really digged The Romantics. Throw in some literary references, Bon Iver, Knife covers, handheld cameras and melodrama and I'm hooked." The first day I got here, I just missed Katie Holmes dining at Squatters in Park City. My friends were seated right next to her. I got there a bit late and they were already finished eating. I wanted to write about every movie and every moment that has happened thus far but I found it nearly impossible. I can update my Twitter in 140 characters or less but all those little moments that don't seem so worthy of a tweet are missed and dangerously forgotten. These are the moments I like to depict here in this journal. Watching Alex run up an icy hill without falling. Bringing in lighting equipment into the Marriott that somehow has no working electrical outlets. Moody filmmakers who make "important" documentaries about gas are not my favorite thing. But meeting and assisting Ryan photograph Katie Aselton at our place in Park City is. Wow...she's beautiful. And yes she's married to Mark Duplass. And yes her movie The Freebie is my favorite movie so far at Sundance. My iPhone keeps dying because my "Location Services" are always on and I can't keep my eyes off Twitter. Park City is not nice to 3G or AT&T. Sundance is always so exhausting. There is too many moving images. OD on cinema...indeed. Especially Gaspar Noé's Enter the Void. Fucking stunning. If I could refer to a tweet of mine from last night...."I survived Enter the Void! It was Lost in Translation meets Trainspotting meets Inland Empire meets every nightmare you've ever had". It was remarkable. Stunning. Beautiful. Tragic. It was everything I ever want in a movie. Though, not everyone would agree because half the audience either left before it was over or fell asleep. After the nausea and panic attacks subdued Ryan and I decided we should drive almost 20 miles away to the nearest Sonic for some onion rings and grilled cheese. We got to Heber City and it was closed. Wendy's was our only option. Being vegetarian/vegan is rough this late at night in Utah. We are staying at the Motherlode and across the street the condominiums are called Love Shack. I'm not sure where these names originated from. It's been weeks since I drank coffee and it seems like such an accomplishment. Java Cow is anti-Starbucks and it makes me laugh. The ice cream girl behind the frozen containers of creamed ice is super aloof. But not in the Zoeey Deschanel kind of way. More in the is she a little retarded way? In the end, she scoops out ice cream brilliantly even if she splashes hot fudge all over herself while a Radiohead playlist plays on the speakers. Blake falls for a barista. A dvd intro loops on the flatscreen TV and it disturbs me. A random dude on the Park Ave tries to sell us Sublime tickets for $10 and I ask him, "Isn't he dead?" We start singing "Date Rape" and "40oz to Freedom." I know who won Celebrity Big Brother and I'm upset the show was spoiled for me. I am at least six episodes behind. I can't believe that's who won if that stranger on Twitter was telling the truth. Jackie Stallone tweeted today and it made my morning. We were served by an awful waiter at Squatters this morning. He resembled a scene Perez Hilton and looked like he "smelled rotten cheese all the time" to quote Ryan. We were making fun of him our entire breakfast and it was kind of mean but there is was no spinach in our spinach and artichoke dip and when I asked for honey mustard he returned with a packet of Smuckers honey and a bottle of Heinz yellow mustard. Hmm. While at Eccles theater for The Romantics (yes...there is an allusion to the literary period) Matt pointed out a person sitting in front of us looking who was browsing my Twitter profile. It was a bizarre moment. I think I know who the random Twitterer was. Though it hasn't been confirmed yet. Why does everything turn back to Twitter? Because I'm friends with a gaymer we drove to Salt Lake City the other day just so he can purchase Mass Effect 2. And yes, his Xbox is here. Who packs an Xbox on vacation? I'm there when Ryan photographs Diego Luna. He is unbelievably nice and sexy. I take this random photograph with my iPhone. It was supposed to be discreet but he decided to look my way at the exact moment I had my phone held up in front of me.
There are free drinks here where Ryan is shooting. Alex gets Red Bulls to go. Publicists are everywhere. Some are nice. Some are evil. Some have passion, others disdain. Everyone knows everyone. This world is creepy and I'm kind of glad I'm not part of it.
[Insert a break from these little bit of words. Excursions to dark movie theaters and meals. I think a few sleeps too!]
I'm a Starbucks in Park City. My flight back to NYC doesn't leave until almost midnight. A red eye...I'm looking forward to sleeping. Sleep doesn't come often during the Sundance Film Festival. I brought a camera and didn't take one picture. Thankfully I caught a few moments with my iPhone. Last night was a bit insane. We saw a screening of Tucker & Dale vs. Evil at the Egyptian theater. I like this theater. It's where I first saw Funny Games and I spotted Brady Corbet and Michael Pitt. That year I followed (unintentionally) Brady Corbet everywhere I went. He's everywhere! I saw him at the New York Film Festival a few months ago at a screening of Trash Humpers. I want to be his friend. Alex gave me his leftover Junior Mints. Matt gave me his leftover Skittles. I didn't want them. I was content with my Smart Water. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was super funny though horror spoofs are not really my thing. I'm supposed to know who Alan Tudyk is because he's from Firefly but I've only seen Serenity once. I'm a bad Joss Whedon fan. He's supposedly best friends with Nathan Fillion who I adore. Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock was in the movie. I didn't think she could pull me through an entire movie, but she surprised me as Allison, the psychology major. Before the movie I walked down the wrong stairs to the bathroom. I realized in the middle of my descent that I was walking towards the women's bathroom. Eeeek. Matt left his hat in the theater. He had to go get it. We waited outside while it snowed. Alex decides to hail a cab...and it was so easy. I thought we were in NYC for a moment. Off to the Library for a midnight screening of Splice. Alex steps in a Puddle of Mud. (Remember that band?) Pfluger meets us there. There are too many cute people in this venue. Alex buys more treats. I eat some of his dark chocolate. The boy in front of Ryan kept blocking Ryan's view of the film and it was funny watching Ryan play peekaboo with the back of a stranger's head. Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody are in the movie. And they are both ridiculous. Vincenzo Natali directed it. He did Cube...a movie I never but probably should have seen. I still don't know if I liked Splice. It was either brilliant. Or brilliantly bad. Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody or should I say Elisa and Clive were such crazy people. I think this film will scare everyone away from using human DNA in any scientific research. And I think that is a bad thing.
[Insert a break to try and get into Winter's Bone. The line was wrapped around the school. We forfeited just by the sight of so many people. Now we are at a Starbucks in Kimball Junction.]
We walk down all the stairs to the exit doors at the Library. It's ridiculously snowing. (I think that is my word of the week...ridiculous!). Pfluger has chicken legs, or alien legs (think A.I.).
Alex throws a snowball in my face. I thought gay boys were exempt from such behavior. But I guess we all have fraternity-like impulses. I attempt a revenge but his guard is already up and I almost slip on the ice. I put Cyndi Lauper on in the rental car. We stop by 7-Eleven for drinks. And we drive back up to the house. Preheat the oven for frozen piZZa. Pfluger has the brilliant idea to use baking pans sleds. We attempt to sled down the street but fail miserably. P instead climbs up a mountain of snow and falls in about waist-deep. I throw a bag of salt at this huge icicle we have tried to knock off a neighboring condo all week and I miss it completely. Oops. The icicle is deadly-looking too. Ready to fall and puncture someone's skull. Sleep doesn't happen until almost 4am. Check out is at noon.
Every morning we battle for hot water. There was one day where I had to oooh and ahhh outloud to get through shampooing and soaping. I wash my hands too often and everyone said I smelled like lemongrass. I don't know why the condo?house?place? had to have smelly lemongrass toiletries but I walked around smelling like lemongrass.
Thanks to Twitter and Facebook and my excessive updating I am able to look back on my week in Utah. I have always used social media for such things. Reflection, retrospect, looking back. When I think about last week or the week before things are always blurry. In my mind, events happen before they actually happen. The consequence comes before the conflict. It's a strange scary place to be in my head. Linearity is impossible. As you can tell, this entire journal entry has been just random excerpts, especially since I can't find a considerable amount of time to actually write it all out. Hunger calls my name. Work...friends...fiction. But I can remember so many moments so vividly. I can remember how deeply I felt an emotion and what song I was listening to at that exact moment. I can remember stepping into a puddle on Main Street just outside Java Cow. I can remember the last thing you said to me. But if you ask me what I did on Tuesday night, I'm at a loss. Too many little moments have happened since last Tuesday how could I remember what happened on Tuesday. Not to mention the amount of movies we watched during that week in Utah. The blending of fiction and reality becomes your reality. Was it Katie Holmes that was talking about John Keats or was that Matt reciting "Ode to a Nightingale" in the living room? Deja vu happens and it's hard to follow the the thought back to its origin. I'm following the string in my hands in complete darkness. Pitch black. I'm tugging so hard, or moving so fast, the string is breaking skin and I'm sure my hands are bleeding. It's such a strange feeling when you realize the the thing you're remembering was actually from a movie and not part of your life. It frightens me actually. How can I confuse the two so easily? But the journey through your consciousness is always fun despite the rope burn. In literature, we discuss unreliable narrators in works of fiction and I think ourselves, our own minds are more unreliable than anything else and that is a terrifying thought.
Let's not get too heavy here. This is supposed to be about Sundance. But I can't seem to be objective and casually write about my experiences in Utah. Am I blogger? Am I a writer? Or am I just a documentarian? Part of me wants to blog...and write about the movies I saw. I can size up the characters, describe the plot and continue with a film analysis. Like a book report in middle school. I can be snarky, sarcastic, and witty. But that isn't how I think. That isn't who I am. It seems I'm more interested in the way I connect with the films. I'm more interested in what happens before and after a screening. I'd rather describe how I felt while watching 3 Backyards rather than explaining the premise. I'd rather write about how weird it was to see my friend Jack's name as "Art Director" in the credits and how I tried to take a picture of his name with my iPhone but his name was too blurry to even recognize. Or how much Dax Shepard broke my heart in The Freebie when he agreed to have a one night stand on the same night his wife was having one too.
The entire week was spent hoping I wasn't going to slip to my death. With every step, I anticipated my skull cracked open on the pavement. Snow is everywhere. During the day it warms up a bit and the snow begins to melt but then the afternoon rolls in with colder temperatures and all those wet puddles begin to freeze. By night, Park City is an entire ice skating rink. Down the three flights of stairs to get to the street from our condo, you must walk through a parking garage that has a steep incline. This is the part I feared most. Watching Alex dodge the ice to walk an even more treacherous path was the highlight of our walks. But Park City doesn't feel that cold. New York feels so much colder even if there isn't always snow around. I went the entire week without wearing gloves, hat, or scarf. Partly by choice because I tend to lose gloves and hats mess up my hair. Since some of my friends are more important than I am, they were already in Park City by the time I got there. Alex had meetings with Paramount and was standing in the same room as Bill Gates. Ryan had photo shoots with many actors and filmmakers for two publications. I feared they were going to be Sundanced-out by the time I got there. Thankfully, they only saw a few movies by the time I got there, so they were ready to not work and just see movies. Blake was coming in just a few hours after me. And more friends were coming later in the week.
Tina was a doll and dropped me off at the airport super early on Tuesday morning. I was still getting over the nightmares I was having when she picked me up at my house. Jon and I decided to watch Food Inc. the night before and I didn't realize how much the documentary was going to disturb me. I get to the airport too late to check in my baggage, thankfully I packed my bag according to TSA regulations so there shouldn't be a problem getting through security. There isn't. I breeze through. Sneakers are back on, belt, sweatshirt. Don't forget your laptop. Where's my boarding pass? Oh yeah...my back pocket. For the next half-hour I'm terrified that my suitcase won't fit in the overhead compartment. It creates all the unnecessary anxiety. Anxiety, I would totally pay $25 to get rid of (checked baggage fee). I imagine lugging my suitcase through first-class. All those fancy ladies and condescending gentlemen sipping their orange juice or mimosas while they watch us coach folk walk to the back of the plane. I imagine hitting the woman in the head with my suitcase as I raise it above me trying to shove it in the overhead compartment. They call my section of the plane to board and the cute boy I wanted to stand behind decided to line up behind me instead. This produced even more anxiety. Not only am I panicking about my luggage fitting, now this really cute boy will be able to watch the entire thing unfold. Me awkwardly carrying this heavy luggage through the small aisle of the plane...me lifting this awkwardly heavy suitcase into a space I know it won't fit into and me hitting someone in the head the luggage itself. Ah. My imagination is accurate, All of these things happen as I predicted (minus hitting the old lady in the head with my luggage). I had to walk to the back of the plane since the front was filled with passengers looking for their seat, with awkward heavy luggage, hoping to find a flight attendant who could assist me. My savior was there and she was so polite and helpful. Phew! Panic was finally over. I found my seat next to the old lady I didn't hit in the head. I buckle my seatbelt. The cabin doors are shut and I'm happy to know there was an empty seat between the old lady and I on the airplane. But even with the extra room I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. She was passed out most of the flight and I was very envious of her deep slumber. She wore a lot of gold jewelry and her skin was a little too tan. I think she was on her way to Las Vegas with the older gentleman in the aisle seat next to her. Is it weird that I never want to visit Las Vegas? I think I'd rather visit Wasilla, Alaska. In Salt Lake City. My baggage is one of the first pieces of luggage to come off the plane. I love that flight attendant. I pick up the rental car and hope it is the car I reserved and not a minivan like what happened last year. I sign my life away and much to my relief it is a small car. I grab my TomTom from my bag, scan the radio stations for something familiar. It feels strange driving a different car other than my own. Rearview mirror out of place, the steering wheel doesn't turn as smoothly and what direction am I traveling in? Nine Inch Nails in the rental car! I love how much Utah loves their 90s music. Mount Eerie could write so many songs about these creepy mountains around me. I meet Ryan and Alex at Squatters. I was just minutes from running into Katie Holmes. Supposedly she was just sitting a few tables away from them. I order a vegan breakfast that is not very good. The service here is all kinds of horrible. Actually, the service in all of Park City is all kinds of horrible. It feels like home. New York. But the difference between service in New York and Utah, is that the wait staff in New York is efficient. You might not get the nicest waitress but she's there keeping your coffee cup full; she's there to ask the "How's everything?" a few minutes after your meal is served and the check is on the table in a timely fashion. After "breakfast" we head to The Yard so Ryan can shoot his last person for the day. Diego Luna. I already described my experience standing in this weird corporate, mediated space earlier in the entry so I won't linger here.
We make a supermarket trip which is no longer Albertson's. It's called something else this year. Fresh market? Necessities? Water. Soymilk. Cereal. Luna bars. Frozen pizza. Thankfully Pfluger is on a vacation diet and has suspended his vegan ways for vegetarian treats like pizza. The supermarket smells funny. I can't find the cereal aisle. We admire some post-consumer-waste tote bags and lose Alex somewhere. Ooooh. There is a Starbucks in here. I forget that fact the rest of the week. I order a tea. P orders an iced coffee (in freezing cold weather!) and Alex smuggled free Red Bulls from The Yards bartender just a few minutes earlier. Caffeinated. We head back to the condo and lug in the groceries and suitcases. We make our way to the box office to pick up my badges, passes, etc. We have no tickets to any movies tonight and we look to see what is available. Blake appears from out of the shadows just when I was looking at my phone to see if he texted me back. He says I look different. I'm not sure if that is good or bad thing. It might be my baseball cap
Blake and I decide to see a movie CASDFEFEOFJQEOPFQJEMOEPQW in the late afternoon. Alex was going to come with but there is no parking anywhere near Racquet Club. I don't remember where Pfluger is. He might have had work obligations or continuing his Sundance Romance. The movie was good. Entertaining but a bit dull. To be honest, I can't remember much about it. It took place in New York and the opening scene all sorts of brilliant. I like when movies open with completely naked bodies. Here...a woman was standing completely naked, worried that her pubic hair looked to cultivated to be authentic and she wanted a photograph that was authentic. She lights up a cigarette and decides that was an authentic thing to do. I remember the man she was sleeping with was incredibly sexy. And her Mexican housecleaner warned her about her Mexican lover and how potent his sperm is. Such a strange movie that ended even even stranger. Almost too abruptly...
Main Street Pizza & Noodle for dinner. Ryan convinces me that sharing a small pie will be enough for us. It wasn't, despite how much grated cheese and red pepper I put on my few slices. I don't know how we always end up here on our first night in Park City, but it has become sort of unrecognized tradition. And I always leave the restaurant discontent. Either Pfluger took a horrible photograph of me in mid-laugh and posts it to the internets, or my lasagna cost $32, or in this case, I'm still hungry. We walk up Main Street to Java Cow and Blake swoons over the barista. I want a hot fudge sundae. The girl behind the counter is a mess. She's all kinds of aloof and it's almost endearing until she starts hyperventilating about things under her breath. I'm scared she is going to sprinkle her neuroses on top of my sundae instead of chocolate sprinkles. As she pushes down for hot fudge, it's nearly empty and it splatters all over. It's all over her t-shirt and arms and I don't know how to react. I apologize for asking for hot fudge and she stumbles for napkins and tells me it isn't my fault. She cleans herself up and gets confused at the register when I go to pay. I was going to pay for Alex's ice cream too but Alex paid another girl instead and this caused a moment of silence that lasted a bit too long. I tipped her generously and found a seat. I'm not sure what happens next...but I'm know I'm walking down Main Street not even close to finishing my sundae. The mint chocolate chip tastes like mouthwash and give up eating that scoop. Yuck. At least the chocolate peanut butter made up for it.
We have a midnight screening at the Holiday Village. It's Katie Aselton's The Freebie. Alex dropped me off because Ryan was already at the theater because he saw another movie there earlier. I walk towards the white tent and there Dor was standing with her sign asking for any extra tickets! Dor and I have been tweeting about meeting up here and there she was...in the flesh. I have an extra ticket to The Freebie because R was getting tickets from the publicist for the movie. The same publicist I continued to quietly crush on for the rest of the week. Dor and I walk into the white tent where everyone is lining up to get into the theater. Ryan is there with Greg K. I introduce Dor and we are on our merry way into the cinema. We find seats in the back row and I find out I'm not the only crazy person who carries around teabags.
I think it crosses everyone's mind at least once. Is monogamy instinctual? Is it natural behavior? Are human beings built to love and desire only one person throughout their entire lifetime? We go through our days passing people on the street, ordering coffee from cute baristas at our favorite coffee shops, and chatting with coworkers in the break room. Sometimes we find these people attractive; depending on if we are in a committed relationship or not, it will foretell our relationships with these people. Will she always be the adorable but unattainable intern with piercing blue eyes? Do all those free drip coffees from the dark-haired boy at the coffee shop mean more than a friendly gesture? In Katie Aselton's The Freebie these questions are raised. Annie and Darren have been together for seven years. Engaged...married. The early scenes of the film capture just how comfortable they are with each other. They are playful in the kitchen, on the their back porch, and in the bedroom. They give each other upside-down kisses and Annie jokes that raisins give Darren gas. Instead of having sex, they do crosswords together. They get a thrill at competing against each other. After a conversation at the dinner table with a bunch of their friends and family about monogamy and dating, it stirs something up between Annie and Darren. If you had the knowledge that you were about to start dating the person you were going to marry, would you do everything in your power to get all the sexual exploits out of your system before that first date? This is Darren's question. He can't sleep one night, staring at the ceiling wondering anxiously if he is all right with the realization that Annie will be the only woman he will ever sleep with for the rest of his life. He turns on the light and shares this fear with his wife. This is what kind of relationship they have. They share everything. No walls are built up. They are honest with each other and find it comfortable enough to actually have this conversation at three in the morning. They agree to give each other a "freebie." They make rules and joke for the next few days who their secret fuck buddy will be. When they schedule the date to part ways for a night is when the tension builds up between them. Jealousy might or might not have set in and things get a little more complicated. I won't say anymore about the plot but once you go down that road, there is a constant nagging fear you can't come back to the place you were before. The film was shot as if were adapted from theater. But there is certainly room to breathe. The cinematography is incredible. The camerawork is natural and edgy. It's mumblecore with a clear narrative. And I will never forget the term "snuggle boners" until the day I die.
After the film is over, there is a Q&A. The director/writer/actor Katie Aselton is there with some of the cast and editors and such. For some reason I'm compelled to ask a question because it was bugging me the entire movie. I ask Katie, "I was wondering if the dude standing behind you (who played the brother-in-law in the film) is the lead singer from Harvey Danger?" She smiles and hands him the microphone. "Yes, I WAS the lead singer from Harvey Danger." Awesome. I can't believe Harvey Danger denounced rock and roll for acting! Didn't he just play a reunion show in Brooklyn not too long ago?
Freezing cars to warm beds that are too small. We have an 8:30 screening in the morning. I am a bad schedule planner. Midnight movie followed by an 8am movie? That doesn't follow any kind of logic. But I know it was one of the only screenings left to catch 3 Backyards. The new Eric Mendelsohn movie that was shot on Long Island. The same movie my friend Jack worked on. Because Pfluger had troubles from home harassing him on the phone I ended up going to the screening alone. I like Prospector Square. Eric Mendelsohn introduced the movie and he was nervous and it made me nervous. The movie was beautiful. The harassing flute as the score was a bit unsettling and perhaps too loud. It certainly did create this disquiet and unnerving depiction of suburban life. The movie is more or less three vignettes offering glimpses into the lives of three people (and the people in their lives) who live in the same neighborhood. Elias Koteas who plays John is dealing with an impending divorce. Edie Falco plays Peggy, the neighbor who offers to drive Embeth Davidtz (of Californication and In Treatment fame) a ride to the ferry. Davidtz plays "The Actress" who just moved into the neighborhood and has been scrutinized by all the housewives. The last vignette is played by a young girl named Rachel Resheff who encounters a creepy neighbor and loses a few things on her way to school. There is not a clear narrative. The glimpses into the lives of these characters have no connection other than they are part of the same community. A community where not everyone knows everyone. Where rumors overshadow truth. Where innocence is tainted by our surroundings and love is not preserved in large houses and business suits.
Diego Luna sits down at a table next to us at The Eating Establishment. It's weird because we just met him yesterday. I have an amazing breakfast that involves potatoes, cheese, and poached eggs. Alex ditches us so he can pick up Matt and Amy at the airport. He unintentionally steals Ryan's photo equipment and has to turn back. Ryan ditches Blake and I to get said photo equipment. I learn about the privileges I have with my Platinum American Express card. Who knew I had access to airport lounges? Who knew these fancy airport lounges offered free food and beverages? Certainly not me. I make a trip to the box office and discover this adorable puppy. He breaks my heart with his sad sad pout.
I return to our apartment to help Ryan with his next photo shoot. The entire cast of Lovers of Hate walks through our front door. I don't know who any of them are. I didn't see the movie yet. Adam, (the publicist I have a crush on) is also working with this film and he appears behind the knock at the door. Or did the bell ring? I'm not sure. He remembers me from The Freebie screening the night before. The entire cast follows him in. It feels really weird that the entire cast is in our living space. The only actress that looks vaguely familiar is Heather Kafka. And after a little IMDB research I realize she was in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and the show Huff. She asks if we have a comb she could borrow and I find one in my bag. Earlier in the week Alex had a funny story about Paz de la Huerta using his brush and things. Heather Kafka is not nearly as crazy as Paz. So...my story about her borrowing my comb is not as interesting.
[Never to be continued...]
There are free drinks here where Ryan is shooting. Alex gets Red Bulls to go. Publicists are everywhere. Some are nice. Some are evil. Some have passion, others disdain. Everyone knows everyone. This world is creepy and I'm kind of glad I'm not part of it.
[Insert a break from these little bit of words. Excursions to dark movie theaters and meals. I think a few sleeps too!]
I'm a Starbucks in Park City. My flight back to NYC doesn't leave until almost midnight. A red eye...I'm looking forward to sleeping. Sleep doesn't come often during the Sundance Film Festival. I brought a camera and didn't take one picture. Thankfully I caught a few moments with my iPhone. Last night was a bit insane. We saw a screening of Tucker & Dale vs. Evil at the Egyptian theater. I like this theater. It's where I first saw Funny Games and I spotted Brady Corbet and Michael Pitt. That year I followed (unintentionally) Brady Corbet everywhere I went. He's everywhere! I saw him at the New York Film Festival a few months ago at a screening of Trash Humpers. I want to be his friend. Alex gave me his leftover Junior Mints. Matt gave me his leftover Skittles. I didn't want them. I was content with my Smart Water. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was super funny though horror spoofs are not really my thing. I'm supposed to know who Alan Tudyk is because he's from Firefly but I've only seen Serenity once. I'm a bad Joss Whedon fan. He's supposedly best friends with Nathan Fillion who I adore. Katrina Bowden of 30 Rock was in the movie. I didn't think she could pull me through an entire movie, but she surprised me as Allison, the psychology major. Before the movie I walked down the wrong stairs to the bathroom. I realized in the middle of my descent that I was walking towards the women's bathroom. Eeeek. Matt left his hat in the theater. He had to go get it. We waited outside while it snowed. Alex decides to hail a cab...and it was so easy. I thought we were in NYC for a moment. Off to the Library for a midnight screening of Splice. Alex steps in a Puddle of Mud. (Remember that band?) Pfluger meets us there. There are too many cute people in this venue. Alex buys more treats. I eat some of his dark chocolate. The boy in front of Ryan kept blocking Ryan's view of the film and it was funny watching Ryan play peekaboo with the back of a stranger's head. Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody are in the movie. And they are both ridiculous. Vincenzo Natali directed it. He did Cube...a movie I never but probably should have seen. I still don't know if I liked Splice. It was either brilliant. Or brilliantly bad. Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody or should I say Elisa and Clive were such crazy people. I think this film will scare everyone away from using human DNA in any scientific research. And I think that is a bad thing.
[Insert a break to try and get into Winter's Bone. The line was wrapped around the school. We forfeited just by the sight of so many people. Now we are at a Starbucks in Kimball Junction.]
We walk down all the stairs to the exit doors at the Library. It's ridiculously snowing. (I think that is my word of the week...ridiculous!). Pfluger has chicken legs, or alien legs (think A.I.).
Alex throws a snowball in my face. I thought gay boys were exempt from such behavior. But I guess we all have fraternity-like impulses. I attempt a revenge but his guard is already up and I almost slip on the ice. I put Cyndi Lauper on in the rental car. We stop by 7-Eleven for drinks. And we drive back up to the house. Preheat the oven for frozen piZZa. Pfluger has the brilliant idea to use baking pans sleds. We attempt to sled down the street but fail miserably. P instead climbs up a mountain of snow and falls in about waist-deep. I throw a bag of salt at this huge icicle we have tried to knock off a neighboring condo all week and I miss it completely. Oops. The icicle is deadly-looking too. Ready to fall and puncture someone's skull. Sleep doesn't happen until almost 4am. Check out is at noon.
Every morning we battle for hot water. There was one day where I had to oooh and ahhh outloud to get through shampooing and soaping. I wash my hands too often and everyone said I smelled like lemongrass. I don't know why the condo?house?place? had to have smelly lemongrass toiletries but I walked around smelling like lemongrass.
Thanks to Twitter and Facebook and my excessive updating I am able to look back on my week in Utah. I have always used social media for such things. Reflection, retrospect, looking back. When I think about last week or the week before things are always blurry. In my mind, events happen before they actually happen. The consequence comes before the conflict. It's a strange scary place to be in my head. Linearity is impossible. As you can tell, this entire journal entry has been just random excerpts, especially since I can't find a considerable amount of time to actually write it all out. Hunger calls my name. Work...friends...fiction. But I can remember so many moments so vividly. I can remember how deeply I felt an emotion and what song I was listening to at that exact moment. I can remember stepping into a puddle on Main Street just outside Java Cow. I can remember the last thing you said to me. But if you ask me what I did on Tuesday night, I'm at a loss. Too many little moments have happened since last Tuesday how could I remember what happened on Tuesday. Not to mention the amount of movies we watched during that week in Utah. The blending of fiction and reality becomes your reality. Was it Katie Holmes that was talking about John Keats or was that Matt reciting "Ode to a Nightingale" in the living room? Deja vu happens and it's hard to follow the the thought back to its origin. I'm following the string in my hands in complete darkness. Pitch black. I'm tugging so hard, or moving so fast, the string is breaking skin and I'm sure my hands are bleeding. It's such a strange feeling when you realize the the thing you're remembering was actually from a movie and not part of your life. It frightens me actually. How can I confuse the two so easily? But the journey through your consciousness is always fun despite the rope burn. In literature, we discuss unreliable narrators in works of fiction and I think ourselves, our own minds are more unreliable than anything else and that is a terrifying thought.
Let's not get too heavy here. This is supposed to be about Sundance. But I can't seem to be objective and casually write about my experiences in Utah. Am I blogger? Am I a writer? Or am I just a documentarian? Part of me wants to blog...and write about the movies I saw. I can size up the characters, describe the plot and continue with a film analysis. Like a book report in middle school. I can be snarky, sarcastic, and witty. But that isn't how I think. That isn't who I am. It seems I'm more interested in the way I connect with the films. I'm more interested in what happens before and after a screening. I'd rather describe how I felt while watching 3 Backyards rather than explaining the premise. I'd rather write about how weird it was to see my friend Jack's name as "Art Director" in the credits and how I tried to take a picture of his name with my iPhone but his name was too blurry to even recognize. Or how much Dax Shepard broke my heart in The Freebie when he agreed to have a one night stand on the same night his wife was having one too.
The entire week was spent hoping I wasn't going to slip to my death. With every step, I anticipated my skull cracked open on the pavement. Snow is everywhere. During the day it warms up a bit and the snow begins to melt but then the afternoon rolls in with colder temperatures and all those wet puddles begin to freeze. By night, Park City is an entire ice skating rink. Down the three flights of stairs to get to the street from our condo, you must walk through a parking garage that has a steep incline. This is the part I feared most. Watching Alex dodge the ice to walk an even more treacherous path was the highlight of our walks. But Park City doesn't feel that cold. New York feels so much colder even if there isn't always snow around. I went the entire week without wearing gloves, hat, or scarf. Partly by choice because I tend to lose gloves and hats mess up my hair. Since some of my friends are more important than I am, they were already in Park City by the time I got there. Alex had meetings with Paramount and was standing in the same room as Bill Gates. Ryan had photo shoots with many actors and filmmakers for two publications. I feared they were going to be Sundanced-out by the time I got there. Thankfully, they only saw a few movies by the time I got there, so they were ready to not work and just see movies. Blake was coming in just a few hours after me. And more friends were coming later in the week.
Tina was a doll and dropped me off at the airport super early on Tuesday morning. I was still getting over the nightmares I was having when she picked me up at my house. Jon and I decided to watch Food Inc. the night before and I didn't realize how much the documentary was going to disturb me. I get to the airport too late to check in my baggage, thankfully I packed my bag according to TSA regulations so there shouldn't be a problem getting through security. There isn't. I breeze through. Sneakers are back on, belt, sweatshirt. Don't forget your laptop. Where's my boarding pass? Oh yeah...my back pocket. For the next half-hour I'm terrified that my suitcase won't fit in the overhead compartment. It creates all the unnecessary anxiety. Anxiety, I would totally pay $25 to get rid of (checked baggage fee). I imagine lugging my suitcase through first-class. All those fancy ladies and condescending gentlemen sipping their orange juice or mimosas while they watch us coach folk walk to the back of the plane. I imagine hitting the woman in the head with my suitcase as I raise it above me trying to shove it in the overhead compartment. They call my section of the plane to board and the cute boy I wanted to stand behind decided to line up behind me instead. This produced even more anxiety. Not only am I panicking about my luggage fitting, now this really cute boy will be able to watch the entire thing unfold. Me awkwardly carrying this heavy luggage through the small aisle of the plane...me lifting this awkwardly heavy suitcase into a space I know it won't fit into and me hitting someone in the head the luggage itself. Ah. My imagination is accurate, All of these things happen as I predicted (minus hitting the old lady in the head with my luggage). I had to walk to the back of the plane since the front was filled with passengers looking for their seat, with awkward heavy luggage, hoping to find a flight attendant who could assist me. My savior was there and she was so polite and helpful. Phew! Panic was finally over. I found my seat next to the old lady I didn't hit in the head. I buckle my seatbelt. The cabin doors are shut and I'm happy to know there was an empty seat between the old lady and I on the airplane. But even with the extra room I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. She was passed out most of the flight and I was very envious of her deep slumber. She wore a lot of gold jewelry and her skin was a little too tan. I think she was on her way to Las Vegas with the older gentleman in the aisle seat next to her. Is it weird that I never want to visit Las Vegas? I think I'd rather visit Wasilla, Alaska. In Salt Lake City. My baggage is one of the first pieces of luggage to come off the plane. I love that flight attendant. I pick up the rental car and hope it is the car I reserved and not a minivan like what happened last year. I sign my life away and much to my relief it is a small car. I grab my TomTom from my bag, scan the radio stations for something familiar. It feels strange driving a different car other than my own. Rearview mirror out of place, the steering wheel doesn't turn as smoothly and what direction am I traveling in? Nine Inch Nails in the rental car! I love how much Utah loves their 90s music. Mount Eerie could write so many songs about these creepy mountains around me. I meet Ryan and Alex at Squatters. I was just minutes from running into Katie Holmes. Supposedly she was just sitting a few tables away from them. I order a vegan breakfast that is not very good. The service here is all kinds of horrible. Actually, the service in all of Park City is all kinds of horrible. It feels like home. New York. But the difference between service in New York and Utah, is that the wait staff in New York is efficient. You might not get the nicest waitress but she's there keeping your coffee cup full; she's there to ask the "How's everything?" a few minutes after your meal is served and the check is on the table in a timely fashion. After "breakfast" we head to The Yard so Ryan can shoot his last person for the day. Diego Luna. I already described my experience standing in this weird corporate, mediated space earlier in the entry so I won't linger here.
We make a supermarket trip which is no longer Albertson's. It's called something else this year. Fresh market? Necessities? Water. Soymilk. Cereal. Luna bars. Frozen pizza. Thankfully Pfluger is on a vacation diet and has suspended his vegan ways for vegetarian treats like pizza. The supermarket smells funny. I can't find the cereal aisle. We admire some post-consumer-waste tote bags and lose Alex somewhere. Ooooh. There is a Starbucks in here. I forget that fact the rest of the week. I order a tea. P orders an iced coffee (in freezing cold weather!) and Alex smuggled free Red Bulls from The Yards bartender just a few minutes earlier. Caffeinated. We head back to the condo and lug in the groceries and suitcases. We make our way to the box office to pick up my badges, passes, etc. We have no tickets to any movies tonight and we look to see what is available. Blake appears from out of the shadows just when I was looking at my phone to see if he texted me back. He says I look different. I'm not sure if that is good or bad thing. It might be my baseball cap
Blake and I decide to see a movie CASDFEFEOFJQEOPFQJEMOEPQW in the late afternoon. Alex was going to come with but there is no parking anywhere near Racquet Club. I don't remember where Pfluger is. He might have had work obligations or continuing his Sundance Romance. The movie was good. Entertaining but a bit dull. To be honest, I can't remember much about it. It took place in New York and the opening scene all sorts of brilliant. I like when movies open with completely naked bodies. Here...a woman was standing completely naked, worried that her pubic hair looked to cultivated to be authentic and she wanted a photograph that was authentic. She lights up a cigarette and decides that was an authentic thing to do. I remember the man she was sleeping with was incredibly sexy. And her Mexican housecleaner warned her about her Mexican lover and how potent his sperm is. Such a strange movie that ended even even stranger. Almost too abruptly...
Main Street Pizza & Noodle for dinner. Ryan convinces me that sharing a small pie will be enough for us. It wasn't, despite how much grated cheese and red pepper I put on my few slices. I don't know how we always end up here on our first night in Park City, but it has become sort of unrecognized tradition. And I always leave the restaurant discontent. Either Pfluger took a horrible photograph of me in mid-laugh and posts it to the internets, or my lasagna cost $32, or in this case, I'm still hungry. We walk up Main Street to Java Cow and Blake swoons over the barista. I want a hot fudge sundae. The girl behind the counter is a mess. She's all kinds of aloof and it's almost endearing until she starts hyperventilating about things under her breath. I'm scared she is going to sprinkle her neuroses on top of my sundae instead of chocolate sprinkles. As she pushes down for hot fudge, it's nearly empty and it splatters all over. It's all over her t-shirt and arms and I don't know how to react. I apologize for asking for hot fudge and she stumbles for napkins and tells me it isn't my fault. She cleans herself up and gets confused at the register when I go to pay. I was going to pay for Alex's ice cream too but Alex paid another girl instead and this caused a moment of silence that lasted a bit too long. I tipped her generously and found a seat. I'm not sure what happens next...but I'm know I'm walking down Main Street not even close to finishing my sundae. The mint chocolate chip tastes like mouthwash and give up eating that scoop. Yuck. At least the chocolate peanut butter made up for it.
We have a midnight screening at the Holiday Village. It's Katie Aselton's The Freebie. Alex dropped me off because Ryan was already at the theater because he saw another movie there earlier. I walk towards the white tent and there Dor was standing with her sign asking for any extra tickets! Dor and I have been tweeting about meeting up here and there she was...in the flesh. I have an extra ticket to The Freebie because R was getting tickets from the publicist for the movie. The same publicist I continued to quietly crush on for the rest of the week. Dor and I walk into the white tent where everyone is lining up to get into the theater. Ryan is there with Greg K. I introduce Dor and we are on our merry way into the cinema. We find seats in the back row and I find out I'm not the only crazy person who carries around teabags.
I think it crosses everyone's mind at least once. Is monogamy instinctual? Is it natural behavior? Are human beings built to love and desire only one person throughout their entire lifetime? We go through our days passing people on the street, ordering coffee from cute baristas at our favorite coffee shops, and chatting with coworkers in the break room. Sometimes we find these people attractive; depending on if we are in a committed relationship or not, it will foretell our relationships with these people. Will she always be the adorable but unattainable intern with piercing blue eyes? Do all those free drip coffees from the dark-haired boy at the coffee shop mean more than a friendly gesture? In Katie Aselton's The Freebie these questions are raised. Annie and Darren have been together for seven years. Engaged...married. The early scenes of the film capture just how comfortable they are with each other. They are playful in the kitchen, on the their back porch, and in the bedroom. They give each other upside-down kisses and Annie jokes that raisins give Darren gas. Instead of having sex, they do crosswords together. They get a thrill at competing against each other. After a conversation at the dinner table with a bunch of their friends and family about monogamy and dating, it stirs something up between Annie and Darren. If you had the knowledge that you were about to start dating the person you were going to marry, would you do everything in your power to get all the sexual exploits out of your system before that first date? This is Darren's question. He can't sleep one night, staring at the ceiling wondering anxiously if he is all right with the realization that Annie will be the only woman he will ever sleep with for the rest of his life. He turns on the light and shares this fear with his wife. This is what kind of relationship they have. They share everything. No walls are built up. They are honest with each other and find it comfortable enough to actually have this conversation at three in the morning. They agree to give each other a "freebie." They make rules and joke for the next few days who their secret fuck buddy will be. When they schedule the date to part ways for a night is when the tension builds up between them. Jealousy might or might not have set in and things get a little more complicated. I won't say anymore about the plot but once you go down that road, there is a constant nagging fear you can't come back to the place you were before. The film was shot as if were adapted from theater. But there is certainly room to breathe. The cinematography is incredible. The camerawork is natural and edgy. It's mumblecore with a clear narrative. And I will never forget the term "snuggle boners" until the day I die.
After the film is over, there is a Q&A. The director/writer/actor Katie Aselton is there with some of the cast and editors and such. For some reason I'm compelled to ask a question because it was bugging me the entire movie. I ask Katie, "I was wondering if the dude standing behind you (who played the brother-in-law in the film) is the lead singer from Harvey Danger?" She smiles and hands him the microphone. "Yes, I WAS the lead singer from Harvey Danger." Awesome. I can't believe Harvey Danger denounced rock and roll for acting! Didn't he just play a reunion show in Brooklyn not too long ago?
Freezing cars to warm beds that are too small. We have an 8:30 screening in the morning. I am a bad schedule planner. Midnight movie followed by an 8am movie? That doesn't follow any kind of logic. But I know it was one of the only screenings left to catch 3 Backyards. The new Eric Mendelsohn movie that was shot on Long Island. The same movie my friend Jack worked on. Because Pfluger had troubles from home harassing him on the phone I ended up going to the screening alone. I like Prospector Square. Eric Mendelsohn introduced the movie and he was nervous and it made me nervous. The movie was beautiful. The harassing flute as the score was a bit unsettling and perhaps too loud. It certainly did create this disquiet and unnerving depiction of suburban life. The movie is more or less three vignettes offering glimpses into the lives of three people (and the people in their lives) who live in the same neighborhood. Elias Koteas who plays John is dealing with an impending divorce. Edie Falco plays Peggy, the neighbor who offers to drive Embeth Davidtz (of Californication and In Treatment fame) a ride to the ferry. Davidtz plays "The Actress" who just moved into the neighborhood and has been scrutinized by all the housewives. The last vignette is played by a young girl named Rachel Resheff who encounters a creepy neighbor and loses a few things on her way to school. There is not a clear narrative. The glimpses into the lives of these characters have no connection other than they are part of the same community. A community where not everyone knows everyone. Where rumors overshadow truth. Where innocence is tainted by our surroundings and love is not preserved in large houses and business suits.
Diego Luna sits down at a table next to us at The Eating Establishment. It's weird because we just met him yesterday. I have an amazing breakfast that involves potatoes, cheese, and poached eggs. Alex ditches us so he can pick up Matt and Amy at the airport. He unintentionally steals Ryan's photo equipment and has to turn back. Ryan ditches Blake and I to get said photo equipment. I learn about the privileges I have with my Platinum American Express card. Who knew I had access to airport lounges? Who knew these fancy airport lounges offered free food and beverages? Certainly not me. I make a trip to the box office and discover this adorable puppy. He breaks my heart with his sad sad pout.
I return to our apartment to help Ryan with his next photo shoot. The entire cast of Lovers of Hate walks through our front door. I don't know who any of them are. I didn't see the movie yet. Adam, (the publicist I have a crush on) is also working with this film and he appears behind the knock at the door. Or did the bell ring? I'm not sure. He remembers me from The Freebie screening the night before. The entire cast follows him in. It feels really weird that the entire cast is in our living space. The only actress that looks vaguely familiar is Heather Kafka. And after a little IMDB research I realize she was in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and the show Huff. She asks if we have a comb she could borrow and I find one in my bag. Earlier in the week Alex had a funny story about Paz de la Huerta using his brush and things. Heather Kafka is not nearly as crazy as Paz. So...my story about her borrowing my comb is not as interesting.
[Never to be continued...]