34...
Well, un-happy birthday to me. I've made the most out of these last 2 months of being single, and having my heart broken. I've been so strong, and I've had motivation and direction and my life has been what I wanted it to be...
And then my stupid FUCKING birthday hits, and I feel so lonely and abandoned and hopeless and I don't even know why. I've had 5 lousy birthdays in a row, and I was so hoping that this year would be different. I just wanted to feel loved and adored and to have my friends around me and having a good time. I've stayed positive and it's been so hard not to wallow in the dark thoughts in my head, but days like today just bring out the worst in me.
What is it with birthdays? Why do they have such a primal reaction to us? Maybe it's because when we're young that our family makes such a big deal out of them, and when we're old... the only person who can really motivate that is ourselves.
So tonight I'm getting together with 2 people, not the 20 some who originally showed interest in being with me. I'm going to go see Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, and later tonight I am going to get very drunk and cry a whole lot. I'm going to sleep in a very large and lonely bed, and I'm going to have an empty and black heart that doesn't have a lot of hope of being filled any time soon.
I try, so hard, the other 364 days. I am so strong, and I am so optimistic and positive. Then there's days like today, and there's just nothing I can do to keep my spirit high. So, I'm just going to accept that and try to get through today and look forward to having a fantastic weekend in Vegas.
OCP
And then my stupid FUCKING birthday hits, and I feel so lonely and abandoned and hopeless and I don't even know why. I've had 5 lousy birthdays in a row, and I was so hoping that this year would be different. I just wanted to feel loved and adored and to have my friends around me and having a good time. I've stayed positive and it's been so hard not to wallow in the dark thoughts in my head, but days like today just bring out the worst in me.
What is it with birthdays? Why do they have such a primal reaction to us? Maybe it's because when we're young that our family makes such a big deal out of them, and when we're old... the only person who can really motivate that is ourselves.
So tonight I'm getting together with 2 people, not the 20 some who originally showed interest in being with me. I'm going to go see Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, and later tonight I am going to get very drunk and cry a whole lot. I'm going to sleep in a very large and lonely bed, and I'm going to have an empty and black heart that doesn't have a lot of hope of being filled any time soon.
I try, so hard, the other 364 days. I am so strong, and I am so optimistic and positive. Then there's days like today, and there's just nothing I can do to keep my spirit high. So, I'm just going to accept that and try to get through today and look forward to having a fantastic weekend in Vegas.
OCP