(no subject)
My cat Goya has cancer. She's probably going to have a surgery in the next week or so, but even that has a pretty small chance of actually making things right in the long run. She probably won't make it longer than a number of months unless she's one of the 20% or so cats who survive mammary cancer.
I freaked out in yet another doctor's office today. Well... medical... setting... thing. I was already overwhelmed, but then when they tried to take a blood test, they couldn't get blood out of either arm. Like, there was no blood there. That's only happened once before, and that was when I was severely anemic. I'm not that anemic now, obviously, but that was freaky. And then they wiggled the needle around inside my arm while it was under my skin and I totally flipped my shit thinking they were going to damage something in my arm. I know it's not likely, but every time I go in for a blood test, I have to consciously forget about all the mental images my brain conjures up of something going horribly wrong, and that was as close to those bad things happening as I've ever been. God dammit, usually I can freak doctors out by calmly and blankly watching the needle go in with an unblinking stare... I don't generally get freaked out like this. And the worst part of it is, I have to go and try this again tomorrow.
I'm also dropping one of my classes. It took about a minute to convince the Dean of Students to let me do this. I've emailed the professor, hinting at how I would be willing to do something else if he has any helpful suggestions, but I cannot write a 20 page paper before I move. It's just not going to happen. I can cut the 2 credits out of my schedule with minimal harm to my academic transcript, and as much as this class would have been an easy A in any other semester, the 20 page paper I have to write before the 24th of May may be the difference between my making it through and my spectacularly crashing and burning. My mom gave me a hard time about it, but this is the only thing I have the ability to get out of with no consequences, so I'll feel better if I do something about it.
I also didn't eat anything besides fried dough until 11PM tonight. That was stupid. There's other bad stuff too, I don't feel about writing about it, though.
Tomorrow, work will actually happen. I think. I am severely lacking in self-discipline right now. I just want to sit here with my cats and read comic books and Vorkosigan novels and watch science fiction/fantasy television shows and make plushies and write (fan)fiction. Not all this school and life bullshit.
Things I'm actually looking forward to (because at this point it's getting to where I need to list them and see that they're there):
-Next week's Game of Thrones episode
-Going to San Francisco with my friends
-The new X-Men movie
-Cowboys vs. Aliens
-The last Harry Potter movie (because Part I was epic)
-The release of A Dance with Dragons
-More Homestuck... seeing how it all pans out
-Finding awesome things (maybe people, too?) in Portland
-My work - I hope it's awesome.
-Writing stories and crafting over the summer
I freaked out in yet another doctor's office today. Well... medical... setting... thing. I was already overwhelmed, but then when they tried to take a blood test, they couldn't get blood out of either arm. Like, there was no blood there. That's only happened once before, and that was when I was severely anemic. I'm not that anemic now, obviously, but that was freaky. And then they wiggled the needle around inside my arm while it was under my skin and I totally flipped my shit thinking they were going to damage something in my arm. I know it's not likely, but every time I go in for a blood test, I have to consciously forget about all the mental images my brain conjures up of something going horribly wrong, and that was as close to those bad things happening as I've ever been. God dammit, usually I can freak doctors out by calmly and blankly watching the needle go in with an unblinking stare... I don't generally get freaked out like this. And the worst part of it is, I have to go and try this again tomorrow.
I'm also dropping one of my classes. It took about a minute to convince the Dean of Students to let me do this. I've emailed the professor, hinting at how I would be willing to do something else if he has any helpful suggestions, but I cannot write a 20 page paper before I move. It's just not going to happen. I can cut the 2 credits out of my schedule with minimal harm to my academic transcript, and as much as this class would have been an easy A in any other semester, the 20 page paper I have to write before the 24th of May may be the difference between my making it through and my spectacularly crashing and burning. My mom gave me a hard time about it, but this is the only thing I have the ability to get out of with no consequences, so I'll feel better if I do something about it.
I also didn't eat anything besides fried dough until 11PM tonight. That was stupid. There's other bad stuff too, I don't feel about writing about it, though.
Tomorrow, work will actually happen. I think. I am severely lacking in self-discipline right now. I just want to sit here with my cats and read comic books and Vorkosigan novels and watch science fiction/fantasy television shows and make plushies and write (fan)fiction. Not all this school and life bullshit.
Things I'm actually looking forward to (because at this point it's getting to where I need to list them and see that they're there):
-Next week's Game of Thrones episode
-Going to San Francisco with my friends
-The new X-Men movie
-Cowboys vs. Aliens
-The last Harry Potter movie (because Part I was epic)
-The release of A Dance with Dragons
-More Homestuck... seeing how it all pans out
-Finding awesome things (maybe people, too?) in Portland
-My work - I hope it's awesome.
-Writing stories and crafting over the summer