The life and times of a mid-20s Backstreet Boys fan.
I was a young teen during the Great Boyband Wars -- the period of the late 90s/early 00s where you picked your side. You could walk the fence a bit but you damn sure didn't talk about it (unless you were in popslash, then you could just live the party). BSB, N'sync, or 98 degrees. You could say LFO and have people look at you funny.
I'm still that girl, in some ways. She was a better person than me, I think, because she was a hell of a lot more naive, caring, and generous with people than I turned out. She didn't have life kick her in the teeth. So there's something there, in that moment of loving a little piece of music so hard that it consumes you... It doesn't surprise me that 'Almost Famous' is one of my favorite movies, because I just don't connect well with people, but put me in front of a movie, or at a concert, or with a book, and I'm in a different world.
So I never went to BSB concerts as a kid, despite loving them so dearly. Didn't even go to any concerts until I was leaving high school. Finally, FINALLY I lived the dream in '05 and went to the Never Gone tour.
At the Concord stop. Where the power got knocked out in the city halfway through, two songs before my beloved 'Siberia'. They sang 'Safest Place to Hide' acapella with megaphones and it meant so much that they tried to make us feel better about it.
I could have gone to the Marysville concert the next day. I didn't. I regret it.
Flash forward, now it's 2010, I'm in my mid-20s, I should be over this boyband thing.
I'm not. I still love them, dearly, and listening to their music reminds me how to be happy and full of life and excitement and all the things I used to be. I love them for that. It helped me get past the Asshole Ex, it helped me get past the Severe Work Anxiety, it's there for me when I need it.
And now I got to go to the 'This is Us' tour in SF. I didn't realize how close I would fly to pure, perfect bliss, being shoved around in GA standing room down at the front, four or five people away from the stage, staring up at Nick and Howie and AJ and Brian like fragments of my greatest dream. Living in the moment so completely that my memories were barely able to form other than the haze of joy and reaching out as Nick grinned and waved and reached down.
I remember being frozen during 'More Than That', my favorite song, barely able to move out of sheer bliss.
I remember laughing when a girl tossed a bra onstage, thinking it must still be okay in the world if girls are still tossing their undies at the BSB, and watching Brian dance around with it. Then AJ the next night when the same thing happened later in the show. Watching the ridiculous videos of them edited into movies and laughing SO FUCKING HARD that it hurt. Screaming myself hoarse during 'Bye Bye Love' and watching them bow and thinking, this will live forever in me. I could take out my camera right now and take a pic but I don't need to because this... this will stay with me, this perfect moment, and nothing can take it away.
I remember being 13 years old again and loving something SO MUCH that it hurt.
I am 25 and learning to love myself again. And sometimes, cruising down the highway with all of their music of all of their eras jumped up on pop mix CDs... it reminds me that I can love me, because if I can love something this much, maybe I can learn to love myself like that and learn to recover from what happened these last three years.
That's what I remembered at the Warfield, watching Brian jokingly fend us off with the mic. That it's okay to be happy and young and love something. To think Nick Carter is a beautiful man and not give a fuck who knows that yeah, I'm 25 and fucking love the BSB.
I took my camera the second night. I wanted to having something tangible. I have regrets of the moments I missed while fussing with it, it seems weird how we view things now through our camera phones and our records and avoid actually living it, but dammit I rocked out camera and phoneless and purely in bliss the first night, I don't want to feel bad for snapping a few pics the second night and not just dancing my heart out. But yeah. Backstreet. Love 'em. Always will. Can't wait for the next tour.
I think I found perfection.
I'm still that girl, in some ways. She was a better person than me, I think, because she was a hell of a lot more naive, caring, and generous with people than I turned out. She didn't have life kick her in the teeth. So there's something there, in that moment of loving a little piece of music so hard that it consumes you... It doesn't surprise me that 'Almost Famous' is one of my favorite movies, because I just don't connect well with people, but put me in front of a movie, or at a concert, or with a book, and I'm in a different world.
So I never went to BSB concerts as a kid, despite loving them so dearly. Didn't even go to any concerts until I was leaving high school. Finally, FINALLY I lived the dream in '05 and went to the Never Gone tour.
At the Concord stop. Where the power got knocked out in the city halfway through, two songs before my beloved 'Siberia'. They sang 'Safest Place to Hide' acapella with megaphones and it meant so much that they tried to make us feel better about it.
I could have gone to the Marysville concert the next day. I didn't. I regret it.
Flash forward, now it's 2010, I'm in my mid-20s, I should be over this boyband thing.
I'm not. I still love them, dearly, and listening to their music reminds me how to be happy and full of life and excitement and all the things I used to be. I love them for that. It helped me get past the Asshole Ex, it helped me get past the Severe Work Anxiety, it's there for me when I need it.
And now I got to go to the 'This is Us' tour in SF. I didn't realize how close I would fly to pure, perfect bliss, being shoved around in GA standing room down at the front, four or five people away from the stage, staring up at Nick and Howie and AJ and Brian like fragments of my greatest dream. Living in the moment so completely that my memories were barely able to form other than the haze of joy and reaching out as Nick grinned and waved and reached down.
I remember being frozen during 'More Than That', my favorite song, barely able to move out of sheer bliss.
I remember laughing when a girl tossed a bra onstage, thinking it must still be okay in the world if girls are still tossing their undies at the BSB, and watching Brian dance around with it. Then AJ the next night when the same thing happened later in the show. Watching the ridiculous videos of them edited into movies and laughing SO FUCKING HARD that it hurt. Screaming myself hoarse during 'Bye Bye Love' and watching them bow and thinking, this will live forever in me. I could take out my camera right now and take a pic but I don't need to because this... this will stay with me, this perfect moment, and nothing can take it away.
I remember being 13 years old again and loving something SO MUCH that it hurt.
I am 25 and learning to love myself again. And sometimes, cruising down the highway with all of their music of all of their eras jumped up on pop mix CDs... it reminds me that I can love me, because if I can love something this much, maybe I can learn to love myself like that and learn to recover from what happened these last three years.
That's what I remembered at the Warfield, watching Brian jokingly fend us off with the mic. That it's okay to be happy and young and love something. To think Nick Carter is a beautiful man and not give a fuck who knows that yeah, I'm 25 and fucking love the BSB.
I took my camera the second night. I wanted to having something tangible. I have regrets of the moments I missed while fussing with it, it seems weird how we view things now through our camera phones and our records and avoid actually living it, but dammit I rocked out camera and phoneless and purely in bliss the first night, I don't want to feel bad for snapping a few pics the second night and not just dancing my heart out. But yeah. Backstreet. Love 'em. Always will. Can't wait for the next tour.
I think I found perfection.