explanations from the past to the present
It has been far too long since I have wrote down my thoughts. What are my thoughts exactly? It seems like I have been dead or something close to it. Before the incident happened I used to write all the time. I used to long to go online and talk to people and post on livejournal or any other type of journal. I know that during that time of writing I was, or as I thought, in love with Scott and because it was not meant to be, I was always down and always had alot on my mind. Thus, when I talked to others that was all I talked about. complaints and deep insecurities was all they heard. I'm sure after I while that got old and tiresome. I believe it was because of this that the incident happened. This incident changed my life completely. I was no longer the same person because I had a deep cut inside that can never be fixed. I do not blame my so-called obsession, eventhough it could have helped, but I blame myself for not seeing something that could have been there. Well now I do not believe that it could have been there in the first place, but who knows. All I know is that the incident happened, whether good or bad, it affected me and still does up to this day. For some time now I had gotten over it and tried to live my life to the fullest. I told others not to mention it, and I refused to acknowledge it and tried to erase it. Yet, another experience brought it all back;thus, it has stopped my happy present and spun me in a time warp back to the incident. Now, I am no longer full of dead feelings, but full of great emotion like sadness and anger. This time it cannot be easily erased like before because it will remain with me forever, or atleast until the incident fixes itself into the present.