Comments | oceansex: [fic post] Alien

oceansex

[fic post] Alien

Nov 30, 2008 15:53

Title: Alien
Rating: G
Genre: General
Pairings or Characters: Haruhi, Host Club
Warnings: none
Word Count: 422
Summary: As Haruhi discovers the Host Club members' struggles for freedom against family, societal expectations, each other and themselves, she finds a way to free herself.
Author Notes: Second Ouran fic ever, so still getting the hang of ( Read more... )

ouran, !fic, rating -- [g], contest entry

Comments 8

elisabell_angel December 1 2008, 01:01:59 UTC

This was a very sweet and uplifting story... The characterization of Haruhi here was spot on.. Great job ^^

oceansex December 1 2008, 03:05:55 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad you think so~ ^__^

treeflamingo December 1 2008, 18:45:53 UTC

What an insightful little peek into Haruhi's mind. She has become more comfortable, it seems, over the course of anime/manga. It would make sense that it's because she feel freer to be herself the better she gets to know her fellow hosts. This was solid piece of narration, and I liked it. Thank you. =)

Congratulations on effectively eliminating "seem" from your writing vocabulary! Isn't it liberating? To just have things be? I loves it.

Now, um... I actually have a little bit of concrit for this pieces, as well. *ducks* You employ a lot of very complex sentences and clauses, and that works well for the most part, given the abstract, narrational nature of this particular drabble. However. Some of them are a little too complex; they are complex at the expense of clarity. eg: All of this, compared to her simple, minimalistic life, can sometimes suffocate her the further she finds herself falling into their world.
It's nothing difficult to fix, especially not for someone with your obvious talent for wordsmithery. And ( ... )

oceansex December 1 2008, 21:41:58 UTC

I'm very glad you liked it! ^__^

I was surprised that I didn't even think of putting the word "seem" in anywhere while writing this up because it just felt so much better without it! Thanks again for that advice. (:

Haha, no need to duck. I love any and all concrit directed my way! I've been aware that I have a tendency to muck up decent paragraphs or imagery by making a sentence just too convoluted the more I go back and edit. (That's why I prefer writing in one sitting and just letting everything flow out at once. Those often turn out to be my best, lol.) But I'll definitely continue to work on simplifying unnecessarily complex sentences! x3

darkflame_dragn December 2 2008, 18:36:27 UTC

A beautiful piece of insight. Haruhi's character was perfect. Leave it to her to bring everything down to earth. Nicely done. ^^

oceansex December 6 2008, 00:15:37 UTC

Thank you! =D

hooves February 2 2009, 05:28:50 UTC

Me again. Yeah, I never go away. =P I like what I read in the last drabble, so I'm back for more. I'm really sorry if I don't say much, I made the font bigger, but now it seems fuzzy-ish. Also, I'm seeing some Metro Station... I only know "Shake It" by them, but...the heck, I'll have to check out more of their songs now! (This is your fault. =P )

[Even now, as an accepted and fairly popular member of Ouran's flamboyant Host Club, she constantly feels the disconnection with her peers.]

I wrote four Ouran drabbles today (only posted one), and one of them kind of is about this. Sort of. I think Haruhi will always-- always-- feel that disconnection with her Ouran peers. She can become more comfortable around them, with them, but she won't be able to connect with them on quite the same level. Maybe it's just me, but I get the image that... Well, maybe the thought that, say Haruhi bought something nice and new... I don't know, a new pair of shoes, a new vacuum cleaner, hell, anything. In the eyes of the Ouran students, whatever it is she ( ... )

oceansex February 2 2009, 17:14:51 UTC

Who says I want you to go away? o: And Metro Station's pretty good, so I feel no guilt. ;D

I know I'm not the only one who sees this aspect of Haruhi's relationship with the Host Club and Ouran in general (you yourself wrote a drabble, so I know I'm not alone!) but seeing it in fiction, or being referenced at all in discussion, is extremely rare. I don't know why the prompt "free" attracted me into finally writing about this dynamic, but I was glad I got a chance to write it. Like you said, Mori's probably the most tactful in regards to Haruhi's situation, if only because he's so silent. Kyouya I think is a close second, but even he has to have his moments of carelessness.

Thank you again for your great comment! ^_^