[fic post] Alien

[oceansex]

Title: Alien
Rating: G
Genre: General
Pairings or Characters: Haruhi, Host Club
Warnings: none
Word Count: 422
Summary: As Haruhi discovers the Host Club members' struggles for freedom against family, societal expectations, each other and themselves, she finds a way to free herself.
Author Notes: Second Ouran fic ever, so still getting the hang of

Comments

[treeflamingo]

What an insightful little peek into Haruhi's mind. She has become more comfortable, it seems, over the course of anime/manga. It would make sense that it's because she feel freer to be herself the better she gets to know her fellow hosts. This was solid piece of narration, and I liked it. Thank you. =)

Congratulations on effectively eliminating "seem" from your writing vocabulary! Isn't it liberating? To just have things be? I loves it.

Now, um... I actually have a little bit of concrit for this pieces, as well. *ducks* You employ a lot of very complex sentences and clauses, and that works well for the most part, given the abstract, narrational nature of this particular drabble. However. Some of them are a little too complex; they are complex at the expense of clarity. eg: All of this, compared to her simple, minimalistic life, can sometimes suffocate her the further she finds herself falling into their world.
It's nothing difficult to fix, especially not for someone with your obvious talent for wordsmithery. And anyway, it's just what I think. It's all subjective, you know.

[oceansex]

I'm very glad you liked it! ^__^

I was surprised that I didn't even think of putting the word "seem" in anywhere while writing this up because it just felt so much better without it! Thanks again for that advice. (:

Haha, no need to duck. I love any and all concrit directed my way! I've been aware that I have a tendency to muck up decent paragraphs or imagery by making a sentence just too convoluted the more I go back and edit. (That's why I prefer writing in one sitting and just letting everything flow out at once. Those often turn out to be my best, lol.) But I'll definitely continue to work on simplifying unnecessarily complex sentences! x3