Worms either get hooked or eat shit all the time

[oceanjunky]

So... Bernie and I broke up and it has taken me until now to be able to really deal with it. Haha.. sounds more dramatic than it was. I was a little thrown off by the break up... seemed a little random but in retrospect, I knew it was gonna happen. So how do I feel you might ask? I feel liberated. Not because Bernie was a burden but because I thank God for putting someone on my path that loved me (for God knows what reason) and gave me a couple of fun months. For that I am thankful because before Bernie I was really beginning to think that I would be a loser forever. So now, I feel like I am on my way again, like I am going somewhere, like my life has options. I think that though I am very quick to commit to someone, maybe I am not made to be in relationships. I truly think I am here on Earth as a steppin stone so that others can find what they are looking for. We will have to just wait and see what life brings the Bernster in the next couple o' months. As with all relationships I still find myself sad sometimes when I think about it ending but not because it was hard just because I have a feeling that the good times and fun times with Bernie wont happen anymore despite trying, That Bernie and I will just be akward around each other, him around me because he feels bad and me around him because I know he feels bad and dont want him to feel sorry for me! I can honestly say, however, that this is the one break up (and I've had tons.. haha) that I truly want to be friends with him even though it may hurt a little in the beginning. Bernie if you read this, I still think you are an awesome person! I drove home this weekend (G. Phil is sick.. nothing big) and I went over the Dolly Parton bridge and I found myself rolling down the windows, cranking up the dispatch, and looking through the sunroof to get that awesome feeling that the bridge is going to come down on my car. And I laughed because instead of making me sad... it made me happy. It made me remember how much Bern has influenced my life in so short a time and how thankful I am that I have been opened up to so many things. Frisbee is a sport though you still have no right to our field! :) So as a chapter in my life ends (whoa s' that heavy) I thank Bernie because without him.. there wouldnt be an ending and without an ending there wouldnt be the beginning that has made me so willing to go experience life. I have that John Mayer " I wanna run through the halls of my high school" feeling. I wanna sound my barbaric Yawp over the world, I wanna live because w/o getting hurt how do you appreciate being happy? And that's where I am now.. the euphora that is a realization that I am alive, all my questions about being able to love again after Charlie have been answered.. I can survive and I can love w/ my whole self without saving anything and without being cold hearted and I have decided that I am going to keep being reckless because though it may bite you in the ass.. its the greatest high anyone could get on the otherside. HAY BERNIE! I AM SPECIAL AND YOU MISSED OUT.. but we can still be friends ;) HAHA!
Loving Life,
Ashley