My life is somersaulting down the stairs
Ya...I know I just updated yesterday, but I wrote something...a song..a poem...whatever. But I wanted to hear all your negative comments about it. Because " Negativity...does the body good"
As you can tell, I'm not in the best mood. DragonDan2003: whats wrong with u ? lol....I have no clue...
More painful arguements with Matt...I won't go into detail about it though, my wounds are still healing from it. But I have decided to give him a shitload of space. And leave him alone. Ya I know I've been saying I'd do that for like 3 weeks. But...after our convo. before...I'm deffinately going too. And when or I mean IF he wants to talk to me again, and fix things, when he is ready he will come to me...hopefully. But I feel bad for like rushing him,and just basicly being myself. you know...a jackass.
But ya...all in all....spacing out....ha ha ha get it? hrmm anyway
To make my day a hell of alot better....My friend is like mad/pissed off at me because I don't have feelings for him...and I feel really bad but...I'm just like....SOOOOOOOO close to him...I think of him as a brother:| And I didn't realize that until a couple days ago...and I haven't even told him...I guess he will read it here....I'm so sorry....I feel really bad and shitty:(:(
So yesterday....I went to Beckys houseeeee we hung out, went online for a lil bit. Then decided to go to bed so we could wake up early and go SHOPPING! Soooo ya...we spent like...2 hours or so in hot topic trying stuff on, lol. Becky tried on the most though ;) Jess and I tried on 3 things. I didn't get any of it though. lol they each bought a skirt for winterformal ;) I tried on one that i really really liked...but I own about...8 or so skirts so I didn't think I needed another one...yet anyway. lol I bought a BROWN :0 tshirt that says " Welcome to New Jersey....You talkin' to me?" haha...I HAD to get it Um I also bought some gauges, they're hot. I'm down to an 8...hahah. I took my earring out the other day, and Jess is like eww your hole is big. lol reallllyyyyy???? ;) silly, anyway...i also bought some mary janes. hahah they're so cute...for those of you who don't know what those are. They're shoes. haha. Um ya...So then we came back to Beckys house, packed then Jess and I got on the Choochoo...and the conducter guy tells us that the train doesn't stop in woodstock. and i'm like...um ya it's suppose to, it says on the schedule. He's like ya well we're not stopping there. and jess and i are like...FUCK. so we got a stupid ticket for crystal lake ( the stop before woodstock) and call up her mom and tell her what's up...cuz of course my parents are gone like...2 hours away. but her mom says she won't come and get us. so we're like WTF are we gunna do? so we were thinking about getting off in cary, and walking to Eddies house in hopes of him having a heart and him driving us back to woodstock. or getting off in CL, call up Mme Isabelli see if she couldcome get us...or I thought maybe Matt...butttt heh anyway....but her mom came and got us. I came home....parents were gunna be gone for a long time...but the car was left...and so I decided to crystal lake and shop ( cuz i didn't buy enough at the mall to satisfy myself) and also maybe stop at Matts house and talk about things if he wasn't busy. But ya....so I went shopping....I got 2 CDs. Edgewater and Submerse!:D Then I got this cute tanktop and a button up shirt thing from Kohls. and ya...I'm sure you all know what colors they were soo ya. But ya....finally came home...when I should have stayed out...I will end it at that..
But yes...here is my poem/ song thing...It is really bad. and It is about no one or nothing in paticular...I mean...parts of it are about certain people, but the WHOLE thing isn't about them or anything....
Shedding these tears,
Is becoming an every day ritual.
When will the pain stop flowing threw my veins?
Pick myself up off the ground,
And brush off every memory.
Good and bad,
They’re all the same.
Worthless and forgotten.................
Leaning against the shower wall
The water turned to burning hot
Every drop stabs me on the back
Washing away,
Every touch and every caress..............
This loneliness gets a hold of me,
And turns me inside out.
Bleed my pain,
The sorrow drips out of my veins.
Onto the floor where it is whipped away,
And forgotten.
holding this emptiness inside of me,
With nothing to fill it...................
Confused beyond belief..............
I gave you my hand,
I gave you my heart.......
Broken promises
You did turn your back on me.
You grew so distant.
Was it me? Did I make you turn away,
And make you shrink back into your shell?
Bleed enough to make you numb,
Finally then,
The pain will go away.......
It's really bad...and doesn't really flow together well...spesificlly the first 2 lil actual paragraph things. But please leave a comment, and critique (sp?) it and tell me how shitty it is, and that I should just give up writing all together...and no...just cuz I am beating myself farther down into the ground more than usual doesn't mean I want pity..I never want pity....I don't know what I want....I... just ...want..........you?
Heh...Lemme know people...Catch yall on the flip side...I'll go back to only writing once every week or 2 so you don't have to read all this bullshit.