Renewal
I’m working on getting my upcoming vacation to work with my schedule. So far everything has been approved, and things are looking great. August 25th through the 29th I’ll be in California getting my chill on. I’ll work the 30th and the 31st, and then September 1st through the 10th I’ll be back on vacation.
On the 4th I’ll be attending Nocturnal Wonderland in San Bernardino, CA. For the uninformed, this is a rave which is held annually. I went last year and it was a blast. On the 5th I’ll be turning 21, so I’ll be headed from the rave to Las Vegas. Party time!
I was thinking about venturing up north while on vacation but in all reality I won’t have time. More importantly, after driving to and from California and Nevada, I’m sure I won’t have the energy either. If you want to celebrate my birthday you’ll have to come to me this time!
In all honesty I’m not usually into the idea of birthdays or holidays in general… however, this carries a dual meaning for me. It’s a birthday, but it’s also an excellent opportunity for me to start a new beginning and take a much-needed vacation. Heather and I said our good-byes and it carries a lasting sense of closure this time. I won’t ever have to wait for her again. I won’t have to hate her for moving on, because now I am too.
Let’s face it - the majority of our relationship was heaven; pure, uninterrupted bliss. The good heavily outweighs the bad and always has; maybe that’s why we kept trying. This knowledge has allowed me to shrug away any spite or bitterness I may have held, and cherish our time for what it was. We learned so much from each other, and if she hadn’t come into my life I don’t know where I would be now.
I had an interesting conversation with a close friend last night. I keep saying that I want to settle down. What am I talking about? I’m not prepared for commitment right now. I need a break. I need friendship. I need loyalty. I’ve been thinking about this and finally I’ve found a moment of clarity.
Getting comfortable with a person, learning everything about them, living with them, and sharing a life together; these steps are typically taken over a long period of time. I wanted to settle down with Heather, but that feeling had to be nurtured like any other. We had a lot of history together. Now that it’s over between us, within me I find the desire to replace her; to seek out a new partner, because without her I feel torn and empty.
Of course I can’t replace her. The idea is unfathomable. What I’m realizing is that it’s an unconscious motivation. Right after the breakup I felt a rift open inside me, raw and painful like a filthy open wound. An applicable metaphor might be that I was trying to “patch” this rift with a new relationship. Now after the infection has healed, I still feel this odd compulsion to settle down, presumably in order to restore my equilibrium.
They say the first step to recovery is realization and acceptance. Now I’ve done both and I feel sincerely liberated. As I stated before, I feel like I’ve found real closure this time. I feel healthy, happy, and alive. Put away the paint because this smile is real.
echo “Hello World!”; \\ <- lame programming joke.
On the 4th I’ll be attending Nocturnal Wonderland in San Bernardino, CA. For the uninformed, this is a rave which is held annually. I went last year and it was a blast. On the 5th I’ll be turning 21, so I’ll be headed from the rave to Las Vegas. Party time!
I was thinking about venturing up north while on vacation but in all reality I won’t have time. More importantly, after driving to and from California and Nevada, I’m sure I won’t have the energy either. If you want to celebrate my birthday you’ll have to come to me this time!
In all honesty I’m not usually into the idea of birthdays or holidays in general… however, this carries a dual meaning for me. It’s a birthday, but it’s also an excellent opportunity for me to start a new beginning and take a much-needed vacation. Heather and I said our good-byes and it carries a lasting sense of closure this time. I won’t ever have to wait for her again. I won’t have to hate her for moving on, because now I am too.
Let’s face it - the majority of our relationship was heaven; pure, uninterrupted bliss. The good heavily outweighs the bad and always has; maybe that’s why we kept trying. This knowledge has allowed me to shrug away any spite or bitterness I may have held, and cherish our time for what it was. We learned so much from each other, and if she hadn’t come into my life I don’t know where I would be now.
I had an interesting conversation with a close friend last night. I keep saying that I want to settle down. What am I talking about? I’m not prepared for commitment right now. I need a break. I need friendship. I need loyalty. I’ve been thinking about this and finally I’ve found a moment of clarity.
Getting comfortable with a person, learning everything about them, living with them, and sharing a life together; these steps are typically taken over a long period of time. I wanted to settle down with Heather, but that feeling had to be nurtured like any other. We had a lot of history together. Now that it’s over between us, within me I find the desire to replace her; to seek out a new partner, because without her I feel torn and empty.
Of course I can’t replace her. The idea is unfathomable. What I’m realizing is that it’s an unconscious motivation. Right after the breakup I felt a rift open inside me, raw and painful like a filthy open wound. An applicable metaphor might be that I was trying to “patch” this rift with a new relationship. Now after the infection has healed, I still feel this odd compulsion to settle down, presumably in order to restore my equilibrium.
They say the first step to recovery is realization and acceptance. Now I’ve done both and I feel sincerely liberated. As I stated before, I feel like I’ve found real closure this time. I feel healthy, happy, and alive. Put away the paint because this smile is real.
echo “Hello World!”; \\ <- lame programming joke.