que sara sara
an update on my personal shit.
i'm not angry, anymore. just kinda sad, but not really sad. kinda nostalgic but not really, not that either.
there's a little bit of a hollow pit in the bottom of my stomach, and i spend 90% of the day feeling perfectly alright and keeping busy, and then the 10% springs out of nowhere and then I just want to lie face down in a pillow and not have to face anything.
i'm almost dreading my return to durham. well, there's no almost about it.
i'll fly from Changi airport at 11pm on monday, and land in heathrow at 5am on tuesday, local time. i have no clue how long that flight is, but it's definitely not six hours only. then i'll have a few hours in heathrow (oh god why) and then another flight to newcastle. i'll land in newcastle at 830 am. then my parents told me to take a taxi but that's 45 quid and i can't spare that, so i'll be taking the train. when i get to durham i've called a taxi to help me get to the new place, because it's not accessible by foot. Well, it is, but not with the amount of luggage i'll have. the taxi guy is a friend of a friend, and he's agreed to help me drop off my luggage at the hostel, then take me to the old place, help me get my old shit, and bring it to the hostel again for a very reasonable price of not more than fifteen pounds. I'm willing to pay that. That's really not bad at all. especially if they help me carry my piles and piles of stuff up the fucking stairs because that's just the cherry on the top of the cake.
But then that all hinges on my timing - i'm going to have to do it so fucking carefully. I've contacted both my service providers and hopefully they'll get my phones running asap when I land. I'll need to be contactable at all fucking times. After that, it depends on how long the train will take me from new castle to durham, and when my luggage finally comes out of the airplane. and then it depends on whether the porter is there to give me the keys when i reach the dorm, and then it depends on how long it takes him to sort my shit out, and it all fucking depends. even after i'm done with all that BS, i have to go out and find food, because lord knows I won't have anything edible.
this is after the long ass flight from singapore.
and i'll be alone.
joy. I mean, just, wonderful. joy.
and the stress of this, interspersed with the sadness i could totally do without atm tyvm life. i'm just feeling vaguely queasy all the time. that's what it is. i'm just queasy. and my mum's not well, and my sister's in school and my dad's still overseas, though his brother has finally turned up. things seem to be stabilising on that side. my grandfather's been allowed to come home, even though a nurse visits him every day to put in his iv and meds and stuff. my dad's health is still weird. the tests came okay, not too bad, except for a few shocking markers, and the test which always shows a shockingly high bp.
they're considering the idea that he gets nervous every time he puts on the cuffs, so his blood pressure comes really high, and that maybe it's not actually that high all the time. it's the classic - the behaviour of the particle changes when it is observed dilemma. what the fuck are we supposed to do? mum's at the doctor's clinic right now. not for herself, but to discuss his results, because we're utterly confused now. idk what's even happening. packing has started. my weight limit is 23 kg which is pathetic, compared to the previous 32 kg. my bag weighs 5 kg empty, so idk what to do with that.
my bank balance in the uk is running low but i'm not going to tell my parents. they've supported me so much, that it's the least i can do to live on a bit of a budget. it's not like i spent that much the previous two years, either. much less than my fellow students. just a little more, i think, and i won't have to ask for more money.
why has this year been so fucking shit?
i'm not angry, anymore. just kinda sad, but not really sad. kinda nostalgic but not really, not that either.
there's a little bit of a hollow pit in the bottom of my stomach, and i spend 90% of the day feeling perfectly alright and keeping busy, and then the 10% springs out of nowhere and then I just want to lie face down in a pillow and not have to face anything.
i'm almost dreading my return to durham. well, there's no almost about it.
i'll fly from Changi airport at 11pm on monday, and land in heathrow at 5am on tuesday, local time. i have no clue how long that flight is, but it's definitely not six hours only. then i'll have a few hours in heathrow (oh god why) and then another flight to newcastle. i'll land in newcastle at 830 am. then my parents told me to take a taxi but that's 45 quid and i can't spare that, so i'll be taking the train. when i get to durham i've called a taxi to help me get to the new place, because it's not accessible by foot. Well, it is, but not with the amount of luggage i'll have. the taxi guy is a friend of a friend, and he's agreed to help me drop off my luggage at the hostel, then take me to the old place, help me get my old shit, and bring it to the hostel again for a very reasonable price of not more than fifteen pounds. I'm willing to pay that. That's really not bad at all. especially if they help me carry my piles and piles of stuff up the fucking stairs because that's just the cherry on the top of the cake.
But then that all hinges on my timing - i'm going to have to do it so fucking carefully. I've contacted both my service providers and hopefully they'll get my phones running asap when I land. I'll need to be contactable at all fucking times. After that, it depends on how long the train will take me from new castle to durham, and when my luggage finally comes out of the airplane. and then it depends on whether the porter is there to give me the keys when i reach the dorm, and then it depends on how long it takes him to sort my shit out, and it all fucking depends. even after i'm done with all that BS, i have to go out and find food, because lord knows I won't have anything edible.
this is after the long ass flight from singapore.
and i'll be alone.
joy. I mean, just, wonderful. joy.
and the stress of this, interspersed with the sadness i could totally do without atm tyvm life. i'm just feeling vaguely queasy all the time. that's what it is. i'm just queasy. and my mum's not well, and my sister's in school and my dad's still overseas, though his brother has finally turned up. things seem to be stabilising on that side. my grandfather's been allowed to come home, even though a nurse visits him every day to put in his iv and meds and stuff. my dad's health is still weird. the tests came okay, not too bad, except for a few shocking markers, and the test which always shows a shockingly high bp.
they're considering the idea that he gets nervous every time he puts on the cuffs, so his blood pressure comes really high, and that maybe it's not actually that high all the time. it's the classic - the behaviour of the particle changes when it is observed dilemma. what the fuck are we supposed to do? mum's at the doctor's clinic right now. not for herself, but to discuss his results, because we're utterly confused now. idk what's even happening. packing has started. my weight limit is 23 kg which is pathetic, compared to the previous 32 kg. my bag weighs 5 kg empty, so idk what to do with that.
my bank balance in the uk is running low but i'm not going to tell my parents. they've supported me so much, that it's the least i can do to live on a bit of a budget. it's not like i spent that much the previous two years, either. much less than my fellow students. just a little more, i think, and i won't have to ask for more money.
why has this year been so fucking shit?