Random//Why I Hate Whales (inspired by my new Icon)
WHALES. ARE. SATANISTS. Think about it. What kind of loving god would allow creatures to grow so unreasonably large and survive by feasting on thousands, sometimes billions of other creatures a day? Only the prince of lies could ensure such blasphemous creatures continue to exist, mocking god’s ordered universe by simply being! It’s no coincidence that in Psalms 104:24-26 it reads: "[O LORD] the earth is full of thy riches. So is this great and wide sea, wherein are things creeping innumerable, both small and great beasts" - LEVIATHAN, that great serpent is one of the three BEASTS that usher in the END TIMES.
Need more proof? Expert scientists at the university of Whaleology have lowered the pitch and sped up the long, mewling whalesongs (you can achieve the same effect by playing your CDs backwards) and the end results are shocking;
“sssssAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAtAAAAAN wEEEEEeeeeEEEE ARRRRRRRe ccccOMIIIIIIIIIng…”
To this day, despite the valiant efforts of brave, Christian whalers, whales continue to roil and writhe their way through the seas, booming out their praises of their dark lord and furthering his master plan. See, what all those bleeding-heart Greenpeace folks don’t tell you is that before whalers started culling them, all the whales in the world were swimming around and around in a big pentagram, 666 whales to each line, with 6666 whales forming the outer circle, making the sea churn with blood. Just look at this source for proof! And the whales who helped organize this loathsome feat? THEY LIVE TO THIS DAY, IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.
You need not be afraid, my friends. Simply pray, and be vigilant.
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Okay, so this parody of internet rants got carried away somewhere along the line (I suspect near the start), but gimme a break, whales just freak me out. Nothing should be that big and that good at hiding.
Need more proof? Expert scientists at the university of Whaleology have lowered the pitch and sped up the long, mewling whalesongs (you can achieve the same effect by playing your CDs backwards) and the end results are shocking;
“sssssAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAtAAAAAN wEEEEEeeeeEEEE ARRRRRRRe ccccOMIIIIIIIIIng…”
To this day, despite the valiant efforts of brave, Christian whalers, whales continue to roil and writhe their way through the seas, booming out their praises of their dark lord and furthering his master plan. See, what all those bleeding-heart Greenpeace folks don’t tell you is that before whalers started culling them, all the whales in the world were swimming around and around in a big pentagram, 666 whales to each line, with 6666 whales forming the outer circle, making the sea churn with blood. Just look at this source for proof! And the whales who helped organize this loathsome feat? THEY LIVE TO THIS DAY, IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.
You need not be afraid, my friends. Simply pray, and be vigilant.
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Okay, so this parody of internet rants got carried away somewhere along the line (I suspect near the start), but gimme a break, whales just freak me out. Nothing should be that big and that good at hiding.