gay pinguin sex
A force de glander au lit, j'ai lu à peu près tt ce que je devais lire comme fic (pas comme livre, sorry -_-, je vais m'y mettre un jour pour vous les rendre). donc j'ai relu certaines de ma catégorie "à relire", qui regroupe les meilleures.
J'ai relu un crossover au sg1/sga ou jack et daniel finissent sur Atlantis. J'avais envie de vous mettre des extraits parce que j'étais morte de rire et que ça devrait pas être trop compliqué pour ceux qui regarde pas mais connaissent jack pour sg1 et sheppard (le pilote) et rodney (l'astrophyiscien) pour sga. Les autres perso sont des marines pas importants (bon ford si, mais juste la 1ere saison). sheppard et mckay finissent en pinguins (^^ ahhh, les machines laissés par les Anciens qui permettent tout et n'importe quoi au niveau scénar... *fond smile*)
"How do you lose a couple of penguins, anyway?" Jack muttered, glaring down at the lifesigns detector in his hand. It was impossible to tell which of the dots might be the birds, but Weir had purposely cleared everyone out of this area of the city, so right now there were only three white dots-himself, Ford and Stackhouse-slowly catching up to two white dots, which had to be the penguins. "We're not talking leopards here. They *waddle*."
"I don't know, sir," Ford said. He looked uneasy, either because they were sneaking up on something and he didn't have his P90, or because in a few minutes he'd be trying to bag his superior officer in the net he was carrying. "Zelenka said they were really fast."
"They're *penguins*," Jack said, feeling that it was explanation enough. He shook his head. "Go to Atlantis. See a new galaxy. Become a freaking zookeeper."
Stackhouse smirked.
"Are they still chasing each other, sir?" Ford asked him. "When they got away from Zelenka and Ouzakov, the major was chasing McKay."
"I'm telling you," Stackhouse said, "the major was the one being chased. The other penguin was shorter."
"No way." Ford shook his head. "McKay could *not* take Sheppard. Sheppard's Air Force. And he's been sparring with Teyla." Ford made a vague swiping gesture with his arm. "Learning how to use those whacking sticks."
"I didn't say McKay could *take* him," Stackhouse said, sounding just a little peeved, "I said he was the one *chasing* him. And he'd bitten him, too. There was blood. Besides," he added, "McKay's *vicious*, man. I wouldn't want to cross him. He's big, too. Muscular."
Ford looked at Stackhouse sidelong. "Not that you've noticed, or anything."
Stackhouse shrugged. "I've been out on missions with him," he said. Kind of defensively, Jack thought.
*Gayer than fucking Christmas*. Jack sighed inwardly. *Every single goddamn one of them*. Maybe it was some kind of international conspiracy-ship all the queers out to the Pegasus galaxy, hope they get eaten.
"So have I," Ford said.
Stackhouse looked at him. "And you've never noticed."
"Nope." Ford gave Stackhouse a superior smile.
"Well, anyway," Stackhouse said, casually as if he weren't blushing deep crimson, "Zelenka saw the same thing-the littler penguin whaled on the taller one, and then the taller one ran away."
"Not possible." Ford shook his head again, more emphatically.
Jack sucked a tooth. "Have either of you gentlemen perhaps heard of the concept of *stealth*, when stalking your quarry?" he asked pleasantly.
Ford blinked. "Penguins aren't afraid of humans, sir."
Jack smiled at him. "I wasn't talking about the penguins."
"Oh," Ford said quickly. "Sorry, sir."
Stackhouse echoed it a second later, and blessed silence descended.
Jack exhaled in relief and looked at the detector again. The two dots were at the very far end of the corridor... out on the pier with the number four grounding station, actually. In fact...
"Huh," Jack grunted. "They're in the water."
"What?" Stackhouse's head snapped around, eyes wide. "Oh no!" He took off down the hallway.
Jack watched him go for a bit. The sergeant really would never win any sprinting awards. "Hey, Marlin Perkins," Jack called after him, "they're *penguins*. They can swim, remember?"
Stackhouse skidded to a halt, turning around. "Oh, right," he said, panting. "Thanks, sir. Sorry."
"Right," Jack murmured to himself, checking the detector. "The few, the proud." He looked over at Ford, giving him a tight smile. "Ready to go penguin wrangling?"
"Yes, sir."
***
"Yep," Jack said on a breath, "they're in the water."
The two penguins had somehow found their way along the pier and into the water, and were now swimming in the breaking waves. They honked to each other, then one dove, only to resurface with a fish clutched triumphantly in its beak. Jack watched as that one-Sheppard or McKay, he had no clue-tilted its head back and snapped the fish down, only to dive into the water again.
It was actually kind of cute.
Ford was looking glumly at the remaining penguin, which was letting the waves push and pull it away from the pier. Okay, that one was Sheppard, Jack figured-Sheppard's personnel file said he liked surfing.
It also had a very visible red gash on his neck. Jack decided not to point that out to Ford, though-let the lieutenant keep his illusions.
"They're too far away for the nets to reach," Ford said miserably. "What are we going to do?"
"Maybe we could leave them out here?" Stackhouse asked. "Come back later, maybe when they go to sleep, or something?" He looked at Jack hopefully.
Jack shook his head. "Tempting though that idea is, Sergeant," he said, "we have no idea what predators might be swimming around down there, about to discover there's a whole new item on the menu. We have to get them out."
"So, what do we do?" Ford asked again. "We can't reach them, and it's not like they're going to come if we call them."
Jack smiled at him. "We wait." He walked back to the wall, then sat down so that his legs were stretched out and his back was leaning against it. He pulled his cap down so the peak covered his eyes. "Wake me when they're back on the pier. If you see anything coming at them, use your Berretta and shoot it."
There was a pause, then, "Yes, sir," Ford said. He didn't sound thrilled.
Jack just smiled and closed his eyes.
***
"Sir." Stackhouse was shaking him, voice soft but urgent. "Sir-they're back on the pier!"
Jack was awake instantly, alert. He nodded at Stackhouse and pulled himself carefully to his feet, not wanting to do anything that would alarm the penguins. He walked over to where Ford was standing tensely, his net stretched between his hands.
The two penguins were standing side-by-side, preening each other. One of them-the shorter one, maybe-eyed Ford warily but went back to smoothing the other's feathers.
The penguins were a good ten feet away, right at the edge of the pier, where they could drop back into the water in a second. "Relax, Lieutenant," Jack murmured. "We don't want to spook them."
Ford nodded slowly. "Yes, sir," he said quietly.
"Okay," Jack said. "Here's what we're going to do. Follow behind me. Go slow. And Stackhouse," he added, "get your net out." He didn't wait for Stackhouse's reply, as he stepped in front of Ford, moving slowly. He pulled a small can out of one pocket, a can opener out of the other, and began slicing open the lid. When the lid was off he handed it and the opener to Stackhouse, then knelt cautiously, putting the open tin on the ground.
"What's that, sir?" Stackhouse whispered.
"Tuna," Jack said. He smiled at the penguins, who were both eyeing him now, with little beady, black eyes in their little black faces. "*Everybody* loves tuna, right?" He gave the can a gentle shove, pushing it towards the penguins. "Bet you guys love tuna. Mmm. Tuna."
He stood and backed away slowly. He spoke to the two Marines out of the side of his mouth. "Get ready."
"Is it safe for them to eat mercury, sir?" Stackhouse asked. "Tuna has a lot of mercury."
Jack ignored him.
The shorter penguin waddled over, bending its head over the tin. Yep, that had to be McKay-it'd been the one going after the fish, too. Fucking hypoglycemic penguin. It honked, then dipped its head in, snapping up some of the tuna in its beak.
A moment later the other penguin waddled up, too, then began to eat as well.
"Everybody loves tuna," Jack said softly. He gestured at Ford and Stackhouse.
Ford stepped forward, holding the net out.
All hell broke loose.
The shorter penguin looked up, and Jack saw the lightning change in its eyes just before it rushed him, wings spread and honking. Jack tried to dodge back, but the two Marines were in the way, and then McKay-it was definitely McKay, the little bastard-had grabbed the tendon and muscle just behind his knee in its-well, okay, his--beak, and was pinching it like a vice. All the while whacking Jack's shin with his flippers.
Jack howled, crashing backwards, and taking down Stackhouse with him. McKay was shaken loose and slapped onto his back on the deck, but he scrambled upright with alarming speed and surprising grace for something that waddled, and dove for Jack's leg again, this time pinching his thigh. And still whacking the fuck out of him, too. This time on either side of his knee.
"Goddamnit!" Jack shouted. "Get McKay off me!"
"I *told* you it was McKay!" Stackhouse shouted at Ford. He'd managed to get to his feet, though his net was still tangled up under Jack's body. He reached for the penguin, but it eyed him evilly over the fold of Jack's leg in its beak, and Stackhouse hesitated.
"For fuck's sake, Stackhouse, grab him!" Jack was pushing at McKay's feathered chest, trying to shove him off. The Colonel O'Neill part of his mind reminded the rest of him desperately that no, it would be a really bad idea to start kicking the penguin with his other foot.
McKay just switched his beak vise-grip to Jack's hand.
"Son of a bitch! Stackhouse!"
"Sorry!" Stackhouse gulped. Then grabbed the penguin around its pear-shaped middle.
Sheppard honked in alarm, then rushed up and bit Stackhouse on his calf, pummeling Stackhouse's leg with its-his--flippers.
Ford finally figured out what to do with the net, apparently, and threw it over Sheppard, then reached down and forcibly dragged him away from Stackhouse. Stackhouse yelped in pain as the beak disengaged, but he was a good soldier and hadn't let go of McKay. Now he was able to pick the penguin up, crushing it to his chest. Jack was finally able to wrench his bleeding hand out of its mouth.
McKay honked in rage and struggled against Stackhouse, but the Marine held on desperately. "The net, sir!" he shouted. "Get the net!"
Sheppard was honking as well, pushing against Ford and fighting with the net, but Ford just kept wrapping and re-wrapping the bird until Sheppard was hopelessly tangled in a forlorn heap on the deck. He gave a sad little honk that Jack figured was the penguin equivalent of "go on without me."
Jack leapt to his feet, wincing at the burning pain in his leg. He bent and grabbed the net, and threw it over McKay, who had almost managed to get free of Stackhouse's arms, no doubt giving him several bruises in the process. Jack grabbed the penguin before it could fall to the deck, bundling it in the net until it was finally immobile, glaring hot penguin death up at him.
"Yeah, well, same to you, buddy," Jack panted. "Rat bastard penguin. It's for your own good."
McKay kept glaring at him.
"You'll thank me later," Jack said. He hefted the penguin, making sure its beak was facing away from him, and began limping back to the doors that led inside. Stackhouse limped after him.
Ford, completely uninjured, came up beside him. He grinned, nodding at the penguin in Jack's arms. "The major put up a hell of a fight, huh, sir?"
God, the kid just lived in denial, didn't he? "This is McKay," Jack said. "Your crush capitulated like Belgium."
Ford's face fell. He looked down at the sad penguin he was carrying with an expression akin to betrayal. "This one's Sheppard?"
"Told you," Stackhouse said again. "McKay is *vicious*." He grinned at Jack. "Great capture there, sir."
"Whatever, Marlin," Jack said, rolling his eyes.
***
"So," Jack said. "This is our new penguin pen."
He was standing in front of what was normally the cell where they kept Wraith and other prisoners who didn't require bathrooms. Now a corner of the cell was taken up with the lid of one of the larger storage containers, which had sides high enough to make it useable as a shallow pool, where Sheppard was currently swimming. Jack wondered how much of a good thing it was that he was finding it so easy to tell the two of them apart. There was a medium-sized pile of pebbles in another corner, and a pile of raw fish next to that, both recently acquired from the mainland.
"Yes, it is," Dr. Patel said. She was staring at the two penguins in the cage-a little morosely, Jack thought-standing next to Jack with her arms crossed. "They should be comfortable here until we can change them back."
"They do look... comfortable," Jack said. McKay was eating the fish, of course, lifting his head every so often to send Jack a glare that made Jack's leg hurt.
"How is Dr. Jackson?" Patel asked. "You're still keeping him in your quarters, right?"
"Yep." Jack sighed. "He's doing great. Ripped up the couple paperbacks I brought, and destroyed my favorite sweater. And I think he's figuring out how to open my laptop, though so far he's only chewed through the mouse cord."
Patel nodded as if all of that only made sense. "Tarsiers are extremely bright."
"...And he's not housebroken," Jack added.
"No," Patel said. "No, he wouldn't be."
"Right," Jack said.
Sheppard was climbing out of the shallow pool. He flopped onto the smooth floor and slid. He got to his feet, looked like he was considering something very seriously, then took a short, waddling run, and threw himself onto his white stomach, spreading his wings as he slid along the floor. He crashed into the bars and Jack winced.
McKay went to see if Sheppard was okay, and much preening ensued, with McKay pausing every so often to glare at Jack.
"That one doesn't like you very much, does he?" Patel asked.
Jack sighed again. "Not so much."
The penguins had stopped preening each other, though Sheppard was still lying on his belly, looking almost... expectant. And then McKay was...
Jack blinked. "Are they fighting?"
Patel shook her head. "No, that would be sex." She seemed sad.
"Sex," Jack repeated. He blinked again. "Penguin sex."
"Gay penguin sex," Patel said.
Jack stared. "Okay..." McKay kind of slid off Sheppard's back, and the preening resumed. "Doesn't seem to take very long." And really, thank God for that.
"No," Patel said. "Most animals don't."
Sheppard stood up, and the preening continued, though there was a whole undercurrent to it now that felt uncomfortably pornographic. "And, do they... uh..." Jack nodded at the cage. "Is it always-"
"They trade off," Patel said. She snorted. "Like ninety-eight percent of the men on this fucking base." She smiled thinly at Jack, who was looking at her in mild astonishment. "Don't mind me, I'm just bitter."
"Right," Jack said. He glanced at the cage again. Apparently it was McKay's turn. Sheppard had more enthusiasm, but McKay had better technique, Jack decided. And he never wanted to think about that ever again.
He made an abortive thumb-over-the-shoulder gesture. "I'll uh... I should go feed Daniel. I'll see you at the briefing."
Patel nodded. "I'll be here if you need me, hating my life."
"Right," Jack said. And fled.
heu, j'ai fait un cut mais je le vois pas, donc ça n'a pas du passer (j'ai du mal avec les cut, sorry pour cve lg post si la cut marche pas)
J'ai relu un crossover au sg1/sga ou jack et daniel finissent sur Atlantis. J'avais envie de vous mettre des extraits parce que j'étais morte de rire et que ça devrait pas être trop compliqué pour ceux qui regarde pas mais connaissent jack pour sg1 et sheppard (le pilote) et rodney (l'astrophyiscien) pour sga. Les autres perso sont des marines pas importants (bon ford si, mais juste la 1ere saison). sheppard et mckay finissent en pinguins (^^ ahhh, les machines laissés par les Anciens qui permettent tout et n'importe quoi au niveau scénar... *fond smile*)
"How do you lose a couple of penguins, anyway?" Jack muttered, glaring down at the lifesigns detector in his hand. It was impossible to tell which of the dots might be the birds, but Weir had purposely cleared everyone out of this area of the city, so right now there were only three white dots-himself, Ford and Stackhouse-slowly catching up to two white dots, which had to be the penguins. "We're not talking leopards here. They *waddle*."
"I don't know, sir," Ford said. He looked uneasy, either because they were sneaking up on something and he didn't have his P90, or because in a few minutes he'd be trying to bag his superior officer in the net he was carrying. "Zelenka said they were really fast."
"They're *penguins*," Jack said, feeling that it was explanation enough. He shook his head. "Go to Atlantis. See a new galaxy. Become a freaking zookeeper."
Stackhouse smirked.
"Are they still chasing each other, sir?" Ford asked him. "When they got away from Zelenka and Ouzakov, the major was chasing McKay."
"I'm telling you," Stackhouse said, "the major was the one being chased. The other penguin was shorter."
"No way." Ford shook his head. "McKay could *not* take Sheppard. Sheppard's Air Force. And he's been sparring with Teyla." Ford made a vague swiping gesture with his arm. "Learning how to use those whacking sticks."
"I didn't say McKay could *take* him," Stackhouse said, sounding just a little peeved, "I said he was the one *chasing* him. And he'd bitten him, too. There was blood. Besides," he added, "McKay's *vicious*, man. I wouldn't want to cross him. He's big, too. Muscular."
Ford looked at Stackhouse sidelong. "Not that you've noticed, or anything."
Stackhouse shrugged. "I've been out on missions with him," he said. Kind of defensively, Jack thought.
*Gayer than fucking Christmas*. Jack sighed inwardly. *Every single goddamn one of them*. Maybe it was some kind of international conspiracy-ship all the queers out to the Pegasus galaxy, hope they get eaten.
"So have I," Ford said.
Stackhouse looked at him. "And you've never noticed."
"Nope." Ford gave Stackhouse a superior smile.
"Well, anyway," Stackhouse said, casually as if he weren't blushing deep crimson, "Zelenka saw the same thing-the littler penguin whaled on the taller one, and then the taller one ran away."
"Not possible." Ford shook his head again, more emphatically.
Jack sucked a tooth. "Have either of you gentlemen perhaps heard of the concept of *stealth*, when stalking your quarry?" he asked pleasantly.
Ford blinked. "Penguins aren't afraid of humans, sir."
Jack smiled at him. "I wasn't talking about the penguins."
"Oh," Ford said quickly. "Sorry, sir."
Stackhouse echoed it a second later, and blessed silence descended.
Jack exhaled in relief and looked at the detector again. The two dots were at the very far end of the corridor... out on the pier with the number four grounding station, actually. In fact...
"Huh," Jack grunted. "They're in the water."
"What?" Stackhouse's head snapped around, eyes wide. "Oh no!" He took off down the hallway.
Jack watched him go for a bit. The sergeant really would never win any sprinting awards. "Hey, Marlin Perkins," Jack called after him, "they're *penguins*. They can swim, remember?"
Stackhouse skidded to a halt, turning around. "Oh, right," he said, panting. "Thanks, sir. Sorry."
"Right," Jack murmured to himself, checking the detector. "The few, the proud." He looked over at Ford, giving him a tight smile. "Ready to go penguin wrangling?"
"Yes, sir."
***
"Yep," Jack said on a breath, "they're in the water."
The two penguins had somehow found their way along the pier and into the water, and were now swimming in the breaking waves. They honked to each other, then one dove, only to resurface with a fish clutched triumphantly in its beak. Jack watched as that one-Sheppard or McKay, he had no clue-tilted its head back and snapped the fish down, only to dive into the water again.
It was actually kind of cute.
Ford was looking glumly at the remaining penguin, which was letting the waves push and pull it away from the pier. Okay, that one was Sheppard, Jack figured-Sheppard's personnel file said he liked surfing.
It also had a very visible red gash on his neck. Jack decided not to point that out to Ford, though-let the lieutenant keep his illusions.
"They're too far away for the nets to reach," Ford said miserably. "What are we going to do?"
"Maybe we could leave them out here?" Stackhouse asked. "Come back later, maybe when they go to sleep, or something?" He looked at Jack hopefully.
Jack shook his head. "Tempting though that idea is, Sergeant," he said, "we have no idea what predators might be swimming around down there, about to discover there's a whole new item on the menu. We have to get them out."
"So, what do we do?" Ford asked again. "We can't reach them, and it's not like they're going to come if we call them."
Jack smiled at him. "We wait." He walked back to the wall, then sat down so that his legs were stretched out and his back was leaning against it. He pulled his cap down so the peak covered his eyes. "Wake me when they're back on the pier. If you see anything coming at them, use your Berretta and shoot it."
There was a pause, then, "Yes, sir," Ford said. He didn't sound thrilled.
Jack just smiled and closed his eyes.
***
"Sir." Stackhouse was shaking him, voice soft but urgent. "Sir-they're back on the pier!"
Jack was awake instantly, alert. He nodded at Stackhouse and pulled himself carefully to his feet, not wanting to do anything that would alarm the penguins. He walked over to where Ford was standing tensely, his net stretched between his hands.
The two penguins were standing side-by-side, preening each other. One of them-the shorter one, maybe-eyed Ford warily but went back to smoothing the other's feathers.
The penguins were a good ten feet away, right at the edge of the pier, where they could drop back into the water in a second. "Relax, Lieutenant," Jack murmured. "We don't want to spook them."
Ford nodded slowly. "Yes, sir," he said quietly.
"Okay," Jack said. "Here's what we're going to do. Follow behind me. Go slow. And Stackhouse," he added, "get your net out." He didn't wait for Stackhouse's reply, as he stepped in front of Ford, moving slowly. He pulled a small can out of one pocket, a can opener out of the other, and began slicing open the lid. When the lid was off he handed it and the opener to Stackhouse, then knelt cautiously, putting the open tin on the ground.
"What's that, sir?" Stackhouse whispered.
"Tuna," Jack said. He smiled at the penguins, who were both eyeing him now, with little beady, black eyes in their little black faces. "*Everybody* loves tuna, right?" He gave the can a gentle shove, pushing it towards the penguins. "Bet you guys love tuna. Mmm. Tuna."
He stood and backed away slowly. He spoke to the two Marines out of the side of his mouth. "Get ready."
"Is it safe for them to eat mercury, sir?" Stackhouse asked. "Tuna has a lot of mercury."
Jack ignored him.
The shorter penguin waddled over, bending its head over the tin. Yep, that had to be McKay-it'd been the one going after the fish, too. Fucking hypoglycemic penguin. It honked, then dipped its head in, snapping up some of the tuna in its beak.
A moment later the other penguin waddled up, too, then began to eat as well.
"Everybody loves tuna," Jack said softly. He gestured at Ford and Stackhouse.
Ford stepped forward, holding the net out.
All hell broke loose.
The shorter penguin looked up, and Jack saw the lightning change in its eyes just before it rushed him, wings spread and honking. Jack tried to dodge back, but the two Marines were in the way, and then McKay-it was definitely McKay, the little bastard-had grabbed the tendon and muscle just behind his knee in its-well, okay, his--beak, and was pinching it like a vice. All the while whacking Jack's shin with his flippers.
Jack howled, crashing backwards, and taking down Stackhouse with him. McKay was shaken loose and slapped onto his back on the deck, but he scrambled upright with alarming speed and surprising grace for something that waddled, and dove for Jack's leg again, this time pinching his thigh. And still whacking the fuck out of him, too. This time on either side of his knee.
"Goddamnit!" Jack shouted. "Get McKay off me!"
"I *told* you it was McKay!" Stackhouse shouted at Ford. He'd managed to get to his feet, though his net was still tangled up under Jack's body. He reached for the penguin, but it eyed him evilly over the fold of Jack's leg in its beak, and Stackhouse hesitated.
"For fuck's sake, Stackhouse, grab him!" Jack was pushing at McKay's feathered chest, trying to shove him off. The Colonel O'Neill part of his mind reminded the rest of him desperately that no, it would be a really bad idea to start kicking the penguin with his other foot.
McKay just switched his beak vise-grip to Jack's hand.
"Son of a bitch! Stackhouse!"
"Sorry!" Stackhouse gulped. Then grabbed the penguin around its pear-shaped middle.
Sheppard honked in alarm, then rushed up and bit Stackhouse on his calf, pummeling Stackhouse's leg with its-his--flippers.
Ford finally figured out what to do with the net, apparently, and threw it over Sheppard, then reached down and forcibly dragged him away from Stackhouse. Stackhouse yelped in pain as the beak disengaged, but he was a good soldier and hadn't let go of McKay. Now he was able to pick the penguin up, crushing it to his chest. Jack was finally able to wrench his bleeding hand out of its mouth.
McKay honked in rage and struggled against Stackhouse, but the Marine held on desperately. "The net, sir!" he shouted. "Get the net!"
Sheppard was honking as well, pushing against Ford and fighting with the net, but Ford just kept wrapping and re-wrapping the bird until Sheppard was hopelessly tangled in a forlorn heap on the deck. He gave a sad little honk that Jack figured was the penguin equivalent of "go on without me."
Jack leapt to his feet, wincing at the burning pain in his leg. He bent and grabbed the net, and threw it over McKay, who had almost managed to get free of Stackhouse's arms, no doubt giving him several bruises in the process. Jack grabbed the penguin before it could fall to the deck, bundling it in the net until it was finally immobile, glaring hot penguin death up at him.
"Yeah, well, same to you, buddy," Jack panted. "Rat bastard penguin. It's for your own good."
McKay kept glaring at him.
"You'll thank me later," Jack said. He hefted the penguin, making sure its beak was facing away from him, and began limping back to the doors that led inside. Stackhouse limped after him.
Ford, completely uninjured, came up beside him. He grinned, nodding at the penguin in Jack's arms. "The major put up a hell of a fight, huh, sir?"
God, the kid just lived in denial, didn't he? "This is McKay," Jack said. "Your crush capitulated like Belgium."
Ford's face fell. He looked down at the sad penguin he was carrying with an expression akin to betrayal. "This one's Sheppard?"
"Told you," Stackhouse said again. "McKay is *vicious*." He grinned at Jack. "Great capture there, sir."
"Whatever, Marlin," Jack said, rolling his eyes.
***
"So," Jack said. "This is our new penguin pen."
He was standing in front of what was normally the cell where they kept Wraith and other prisoners who didn't require bathrooms. Now a corner of the cell was taken up with the lid of one of the larger storage containers, which had sides high enough to make it useable as a shallow pool, where Sheppard was currently swimming. Jack wondered how much of a good thing it was that he was finding it so easy to tell the two of them apart. There was a medium-sized pile of pebbles in another corner, and a pile of raw fish next to that, both recently acquired from the mainland.
"Yes, it is," Dr. Patel said. She was staring at the two penguins in the cage-a little morosely, Jack thought-standing next to Jack with her arms crossed. "They should be comfortable here until we can change them back."
"They do look... comfortable," Jack said. McKay was eating the fish, of course, lifting his head every so often to send Jack a glare that made Jack's leg hurt.
"How is Dr. Jackson?" Patel asked. "You're still keeping him in your quarters, right?"
"Yep." Jack sighed. "He's doing great. Ripped up the couple paperbacks I brought, and destroyed my favorite sweater. And I think he's figuring out how to open my laptop, though so far he's only chewed through the mouse cord."
Patel nodded as if all of that only made sense. "Tarsiers are extremely bright."
"...And he's not housebroken," Jack added.
"No," Patel said. "No, he wouldn't be."
"Right," Jack said.
Sheppard was climbing out of the shallow pool. He flopped onto the smooth floor and slid. He got to his feet, looked like he was considering something very seriously, then took a short, waddling run, and threw himself onto his white stomach, spreading his wings as he slid along the floor. He crashed into the bars and Jack winced.
McKay went to see if Sheppard was okay, and much preening ensued, with McKay pausing every so often to glare at Jack.
"That one doesn't like you very much, does he?" Patel asked.
Jack sighed again. "Not so much."
The penguins had stopped preening each other, though Sheppard was still lying on his belly, looking almost... expectant. And then McKay was...
Jack blinked. "Are they fighting?"
Patel shook her head. "No, that would be sex." She seemed sad.
"Sex," Jack repeated. He blinked again. "Penguin sex."
"Gay penguin sex," Patel said.
Jack stared. "Okay..." McKay kind of slid off Sheppard's back, and the preening resumed. "Doesn't seem to take very long." And really, thank God for that.
"No," Patel said. "Most animals don't."
Sheppard stood up, and the preening continued, though there was a whole undercurrent to it now that felt uncomfortably pornographic. "And, do they... uh..." Jack nodded at the cage. "Is it always-"
"They trade off," Patel said. She snorted. "Like ninety-eight percent of the men on this fucking base." She smiled thinly at Jack, who was looking at her in mild astonishment. "Don't mind me, I'm just bitter."
"Right," Jack said. He glanced at the cage again. Apparently it was McKay's turn. Sheppard had more enthusiasm, but McKay had better technique, Jack decided. And he never wanted to think about that ever again.
He made an abortive thumb-over-the-shoulder gesture. "I'll uh... I should go feed Daniel. I'll see you at the briefing."
Patel nodded. "I'll be here if you need me, hating my life."
"Right," Jack said. And fled.
heu, j'ai fait un cut mais je le vois pas, donc ça n'a pas du passer (j'ai du mal avec les cut, sorry pour cve lg post si la cut marche pas)