Glee Fic: (the details are parenthetical)
Title: (the details are parenthetical)
Pairing: Finn/Rachel
Words: 3,442
Raiting: pg-13? I guess?
Spoilers: Through "Journey"
Summary: This is something that just sort of fell together after I wrote the Gleecap for the finale. It appears to me that there isn't actually a whole lot of Finn/Rachel love out there, and I honestly don't get it. So, I ended up writing a story. If you've read my stuff for "Bones," I think the fact that the structure is somewhat erratic won't be too jarring, but if you haven't read it...well, the structure is erratic. So...there's that. (additionally, I suck at summaries, and yes, this detail is parenthetical)
“I’ve never heard that one.”
“You haven’t?”
“No. Was it a single?”
“Yeah. I checked on Wikipedia.”
“What’s it about?”
“Wikipedia?”
“No, the song. What’s the story it’s trying to tell?”
“The singer…I think he’s on the road a lot, and there’s a girl, who he loves, but they don’t get to see each other a lot. I think the song is his way of telling her he’s not, you know, going around with a bunch of other girls while he’s on tour.”
“That he’s faithful.”
“Yes.”
“It sounds like it’s a nice song.”
“It is.”
“Finn?”
“Yeah?”
“How do you know so many 80s rock songs? You were the one who originally suggested ‘Don’t Stop.’ And Mr. Schue first heard you singing ‘Can’t Fight this Feeling.’”
“My dad.”
“I thought your dad was…that he…that when you were little-“
“Yeah. Very little. But he had records. Tons of records. And a drum set.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah.”
“So that’s why you can drum?”
“I guess. I mean, it was around. It felt like…I don’t know. It felt good. To do.”
“I think I understand that.”
“Is that how it feels now? When you sing?”
“Sometimes.”
“I’m sorry about it, Rachel. I don’t know if anyone has said that to you.”
“About what?”
“About Jesse. About Ms. Corcoran. About all of it.”
“I didn’t have sex with him.”
“You…but you said-“
“I know what I said.”
“Why? Or, I mean, maybe I’m not supposed to ask-“
“Because you shouldn’t have sex with someone when all you want is someone else.”
-
It is clear to anyone paying attention, a full two weeks before school is out, that they are Together, in the proper noun sense. And no one will even dare slushy either one of them, because everyone knows about Regionals, and everyone knows that they are walking around with a little more magic than the rest of them, even if they didn’t win.
She does not make crazy calendars and he does not flinch at the thought of sitting next to her in the cafeteria. In fact, he sits next to her everywhere, drapes his arm around her as they walk down the hall, and she wears his jacket, even though the temperature is climbing by the day. She doesn’t need a calendar to make sure that he spends time with her, because he wants to, all the time. They talk about glee club, but that’s not all they talk about.
Finn likes science, probably more than anyone ever guessed. Biology makes sense to him, the way things connect throughout the body. Rachel tells him about her favorite books, and he tries reading one, but Pride & Prejudice wasn’t exactly written for teenage boys. Rachel is a surprisingly quick learner when it comes to baseball, and she spends some afternoons watching a game with him on the couch in Kurt’s house.
(Kurt, for his part, gives Rachel credit for taking the time to learn such a thing. And then asks her how the game works, so he might be able to watch one with his dad. This conversation lasts all of five minutes before Rachel has told Kurt all that she understands, and they devolve into a conversation about Broadway divas and solos. It is strange how well they can sometimes get along.)
-
Jesse St. James shows up at her door the day before he leaves for UCLA.
She tries to slam it in his face, but he stops it with his hand, and begs her to talk to him.
She only crosses her arms across her chest, looking bored.
He says things like sorry, and ass, and he really loved her, and mistake, and maybe someday, because she’s got a spark, and only he could ever understand it.
Finn watches from a distance, and he feels the fear he always felt about Jesse - that eventually, his talent won’t be enough.
But Rachel just slams the door this time, with enough force to keep Jesse from stopping it. Finn gets out of his car, and passes Jesse in the driveway.
He smiles as smugly as possible at the son of a bitch, but damn if he doesn’t feel just a little bit sorry for him.
(Rachel sees the exchange from the window by the door, and cannot help but feel more than pleased.)
-
They almost break up in July.
It doesn’t matter why.
Because they don’t.
-
“We don’t have to.”
“You don’t want to?”
“Are you kidding?”
“I-“
“Of course I WANT to.”
“You do?”
“Only, like, every second.”
“Then, why did you-“
“Because. I don’t want to, you know, pressure you. Or make you feel like you’d be doing something you don’t want to do.”
“But I want to.”
“Yeah?”
“Only, like, every second.”
-
But not yet.
Not quite yet.
Because she really is a Good Girl. He’s a Good Boy, but he’s a boy, so his operational definition of “good” is different.
There are a couple of things with him, actually.
Quinn.
Not that he’s into her. He moved on from that. But he didn’t even have sex with her, and for months, he believed he was a father. He knows what it’s like to walk around, everyday, wracked with fear, with guilt, with disappointment.
A little bit with pride. A little bit with hope.
(and he tries to never think of the loss, the feeling of relief and pain it was to lose a daughter who was never his)
Santana.
He wonders, if it didn’t mean anything, does it count?
(he knows Rachel would say yes)
-
A new girl joins the club when school starts. Angela.
And Angela is GOOD.
Good enough to battle with Rachel.
Good enough to get to sing lead on a song with Finn.
And Rachel finally knows what it was like for Finn to watch her with Jesse.
After she watches them sing “Hot Blooded” together (Mr. Schue seems set to stay stuck in the ‘80s), she throws up in the bathroom.
Seriously.
She doesn’t know if she’s more upset that she lost the solo, or that she could lose (the chance to sing with?) Finn.
The fact that she can’t tell the difference makes her wonder exactly what kind of person she really is. Because “Hot Blooded” is just a song, and Finn isn’t just anything.
He should matter more.
He should.
(for the first time, she wants something to matter more than a solo, even if she’s not sure that it does)
(she doesn’t understand it, but the fact that she’s even having the thought is progress)
-
Rachel eventually wins back her top spot. Of course she does. And Angela does not mind.
Much.
Mercedes and Kurt would never say it, but the fact that Rachel is the golden child again is a relief to them both. It’s always better to deal with the diva you know instead of the diva you don’t.
When Finn and Rachel sing “Hot Blooded” at Sectionals, it’s like “Faithfully” again, in the sense that it feels like they are the only people in the room, but it’s different because the song’s pretty much about sex, and they have the knowledge of one another in a situation of anything but.
Rachel and Finn are making out in a broom closet when they realize everyone else has made it to the stage (where they are declared the winner, second year running). She fixes his tie while he tries to wipe her lip gloss off his mouth, but their hair is a mess.
Mr. Schue is so happy that he almost doesn’t notice.
Almost.
-
Christmas break is perfect. Her dads are gone for most of the day to work (but it never seems long enough, when at 4:45 every afternoon her phone alarm goes off so that they can pull themselves together before her Papa - she has Dad and Papa - gets home at 5).
On New Year’s Eve, they end up at Santana’s. There is a lot of booze, but Rachel will only drink wine, because she swears it’s more refined. Finn’s never had alcohol, really, but after he tastes the wine on Rachel’s lips, he has a few glasses.
They are both laughing, and their hands roam more freely than ever. Everyone is laughing, and talking, and they decide to play Never Have I Ever-
(no one should ever play this damned game)
-
“You had sex with Santana?!”
The tears are just pouring down her face, and Finn shakes his head - not to say no, but because he’s pretty drunk, and Rachel is yelling a lot, and crying, and he hates it when he cries, and he’s pretty sure that this is not going to go well for him.
“Did you?!”
“YES!”
He screams it, and everything just stops.
Her eyes are huge. Her lip quivers, but he knows that she’s determined, now, to stop crying. She’s turned into Rachel Berry, Untouchable Stage Queen, and he sort of hates her for her ability to switch everything so fast.
He wishes he weren’t drunk.
“I thought you were having sex with Jesse.”
The words tumble from his mouth, quietly. He shoves his hands in his pockets. He tries to keep looking at her.
In the end, it’s her that looks away.
She crosses her arms against her chest.
(deep down, she will realize later that her lie is probably as bad as his)
(but we’re not near that, yet)
She doesn’t say anything else. She just walks away.
He sits down on the couch, and Puck sits by him even after everyone else has left.
Because Puck knows about not telling the truth, too.
-
He spends the first day of January leaning against his car outside of her house. He only has his sweater. It’s cold, but he thinks he just feels cold all the time, at least for now.
She throws his jacket out of her window, and it lands in a bush. He doesn’t know if she’s being nice or ditching it like she ditched him.
(She’s doing both.)
He puts it on, and walks away.
-
When Regionals come around, Rachel still hasn’t.
She knows he hopes that Mr. Schue will force them to sing together, which means that they will practice together, which means….
She knows what he hopes that it means.
(because part of her hopes it, too)
But she cuts it off at the pass. She tells Mr. Schue to let Finn and Angela sing together, and give her a solo on another song. It’ll be good for the club, she says, if they show that they feature several strong singers instead of just one.
Mr. Schue knows what’s going on.
He follows Rachel’s suggestion anyway, because it’s not just about her, or her and Finn; it’s about all of them, and this really is for the best.
-
They win Regionals.
In the jubilation of the moment, she throws her arms around his neck, and he lifts her right off the ground.
But when he puts her back down, they’re still broken up.
-
Her birthday is the end of May.
They’re getting ready for Nationals, and Nationals means they have to sing together.
She agrees to meet him in the choir room, to go through a few songs Mr. Schue wanted them to try out together.
They go through the options as quickly as they can.
They both knew which song it was going to be, anyway.
Right before she walks out, he sings Happy Birthday to her.
She hides it until she leaves the room, but she smiles.
-
“Did you see-“
“That was-“
“I felt like I was intruding on something. Honestly. I felt like I shouldn’t watch it.”
“That duet was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen.”
“I give them 2 weeks before they’re making out in closets again.”
“Make it one.”
“You people are crazy. She still hates him.”
“She never really hated him. Besides, how can you hate Finn? He’s like a little bunny.”
“What?”
“I’m saying, he’s so…harmless. Unhateable.”
“Whatever. I don’t care what they do. They better just not mess up Nationals.”
“If you wouldn’t have had sex with him in the first place-“
“Are we really back to this now? Really? Quinn convinces someone else that he’s her baby daddy, everyone forgives that, but I-“
“Woah, why are you dragging me into this? I didn’t say anything.”
“I’m just saying, I just had sex with the guy when he was totally single; what you did was way worse-“
“Shut up! Here they come!”
-
New York is loud.
Bright.
She would fit in here, perfectly.
He’s not sure he ever would, so maybe it’s better like this, after all. Better to have it over now, than later.
-
She stares at the ceiling.
She should be asleep.
“I know you’re awake, Rachel.”
She is startled by the noise. Quinn is in the other bed in the room. How they ended up roommates, she is not sure; she would think that Quinn would far rather stay with Mercedes.
(They all thought Quinn would be best to stay with Rachel. Her tolerance for bullshit was low, but her capacity for patience was high. It was a winning combination when it came to Rachel Berry.)
“Did I wake you up? I’m really sorry.”
“You didn’t wake me up. Are you okay?”
“Sure. I’m fine, Quinn, just go back to-“
“It’s okay to be not okay, sometimes, you know.”
“I’m really-“
“You’re really not.”
“It’s just the competition-“
“No, it isn’t.”
Rachel takes a deep breath.
No, it really, really isn’t.
“Don’t tell anybody, okay?”
“I won’t breathe a word.”
(and she never does)
-
He’s actually more of the lead on this song than she is.
Over two years in Glee club, his voice has changed, gotten stronger. Hitting a high B is as easy as throwing a spiral down the field (that he hopes to hell someone will finally learn how to catch).
They are in an auditorium (again). There are two doors, each leading out to their own aisle (again).
He is smoothing his tie down his chest. The navy fabric is stark against his white dress shirt. She looks at him, just to check, just to see.
To see if-
To see if he’s a nervous as she is, she guesses. To see if there’s anything different about him that she hasn’t noticed in all the months that she’s been ignoring him.
To see if he looks back.
He doesn’t.
(and he feels her eyes on him, and he wants to look, wants to hope, but hoping seems too much, when he’s got to sing this song, this song)
She would look away, but there’s something on his shirt. A navy thread on the sleeve, that must have liberated itself from his tie.
She does not think to just tell him about it, because her feet are moving and she is moving, and yeah, well, now he looks at her.
He turns to face her, unsure of why she’s come over.
She reaches up to the top of his arm, and brushes off the thread. Her hand lingers a second longer than necessary, and he catches it.
She squeezes his hand back.
And they both smile.
And it’s not “I love you,” but, you know, it’s pretty damned close.
“Did you know that Bryan Adams is Canadian?”
“No. Does that matter?”
“I just think knowing something about the original artist adds to the performance.”
“Okay.”
Her hand slips out of his, and she walks back to her door.
As he opens his, he sings every single word like he means it.
And she believes with all of her heart that he does.
-
(They had watched the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood, once, the summer before. It was the afternoon, and it came on TNT or USA or something, and had commercials, but the heat combined with how comfortable they were made them stay on the couch and not try to find the remote. He always had to slide down really far in chairs or on the couch for her to put her head on his shoulder, because he’s so tall, and she’s so short, but he never minded. And on that day, he’s slid down, and her head is on his shoulder, and he leans his cheek on the top of her head. When he wakes up, the credits are rolling, and Bryan Adams is singing “(Everything I Do) I Do it For You,” which is a cheesy song, unless you’re in love with a girl who is snoring softly on your shoulder.)
-
(He thinks she was asleep for all of that. She wasn’t.)
-
They don’t win.
But they don’t exactly lose, either.
Fifth place at nationals, out of 32 of the best teams in the country, isn’t all that bad. Even Rachel is pleased enough.
For this year, anyway.
Everyone stays up way too late at the hotel, some of the more adventurous of them trying to sneak out before Mr. Schue shuts them down. Almost everyone goes to bed, trickling in ones and twos.
Until they are the only two left.
(right down the line, it’s been you and me - he remembers, and she remembers, the moment’s in the air)
“You were spectacular today.”
“So were you.”
“Not like you were, Finn. You were the reason we did so well. It was the best I’ve ever heard you.”
He looks away from her, and down at the trophy. They couldn’t bear to put it up all night.
This is the way things like this happen.
This.
In a hotel vending machine room, where random guests walk in every once in a while, and there are two people talking, like they are the only two people in the universe, until a stranger breaks their skittles and diet coke sign-decorated bubble. And then there is an awkward silence until the stranger leaves, and nervous laughter, and something almost like resentment until the conversation starts again, and it’s talking talking talking-
She kisses him.
At another moment when he’s looking at the trophy, she just leans over and kisses him.
“I’m sorry.”
And he knows that she’s not saying it about the kiss.
“I’m sorry, too.”
And she knows that he has been from the start.
She places her hand on his cheek and they both just breathe about for a second until she kisses him, again, and when they finally pull apart, he feels drunk again, but in the best way possible.
They go back to their rooms at sometime after four, and the next morning, when they’re sitting together at breakfast, absolutely no one is surprised.
-
So, maybe she will go to New York one day, and he won’t, but it’s still far too soon to tell.
What we do know for now is this:
“I think I’d like it if you taught me how to drum.”
“Yeah?”
“Rhythm is an important part of being a singer. I think it could help me.”
“You don’t need any help. Your voice is perfect.”
“Do you just not want to teach me?”
“Of course I want to teach you.”
“I could get my own drum set, if you don’t want me to use your dad’s.”
“You still remember that?”
“What?”
“I told you that over a year ago. That it was my dad’s set.”
“Of course I remember it. I have an excellent memory; certainly you’ve noticed. Oh, don’t roll your eyes like that.”
“You like it when I roll my eyes like that.”
“I do no such thing.”
“Yeah, you do. I know when you’re trying not to smile.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t.”
“So, I’ll get a drum set-“
“No.”
“No?”
“Use mine. My dad’s. I think…well, I’d really like that.”
“You would?”
“It’s got to be hot to watch your girlfriend bang on your drum kit.”
“Were you trying to be dirty?”
“No. But I could try if you wanted-“
“Watch it, Finn.”
“You see, that’s very hard for me to do, because there’s this girl who drives me crazy-“
“Stop it-“
“And I think about her constantly-“
“You are entirely out of hand. Is that all boys think about?“
“What?”
“Sex!”
“It’s not the only thing.”
“How often?”
“Only, like, every second.”
She remembers, and smiles. He teaches her the drums. She’s terrible at it, but she tries. It turns out it is hot to watch your girlfriend bang on your drum kit.
-
(and when it happens - it does eventually happen - it’s nice, and it’s right, and neither of them want someone else)
Pairing: Finn/Rachel
Words: 3,442
Raiting: pg-13? I guess?
Spoilers: Through "Journey"
Summary: This is something that just sort of fell together after I wrote the Gleecap for the finale. It appears to me that there isn't actually a whole lot of Finn/Rachel love out there, and I honestly don't get it. So, I ended up writing a story. If you've read my stuff for "Bones," I think the fact that the structure is somewhat erratic won't be too jarring, but if you haven't read it...well, the structure is erratic. So...there's that. (additionally, I suck at summaries, and yes, this detail is parenthetical)
“I’ve never heard that one.”
“You haven’t?”
“No. Was it a single?”
“Yeah. I checked on Wikipedia.”
“What’s it about?”
“Wikipedia?”
“No, the song. What’s the story it’s trying to tell?”
“The singer…I think he’s on the road a lot, and there’s a girl, who he loves, but they don’t get to see each other a lot. I think the song is his way of telling her he’s not, you know, going around with a bunch of other girls while he’s on tour.”
“That he’s faithful.”
“Yes.”
“It sounds like it’s a nice song.”
“It is.”
“Finn?”
“Yeah?”
“How do you know so many 80s rock songs? You were the one who originally suggested ‘Don’t Stop.’ And Mr. Schue first heard you singing ‘Can’t Fight this Feeling.’”
“My dad.”
“I thought your dad was…that he…that when you were little-“
“Yeah. Very little. But he had records. Tons of records. And a drum set.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah.”
“So that’s why you can drum?”
“I guess. I mean, it was around. It felt like…I don’t know. It felt good. To do.”
“I think I understand that.”
“Is that how it feels now? When you sing?”
“Sometimes.”
“I’m sorry about it, Rachel. I don’t know if anyone has said that to you.”
“About what?”
“About Jesse. About Ms. Corcoran. About all of it.”
“I didn’t have sex with him.”
“You…but you said-“
“I know what I said.”
“Why? Or, I mean, maybe I’m not supposed to ask-“
“Because you shouldn’t have sex with someone when all you want is someone else.”
-
It is clear to anyone paying attention, a full two weeks before school is out, that they are Together, in the proper noun sense. And no one will even dare slushy either one of them, because everyone knows about Regionals, and everyone knows that they are walking around with a little more magic than the rest of them, even if they didn’t win.
She does not make crazy calendars and he does not flinch at the thought of sitting next to her in the cafeteria. In fact, he sits next to her everywhere, drapes his arm around her as they walk down the hall, and she wears his jacket, even though the temperature is climbing by the day. She doesn’t need a calendar to make sure that he spends time with her, because he wants to, all the time. They talk about glee club, but that’s not all they talk about.
Finn likes science, probably more than anyone ever guessed. Biology makes sense to him, the way things connect throughout the body. Rachel tells him about her favorite books, and he tries reading one, but Pride & Prejudice wasn’t exactly written for teenage boys. Rachel is a surprisingly quick learner when it comes to baseball, and she spends some afternoons watching a game with him on the couch in Kurt’s house.
(Kurt, for his part, gives Rachel credit for taking the time to learn such a thing. And then asks her how the game works, so he might be able to watch one with his dad. This conversation lasts all of five minutes before Rachel has told Kurt all that she understands, and they devolve into a conversation about Broadway divas and solos. It is strange how well they can sometimes get along.)
-
Jesse St. James shows up at her door the day before he leaves for UCLA.
She tries to slam it in his face, but he stops it with his hand, and begs her to talk to him.
She only crosses her arms across her chest, looking bored.
He says things like sorry, and ass, and he really loved her, and mistake, and maybe someday, because she’s got a spark, and only he could ever understand it.
Finn watches from a distance, and he feels the fear he always felt about Jesse - that eventually, his talent won’t be enough.
But Rachel just slams the door this time, with enough force to keep Jesse from stopping it. Finn gets out of his car, and passes Jesse in the driveway.
He smiles as smugly as possible at the son of a bitch, but damn if he doesn’t feel just a little bit sorry for him.
(Rachel sees the exchange from the window by the door, and cannot help but feel more than pleased.)
-
They almost break up in July.
It doesn’t matter why.
Because they don’t.
-
“We don’t have to.”
“You don’t want to?”
“Are you kidding?”
“I-“
“Of course I WANT to.”
“You do?”
“Only, like, every second.”
“Then, why did you-“
“Because. I don’t want to, you know, pressure you. Or make you feel like you’d be doing something you don’t want to do.”
“But I want to.”
“Yeah?”
“Only, like, every second.”
-
But not yet.
Not quite yet.
Because she really is a Good Girl. He’s a Good Boy, but he’s a boy, so his operational definition of “good” is different.
There are a couple of things with him, actually.
Quinn.
Not that he’s into her. He moved on from that. But he didn’t even have sex with her, and for months, he believed he was a father. He knows what it’s like to walk around, everyday, wracked with fear, with guilt, with disappointment.
A little bit with pride. A little bit with hope.
(and he tries to never think of the loss, the feeling of relief and pain it was to lose a daughter who was never his)
Santana.
He wonders, if it didn’t mean anything, does it count?
(he knows Rachel would say yes)
-
A new girl joins the club when school starts. Angela.
And Angela is GOOD.
Good enough to battle with Rachel.
Good enough to get to sing lead on a song with Finn.
And Rachel finally knows what it was like for Finn to watch her with Jesse.
After she watches them sing “Hot Blooded” together (Mr. Schue seems set to stay stuck in the ‘80s), she throws up in the bathroom.
Seriously.
She doesn’t know if she’s more upset that she lost the solo, or that she could lose (the chance to sing with?) Finn.
The fact that she can’t tell the difference makes her wonder exactly what kind of person she really is. Because “Hot Blooded” is just a song, and Finn isn’t just anything.
He should matter more.
He should.
(for the first time, she wants something to matter more than a solo, even if she’s not sure that it does)
(she doesn’t understand it, but the fact that she’s even having the thought is progress)
-
Rachel eventually wins back her top spot. Of course she does. And Angela does not mind.
Much.
Mercedes and Kurt would never say it, but the fact that Rachel is the golden child again is a relief to them both. It’s always better to deal with the diva you know instead of the diva you don’t.
When Finn and Rachel sing “Hot Blooded” at Sectionals, it’s like “Faithfully” again, in the sense that it feels like they are the only people in the room, but it’s different because the song’s pretty much about sex, and they have the knowledge of one another in a situation of anything but.
Rachel and Finn are making out in a broom closet when they realize everyone else has made it to the stage (where they are declared the winner, second year running). She fixes his tie while he tries to wipe her lip gloss off his mouth, but their hair is a mess.
Mr. Schue is so happy that he almost doesn’t notice.
Almost.
-
Christmas break is perfect. Her dads are gone for most of the day to work (but it never seems long enough, when at 4:45 every afternoon her phone alarm goes off so that they can pull themselves together before her Papa - she has Dad and Papa - gets home at 5).
On New Year’s Eve, they end up at Santana’s. There is a lot of booze, but Rachel will only drink wine, because she swears it’s more refined. Finn’s never had alcohol, really, but after he tastes the wine on Rachel’s lips, he has a few glasses.
They are both laughing, and their hands roam more freely than ever. Everyone is laughing, and talking, and they decide to play Never Have I Ever-
(no one should ever play this damned game)
-
“You had sex with Santana?!”
The tears are just pouring down her face, and Finn shakes his head - not to say no, but because he’s pretty drunk, and Rachel is yelling a lot, and crying, and he hates it when he cries, and he’s pretty sure that this is not going to go well for him.
“Did you?!”
“YES!”
He screams it, and everything just stops.
Her eyes are huge. Her lip quivers, but he knows that she’s determined, now, to stop crying. She’s turned into Rachel Berry, Untouchable Stage Queen, and he sort of hates her for her ability to switch everything so fast.
He wishes he weren’t drunk.
“I thought you were having sex with Jesse.”
The words tumble from his mouth, quietly. He shoves his hands in his pockets. He tries to keep looking at her.
In the end, it’s her that looks away.
She crosses her arms against her chest.
(deep down, she will realize later that her lie is probably as bad as his)
(but we’re not near that, yet)
She doesn’t say anything else. She just walks away.
He sits down on the couch, and Puck sits by him even after everyone else has left.
Because Puck knows about not telling the truth, too.
-
He spends the first day of January leaning against his car outside of her house. He only has his sweater. It’s cold, but he thinks he just feels cold all the time, at least for now.
She throws his jacket out of her window, and it lands in a bush. He doesn’t know if she’s being nice or ditching it like she ditched him.
(She’s doing both.)
He puts it on, and walks away.
-
When Regionals come around, Rachel still hasn’t.
She knows he hopes that Mr. Schue will force them to sing together, which means that they will practice together, which means….
She knows what he hopes that it means.
(because part of her hopes it, too)
But she cuts it off at the pass. She tells Mr. Schue to let Finn and Angela sing together, and give her a solo on another song. It’ll be good for the club, she says, if they show that they feature several strong singers instead of just one.
Mr. Schue knows what’s going on.
He follows Rachel’s suggestion anyway, because it’s not just about her, or her and Finn; it’s about all of them, and this really is for the best.
-
They win Regionals.
In the jubilation of the moment, she throws her arms around his neck, and he lifts her right off the ground.
But when he puts her back down, they’re still broken up.
-
Her birthday is the end of May.
They’re getting ready for Nationals, and Nationals means they have to sing together.
She agrees to meet him in the choir room, to go through a few songs Mr. Schue wanted them to try out together.
They go through the options as quickly as they can.
They both knew which song it was going to be, anyway.
Right before she walks out, he sings Happy Birthday to her.
She hides it until she leaves the room, but she smiles.
-
“Did you see-“
“That was-“
“I felt like I was intruding on something. Honestly. I felt like I shouldn’t watch it.”
“That duet was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen.”
“I give them 2 weeks before they’re making out in closets again.”
“Make it one.”
“You people are crazy. She still hates him.”
“She never really hated him. Besides, how can you hate Finn? He’s like a little bunny.”
“What?”
“I’m saying, he’s so…harmless. Unhateable.”
“Whatever. I don’t care what they do. They better just not mess up Nationals.”
“If you wouldn’t have had sex with him in the first place-“
“Are we really back to this now? Really? Quinn convinces someone else that he’s her baby daddy, everyone forgives that, but I-“
“Woah, why are you dragging me into this? I didn’t say anything.”
“I’m just saying, I just had sex with the guy when he was totally single; what you did was way worse-“
“Shut up! Here they come!”
-
New York is loud.
Bright.
She would fit in here, perfectly.
He’s not sure he ever would, so maybe it’s better like this, after all. Better to have it over now, than later.
-
She stares at the ceiling.
She should be asleep.
“I know you’re awake, Rachel.”
She is startled by the noise. Quinn is in the other bed in the room. How they ended up roommates, she is not sure; she would think that Quinn would far rather stay with Mercedes.
(They all thought Quinn would be best to stay with Rachel. Her tolerance for bullshit was low, but her capacity for patience was high. It was a winning combination when it came to Rachel Berry.)
“Did I wake you up? I’m really sorry.”
“You didn’t wake me up. Are you okay?”
“Sure. I’m fine, Quinn, just go back to-“
“It’s okay to be not okay, sometimes, you know.”
“I’m really-“
“You’re really not.”
“It’s just the competition-“
“No, it isn’t.”
Rachel takes a deep breath.
No, it really, really isn’t.
“Don’t tell anybody, okay?”
“I won’t breathe a word.”
(and she never does)
-
He’s actually more of the lead on this song than she is.
Over two years in Glee club, his voice has changed, gotten stronger. Hitting a high B is as easy as throwing a spiral down the field (that he hopes to hell someone will finally learn how to catch).
They are in an auditorium (again). There are two doors, each leading out to their own aisle (again).
He is smoothing his tie down his chest. The navy fabric is stark against his white dress shirt. She looks at him, just to check, just to see.
To see if-
To see if he’s a nervous as she is, she guesses. To see if there’s anything different about him that she hasn’t noticed in all the months that she’s been ignoring him.
To see if he looks back.
He doesn’t.
(and he feels her eyes on him, and he wants to look, wants to hope, but hoping seems too much, when he’s got to sing this song, this song)
She would look away, but there’s something on his shirt. A navy thread on the sleeve, that must have liberated itself from his tie.
She does not think to just tell him about it, because her feet are moving and she is moving, and yeah, well, now he looks at her.
He turns to face her, unsure of why she’s come over.
She reaches up to the top of his arm, and brushes off the thread. Her hand lingers a second longer than necessary, and he catches it.
She squeezes his hand back.
And they both smile.
And it’s not “I love you,” but, you know, it’s pretty damned close.
“Did you know that Bryan Adams is Canadian?”
“No. Does that matter?”
“I just think knowing something about the original artist adds to the performance.”
“Okay.”
Her hand slips out of his, and she walks back to her door.
As he opens his, he sings every single word like he means it.
And she believes with all of her heart that he does.
-
(They had watched the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood, once, the summer before. It was the afternoon, and it came on TNT or USA or something, and had commercials, but the heat combined with how comfortable they were made them stay on the couch and not try to find the remote. He always had to slide down really far in chairs or on the couch for her to put her head on his shoulder, because he’s so tall, and she’s so short, but he never minded. And on that day, he’s slid down, and her head is on his shoulder, and he leans his cheek on the top of her head. When he wakes up, the credits are rolling, and Bryan Adams is singing “(Everything I Do) I Do it For You,” which is a cheesy song, unless you’re in love with a girl who is snoring softly on your shoulder.)
-
(He thinks she was asleep for all of that. She wasn’t.)
-
They don’t win.
But they don’t exactly lose, either.
Fifth place at nationals, out of 32 of the best teams in the country, isn’t all that bad. Even Rachel is pleased enough.
For this year, anyway.
Everyone stays up way too late at the hotel, some of the more adventurous of them trying to sneak out before Mr. Schue shuts them down. Almost everyone goes to bed, trickling in ones and twos.
Until they are the only two left.
(right down the line, it’s been you and me - he remembers, and she remembers, the moment’s in the air)
“You were spectacular today.”
“So were you.”
“Not like you were, Finn. You were the reason we did so well. It was the best I’ve ever heard you.”
He looks away from her, and down at the trophy. They couldn’t bear to put it up all night.
This is the way things like this happen.
This.
In a hotel vending machine room, where random guests walk in every once in a while, and there are two people talking, like they are the only two people in the universe, until a stranger breaks their skittles and diet coke sign-decorated bubble. And then there is an awkward silence until the stranger leaves, and nervous laughter, and something almost like resentment until the conversation starts again, and it’s talking talking talking-
She kisses him.
At another moment when he’s looking at the trophy, she just leans over and kisses him.
“I’m sorry.”
And he knows that she’s not saying it about the kiss.
“I’m sorry, too.”
And she knows that he has been from the start.
She places her hand on his cheek and they both just breathe about for a second until she kisses him, again, and when they finally pull apart, he feels drunk again, but in the best way possible.
They go back to their rooms at sometime after four, and the next morning, when they’re sitting together at breakfast, absolutely no one is surprised.
-
So, maybe she will go to New York one day, and he won’t, but it’s still far too soon to tell.
What we do know for now is this:
“I think I’d like it if you taught me how to drum.”
“Yeah?”
“Rhythm is an important part of being a singer. I think it could help me.”
“You don’t need any help. Your voice is perfect.”
“Do you just not want to teach me?”
“Of course I want to teach you.”
“I could get my own drum set, if you don’t want me to use your dad’s.”
“You still remember that?”
“What?”
“I told you that over a year ago. That it was my dad’s set.”
“Of course I remember it. I have an excellent memory; certainly you’ve noticed. Oh, don’t roll your eyes like that.”
“You like it when I roll my eyes like that.”
“I do no such thing.”
“Yeah, you do. I know when you’re trying not to smile.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t.”
“So, I’ll get a drum set-“
“No.”
“No?”
“Use mine. My dad’s. I think…well, I’d really like that.”
“You would?”
“It’s got to be hot to watch your girlfriend bang on your drum kit.”
“Were you trying to be dirty?”
“No. But I could try if you wanted-“
“Watch it, Finn.”
“You see, that’s very hard for me to do, because there’s this girl who drives me crazy-“
“Stop it-“
“And I think about her constantly-“
“You are entirely out of hand. Is that all boys think about?“
“What?”
“Sex!”
“It’s not the only thing.”
“How often?”
“Only, like, every second.”
She remembers, and smiles. He teaches her the drums. She’s terrible at it, but she tries. It turns out it is hot to watch your girlfriend bang on your drum kit.
-
(and when it happens - it does eventually happen - it’s nice, and it’s right, and neither of them want someone else)