shake the hands of holy ghosts
As someone who did not have the influx of social media that teenagers and college students these days do (at least, when I was in my late teens/early twenties - which makes me sound so goddamn old), I have a lot of trouble knowing the etiquette for friending people on places like Facebook. Oh, sure, I'll friend on tumblr without issue (if I like someone's blog) and, sometimes, Instagram. But there's something about just randomly friending people on Facebook that I just don't get. Maybe it's because I'm a bit picky with who's on my newsfeed. Maybe it's because I don't want people to think I've internet stalked them before asking about Facebook.
Spoiler: I have and I do. Extensively.
But I feel like meeting someone you get long with/have things in common with and almost immediately friending them on a social networking site almost...reeks of desperation. Moreso than finding someone local on Facebook and friending them because you think they might be cool or something.
Anyhow, this stems from a girl at work complimenting me on my Supernatural shirt I wore today and then commenting that she saw my Crowley shirt on Monday, but didn't get the chance to say anything. We joked about tumblr a little, but work was pretty busy otherwise and didn't lend much to conversation.
But I still don't know if it's 'okay' to just friend people for shits and giggles. I held off on friending some people from the library because I just was hgdlfkhf about if it was rude or weird or whatever. I've seen people in VCD who I've wanted to talk to/exchange Facebook or tumblr stuff with, but still end up going ldkhldkgh and, instead, trying to catch their name so I can be a weird stalker.
UGH. I don't know if this even makes sense. I was like this back on Myspace, too, for the most part. I held off on friending some folks because I didn't feel I knew them well enough to do so. Instead, I'd stalk their pages.
But other than me being a weird weirdo...
Semester's over for me. Got an A in my computer class. Grades haven't been completed for my writing class yet. I'm thinking it'll be decent, though.
I've been working non-stop since last Friday. Every. Single. Day. Until this Friday, at least. Roughly eight hour days, too. But VCD is done after Thursday and the library needs to see if there's any leftover hours/money for me, since my work study is basically used up right now. Worst case scenario, I'm only working at the bookstore. Which is no big deal. Otherwise, I'll probably get some hours at the library and hours at the bookstore and I'll want do die, but sweet, sweet monies.
I almost didn't make it to work today. Something happened to my phone and, basically, it died, so I missed my normal alarms. I woke up twenty minutes before my shift and had to rile myself awake and get Tony to take me up to campus. I made it there on time though, so it wasn't so bad.
I've been working almost completely by myself in textbooks thus far. Usually I'm doing buybacks, but we've had 4-5 people on the registers, so I've been working on pushing books to the floor and helping out with that. It's been nice, though. I'm constantly moving and it helps the day go by faster. Plus, I don't have to listen to students whine and complain about not getting any money back for their textbooks. Yeah, bro, I know it sucks. We all know it sucks. Bitching to me isn't going to change it. Bitching to our managers isn't going to change it. Take your $20 and GTFO already.
I'm been having some frustration in regards to people dismissing things about me. It's a quiet, simmering sort of frustration, because it's things like 'you're just making excuses' and 'all I'm hearing is you using that as a crutch' and similar things. Not verbatim, but pretty close.
What it boils down to is two things:
I've been insecure in regards to my friends lately. I know that's just me being stupid and dumb and it comes and goes anyhow - like it does for everyone. I know my thoughts there are just ridiculous, but that doesn't mean they're not real and the insecurity I end up getting from them is real, as well. It makes me upset when people completely dismiss my feelings about things because I just need to 'balls up' or 'it's my own fault' for not being more social or something.
The other is that I'm damn near positive I'm mildly dyslexic. It's not a constant issue, not by a long shot, but it's also not something I'm 'making up' or using as a 'crutch'. I very literally have trouble with numbers and reading things properly sometimes. Often, I'll read a sentence or a paragraph and I'll be absolutely sure it said one thing, but when I read it later (or when someone points it out to me), it will say something different. It's not be ignoring something I'm reading and it's not me pretending something's not there. Sometimes that sentence was exactly how I read it. I have more trouble with numbers though, which can sometimes be frustrating at work when I have to shelf read call numbers, shelve books by call numbers, of shelve books by course subjects and numbers. It almost never fails that I end up putting some books back in numbers that are similar to each other in my mind (4's and 5's are bad, so are 2's and 3's, for some reason).
I was told yesterday that I'm 'making excuses' for 'not reading things properly' and that it sounds like I'm trying to use my undiagnosed dyslexia as a 'crutch'. Which is completely not the case. The only time I ever bring it up is jokingly when I've put a book back in the wrong spot (lol numbers) or when I'm having a hard time with it. I'm not always having a hard time with it, but this week in particular has been bad and I've had to really take my time reading numbers and letters for both of my jobs so that I don't put things in the wrong places.
So I was kind of upset about the things that were said to me because I'm totally not trying to use this as a crutch and it's not as if I'm waving it around going I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, CODDLE ME, I MIGHT HAVE A DISEASE or some bullshit like that. It's simply something I think I may possibly have and, regardless of that, it's something that gives me issues - dyslexic or not - and I think it's rude to tell me that I'm making excuses.
I'm trying more to kind of focus my feelings on things that upset me because, more often than not I go into a keysmash rage about things and that doesn't help me really work through the things that legitimately upset me. It's fine for small annoyances, but not for most other things. It's strange and frustrating, because I'm not good at translating my emotions to words, but it's a challenge, as well. I've never been good with talking about how I feel. I usually bottled it all up, cried in the tub, then pretended I was chipper and happy and sunshine and rainbows. I, basically, thought that I couldn't be the one who faltered. I had to be there for everyone else. I know that's too much for me to handle and it's always been to much for me to handle. I never took care of myself because I was taking care of everyone else, essentially.
After today I work two more days. Noon tomorrow, probably until around seven or so. I went home early from the library on Monday because I was tired and needed to get up early for today. But I work from noon to two at VCD tomorrow - I switched shifts with a girl - and then I'm just going to go in early to the library and work my hours that way, so I make up for Monday's lost hour or two. I suppose, since my work study it pretty much up, it's not too big of a deal either way. Then I work at nine in the morning on Friday (all the better reason to get home early Thursday!) until eight in the evening - both bookstore and library. Then I'm off Saturday and I don't know about Sunday. Bookstore schedule will be up tomorrow probably. Hopefully I won't work mornings. I don't mind working evenings, but we're only open until five in the afternoon next week.
[ crossposted from dreamwidth ➙ you can also view it there ]
Spoiler: I have and I do. Extensively.
But I feel like meeting someone you get long with/have things in common with and almost immediately friending them on a social networking site almost...reeks of desperation. Moreso than finding someone local on Facebook and friending them because you think they might be cool or something.
Anyhow, this stems from a girl at work complimenting me on my Supernatural shirt I wore today and then commenting that she saw my Crowley shirt on Monday, but didn't get the chance to say anything. We joked about tumblr a little, but work was pretty busy otherwise and didn't lend much to conversation.
But I still don't know if it's 'okay' to just friend people for shits and giggles. I held off on friending some people from the library because I just was hgdlfkhf about if it was rude or weird or whatever. I've seen people in VCD who I've wanted to talk to/exchange Facebook or tumblr stuff with, but still end up going ldkhldkgh and, instead, trying to catch their name so I can be a weird stalker.
UGH. I don't know if this even makes sense. I was like this back on Myspace, too, for the most part. I held off on friending some folks because I didn't feel I knew them well enough to do so. Instead, I'd stalk their pages.
But other than me being a weird weirdo...
Semester's over for me. Got an A in my computer class. Grades haven't been completed for my writing class yet. I'm thinking it'll be decent, though.
I've been working non-stop since last Friday. Every. Single. Day. Until this Friday, at least. Roughly eight hour days, too. But VCD is done after Thursday and the library needs to see if there's any leftover hours/money for me, since my work study is basically used up right now. Worst case scenario, I'm only working at the bookstore. Which is no big deal. Otherwise, I'll probably get some hours at the library and hours at the bookstore and I'll want do die, but sweet, sweet monies.
I almost didn't make it to work today. Something happened to my phone and, basically, it died, so I missed my normal alarms. I woke up twenty minutes before my shift and had to rile myself awake and get Tony to take me up to campus. I made it there on time though, so it wasn't so bad.
I've been working almost completely by myself in textbooks thus far. Usually I'm doing buybacks, but we've had 4-5 people on the registers, so I've been working on pushing books to the floor and helping out with that. It's been nice, though. I'm constantly moving and it helps the day go by faster. Plus, I don't have to listen to students whine and complain about not getting any money back for their textbooks. Yeah, bro, I know it sucks. We all know it sucks. Bitching to me isn't going to change it. Bitching to our managers isn't going to change it. Take your $20 and GTFO already.
I'm been having some frustration in regards to people dismissing things about me. It's a quiet, simmering sort of frustration, because it's things like 'you're just making excuses' and 'all I'm hearing is you using that as a crutch' and similar things. Not verbatim, but pretty close.
What it boils down to is two things:
I've been insecure in regards to my friends lately. I know that's just me being stupid and dumb and it comes and goes anyhow - like it does for everyone. I know my thoughts there are just ridiculous, but that doesn't mean they're not real and the insecurity I end up getting from them is real, as well. It makes me upset when people completely dismiss my feelings about things because I just need to 'balls up' or 'it's my own fault' for not being more social or something.
The other is that I'm damn near positive I'm mildly dyslexic. It's not a constant issue, not by a long shot, but it's also not something I'm 'making up' or using as a 'crutch'. I very literally have trouble with numbers and reading things properly sometimes. Often, I'll read a sentence or a paragraph and I'll be absolutely sure it said one thing, but when I read it later (or when someone points it out to me), it will say something different. It's not be ignoring something I'm reading and it's not me pretending something's not there. Sometimes that sentence was exactly how I read it. I have more trouble with numbers though, which can sometimes be frustrating at work when I have to shelf read call numbers, shelve books by call numbers, of shelve books by course subjects and numbers. It almost never fails that I end up putting some books back in numbers that are similar to each other in my mind (4's and 5's are bad, so are 2's and 3's, for some reason).
I was told yesterday that I'm 'making excuses' for 'not reading things properly' and that it sounds like I'm trying to use my undiagnosed dyslexia as a 'crutch'. Which is completely not the case. The only time I ever bring it up is jokingly when I've put a book back in the wrong spot (lol numbers) or when I'm having a hard time with it. I'm not always having a hard time with it, but this week in particular has been bad and I've had to really take my time reading numbers and letters for both of my jobs so that I don't put things in the wrong places.
So I was kind of upset about the things that were said to me because I'm totally not trying to use this as a crutch and it's not as if I'm waving it around going I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, CODDLE ME, I MIGHT HAVE A DISEASE or some bullshit like that. It's simply something I think I may possibly have and, regardless of that, it's something that gives me issues - dyslexic or not - and I think it's rude to tell me that I'm making excuses.
I'm trying more to kind of focus my feelings on things that upset me because, more often than not I go into a keysmash rage about things and that doesn't help me really work through the things that legitimately upset me. It's fine for small annoyances, but not for most other things. It's strange and frustrating, because I'm not good at translating my emotions to words, but it's a challenge, as well. I've never been good with talking about how I feel. I usually bottled it all up, cried in the tub, then pretended I was chipper and happy and sunshine and rainbows. I, basically, thought that I couldn't be the one who faltered. I had to be there for everyone else. I know that's too much for me to handle and it's always been to much for me to handle. I never took care of myself because I was taking care of everyone else, essentially.
After today I work two more days. Noon tomorrow, probably until around seven or so. I went home early from the library on Monday because I was tired and needed to get up early for today. But I work from noon to two at VCD tomorrow - I switched shifts with a girl - and then I'm just going to go in early to the library and work my hours that way, so I make up for Monday's lost hour or two. I suppose, since my work study it pretty much up, it's not too big of a deal either way. Then I work at nine in the morning on Friday (all the better reason to get home early Thursday!) until eight in the evening - both bookstore and library. Then I'm off Saturday and I don't know about Sunday. Bookstore schedule will be up tomorrow probably. Hopefully I won't work mornings. I don't mind working evenings, but we're only open until five in the afternoon next week.
[ crossposted from dreamwidth ➙ you can also view it there ]