(no subject)
I'm getting sick of this place.
I could really use some music right now, but I also fear the sound of it will cause my head to cave in. I need sleep, but what's the point if my dreams just remind me, and lead me to believe something different when I wake up? It seems I can never gain any solitude from my thoughts, and they wander far more than anyone's mind should go. I suppose this can give me a rather "negative" image, due to the fact I am unable to control the emotions brought on by said thoughts. Ugh. A week wasn't enough.
Or was it too much?
I can't stand being alone in this house, and yet lately, I don't want to leave my room. I mean, I know I got out of the house a few days and had some fun filming videos with my friends and editing them on my computer, but...something just doesn't feel right any more. There's still an emptiness I can't seem to fill. I want my old life back, as much turmoil that existed, I still do. I want everything that has happened in the last year to undo itself. Except for one thing, and it might be frankly obvious what that is. I've met one of the best people I have (and will) meet, and honestly, in the past 8 months or so, we've talked almost every day, except for a few I was out of town.
I just don't know anymore.
Where is this entry even going? I can't say what I want to, I can't express myself, which i tend to have a horrible problem with. Few people know the real me, due to these walls I erect, but they make me feel "safe". I grow sick of the numerous facades I manage to uphold for almost every person I know, mainly because I have to shut off one side of my personailty to feel more in tune with them. I'm considering attempting to shut them all off, and maybe my mind will be at rest? Nothing harmful, I simply mean to stop caring. I tend to overreact.
Ugh, God I need to find solace, I need to be at peace with myself. I need to be happy. Why am I not? Don't respond to this and say "people don't hate you", "stop bitching", because I'm not. I know I have friends who I'm grateful for, the only troubles I have seem to exist in my head. So please stop thinking of me as a gothic depressed teen. I don't know what's more offensive, the accusation or the basis behind it.
I want to call someone, I want to talk to someone, and most importantly, I want to start over.
I want to draw, and express myself, it's been far too long. Poems are overdue, and sketches are, by far, belated.
Why won't Mrs. Sovine allow us to write for our poetry study? I would love to. I don't consider myself half bad, as I prefer to steer away from the cliche "I hate myself" teenage poetry. I really grow tired of that. Maybe that's all she expects, I don't know.
This is a waste of time for all of you. My apologies, for those of you who chose to read it, as I cannot return the 7 minutes it might ave cost you. I just....
I honestly don't know what to put any more.
I need rest, maybe I won't dream and I'll forget? My thoughts will be with you all.
Be sure to root for us at the Battle of the Bands, hoping we make it. I don't see why we wouldn't though.
The Shannon Muston Experience.
Cheer, make signs.
Me, JT, Chris, and Shannon could use all the support we can get to put on a good show.
I need sleep.
Take care, all.
-Cody
I could really use some music right now, but I also fear the sound of it will cause my head to cave in. I need sleep, but what's the point if my dreams just remind me, and lead me to believe something different when I wake up? It seems I can never gain any solitude from my thoughts, and they wander far more than anyone's mind should go. I suppose this can give me a rather "negative" image, due to the fact I am unable to control the emotions brought on by said thoughts. Ugh. A week wasn't enough.
Or was it too much?
I can't stand being alone in this house, and yet lately, I don't want to leave my room. I mean, I know I got out of the house a few days and had some fun filming videos with my friends and editing them on my computer, but...something just doesn't feel right any more. There's still an emptiness I can't seem to fill. I want my old life back, as much turmoil that existed, I still do. I want everything that has happened in the last year to undo itself. Except for one thing, and it might be frankly obvious what that is. I've met one of the best people I have (and will) meet, and honestly, in the past 8 months or so, we've talked almost every day, except for a few I was out of town.
I just don't know anymore.
Where is this entry even going? I can't say what I want to, I can't express myself, which i tend to have a horrible problem with. Few people know the real me, due to these walls I erect, but they make me feel "safe". I grow sick of the numerous facades I manage to uphold for almost every person I know, mainly because I have to shut off one side of my personailty to feel more in tune with them. I'm considering attempting to shut them all off, and maybe my mind will be at rest? Nothing harmful, I simply mean to stop caring. I tend to overreact.
Ugh, God I need to find solace, I need to be at peace with myself. I need to be happy. Why am I not? Don't respond to this and say "people don't hate you", "stop bitching", because I'm not. I know I have friends who I'm grateful for, the only troubles I have seem to exist in my head. So please stop thinking of me as a gothic depressed teen. I don't know what's more offensive, the accusation or the basis behind it.
I want to call someone, I want to talk to someone, and most importantly, I want to start over.
I want to draw, and express myself, it's been far too long. Poems are overdue, and sketches are, by far, belated.
Why won't Mrs. Sovine allow us to write for our poetry study? I would love to. I don't consider myself half bad, as I prefer to steer away from the cliche "I hate myself" teenage poetry. I really grow tired of that. Maybe that's all she expects, I don't know.
This is a waste of time for all of you. My apologies, for those of you who chose to read it, as I cannot return the 7 minutes it might ave cost you. I just....
I honestly don't know what to put any more.
I need rest, maybe I won't dream and I'll forget? My thoughts will be with you all.
Be sure to root for us at the Battle of the Bands, hoping we make it. I don't see why we wouldn't though.
The Shannon Muston Experience.
Cheer, make signs.
Me, JT, Chris, and Shannon could use all the support we can get to put on a good show.
I need sleep.
Take care, all.
-Cody