(no subject)
I don't want the pain to stop; I want the reason for the pain to stop.
I don't want to accept it. If I accept it, that means it was acceptable.
It's not acceptable.
How can it have been almost three weeks already?
I'm so tired, and my heart hurts so much, and there are days my lips get so chapped they bleed from the sobbing, and my eyes are raw, but it doesn't feel any better not to feel these things because if I go back to life being okay, all I can think is, "I'm saying that this is okay," and it's not, it's not okay, it's not okay that he was 34 years old and he fucking fell and died at home at his apartment, I mean how does that fucking HAPPEN? He's not some crippled 85-year-old hip replacement patient who needs a medical alert button, he was young and healthy and he didn't die in a car accident or in crossfire or a barfight, he fucking fell at home and died and it's the STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
I don't want to accept it. If I accept it, that means it was acceptable.
It's not acceptable.
How can it have been almost three weeks already?
I'm so tired, and my heart hurts so much, and there are days my lips get so chapped they bleed from the sobbing, and my eyes are raw, but it doesn't feel any better not to feel these things because if I go back to life being okay, all I can think is, "I'm saying that this is okay," and it's not, it's not okay, it's not okay that he was 34 years old and he fucking fell and died at home at his apartment, I mean how does that fucking HAPPEN? He's not some crippled 85-year-old hip replacement patient who needs a medical alert button, he was young and healthy and he didn't die in a car accident or in crossfire or a barfight, he fucking fell at home and died and it's the STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD.