"Here's your hat. What's your hurry?"
For those of you don't know, that's a line from It's A Wonderful Life...almost time for that season again. I don't really know how that line is relevant to anything, but it just seemed appropriate to, um, something. Maybe it's just because I am always is a rush to do something; I hate when I catch myself reading through a chapter to just get it done without ever absorbing the material. There is a waste with all this hurrying without any direction. When we get to what we have been hurrying towards, will it be at all what we have imaged?
One of my biggest fears in the suburban dream. I guess, that may sound strange, but I am on way to becoming a doctor and after that it will be so easy to fall into the whole yuppy lifestyle: big house, 2.5 kids, unattached from the core of humanity. And when I am on my deathbed, I am so scared that I will look back and say "What the hell did I just do with my life?" That is why I contemplated being a nun for all those years; I want to make sure I am actually doing something with my life, something worthwhile...I don't want to slip into the American dream.
But whenever I thought of becoming a sister, I would become extremely sad. So I figured that if God was calling me to be a nun, that would make me overjoyed...that was not my calling. Now I am not quite sure what my calling is or where my faith is at all. I am becoming one of those Catholics that just goes through the motions at mass; I go out of guilt, how awful. I didn't even realize how materialistic and incompassionate I was getting in my collegiate age until last night.
Yesterday, I went to St. Lucy's downtown to do some extra credit for my religion class. I really went because I refuse to get an A- in that class, but I had no idea what to expect. The mass and congregation there was incredible. There are large Native American, deaf, and mentally disabled communities that attend mass there. The songs were sang in Mohawk Phonetics and I learned how to do the sign of peace in sign language. During mass, people would sing loudly and respond with true joy. Some could help but shout out because they were so overwhelmed with their love of God. It was truly amazing. These people have been dealt with a much worse hand than I, but they appreciate life to the fullest. They care for each other and realize true beauty. I want to be like this. It is so easy to get caught up in the superficial, especially in college. Everything is judged on physical appearance, pretty much so last night was a sharp reminder that I need to start looking at inner beauty in people again. Ok, I have gotten the message..now where do I go with it?
But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light
So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is raided again
Where to go ?
And you were somehow
The rain this thing could allow
I tried
But it's all wrong
You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where'd it go? tonight the sun shall see its light~Remy Zero
One of my biggest fears in the suburban dream. I guess, that may sound strange, but I am on way to becoming a doctor and after that it will be so easy to fall into the whole yuppy lifestyle: big house, 2.5 kids, unattached from the core of humanity. And when I am on my deathbed, I am so scared that I will look back and say "What the hell did I just do with my life?" That is why I contemplated being a nun for all those years; I want to make sure I am actually doing something with my life, something worthwhile...I don't want to slip into the American dream.
But whenever I thought of becoming a sister, I would become extremely sad. So I figured that if God was calling me to be a nun, that would make me overjoyed...that was not my calling. Now I am not quite sure what my calling is or where my faith is at all. I am becoming one of those Catholics that just goes through the motions at mass; I go out of guilt, how awful. I didn't even realize how materialistic and incompassionate I was getting in my collegiate age until last night.
Yesterday, I went to St. Lucy's downtown to do some extra credit for my religion class. I really went because I refuse to get an A- in that class, but I had no idea what to expect. The mass and congregation there was incredible. There are large Native American, deaf, and mentally disabled communities that attend mass there. The songs were sang in Mohawk Phonetics and I learned how to do the sign of peace in sign language. During mass, people would sing loudly and respond with true joy. Some could help but shout out because they were so overwhelmed with their love of God. It was truly amazing. These people have been dealt with a much worse hand than I, but they appreciate life to the fullest. They care for each other and realize true beauty. I want to be like this. It is so easy to get caught up in the superficial, especially in college. Everything is judged on physical appearance, pretty much so last night was a sharp reminder that I need to start looking at inner beauty in people again. Ok, I have gotten the message..now where do I go with it?
But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light
So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is raided again
Where to go ?
And you were somehow
The rain this thing could allow
I tried
But it's all wrong
You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where'd it go? tonight the sun shall see its light~Remy Zero