How do you measure a year?
Friday!
I think that movie will forever be tied to the memory of one of my brother's drunken friends singing songs from Rent horribly off key. I knew that was what I needed. Well, not the kid singing, but just being home and hanging out with the same kids I had last summer. I remember how I thought I had found myself this summer. Eh, who knows if I really did? Maybe we never actually find ourselves; we are constantly changing. I still find it fascinating that there is not a single cell in our body that is original. We are completely different every 7 years or something like that...
Anyways, I feel like I haven't changed all that much this semester, taken a few giant steps backwards, perhaps. The end of last semester held so many promises for this one. Bleh I hate being so scared of things and the more I try to change this aspect of me, the worse it gets. I want to be able to take chances, to let go a little bit, and to finally just to fall for someone without being so afraid of getting hurt and having regrets. And that's just it: I am scared, and THAT is what usually causes all my problems. I have no idea why I can't just trust myself. I have a decent head on my shoulders; my heart can steer me that far off path, can it?
Maybe that is what is leading me to England. This is such an amazing opportunity. I will be young and in Europe. When will that EVER happen again? (rhetorical question, of course)So if I don't take changes and indulge in these silly, yet apparently educating "emo" story lines or what not, I will never have the chance to do so. So yep next semester is my chance to hopefully find myself again or learn what it is like to just let myself fall...
We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan.
Our statures touch the skies.
The heroism we recite
Would be a daily thing,'
Did not ourselves the cubits warp
For fear to be a king
~Emily Dickinson
I think that movie will forever be tied to the memory of one of my brother's drunken friends singing songs from Rent horribly off key. I knew that was what I needed. Well, not the kid singing, but just being home and hanging out with the same kids I had last summer. I remember how I thought I had found myself this summer. Eh, who knows if I really did? Maybe we never actually find ourselves; we are constantly changing. I still find it fascinating that there is not a single cell in our body that is original. We are completely different every 7 years or something like that...
Anyways, I feel like I haven't changed all that much this semester, taken a few giant steps backwards, perhaps. The end of last semester held so many promises for this one. Bleh I hate being so scared of things and the more I try to change this aspect of me, the worse it gets. I want to be able to take chances, to let go a little bit, and to finally just to fall for someone without being so afraid of getting hurt and having regrets. And that's just it: I am scared, and THAT is what usually causes all my problems. I have no idea why I can't just trust myself. I have a decent head on my shoulders; my heart can steer me that far off path, can it?
Maybe that is what is leading me to England. This is such an amazing opportunity. I will be young and in Europe. When will that EVER happen again? (rhetorical question, of course)So if I don't take changes and indulge in these silly, yet apparently educating "emo" story lines or what not, I will never have the chance to do so. So yep next semester is my chance to hopefully find myself again or learn what it is like to just let myself fall...
We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan.
Our statures touch the skies.
The heroism we recite
Would be a daily thing,'
Did not ourselves the cubits warp
For fear to be a king
~Emily Dickinson