someone has returned
Well...I am back. I'm home for 2 weeks (less than that now) before my next adventure, and I can only take so much of eating, reading, cleaning, and occasional walks in the cold. Thus, I have turned to this, my trusty livejournal, to get me through these difficult (aka boring) times. I actually miss the cheerful 'Sorry's and the unintelligible 'y'arigh?' And I miss my friends, of course, I miss the laziness and having them so closeby. But most importantly: I have returned. I had a crazy dream this morning that I can't quite place my fingers on...but it was weird, and a mix of the Da Vinci Code and 24 sub-plots, because that has been my life for the past few days--eating and reading the da vinici code during the day, watching season 4 of 24 at night. Good parent-daughter bonding going on with that DVD. We're such nerds in my house. And I love it.
I've been thinking a lot about camp lately, probably just because I'm back and that topic just feels more accessable when I'm in the same country and people form camp whom I love are more reachable. I'm pretty dissapointed with my performance last year, more as a person in general than as a staff member (but as a staff member too, I just didn't have the endurance for it--I needed more sleep and more time in my day than Jr High staff allows). I'm telling myself I can do it this year, I can have the endurance--but can I in actuality? I don't know, and that scares me.
It's also always worked out that it's my role to get worked up and deeply involved in certain issues at camp, things I think aren't being handled properly, etc. Before I came to camp last year I was such a relaxed person, and I knew I wouldn't get worked up about unnecessary things, I knew I would just let them go. But I didn't. Maybe the things I got involved in were necessary to get involved in, but either way, it was taxing and I didn't like that part of myself at all. I want to have the energy and the will-power to work at camp and to keep myself in check, or, not 'in check,' but to kind of keep in tune with who I am and what I'm doing. I want to reach out to people. How do I get this energy and endurance back?
I've been thinking a lot about camp lately, probably just because I'm back and that topic just feels more accessable when I'm in the same country and people form camp whom I love are more reachable. I'm pretty dissapointed with my performance last year, more as a person in general than as a staff member (but as a staff member too, I just didn't have the endurance for it--I needed more sleep and more time in my day than Jr High staff allows). I'm telling myself I can do it this year, I can have the endurance--but can I in actuality? I don't know, and that scares me.
It's also always worked out that it's my role to get worked up and deeply involved in certain issues at camp, things I think aren't being handled properly, etc. Before I came to camp last year I was such a relaxed person, and I knew I wouldn't get worked up about unnecessary things, I knew I would just let them go. But I didn't. Maybe the things I got involved in were necessary to get involved in, but either way, it was taxing and I didn't like that part of myself at all. I want to have the energy and the will-power to work at camp and to keep myself in check, or, not 'in check,' but to kind of keep in tune with who I am and what I'm doing. I want to reach out to people. How do I get this energy and endurance back?