(no subject)
WARNING: ALL HOMOFOBES/EMOTIONAL RESTRICTIVE/MANLY MEN DO NOT CONTINUE READING, HAHAHAH I LOVE DISCLAIMERS.
ok so insomnia sucks, plain out down right sucks. And now i have found out why as a youngster i was always so tired...cause i was a little fat fuck who ate too much. ok then on to the post.
I find it difficult to sleep right now. i am under the impression that all of the issues and all of the turmoil rolling around in my pea brain is to cause. you see apparently my inner child or some shit like that has not come to terms with this bull with the infamous ex. i was well on to my way to inner peace concerning all subjects in my life... be a man about it and it goes away or some such notion as this. but you see, it isnt that simple, and being the fag that i am can not deal with this buy ignoring it. And for some reason i have an inklin that until i can at least reflect and write this crap down i am gonna fucking go fight club on everyone.
Having issues here because I can not seem to resolve the idea of giving 110% to somebody and having it bite me in the ass. I know, I know its silly for me to continue to believe that there is some kind of cosmic balance in this world but hey its what my guts tell me. And indeed i did give 110% 366 days a year to this woman, even let some of my pride/ego go so that i could make shizznizzle work. I was trying to sleep this morning but could not because a specific incident about a year ago kept repeating in my head and this is a little how it goes.... So i am out with Brad, Sandy, Pat, pat's sister and her husband. Good times were happinen, were all toasty, i have already spent 2 bills on drink for everyone. I go outside to smoke with Pat's sister and Brad (ofcourse we all knw that brad doesnt smoke but he likes the convo's wheni am drunk). Ok so pat's sister shows us her tits, she has them peirced (convo was on tats and body mods). Damn this girl has some knock out knockers, not really big but just great tits ya know. We all keep talking, then her hubby comes out. We get on the subject of strip clubs. I have never been to a strip club cause i have been involved with a girl in one way or another since i was like 15 and have issues with going to a strip club, just not a cool thing to do if you have a girly already. So i tell pat's sister's hubby (way manly man kinda marine guy) that i dont think its cool cause i wouldnt want to be thinkin about other chicks if i was effin my girl.
FAST FORWARD
Later that evening i am talking to Pat about how i got way effed up over a previous gf cause he was have issues with a chick (trying to sympathize), and it took along time for me to really let go of the pain, basically i had the attitude all women were hoes for too long. Sandy overhears this from my window.
FAST FORWARD
I walk up stairs to my room after pat leaves and Sandy is sititng on the ground crying cause she over heard the convo. Important to note that i was still drunk as fuck. She trys to explain that i had decived her and 2 years blah blah blah. I epxlain that i love her and although kept it in mind that i was to the point in our relationship where the trust was there.
FAST FORWARD
2 days later i am confronted by Sandy because she heard from pat's sister who heard from her hubby that i said i dont wanna go to a strip club cause i didnt wanna think of hottier chicks when we made love. First off strippers and dancers are always hottier, unless your pimp and get the hottest chicks. Since i am not pimp and actually would rather have a decent girl that was attractive, it never mattered if my girl was the hottest peice of ass on the block. BLAH BLAH BLAH, i have to explain again all the things this chick should already know.
The moral of the story fuck all the times she made me feel guilty, fuck all the energy i had to put into the relationship, and fuck the fact that i bend over backwards for people who will stab me in the back. When one of you females is up to the challenge of proving to me that what you got is worth my full attention then maybe my views on this will change. Until then, call me selfish Sal lol. peaches and cream
ok so insomnia sucks, plain out down right sucks. And now i have found out why as a youngster i was always so tired...cause i was a little fat fuck who ate too much. ok then on to the post.
I find it difficult to sleep right now. i am under the impression that all of the issues and all of the turmoil rolling around in my pea brain is to cause. you see apparently my inner child or some shit like that has not come to terms with this bull with the infamous ex. i was well on to my way to inner peace concerning all subjects in my life... be a man about it and it goes away or some such notion as this. but you see, it isnt that simple, and being the fag that i am can not deal with this buy ignoring it. And for some reason i have an inklin that until i can at least reflect and write this crap down i am gonna fucking go fight club on everyone.
Having issues here because I can not seem to resolve the idea of giving 110% to somebody and having it bite me in the ass. I know, I know its silly for me to continue to believe that there is some kind of cosmic balance in this world but hey its what my guts tell me. And indeed i did give 110% 366 days a year to this woman, even let some of my pride/ego go so that i could make shizznizzle work. I was trying to sleep this morning but could not because a specific incident about a year ago kept repeating in my head and this is a little how it goes.... So i am out with Brad, Sandy, Pat, pat's sister and her husband. Good times were happinen, were all toasty, i have already spent 2 bills on drink for everyone. I go outside to smoke with Pat's sister and Brad (ofcourse we all knw that brad doesnt smoke but he likes the convo's wheni am drunk). Ok so pat's sister shows us her tits, she has them peirced (convo was on tats and body mods). Damn this girl has some knock out knockers, not really big but just great tits ya know. We all keep talking, then her hubby comes out. We get on the subject of strip clubs. I have never been to a strip club cause i have been involved with a girl in one way or another since i was like 15 and have issues with going to a strip club, just not a cool thing to do if you have a girly already. So i tell pat's sister's hubby (way manly man kinda marine guy) that i dont think its cool cause i wouldnt want to be thinkin about other chicks if i was effin my girl.
FAST FORWARD
Later that evening i am talking to Pat about how i got way effed up over a previous gf cause he was have issues with a chick (trying to sympathize), and it took along time for me to really let go of the pain, basically i had the attitude all women were hoes for too long. Sandy overhears this from my window.
FAST FORWARD
I walk up stairs to my room after pat leaves and Sandy is sititng on the ground crying cause she over heard the convo. Important to note that i was still drunk as fuck. She trys to explain that i had decived her and 2 years blah blah blah. I epxlain that i love her and although kept it in mind that i was to the point in our relationship where the trust was there.
FAST FORWARD
2 days later i am confronted by Sandy because she heard from pat's sister who heard from her hubby that i said i dont wanna go to a strip club cause i didnt wanna think of hottier chicks when we made love. First off strippers and dancers are always hottier, unless your pimp and get the hottest chicks. Since i am not pimp and actually would rather have a decent girl that was attractive, it never mattered if my girl was the hottest peice of ass on the block. BLAH BLAH BLAH, i have to explain again all the things this chick should already know.
The moral of the story fuck all the times she made me feel guilty, fuck all the energy i had to put into the relationship, and fuck the fact that i bend over backwards for people who will stab me in the back. When one of you females is up to the challenge of proving to me that what you got is worth my full attention then maybe my views on this will change. Until then, call me selfish Sal lol. peaches and cream