home sick ::cough cough::lol
well today i opted to stay home, i didnt feel like going to school and dealing with everything. Jerry asked Sam to prom today and she said yea, so i am the only one left without a date, that feels nice so i dont know if i want to go. and even i did get a date my sister told me i should pay for him, like i can afford to spend a grand on a night. So i dunno, kinda happy i didnt go dress shopping then, i think im just gonna let them go and if it so happens that i make my way there then i'll do that. If not then everyone can deal and i can just meet james at the campground and help him setup and everything. I dunno, i'll figure it out, i guess we arent all just going as friends but its cool, i didnt wanna go that bad anyways, especially to be around couples which i can go to school and do every day of my life. So the couples are: Sam and Jerry, Keith and Desiee, Joanna and Brian, and Joe and Kurt. Then theres me. It might be a little akward for me so i dunno what to do yet. I went to jessica's last night. I love her so much, she makes me feel so much better when i'm upset and stuff. I promised her i'd be tehre saturday night cause of i wont be here next weekend. I told her i'd bring my dog over in the afternoon too. Uhm, yea she and i talked about what actually wrong with me and she almost convinced me to talk to my doctor about it all. She said that i have a little anxiety and depression and that when she went on meds for it, it made her feel better until like last week with her attack. But i told her all of my fears and oddly enough she and i had almost the same ones. She is really good to talk to and i havent had that in a while so im kinda happy that i started gettin close to her. She looked at me and was like "i dont know why i like you so much, i think its because i know what you are going through" and nobody knows what a relief that was. so thank god for her. If she hadnt been there i dont think i would've made it through this week without a nervous breakdown with everything that has happened. She finally showed me her bridesmaid dresses. I didnt like em so much but the color shes gonna get them is a deep blue cause that what adam wants. Last night her and adam were arguing about him going shoppin and stuff, it was very entertaining. Then we were askin jess some trivial questions cause she said she was smart, she actually is although she couldnt get most of our questions but it depends on the topic we were askin about. I'm kinda upset that i am leaving now that my grandparents arent, and that i got close to jess, my grandparents are actually moving right into center moriches which is pretty close to me. And jess dont live far and she calls me every day. I miss jeanenne, she and i havent hung out since i dont even know. I feel real naucious today. It worse todaythan it was wednesday and i threw up on wednesday, maybe from nerves? I think thats what it is cause its gets worse at certain times. I dunno maybe its a stomach virus. sam can finally come with me to jessicas!! She got a job and now she is allowed out!! Im so excited, now she can come with me and if jerry ever comes with. uhm, yea i think im all out for right now, i had to go to the doctors at 11:15. So i went and my MRI came up negative, im happy about that even though i knew it would, i more happy about the factthat i dont have to go through that again. Horrible. So guess what all, im now on fluoextine aka prozac. I talked to my doctor about it today and he prescribed it to me, i took jessicas advice, i have to go back in a few weeks to see if its working. He said that by then i will have a different perspective on life. I have to go get ready soon cause i have work at 5, im finally closing by myself and pretty soon i can get another tattoo, i went back onto the 4 digits yesterday when i deposited my check. So im excited. Probably within the next month or two im gonna get another one. I wanna wait til im over 1500 but i doubt that happening. Im supposed to have my SAT next saturday but i cant go, open house at my college, feels nice to say that =)~
~nicki~
quotes:"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
convo: (texting over phone)
sam: do you know that jerry asked me to prom?
nicki: yea i told him to
sam: why?
nicki: cause i was tired of hearin you complain that you didnt want him to take another date to prom and i was tired of herin him complain about you.
sam: did you tell him to?
nicki: no i toldhim that you were jealous and upset that he was takin another girl
sam: oh
nicki: yea
(five minutes later)
nicki: so what did you say? yes?
sam: yes, why?
nicki: cause you told me he asked you but you never told me what you said lol
random thought: ever find out a secret about someone you didnt really wanna know? now that you do know, what do you do??
~nicki~
quotes:"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
convo: (texting over phone)
sam: do you know that jerry asked me to prom?
nicki: yea i told him to
sam: why?
nicki: cause i was tired of hearin you complain that you didnt want him to take another date to prom and i was tired of herin him complain about you.
sam: did you tell him to?
nicki: no i toldhim that you were jealous and upset that he was takin another girl
sam: oh
nicki: yea
(five minutes later)
nicki: so what did you say? yes?
sam: yes, why?
nicki: cause you told me he asked you but you never told me what you said lol
random thought: ever find out a secret about someone you didnt really wanna know? now that you do know, what do you do??