I think I am in LOVE!!! <3
No I’m not! Hahaha. :P Na I don’t know… I ***might be***. :D Ahhhhhhhhh!!! NOOOOOOO!!! I don’t know!! I must not get near love again! LOVE SUCKS!:P (((YEAAAAAH I’M STILL DRUNK))) Anywho last night was craaaaaaazy AND <3 great… I had soooooooooo much fun!! Really think I’m starting to fall in love w/ all of Scott’s friends. Their amazing ass people! Crazy ass people as well but amazing. Sweet & caring as fuck too. :) I kind of yeah drank a little bit tooooooooo much!!! Got a little bit toooooooo drunk and yeah… LOL let just say was “DRUNK”.. and yeah everyone not just Scott was there for me.. NO I DIDN’T TRHOW UP **thankfully** but yeah I was damn near close to getting there. I don’t know it was just sweet though, everyone helping me out and shit.. I don’t know.. last night was just GREAT though! I really feel like I had the time of my life last night. I feel so lucky to have someone like Scott to hang out and party w/. I know I’m always safe around him, which is a good thing. I don’t know but yah I’m STILL drunk!!! :( and getting a little headache.. Slept like a baby last night though… Even w/ like 7 people in the same damn bed! LOL yeah we kind of pig piled it up in the bed. LOL everyone was drunk and no one wanted to sleep on the floor. Anywho I’m still at his house LOL and there’s STILL like 10 people over here too, all passed out on the floor STILL and it’s like 4 o clock in the AFTERNOON!! <- Yeah that’s how drunk/crazy last night was.
Anyway but yeah back to Scott. We talked again last night… and yeah… I really don’t know why I can’t just open up to him and tell him that I DO want to be w/ him… I really can't just get the words "I DO" out of my mouth.. We’ve only known each other for like 2 months maybe. Maybe less maybe more, but as we’ve both said we feel like we’ve known each other forever. Yeah I know a lot of people say that but it’s true.. He’s just someone who’s really been there to LITERALLY give me shoulder to cry on when…. You know things didn’t go so well w/ me and you know who. I really didn’t have anyone else to talk to… or anyone else who really seamed like they cared and actually took the time to hear me talk for HOURS and HOURS about everything… How I felt and whatnot… No one other then him actually pulled me close and made me feel like they cared… I don’t know, but yeah I keep on saying last night was great cause even though everyone else was past out me and him stayed up till like 6, till like the sun literally came out and again just talked that night away, and again he LISTEN to everything I had to say.. the sad thing was though that I kept on thinking about how even when I was w/ Thomas I don’t ever think we ever stayed up till the sun came up and just TALKED. It was always “you talk to much” or something….. I don’t know… it’s kinda scary though cause Scott at times really reminds me of Thomas… That’s def. not why I like him though, but yeah he really just reminds me soooo much of Thomas. I don’t know how or why though… I just know he does… just certain little things he does I guess… I think it’s a Marine thing or heh that’s what I tell myself. Anyway yeah I kind of don’t like that though… that he reminds me of Thomas.. I know I shouldn’t hate him or dislike him for that or whatever though. I know… I guess I just hate that he DOES remind me of him… That he BRINGS memories back that I DON’T want think about. I don’t want to think about Thomas! He broke my heart terribly! Tore me down.. Tore me to pieces. Just fucking stabbed me in the heart. He really as even SCOTT HAS MENTIONED JUST OUT OF THE BLUE - changed me… I don’t know how… but he did… everyone tells me I “seam” different.. I don’t seam the same… I don’t seam like myself. Which I really don’t see how I’m different but I must be if everyone say I’ve changed a little bit… I don’t know but yeah me and Scott talked… and yeah… this isn’t going on right now or anything, but yeah we just decided that we’re not gonna “officially” get together or anything.. we are just gonna go on being **friends** and when we both feel like the time is right or if it just happens - us being together, then so be it. But as for right not. We’re nothing… just friends…
Anywho I feel kinda bad (HE UNDERSTANDS THOUGH) though cause yeah… he kept on saying that he wants to me and my son out and yeah I kept on telling him "I don't know"... Cause I really don’t know... I don't know if I really wanna bring my son around another guy… I learned from the last… My son STILL asks for him… and talks of him and I really don't know what to tell him... I usally just tell him "sshhh don't talk about him" and he gets pissed at me and walks away crying cause as he's even said from his own mouth "I won't let him see him" and yeah that REALLY BREAKS MY HEART cause it's not even like that... He's just to young to understand things and anyway for that fact I just don’t wanna get my son attached/close to another guy so soon cause in this case he's hurting too...
Anyways enough feeling/being so down... HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!! I needa get HAPPY! Need to go get ready to go home... That's all from me for now. PEACE
Anyway but yeah back to Scott. We talked again last night… and yeah… I really don’t know why I can’t just open up to him and tell him that I DO want to be w/ him… I really can't just get the words "I DO" out of my mouth.. We’ve only known each other for like 2 months maybe. Maybe less maybe more, but as we’ve both said we feel like we’ve known each other forever. Yeah I know a lot of people say that but it’s true.. He’s just someone who’s really been there to LITERALLY give me shoulder to cry on when…. You know things didn’t go so well w/ me and you know who. I really didn’t have anyone else to talk to… or anyone else who really seamed like they cared and actually took the time to hear me talk for HOURS and HOURS about everything… How I felt and whatnot… No one other then him actually pulled me close and made me feel like they cared… I don’t know, but yeah I keep on saying last night was great cause even though everyone else was past out me and him stayed up till like 6, till like the sun literally came out and again just talked that night away, and again he LISTEN to everything I had to say.. the sad thing was though that I kept on thinking about how even when I was w/ Thomas I don’t ever think we ever stayed up till the sun came up and just TALKED. It was always “you talk to much” or something….. I don’t know… it’s kinda scary though cause Scott at times really reminds me of Thomas… That’s def. not why I like him though, but yeah he really just reminds me soooo much of Thomas. I don’t know how or why though… I just know he does… just certain little things he does I guess… I think it’s a Marine thing or heh that’s what I tell myself. Anyway yeah I kind of don’t like that though… that he reminds me of Thomas.. I know I shouldn’t hate him or dislike him for that or whatever though. I know… I guess I just hate that he DOES remind me of him… That he BRINGS memories back that I DON’T want think about. I don’t want to think about Thomas! He broke my heart terribly! Tore me down.. Tore me to pieces. Just fucking stabbed me in the heart. He really as even SCOTT HAS MENTIONED JUST OUT OF THE BLUE - changed me… I don’t know how… but he did… everyone tells me I “seam” different.. I don’t seam the same… I don’t seam like myself. Which I really don’t see how I’m different but I must be if everyone say I’ve changed a little bit… I don’t know but yeah me and Scott talked… and yeah… this isn’t going on right now or anything, but yeah we just decided that we’re not gonna “officially” get together or anything.. we are just gonna go on being **friends** and when we both feel like the time is right or if it just happens - us being together, then so be it. But as for right not. We’re nothing… just friends…
Anywho I feel kinda bad (HE UNDERSTANDS THOUGH) though cause yeah… he kept on saying that he wants to me and my son out and yeah I kept on telling him "I don't know"... Cause I really don’t know... I don't know if I really wanna bring my son around another guy… I learned from the last… My son STILL asks for him… and talks of him and I really don't know what to tell him... I usally just tell him "sshhh don't talk about him" and he gets pissed at me and walks away crying cause as he's even said from his own mouth "I won't let him see him" and yeah that REALLY BREAKS MY HEART cause it's not even like that... He's just to young to understand things and anyway for that fact I just don’t wanna get my son attached/close to another guy so soon cause in this case he's hurting too...
Anyways enough feeling/being so down... HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!! I needa get HAPPY! Need to go get ready to go home... That's all from me for now. PEACE