[fic] My Best Friend's Boyfriend - Chapter 19

[o0kamiyani0o]

 


Chapter 19: Regrets.

Ye Eun’s eyes twitched as she saw the wide grin on her boss’s face while facing the computer. He was always grinning like an idiot lately and Ye Eun knew too well that his idiotic grins are brought by her certain cousin Kim Junsu. Not being noticed by the boss, Ye Eun pulled the plug of the computer and waved the cord in front of her boss. “Work, Mr. Park… will keep you and Junsu alive.”

“AISH! I was talking to Junsu!” Yoochun said.

“Well, you know Junsu-oppa may be older than me. But I knew too well that that boy is scared of me too. Do you now that he calls me noona?” Ye Eun said arranging the piles of papers on her boss’s desk. “And I can always tell him to break up with you with no other arguments.”

“You know, I can always fire you!” Yoochun hissed as he watched his secretary. “What did you bring?”

“Papers, duh.” Ye Eun answered before inviting herself to sit at the chair in front of Yoochun. “Mr. Jung came back from Seoul. He’s confirmed about the black market, and he’s going to join.”

Yoochun’s eyes shined at the news as he immediately read all the faxed papers from Yunho. “What made him do so?”

“I don’t know.” Ye Eun said. “But one thing I want you to do. Do not involve Jaejoong here.”

“I need Jaejoong in my company.”

“But you’re making money on your own.”

“I feel at ease when I work with Jaejoong. Well, you know I have worked with practically the entire time I spent with him since we met. If it wasn’t that he falls in love with Changmin, then he’s the one sitting at the desk next to my office.”

“Well, if you badly want to work with Jaejoong, then go. I just doubt it if he’ll ever transfer from a low employee at the Jungs and a vice president at the Parks.” Ye Eun said standing and preparing to leave. “Just don’t do anything without thinking about it twice. And you have nothing of my word. This is the first time I will never help you out.” Then she shut the door.

Yoochun believed too much of his abilities. Nobody can doubt that. He’s been successful in his first year taking over Park Corp. but Yoochun is also one greedy kid. He knew too well e can raise this company by himself, but he couldn’t help thinking how Park Corp will be able to conquer the whole world if he and Jaejoong would work together. Jaejoong’s mind is fed with so many ideas that no one might ever thought of. Jaejoong will be a successful businessman. The only problem with him is that, he only wanted to live a very normal and simple life. It is okay for him to be consulted but for him to do so much work himself, he’d rather stay at home.

This is also one thing Yoochun wants to change with his friend. Especially when Jaejoong get together with Changmin, everything Jaejoong does will require for Changmin to do it as well. If Changmin doesn’t do it, then Jaejoong will not. Jaejoong doesn’t decide for himself. It is always based on Changmin’s decisions. This is solely what Yoochun want to crack out of Jaejoong’s head. All of Jaejoong’s irrationalities.

“JAEJOONG!” Yunho said as if a huge thorn was removed from his heart. Right that very moment when he saw a familiar figure in Jaejoong’s room he knew it was Jaejoong. Even when it’s only Jaejoong’s back that he could see. “You don’t know-“

“Don’t take a step closer.” Jaejoong said biting his lip to prevent any hint of sobbing. “Don’t you dare.”

“Look, let me explain.”

“There is nothing for you to explain. And if it’s possible, I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Jaejoong, please don’t do this.” Yunho begged. Jaejoong’s command for him not to walk closer, he still dared to. He has spent most of his time looking for this person and if possible, he doesn’t want to let him go again. It’s alright if Yunho receives pain. If Yunho is rejected. All he wanted to do is to tell Jaejoong that he loves him. He did not plan to be accepted. He did not plan for his love to be returned. All he wanted to do is for Jaejoong to know that their night together wasn’t just a fuck for him. it is true he did not try to hold his urges any longer. But he wants to tell Jaejoong right now… that he did not regret it. And that one single night, he’ll treasure.

“Please don’t do what?” Jaejoong said clenching his fist. “Push you away? Or walk away from you?”

“Both!” Yunho said grabbing Jaejoong’s shoulder to make the man face him. What bothered him the moment he saw the very first person he love faced him was that tearful face. It broke Yunho’s heart to see Jaejoong like this. And more so, to know that it is all his fault. “I love you.” Yunho said.

“You love my body.”

“I love your fragile body. I love your emotional big eyes. I love your smiling full lips. I love your caring hands. I love your warm touches. I love everything you possess physically. But I do not love what you are emotionally. Because it hurts me.” Yunho finally said it. Gripping tighter to Jaejoong’s shoulders. “Because emotionally, your happiness, your love, your affection, they do not belong to me. And you know what that makes me? It makes me frustrated. It makes me want to grab you every time you are on my reach and never let you go. Ever. But it hurts me more. Because every time I think about how beautiful you are, how lucky I would be to have, I always ended up laughing at myself. I can’t have you. I can’t have a snow in the middle of summer.” Yunho said making every word loud and clear. Bearing all the pain he is carrying right now. And never… never forgetting to look straight to Jaejoong’s eyes. “I want to steal you from him.  I wanted to be the reason why you are happy. I wanted to be the reason why you would feel like your heart will burst out. I wanted to be the reason why your heart keeps beating. I wanted to be the reason why you love. I want to be the reason to everything you are and are going to be.”

But you already are. Jaejoong wanted to scream those words straight to Yunho’s face. He doesn’t want to hear any of it. He doesn’t want to hear Yunho’s voice. His hard deep voice that penetrates Jaejoong’s heart. Jaejoong wanted to just vanish that time. He wouldn’t stand hearing anymore of Yunho’s confession. He wouldn’t stand seeing Yunho’s pleading yet loving eyes. He wouldn’t stand feeling Yunho’s grip as if Yunho’s life depends on him. just the mere existence of Yunho… that’s what slowly tears Jaejoong apart.

Jaejoong wants to scream but he found no voice coming out. Jaejoong wants to beat Yunho for making him feel that way yet he found no energy to even stand. How is it that this time, Jaejoong felt that he weighs million times more than he does originally? He felt his knees weak that he wants to cling onto Yunho’s strong arms for support.

Actually, this is the first time someone told him about those words. This is the first time someone complimented his physical features as if he was perfect. Most of the time, people will just note to him as beautiful. But one person managed to look into his every detail. This must be what Yunho found out every time Yunho would wake up early just to watch Jaejoong. Once again, Jaejoong felt like his heart is going to burst.

“Jaejoong, look at me.” Yunho said calming a bit down. “I do not wish for you to return me this feeling. I just want you to know what I feel. How much I love you. That’s all.”

“Even if you don’t tell me all these things. I know!” Jaejoong said… almost like shouting.

“huh?”

“Who would spend 30 minutes in the morning just to look at my face?? Who would kiss me just because they feel like it?? Who would bring me to ride a paper boat and hold my hand so tight?? Who would spend time with me so that I wouldn’t get jealous of their cousin?? Who would dance and kiss and fuck me under the rain so gently that it drove me crazy??” Jaejoong sobbed. “This is already all your fault. You made me go crazy too.” He sobbed again. “You made me want to die now.”

“SSsh… Jaejoong don’t say that…” Yunho said as he cupped Jaejoong’s face.

“NO! I’m not finished yet!” He said looking at Yunho’s face, finally finding the courage to do so. “I want to die, and be reborn again! And I would not fall in love until I find you!! Do you know how much frustrated I am!? And you made it worst! You made it worst by making me feel happy! You made it worst by saying all these stuff straight to my face! I am so confused now!” Jaejoong said punching Yunho’s chest as hard as he could. “I don’t know what to think! I feel so broken. It’s not this way that I wanted to feel love. I want to bloom like a fucking high school confessing her requited love to her prom prince! I don’t want like this! When we both know we should not be together!” Jaejoong shouted. “I don’t want a love that would hurt anyone! Not you! Not Changmin! Not anyone!”

Yunho held Jaejoong’s hand that was continuously punching him. no. it’s not because it’s painful. Actually, right that moment, Yunho felt like he was about to burst out. The mixed feeling of happiness and guilt. What should he do? He wanted to squeeze Jaejoong tight, flee away from everyone, kiss him until they both lose breath. He wanted to do those but there was a huge wall barricading his chances. His chance to hold Jaejoong, to touch him, to feel him… and to love him.

“You don’t know how those words made me happy.” Yunho said pressing his and Jaejoong’s forehead together. “And how those words are making me crazy right now.” He said hugging Jaejoong. “And how those words also hurt me.”

“It hurts me too.”

“Stay like this for a while. Don’t hug me back!” Yunho said hugging Jaejoong tightly.

His eyes were closed. He could smell that vanilla scent. He could feel that fragile body. He could trace the curves of this person. The person he’s willing to do anything for. The person he wanted to spend the rest of his time with. The person he wanted to be happy… with him and only him.

Yunho’s actions. They feel of nothing but love. Things Jaejoong want to feel. The struggle to own him. The desperation to be with him. It’s when he met Yunho that he started to see Changmin’s faults. Changmin tries his best too, only that he only wanted what Jaejoong would be happy with. Yunho does his best to make Jaejoong happy with the right things. Whether it would make Jaejoong mad, at least it is the right thing. That moment, all Jaejoong could do is stay in the arms of the man whose body fits exactly with his shape. He wanted to stay and feel the warmth that only Yunho’s presence made him feel. He wanted to stay so that this time, it is he to memorize Yunho’s features. But he can’t.

Jaejoong struggle away but Yunho kept him. he struggle even more but Yunho kept him even more too. “Please don’t make this any harder.”

“SO don’t struggle. Just this time. When I let go, I will hand you back to him.”

Jaejoong sobbed again.

“I’m really, really sorry I came too late to fall in love. I’m really sorry I have no time to meet you before. I’m really sorry that I loved you too late.” Yunho whispered. With that husky voice. That deep voice. That soothing voice. It only made Jaejoong’s knees weaker. “I love you now and for the rest of my living days.”

Jaejoong want to bring himself to hug the man but this stupid invisible barricade is preventing him. How is it that it’s a lot easier to wiggle away but not to stay? How is it that it is so easy to run away and not face the problem? How is it that it is easier to hate than to love.

Jaejoong kept on struggling and Yunho kept on holding him. until they met the edge of the bed and tripped over with Jaejoong lying on top of Yunho’s body. He tried to sit up but Yunho’s arms on his waist prevented him to leave. They stared at each other both with emotions of mixed happiness and pain. “I love you. And i want to tell you that I did not regret the time we made love under the rain. I was in fact, happy. It’s okay to me if you regret that night. I couldn’t blame you. This is just me talking about my selfish love for you.” Yunho gave a faint smile. He’s breaking too, and Jaejoong wanted to be the one, this time, to build Yunho’s breaking pieces.

“I do not hate you. I do not regret that night. I have never given Changmin everything I have. But I willingly gave in to your kisses, to your touches, to your magic that I let you make love with me and ignore the whole world. I do not reg-“ Jaejoong so badly wanted to finish his words, to tell Yunho his feelings. But it is enough. Yunho doesn’t need words in dictionaries. He needs emotions from the heart.

[Jaejoong’s POV]

His lips were soft. I am pretty sure it’s not my own lips that I am feeling. It shocked me truly but I was too dazed to protest. His lips moved slowly on mine. Kissing me gently as if one wrong move will bruise me. He was too careful that made me want to lose everything. To forget everything. It feels like he has this weird ability to make my knees weak and make my brain stop working. My heart is not helping at all. His kiss… is the best I have ever had.

Once again I am lost. To his lips’ touches. I know. Even though it’s wrong. Even though everyone will judge me, I love this man.

[End of POV]

A/N:my exam is dead hard! why do i need to study at that school where i can call it living hell? lmao. just kidding. it's pacquiao's fight on TV but i am notmuch of a boxing supporter. kekeke... xD anyway, i just finished this and soo sorry. i swear i tried to finish it as soon as i got home but i guess i was too sleepy. xD I CRIED WRITING THIS CHAPTER! xD i hope you guys enjoy! xD