tumbly thoughts
I haven't told a lot of people (or maybe I have...), but I'm currently doing volunteer training for the Center for Women and Children. Legally, they have to do 40 hours of training, so we do 8 weeks of five hour sessions.
And, my eyes are really being opened to cultural misconceptions and how little the general public knows about domestic and sexual assault/abuse.
For example, every 2 minutes a woman is sexually assaulted in the US. Every 15 seconds a woman is abused in some way (emotional, verbal, physical). 1 in 4 women in the US is a victim of domestic violence. It is estimated that over half of domestic and sexual assaults go unreported- some figures are as high as 60% or 70%. It takes 7 to 10 attempts for a victim to successfully leave an abuser. Sometimes leaving is more dangerous than staying. If children are exposed to domestic violence they are statistically more likely- especially boys- to be abusers. Dating abuse is becoming a huge issue- girls as young as 13 and 14 year old girls are being abused and they don't even know it. A lot of domestic abuse begins in pregnancy. Domestic and sexual violence isn't about passion or lust or anger- it's about power and control. Nobody 'asks for it'. Ever.
Every week they give us survivor's stories. A trend I keep noticing is that the women relating their stories seem to keep saying "I didn't know any better. I didn't know this sort of behavior was wrong, that marriage wasn't supposed to be that way." A lot of times these women are marrying very young and to their first and only boyfriend. They stay in this horrible relationship for all sorts of reasons. They don't think they can leave- God or their family or whomever will be mad at them. They say, "At least my kids have a home."
A lot of times these women become isolated- they have no friends, little contact with their families. every dime they have, every minute of their day is heavily monitored by their abuser. They're embarrassed. They've been made to believe that the abuse is their fault. They live in a constant state of fear. They don't realize the psychological damage they and their children are suffering.
They don't know their legal rights (sexual assault is a felony, domestic assault is a misdemeanor)- citizens, legal and illegal immigrants all are protected under the law. An illegal immigrant cannot be deported for reporting abuse. They don't know about emergency protective orders.
Abuse doesn't have to be physical. It can be verbal. It can take on any number of forms- abuse is all about one person in a relationship having power and control over the other.
Victims don't know. They just don't know.
People just aren't educated about this sort of thing. I wish it could be worked into school curriculum, educating little boys and girls, before they even start dating, about abuse. That it is always always always wrong. That no person has the right to shove or belittle or manipulate someone who only loves them.
It breaks my heart while simultaneously making me so so angry.
There are so many barriers! Especially religious (don't even open that can of worms). That is another trend in the survivor stories. They go to church. Church tells them marriage is sacred, that divorce is not an option, that wives should 'submit' to their husband's (i fucking hate that word, submit) authority. And I know that the Church doesn't want people to be abused- but these phrases and notions can really be hard for a victim to overcome depending on the spin.
In many cases women are deprived of transportation or money. They are psychologically beaten down to the point where they believe that they're worthless- which is a huge huge barrier to summing up the guts to leave.
Fun fact: A woman and her kids can get on any tarc bus and ask to be taken to the Center and they will be taken there for free. :)
I'm really really glad I'm doing this. I'd really recommend, if you have time, to volunteer for the Center. They always need people and there's a gazillion things you can do. Jefferson County is really active- I think they said last week they had 12 domestic/sexual assault cases in local hospitals? I'm not sure how many legal cases. Anyway, my point is, they really need people, and they are super flexible. All crimes go up when the weather is nice or when times are stressful (kids being out of school for the summer is one of them).
Anyway, I just got home and it's on my mind.
And, my eyes are really being opened to cultural misconceptions and how little the general public knows about domestic and sexual assault/abuse.
For example, every 2 minutes a woman is sexually assaulted in the US. Every 15 seconds a woman is abused in some way (emotional, verbal, physical). 1 in 4 women in the US is a victim of domestic violence. It is estimated that over half of domestic and sexual assaults go unreported- some figures are as high as 60% or 70%. It takes 7 to 10 attempts for a victim to successfully leave an abuser. Sometimes leaving is more dangerous than staying. If children are exposed to domestic violence they are statistically more likely- especially boys- to be abusers. Dating abuse is becoming a huge issue- girls as young as 13 and 14 year old girls are being abused and they don't even know it. A lot of domestic abuse begins in pregnancy. Domestic and sexual violence isn't about passion or lust or anger- it's about power and control. Nobody 'asks for it'. Ever.
Every week they give us survivor's stories. A trend I keep noticing is that the women relating their stories seem to keep saying "I didn't know any better. I didn't know this sort of behavior was wrong, that marriage wasn't supposed to be that way." A lot of times these women are marrying very young and to their first and only boyfriend. They stay in this horrible relationship for all sorts of reasons. They don't think they can leave- God or their family or whomever will be mad at them. They say, "At least my kids have a home."
A lot of times these women become isolated- they have no friends, little contact with their families. every dime they have, every minute of their day is heavily monitored by their abuser. They're embarrassed. They've been made to believe that the abuse is their fault. They live in a constant state of fear. They don't realize the psychological damage they and their children are suffering.
They don't know their legal rights (sexual assault is a felony, domestic assault is a misdemeanor)- citizens, legal and illegal immigrants all are protected under the law. An illegal immigrant cannot be deported for reporting abuse. They don't know about emergency protective orders.
Abuse doesn't have to be physical. It can be verbal. It can take on any number of forms- abuse is all about one person in a relationship having power and control over the other.
Victims don't know. They just don't know.
People just aren't educated about this sort of thing. I wish it could be worked into school curriculum, educating little boys and girls, before they even start dating, about abuse. That it is always always always wrong. That no person has the right to shove or belittle or manipulate someone who only loves them.
It breaks my heart while simultaneously making me so so angry.
There are so many barriers! Especially religious (don't even open that can of worms). That is another trend in the survivor stories. They go to church. Church tells them marriage is sacred, that divorce is not an option, that wives should 'submit' to their husband's (i fucking hate that word, submit) authority. And I know that the Church doesn't want people to be abused- but these phrases and notions can really be hard for a victim to overcome depending on the spin.
In many cases women are deprived of transportation or money. They are psychologically beaten down to the point where they believe that they're worthless- which is a huge huge barrier to summing up the guts to leave.
Fun fact: A woman and her kids can get on any tarc bus and ask to be taken to the Center and they will be taken there for free. :)
I'm really really glad I'm doing this. I'd really recommend, if you have time, to volunteer for the Center. They always need people and there's a gazillion things you can do. Jefferson County is really active- I think they said last week they had 12 domestic/sexual assault cases in local hospitals? I'm not sure how many legal cases. Anyway, my point is, they really need people, and they are super flexible. All crimes go up when the weather is nice or when times are stressful (kids being out of school for the summer is one of them).
Anyway, I just got home and it's on my mind.