plop.
this last week i've been suffering a bipolar phase. I'm giddy with joy for an hour, playing my mouth harp and juggling in sunshine, then some stupid little thing will send me crashing. a friend won't respond to a trivial email i sent a few days ago. i'll remember that i'm damn low on funds. i'll read nihilist/atheist memoirs by a former junkie. the latest one was one housemate giving me flak about smoking and another sending me a (fairly friendly, though i wrongly interpreted that as condescending as hell) note reminding me to make use of the recycling and compost bins in my dorm.
to this last i responded by wanting to strip down to my underwear and run in circles around my house, sprinkling tobacco everywhere and screaming "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!!!!!!" (so many exclamation points!) sometimes i'm convinced i belong in an insane asylum, and then i remember, oh yeah! i already live in one!
i really dislike guilt trips and the self-hatred/doubt they plant in me. especially when the people guilting me (usually without meaning to) are right. i shouldn't smoke. i should recycle/compost more crap rather than create more unneeded waste on this planet. i should do this, shouldn't do that, i should get my goddam life in order and stop fucking around and slacking off, etc etc. the world is gonna end in seven years and i should be prepared for a neo-stone age, post-apocalyptic, free love holistic utopia since all the fundamentalist christians will be gone (oh, that rapture!). blah blah blah.
i should go to bed rather than vent my frustration on livejournal. but if i do that, i'll just lie awake seething until i bitterly masturbate and have a snoregasm. ain't life just grand.
agh! shut UP nicole! i sound like such a whiny brat right now. "i don't wanna do that! this is too hard! poor me! i'm so misubderstood and underappreciated! waaahhh!" i'm sorry, faithful readers.
hee hee. just did the spell check on snoregasm and here's what it came up with: sn-orgasm, synergism, sarcasm, snags, songs, song's, snugs, suncream, snag's, snarks, snooks, sneaks, Sonja's, sangs, snook's.
"snook's"?
to this last i responded by wanting to strip down to my underwear and run in circles around my house, sprinkling tobacco everywhere and screaming "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!!!!!!" (so many exclamation points!) sometimes i'm convinced i belong in an insane asylum, and then i remember, oh yeah! i already live in one!
i really dislike guilt trips and the self-hatred/doubt they plant in me. especially when the people guilting me (usually without meaning to) are right. i shouldn't smoke. i should recycle/compost more crap rather than create more unneeded waste on this planet. i should do this, shouldn't do that, i should get my goddam life in order and stop fucking around and slacking off, etc etc. the world is gonna end in seven years and i should be prepared for a neo-stone age, post-apocalyptic, free love holistic utopia since all the fundamentalist christians will be gone (oh, that rapture!). blah blah blah.
i should go to bed rather than vent my frustration on livejournal. but if i do that, i'll just lie awake seething until i bitterly masturbate and have a snoregasm. ain't life just grand.
agh! shut UP nicole! i sound like such a whiny brat right now. "i don't wanna do that! this is too hard! poor me! i'm so misubderstood and underappreciated! waaahhh!" i'm sorry, faithful readers.
hee hee. just did the spell check on snoregasm and here's what it came up with: sn-orgasm, synergism, sarcasm, snags, songs, song's, snugs, suncream, snag's, snarks, snooks, sneaks, Sonja's, sangs, snook's.
"snook's"?