feeling slightly better
I'm not exactly tweaking out anymore. My body feels like it's trying to work its way through something kind of big, trying to avert some major internal disaster. I just spent the last two and a half hours reading and feeling nauseous. I ate a carrot, and that helped a bit.
Every so often, I starve myself. Not for too long, just a day or so. I tend to do it without really thinking about it, and I wonder if it's not something my body just periodically needs to do. But it also happens a lot when I'm depressed, and I think that's more of a symptom of feeling disconnected to my body. Or something. I don't know. It's strange how much we don't know about ourselves.
Occasionally I look at my hands, or my kneecaps or face or any part of me, and just wonder where the hell it came from. Evolution is responsible for the freckles on my arm and ingrown hairs on my leg? Sometimes my body feels like something totally alien to me, a crude scultpture carved by a madwoman.
It's unusual for me to feel like this. I think I need to do something, get back into my body somehow. I tossed the pouch of tobacco I've been smoking this week, that's a good step.
I want to start doing pottery again. There was something very soothing about that particular act of creation, the motion and shape of the clay under my hands. It made me feel good.
Every so often, I starve myself. Not for too long, just a day or so. I tend to do it without really thinking about it, and I wonder if it's not something my body just periodically needs to do. But it also happens a lot when I'm depressed, and I think that's more of a symptom of feeling disconnected to my body. Or something. I don't know. It's strange how much we don't know about ourselves.
Occasionally I look at my hands, or my kneecaps or face or any part of me, and just wonder where the hell it came from. Evolution is responsible for the freckles on my arm and ingrown hairs on my leg? Sometimes my body feels like something totally alien to me, a crude scultpture carved by a madwoman.
It's unusual for me to feel like this. I think I need to do something, get back into my body somehow. I tossed the pouch of tobacco I've been smoking this week, that's a good step.
I want to start doing pottery again. There was something very soothing about that particular act of creation, the motion and shape of the clay under my hands. It made me feel good.