I had a bad day. This is the result.
THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE CAN FUCK RIGHT THE HELL OFF
1. The asshat scenesters in Olympia. The ones who you’ve met at several parties/nights out/whatever, who you’ve gotten drunk with, who’ve had enough acquaintanceship with you to at least warrant a fucking nod in your general direction when you’re saying hello to them. Or at least, one would think. But no. All these bungholes walk around in their own personal space and time continuum in which you (or rather, I) do not exist. Pull your head out of your ass; I know you’re convinced it smells like gardenias down there, but if you actually climbed out of your own asshole, you’d probably notice otherwise.
2. Ann Coulter. SERIOUSLY. I’ve never seen an author with so many titles that offend me: GODLESS: The Church of the Liberal; How to Talk to a Liberal (If you must); TREASON. I should know better than to stray into the “Current Affairs” section at work, but FUCK OFF. Might as well widdle all of your titles down to “I’m a privileged white biznatch, and you’re going to Hell. Volumes 1-3 zillion.” I got indescribable joy that she got her brains eaten in World War Z. Thank you Max Brooks.
3. The people who defend the Oly cops beating and pepper spraying a bunch of mostly harmless Greener hippies, protesting down at the port.
Here’s the dizzle: last week, a lot of anti-militarization/anti-war protesters gathered at Olympia’s port downtown to protest the military ship docking there. Misguided? Perhaps. Illegal? Again, I don’t know the whole story. From what I understand, it’s likely that they were disrupting traffic, both into and out of the port. Deserving of violence? Nope. Sorry. Not buying it. Arrests I can understand. What I don’t condone is spraying a bunch of college students with pepper spray (and without any warning or real necessity, according to witnesses).
The actions of the cops actually sort of piss me off less than the people who are blindly damning the protesters though. I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, peaceful protesters peacefully breaking laws get arrested. Not beaten, shot at with rubber bullets, and then sprayed with toxic chemicals. Don’t tell me they fucking had it coming to them. Don't tell me they're all lucky this wasn't forty years ago, when they all would have been charged with treason, thrown to the hounds, whatever. You know who was breaking the law like this forty years ago? CIVIL RIGHTS PROTESTERS.
This wouldn’t have pissed me off quite so much if it wasn’t some random coworker spewing bullshit at me at six in the effing morning. TOO FUCKING EARLY FOR IGNORANT VITRIOL, SORRY.
4. People who blindly condemn the WGA strike. Most folks wouldn’t condemn a bunch of steel workers, striking to get better wages. Unless you’re Ann Coulter, and in which case, you’re insane and don’t count. Nope, it’s only because it’s a bunch of pansy writers in LA and New York, and everyone knows that writing isn’t real work. They don’t understand that one, it is work, and two, writers deserve to get paid fairly for it. They also seem to harbor delusions that all writers are rich. Fuck off. Most writers are like me, working shit ass jobs because you can get fuck all employment with a BA in English or Literature or Creative Writing.
I probably wouldn’t take this quite so offensively if I weren’t afraid of starving once my student loans come back to bite me in the ass.
5. People who bitch about bikers and Critical Mass. Again, fuck right off. Want to guess how many times I’ve almost been hit by cars, both on my bike and off? I’ve lost count. Want to guess how many times I’ve almost hit a pedestrian while on my bike? Big fat fucking ZERO*. This isn’t even straying into how many times random drivers have shouted abuse at me, or generally acted like ginormous assholes behind the wheel. I am not sorry for inconveniencing you in the least. Is your time just THAT IMPORTANT that you just can’t yield to me and my bike as, I might mention, you are legally obligated to do? And I’ve never once heard of a motorist who was accidentally killed, mangled, or maimed by a person on a bike (but GAWD, it’s fucking tempting to try sometimes). Learn to share the fucking road.
AND GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE, SHIT EYES. YES, THAT FUCKING LAW APPLIES TO YOU TOO.
I’m not even going to touch the topic of how much your shitty driving contributes to oil wars and lines the pocket of greasy, horrid corporations. Or how much your shitty car contributes to the metric fuck-ton of greenhouse gases pouring into the atmosphere. It is contributing to climate change. IT’S MELTING GLACIERS AND KILLING POLAR BEARS. SRSLY.
It would not kill you to get off your fucking ass and bike to work, or take the damn bus. If not for your health, or the planet’s health, do it for the fucking polar bears. Or are you somehow harboring delusions that climate change is just a bunch of crap those crazy liberal thought up? Are you reading this, Ann Coulter? Then this one is for you.
(Come on and say it with me, friends.)
GET. THE. FUCK. OOOOOOOOOOOOUT. ARGH!
This rant is brought to you by too much coffee, not enough sex or sleep, and a whole lot of festering annoyances.
*There were a few times in China when I came close, but only because traffic is such a cluster fuck anyway. Not entirely my fault.
1. The asshat scenesters in Olympia. The ones who you’ve met at several parties/nights out/whatever, who you’ve gotten drunk with, who’ve had enough acquaintanceship with you to at least warrant a fucking nod in your general direction when you’re saying hello to them. Or at least, one would think. But no. All these bungholes walk around in their own personal space and time continuum in which you (or rather, I) do not exist. Pull your head out of your ass; I know you’re convinced it smells like gardenias down there, but if you actually climbed out of your own asshole, you’d probably notice otherwise.
2. Ann Coulter. SERIOUSLY. I’ve never seen an author with so many titles that offend me: GODLESS: The Church of the Liberal; How to Talk to a Liberal (If you must); TREASON. I should know better than to stray into the “Current Affairs” section at work, but FUCK OFF. Might as well widdle all of your titles down to “I’m a privileged white biznatch, and you’re going to Hell. Volumes 1-3 zillion.” I got indescribable joy that she got her brains eaten in World War Z. Thank you Max Brooks.
3. The people who defend the Oly cops beating and pepper spraying a bunch of mostly harmless Greener hippies, protesting down at the port.
Here’s the dizzle: last week, a lot of anti-militarization/anti-war protesters gathered at Olympia’s port downtown to protest the military ship docking there. Misguided? Perhaps. Illegal? Again, I don’t know the whole story. From what I understand, it’s likely that they were disrupting traffic, both into and out of the port. Deserving of violence? Nope. Sorry. Not buying it. Arrests I can understand. What I don’t condone is spraying a bunch of college students with pepper spray (and without any warning or real necessity, according to witnesses).
The actions of the cops actually sort of piss me off less than the people who are blindly damning the protesters though. I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, peaceful protesters peacefully breaking laws get arrested. Not beaten, shot at with rubber bullets, and then sprayed with toxic chemicals. Don’t tell me they fucking had it coming to them. Don't tell me they're all lucky this wasn't forty years ago, when they all would have been charged with treason, thrown to the hounds, whatever. You know who was breaking the law like this forty years ago? CIVIL RIGHTS PROTESTERS.
This wouldn’t have pissed me off quite so much if it wasn’t some random coworker spewing bullshit at me at six in the effing morning. TOO FUCKING EARLY FOR IGNORANT VITRIOL, SORRY.
4. People who blindly condemn the WGA strike. Most folks wouldn’t condemn a bunch of steel workers, striking to get better wages. Unless you’re Ann Coulter, and in which case, you’re insane and don’t count. Nope, it’s only because it’s a bunch of pansy writers in LA and New York, and everyone knows that writing isn’t real work. They don’t understand that one, it is work, and two, writers deserve to get paid fairly for it. They also seem to harbor delusions that all writers are rich. Fuck off. Most writers are like me, working shit ass jobs because you can get fuck all employment with a BA in English or Literature or Creative Writing.
I probably wouldn’t take this quite so offensively if I weren’t afraid of starving once my student loans come back to bite me in the ass.
5. People who bitch about bikers and Critical Mass. Again, fuck right off. Want to guess how many times I’ve almost been hit by cars, both on my bike and off? I’ve lost count. Want to guess how many times I’ve almost hit a pedestrian while on my bike? Big fat fucking ZERO*. This isn’t even straying into how many times random drivers have shouted abuse at me, or generally acted like ginormous assholes behind the wheel. I am not sorry for inconveniencing you in the least. Is your time just THAT IMPORTANT that you just can’t yield to me and my bike as, I might mention, you are legally obligated to do? And I’ve never once heard of a motorist who was accidentally killed, mangled, or maimed by a person on a bike (but GAWD, it’s fucking tempting to try sometimes). Learn to share the fucking road.
AND GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE, SHIT EYES. YES, THAT FUCKING LAW APPLIES TO YOU TOO.
I’m not even going to touch the topic of how much your shitty driving contributes to oil wars and lines the pocket of greasy, horrid corporations. Or how much your shitty car contributes to the metric fuck-ton of greenhouse gases pouring into the atmosphere. It is contributing to climate change. IT’S MELTING GLACIERS AND KILLING POLAR BEARS. SRSLY.
It would not kill you to get off your fucking ass and bike to work, or take the damn bus. If not for your health, or the planet’s health, do it for the fucking polar bears. Or are you somehow harboring delusions that climate change is just a bunch of crap those crazy liberal thought up? Are you reading this, Ann Coulter? Then this one is for you.
(Come on and say it with me, friends.)
GET. THE. FUCK. OOOOOOOOOOOOUT. ARGH!
This rant is brought to you by too much coffee, not enough sex or sleep, and a whole lot of festering annoyances.
*There were a few times in China when I came close, but only because traffic is such a cluster fuck anyway. Not entirely my fault.