Series of Three Part III: General Music Education, My Sad Place
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You know something is wrong about school when your requirements make you cry. As happy as the lone recording studio makes me, it has finally hit me that most of the general music classes here do not make me happy...My entire life, Band has been like the oasis (along with English) of my classes, that which kept me happy and interested in school. Dr. Manfredo (HS band teacher) was an incredible man and I miss his talent terribly. What I am trying to say is, the bands here are not good and are extremely not fun. But, I was warned that the bands here would not be up to my standards, it did not bother me because band is not my focus...It is not what I want to do, I'm not going into clarinet performance. The problem is...As much as I did not realize it, I am a musician and I care about the group I am in no matter what the circumstances...and band is making me most displeased. Clarinet is starting to tear away at my soul as well *gasp* (Yes, me, Kate, the clarinet player...my identity). I do not find the literature fun, interesting, educational, or of importance to my future career...Most of the music bores me to no end. I have the right to say this only because I have played the clarinet now for...8 years and I feel there is nothing more it has to offer me. I have decided what kind of music I like to play and sadly, the clarinet is not one of those fortunate instruments that composers have written solos for that I love. I like jazz, I like movie scores, I like playing in pit orchestra in theater productions, I like music designed to evoke intense emotions, I like: (duh da duh!) commercial music. COMMERCIAL MUSIC -that's my major, right? But, the program here holds on to tradition (bah!). I have to take theory and ear training for 50 years and they bore me, but I can handle it as long as I feel I am doing SOMETHING worthwhile. I am a musician...I do know that, but I feel alienated from my instrument, and that, my friends, is a musical crime. I used to love to play the clarinet, and now that I have made my own style (one that makes no sense for the clarinet, apparently except to me) I am stuck. I am stuck and frustrated. I should have switched to the saxophone a loooooong time ago because it is more like what I need. That instrument was DESIGNED to entertain the masses and designed to sound good with vibrato (which I use on the clarinet even though I am not supposed to). I might even practice it if I played it.
Next semester I will have more "commercial music" classes in my schedule, but I must remain in a music organization and I must take lessons on my primary musical instrument. That means band will continue to upset me and the clarinet will continue to well...upset me ( I must again stress the great importance that band and lessons should not upset me...I cannot really express why but it's kind of like band and clarinet are what made me and if they get destroyed in my mind and if I turn to hate them...It will be like stabbing myself through the heart and the core of my being). The only way out of band and clarinet: I will learn how to sing and make it into choir and take voice lessons, OR I will learn how to play the guitar and be in a guitar ensemble...OR...I will play piano and be in choir, OR... Check out a new school? Not likely. Very few schools have recording studios or "commercial music-like" classes. I wish there was a school out there for modern music that was affordable and also provided a well-rounded education.
I feel like I am wasting valuable time.
* * *
You know something is wrong about school when your requirements make you cry. As happy as the lone recording studio makes me, it has finally hit me that most of the general music classes here do not make me happy...My entire life, Band has been like the oasis (along with English) of my classes, that which kept me happy and interested in school. Dr. Manfredo (HS band teacher) was an incredible man and I miss his talent terribly. What I am trying to say is, the bands here are not good and are extremely not fun. But, I was warned that the bands here would not be up to my standards, it did not bother me because band is not my focus...It is not what I want to do, I'm not going into clarinet performance. The problem is...As much as I did not realize it, I am a musician and I care about the group I am in no matter what the circumstances...and band is making me most displeased. Clarinet is starting to tear away at my soul as well *gasp* (Yes, me, Kate, the clarinet player...my identity). I do not find the literature fun, interesting, educational, or of importance to my future career...Most of the music bores me to no end. I have the right to say this only because I have played the clarinet now for...8 years and I feel there is nothing more it has to offer me. I have decided what kind of music I like to play and sadly, the clarinet is not one of those fortunate instruments that composers have written solos for that I love. I like jazz, I like movie scores, I like playing in pit orchestra in theater productions, I like music designed to evoke intense emotions, I like: (duh da duh!) commercial music. COMMERCIAL MUSIC -that's my major, right? But, the program here holds on to tradition (bah!). I have to take theory and ear training for 50 years and they bore me, but I can handle it as long as I feel I am doing SOMETHING worthwhile. I am a musician...I do know that, but I feel alienated from my instrument, and that, my friends, is a musical crime. I used to love to play the clarinet, and now that I have made my own style (one that makes no sense for the clarinet, apparently except to me) I am stuck. I am stuck and frustrated. I should have switched to the saxophone a loooooong time ago because it is more like what I need. That instrument was DESIGNED to entertain the masses and designed to sound good with vibrato (which I use on the clarinet even though I am not supposed to). I might even practice it if I played it.
Next semester I will have more "commercial music" classes in my schedule, but I must remain in a music organization and I must take lessons on my primary musical instrument. That means band will continue to upset me and the clarinet will continue to well...upset me ( I must again stress the great importance that band and lessons should not upset me...I cannot really express why but it's kind of like band and clarinet are what made me and if they get destroyed in my mind and if I turn to hate them...It will be like stabbing myself through the heart and the core of my being). The only way out of band and clarinet: I will learn how to sing and make it into choir and take voice lessons, OR I will learn how to play the guitar and be in a guitar ensemble...OR...I will play piano and be in choir, OR... Check out a new school? Not likely. Very few schools have recording studios or "commercial music-like" classes. I wish there was a school out there for modern music that was affordable and also provided a well-rounded education.
I feel like I am wasting valuable time.
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