Tuesday...after she left Xaviers...
Vivien grabbed her journal with tears flowing down her face.
I thought that I could be just a friend to him....that my feelings wouldn’t get in the way but I was wrong. I need more then he can give me right now...maybe more then he could ever give me. I don’t know what to do with myself...I have all these feelings and fears and pains...and I don’t know what to do...
All I know is that I hurt...I hurt so badly and I don’t know what will fix it. I thought Xavier could but I don’t know anymore...he has so much going on...I don’t want to be a burden on him anymore...I have been to him since he met me..maybe its time that I let him be rid of me....
Will I ever be ok again? I hate Verlassen...with every inch of what I am I hate him...he has broken something inside of me that I don’t think I can ever get back...How long will I have to live feeling like this...I just want the pain to stop....for the fears to be no more....
I don’t think I will ever be able to love anyone again...I will always fear the pain of them leaving or hurting me....I don’t even know if I could stand someone touching me again...I hate you Verlassen...you have destroyed me....everything I was.....
All I am is pain and sadness...fears and sickness.....anger and sorrow.....
I should leave....Xavier shouldn’t ever love me....for there is nothing left of me to love.....I should go....I should spare him the pain of ever having to see all that truely happened to me....of seeing how much of his Vivien is gone.....I never showed him all the memories of the torture and rape......I dont know if I could....even if he has a right to see....I dont think he would want to...
I thought that I could be just a friend to him....that my feelings wouldn’t get in the way but I was wrong. I need more then he can give me right now...maybe more then he could ever give me. I don’t know what to do with myself...I have all these feelings and fears and pains...and I don’t know what to do...
All I know is that I hurt...I hurt so badly and I don’t know what will fix it. I thought Xavier could but I don’t know anymore...he has so much going on...I don’t want to be a burden on him anymore...I have been to him since he met me..maybe its time that I let him be rid of me....
Will I ever be ok again? I hate Verlassen...with every inch of what I am I hate him...he has broken something inside of me that I don’t think I can ever get back...How long will I have to live feeling like this...I just want the pain to stop....for the fears to be no more....
I don’t think I will ever be able to love anyone again...I will always fear the pain of them leaving or hurting me....I don’t even know if I could stand someone touching me again...I hate you Verlassen...you have destroyed me....everything I was.....
All I am is pain and sadness...fears and sickness.....anger and sorrow.....
I should leave....Xavier shouldn’t ever love me....for there is nothing left of me to love.....I should go....I should spare him the pain of ever having to see all that truely happened to me....of seeing how much of his Vivien is gone.....I never showed him all the memories of the torture and rape......I dont know if I could....even if he has a right to see....I dont think he would want to...